Wednesday, February 25, 2009

VE is Being More Fiscally Responsible

I went to my financial advisor. Ok, I don’t really have a financial advisor; I just happen to know somebody in that industry and pester them. Hey guess what? According to him times are tough. I’ve been advised to be more careful with my liquid assets. Come on…my rum is protected from sneaking teenagers and in a padded enclosure should there be some rogue Earthquake trying to thwart my need for entertainment involving little drink umbrellas. It’s covered.

And of course he was actually talking about cash. All this financial lingo makes me yawn. Debits, credits; why can’t anyone speak plain English? But I guess he knows what he’s talking about. Take all my $20 bills for example. Here are some of the steps I am taking with those:


I’ve stopped eating them as snacks between meals
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I’m no longer shredding them for confetti at parties
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I’ve resisted making origami figures out of them and leaving them to impress people at coffee shops and restaurants
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I’ll substitute some other form of liner for the guinea cage
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I am not going to make paper airplanes out of them every time I go into a tall building just to watch them float down across the city

Thanks to my advisor, it’s my way of being a little more fiscally responsible in these tough times.

42 comments:

Nessa said...

You are nothing, if not practical.

VE said...

nessa - You had me at nothing! ;)

Quirkyloon said...

Funny and an origamist too?

Who knew?

LOL

VE said...

quirky - What are you talking about? I never learned to play the organ. Well...the musical kind that is

Beth said...

No matter how careful you are with $20 bills, they seem to fly out of your wallet.

Elizabeth said...

I've tried to convince my dogs that they don't need to eat everyday, then I wouldn't have to spend so much money on dog food. They're not going for it.

VE said...

beth - I know...who knew I'd have more money by not eating them?

elizabeth - Dogs are smart that way...

Jacki said...

So, are you telling me I won't be getting a briefcase full of $20's from you for my birthday?

And no Cristal?

Gladys said...

I guess it's time to start re-using my foil and washing the paper plates. I haven't been buying all this nonesense about a recession/depression until VE said it was so. Because if VE says it it is TRUE!

VE said...

jacki - I won't be wrapping the present with the $100 bills either...my finance advisor is a genius at saving me money!

gladys - Yes, it is officially bad. My advisor won't even let me use my $20 bills for craft projects at the day care...

The Incredible Woody said...

But what did he advise for your $50s?

Jaime said...

what did your advisor say about using those liquid assets to bribe us to post daily on your blog?

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Am I to understand you don't have teens requesting them for a movie and Chipotle?

ReformingGeek said...

I want to see the results of your orgasmic craft projects.....er....I mean origamic craft projects.

Also, you can send the spare twenties to me. I need lunch money.

Kanrei said...

The last 8 years has prepared me to be broke for the next 4. I am ready.

Giggle Pixie said...

Awww...I'm really going to miss the origami figures.

Chris Wood said...

VE, your thriftiness is an example to us all. I still eat between two and three wads of money each day between meals.

MJ said...

Yeah, I stopped using mine as toilet paper. And we stopped burning piles of it for fuel on camping trips.

This economy sucks the fun out of everything...

Thinkinfyou said...

Damn!Can I borrow some money?

VE said...

incredible woody - I had to give him those for the free advise...

jaime - He thought that was the safest investment out there with a yield much greater than any other Ponzie scheme going...

prefers her fantasy life - I have a teen but I've spent years frightening her that those places are not safe and that she should stay home and do chores

reforminggeek - I'm not buying that lunch plea. In todays troubled times you should only be eating blunner (it's breakfast, lunch, and dinner eaten all at once at 2:00pm daily)

kan - I hear you. You can be broke and happy at the same time. You'll just be hungrier...

giggle pixie - I know, I know. I almost had that full stagecoach with horses one mastered...

chris - See, it's that hard core discipline that you have to master to avoid cramming currency down your gullet. But it's worth it. You can get your fiber elsewhere.

mj - I used to burn it on camping trips too but Smokey the Bear reminded me that only you can prevent cash infused forest fires

thinkinfyou - Of course. Send me your address. I never play with the monopoly money anymore anyway. You can have it all.

leelee said...

OK..I think if we all follow your fiscal model we should be able to weather this crisis..

although I know my local wait staff is gonna hate NOT getting those origami animals any longer...oh well we all MUST sacrifice.

HUGS!!

VE said...

leelee - They're a little bit harder to make but that dirty napkin can be made into most origami shapes...

Megan said...

I pester, too. What's a little pestering among friends?

Kurt said...

9 out of 10 guinea pigs prefer OPE zine to their regular cage liner. Only $4 an issue.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Could you please send me a few of those origami animals?

Serena said...

Clearly, your advisor is worth every penny you pay him. I'd dispense advice myself if I could get origami twenties out of it.

VE said...

megan - I agree. Now if you could just do those mortgage papers for me, that'd be great.

kurt - I've long known that your zine is terrific for that. I think all my readers should have your zine for cage lining! I think you're making up that statistic though...

perpetual chocoholic - Alas, I had to set them free into the wild to be among their own...

Maureen said...

Ha! I don't believe you. Someone who gives away cash in contests needs a lot more help getting fiscally respsonsible....

Has anyone won yet? Thanks for the inclusion BTW ;)

VE said...

maureen - Yes, it was won. Don't worry, it all comes around and goes around.

Alex L said...

But you'll still be lighting smokes off of hundred dollar bills though wont you?

VE said...

alex - Well, I don't smoke but I still do it for lighting fireworks from friends behinds of course...

lime said...

i am relieved but i'd really like to know how to make the elephant

VE said...

lime - Well see...you take a female elephant and a male elephant and...

Uncivil said...

I would like to put in an order for one of your lifesize origami elephant figures made out of $100 bills please!!!!!

Janna said...

It probably won't hurt to have just a FEW of them as a snack between meals, as long as you floss really well afterward.

Handy Hint: They're also good for wiping when you're on camping trips.

VE said...

uncivil - Sure...I'll make it out of Kisspoly $100 bills...how about that!

janna - Yeah, I guess a few wouldn't hurt. They're fine for wiping too...a lot better than the poison oak leaves I once used...

Starrlight said...

There is no need to give up snacks. Twinkies from Winco are hella cheap.

VE said...

starrlight - Plus they have a 2 millenium shelf life...

Carla said...

Man, you're going to end up with money to burn. But I guess that's not practical in these touch economic times, is it?

VE said...

carla - That is an irony, isn't it?

Mrsupole said...

So does that mean I HAVE to take the money out from under the mattress. So where did he tell you to hide it this time.

I guess I will have to try and use them as book markers. Pretty soon those 20's will have no value anyway. Unless you put your origami figures on e-bay.

VE said...

mrsupole - I'd take it out of the mattress. It's the number one place thieves go for. I'd hide it in a tile grout bottle or a lard bucket. Thieves hate household chores and nobody knows what to do with lard...