Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Completely Improbable

This just in…more evidence on why men and women are just different.

Case No. 11,202,336 – Scenarios that are completely improbable…



54 comments:

yellojkt said...

Don't knock snuggling, it sometimes leads to better things. Hanging around with a bunch of dudes rarely does.

Nessa said...

Are you having a bad hair day?

Chris Wood said...

Alternative reality, hmm?

Jacki said...

Hey...I for one must speak up and say that Peter and I do not snuggle up to talk about our hopes and dreams. That is what email is for.

We used to use the couch for other things, but now that my sister lives with us, *that* is now a bedroom-only activity. Sucks.

Oh, and ballet? A couple of months ago I tried to ask Peter if he thought it would be a good idea to take Emma to see the Nutcracker here in DC. I barely got the question out before he was all "hell no are you crazy?" So we ended up at Disney on Ice.

The Incredible Woody said...

Apparently I'm a guy.

I like to do my business alone, love my electronics, would much rather go hiking than go to the ballet, 30 minutes tops to get ready, not a snuggler, or a chatter.

Or maybe I'm the perfect woman!!

moooooog35 said...

You forgot:

"Let's not be able to balance the checkbook but still run up our Target charge card to the limit."

Jaime said...

wait. you mean men don't go to the bathroom in packs too? that's not TOTALLY normal behavior?

VE said...

yellojkt - There's no guarantee there...

nessa - Just having a real guy moment!

chris - That's why there's TV and reality TV...

jacki - Ha! Peter knows better than the Nutcracker! The suffering you put in for like 2 minutes of the familiar section! Oh, and send the sister to the store looking for Organic Sugar babies...you'll get your couch back for awhile...

incredible woody - Wow! Guys would be in nirvana with you!

moooooog35 - Target has charge cards? Do people still balance checkbooks? What's a check?

jaime - Men leave the bathroom if another man is in the bathroom! You'd have to go real bad...

Anne said...

hmm.
i'm not seeing myself in any of those scenes. So maybe guys are like that and you're outting them?

VE said...

anne - If guys are like that, they NEED to be outed!

ReformingGeek said...

I've seen you guys primp!

And at least we don't walk around naked in the locker room hovering close to you with our junk flopping around.

VE said...

reforminggeek - Pimp...it's pimp, not primp! And we know about the Wild On girl parties that go on in the womens locker room. Oh yes, we know...

Blonde Goddess said...

Not all women are like that!

I can use the bathroom BY MYSELF and I don't go to the spa.
I don't like the ballet and it takes me 20 minutes to get ready.
Snuggle time?
It better lead to sex or forget it.

Give me beer and a good baseball game on TV and I'm happy.

Roy Scribner said...

There's no way those 3 guys had any "big screen TV money" - heck, they only have one beer!

Gladys said...

I don't know...those soldiers might all go pee together. I mean they do eveything else on command.

VE said...

blonde blogger - Ha! You are the possibility! Can we guys use you as the guiding light for other women?

roy - See how much those damn spa treatments cost? Never spend the beer money...ever.

VE said...

gladys - Guys have trouble peeing on command. They have trouble peeing if there's somebody in the urinal right next to them...

CH!CA said...

If my man takes a 1 1/2 longer shower then I, then he wouldn't be my man. Nor would a man who watches ballet, or steel magnolias.

Although I could deal with a man snugglin' and a group pee'r. Those soldiers need the backup, who knows what kind of terrorists are in the urinal waiting for a grab. lol!

lime said...

were you prompted to post this piece because you felt bloated and irritable and just needed a hug?

Elizabeth said...

I saw a website like this, it was called porn for women.

Venom said...

You know those guys are in Mom's basement - look at the throw pillows!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I hate spas, going pee with others, the ballet as many of the women above do. I guess we all must just be guys at heart.

C.B. Jones said...

LOL at anybody having hopes and dreams in this day and age.

VE said...

ch!ca - Well that's my point...no man is going to watch Steel Magnolias!

lime - You know me... unpredictible. You really have no idea what I might publish next other than it'll be nonsense...

elizabeth - Those damn copy cats!

venom - Yeah, but they did sublet it!

perpetual - It's heart warming just to hear that!

c.b. - I still have dreams, they just aren't hopeful. I still have hopes, they're just dreams though.

Fundamental Jelly said...

Damn wormholes.

Quirkyloon said...

The last time the girls went with me to the potty? They all left screaming.

Just sayin'

:)

Bazza said...

and don't forget "of course I'll still respect you in the morning"

Megan said...

There were already over 11 million cases before anyone got to the ballet question?

Plebes!

Sarah said...

nice...now you have to show a series of pics of women only and show some improbable scenarios :)

Giggle Pixie said...

OMG, this cracked.me.up!!! LOLOL!!

Beth said...

We don’t go to the restroom en masse just to pee! We do that to regroup and dissect the guys!

VE said...

fundamental jelly - I blame wormholes for the economy too. I have to blame something...

quirky - See, that would be the same thing that would happen if guys did this...

bazza - Of course!

megan - It was an exhaustive study!

sarah - True...it's only fair. I'll look into it...

giggle pixie - That's why they're completely improbable!!

beth - Tricky...very tricky. But see as guys if we all left the table en masse...another group of guys would be sitting in our places when we got back! Doh!

Uncivil said...

So, sad......I was married for 15 years, and that was enough snuggling and ass kissing to last me a lifetime!

nursemyra said...

Haha... I like what Lime said....

Dalton J. Fox said...

This was some pretty funny stuff. The fact that women almost always go to the restroom in groups, while men will try to get the hell out of the restroom if another dude is even in there, is quite a strange phenomenon. Next time I'm out somewhere with some friends, I'm gonna ask them all to do a group bathroom visit with me just to see their reactions. Wonder what kind of looks I'll get. lol.

VE said...

uncivil - You have opera tickets, don't you? ;)

nursemyra - Yeah, she's a crack up!

dalton - Just make sure you're not outed from the men's club!

The Self-Deprechaun said...

Ahh good old steel magnolias to really make a dudefest a DUDfest.

Janna said...

Other improbable guy-scenarios:

1. "Ohmygod! Shoes! And they're on SALE!"

2. "Do you ever feel... not so fresh?"

3. "These throw pillows do NOT match the carpet at all."

4. "What kind of an idiot are you?? Risotto uses arborio rice, not wild rice!"

VE said...

self-deprechaun - Is that like Milk Dud fest?

janna - As I guy, I'm going to have to reply: "Is Risotto your sister?"

Maureen said...

VE is PMS'ing.

Definitely.

VE said...

maureen - I haven't been retaining water. It was for a swimming pool...really...

Alex L said...

I doubt the guy from the first picture would even leave the step to do that.

VE said...

alex - Ha! Of course not...that's why its so improbable!

Mrsupole said...

I guess I am with the other women here.
I like to pee by myself.
I have control of the big screen TV (which I love), along with the remote.
I went to the spa once, and have no plans to go again, it was okay.
I hate the ballet, I would fall asleep if I had to watch one.
Snuggling had better lead to other things or I get upset.

So were you really talking about scenarios for men or for women.

VE said...

mrsupole - Now I didn't say women couldn't not do these...I just said that it's completely improbable a guy would!

HumorSmith said...

Sadly I have said all those things and more. Yet I am divorced. What do women want?

EmmaK said...

hilarious!
But I am almost like a man - because I have a weak bladder - I will piss anywhere, certainly in the men's room (shorter queue) but certainly in an alley etc - I draw the line to doing it in a bucket in Target though.

VE said...

humorsmith - Your soul to play with!!!

emmak - Ha! Too funny. Men like the target bucket...it's like a target! But we miss a lot; it's fun! Oh...and stay out of our short queue!!!

Dee said...

I hate to snuggle, hate the ballet, I own a 64 inch tv, But I never go to the bathroom by myself in public. :) so you got me there!

VE said...

dee - Well, 1 out of 4 isn't bad...

Carla said...

I'm laughing so hard that I really don't know what to say.

VE said...

carla - You've said it all! Thanks

Serena said...

You know, I feel for guys when they're having these bad-hair days. Women have Pamprin and Midol. Somebody needs to invent a similar formula for you guys.:-)

VE said...

serena - True...we're so neglected...