Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Incredible Possibilities of Sub-Storage

You've got to check this out!


My good friend Kurt from Other People Exist shared this revolutionary product offering to me. You can check out details here. I think Kurt knew my fondness for subterranean anything. After all, I am the guy proposing underground roadways from my home to strategic destinations across the city so I can avoid all traffic. I did mention that time I built 17 sub-basements. Oh yes, this idea is a winner!

It’s so much a winner in-fact that I’m going to give them more VE ideas on the theme…for free!

Imagine all the uses for this concept? They’re endless! Are there too many women clogging the bathroom at home? Open the door up to the emergency man’s toilet from the hallway outside the main bath. You’ll never have to pound on the door screaming “Aren’t you done yet?” again!

Is your garage so full of your stuff that you haven’t ever used it as a garage? Install a couple of these babies and just toss that stuff down there. You can have one for tools, one for camping and one for memento crap you can’t throw away. The list goes on…

Are the in-laws coming over for an extended stay? Put them in the in-law room. Simply open the door from the utility room floor and there…they’ve got a place to stay in the home where you’d never go. You won’t hear them and you’ll rarely see them!

You could afford a manual labor staff if you could just house a bunch of illegal immigrants but you’ve never had the space. Now you can! That’s right, they can simply live right below you and when you need them you just open the door to the house or put it on a time release…"time for house cleaning”….unlock…

Tax assessment? No problem, just have your Scooby-Do sub-room and throw all the valuable stuff down there and put the nasty rug over the doorframe. Now it looks like you live in poverty! Wohoo

Is the wife not letting you out for poker night but she still falls asleep by 9pm? No problem. The special “other exit” via the furnace room sub-floor (because let’s face it, they’ll never go in there) is your answer. Stay out half the night and then blame work and family stress for your stupor the next day.

Screaming kids? Put them down in the special sub-basement room with sealed sound proofing and a door that only opens from the house side. Camera and intercom are provided so you can look like a concerned responsible parent.

48 comments:

Auntie, aka cagny said...

Oh Hullo VE,
How are you?
I am commenting on the little photo in your right side bar...the photo of the toilet with all the rolls of toilet paper. Of course it's a WOMAN'S bathroom because only a woman would put the toilet seat DOWN!!!!!

The Incredible Woody said...

I am mesmerized by all that wine!!!

Gladys said...

VE I think this is an excellent idea. I mean I could hide all my shoes down there and my husband would never suspect that I have 427 pairs of black shoes. If he didn't see all the boxes he would think they were all the same pair.

Jaime said...

an in-law room! i would LOVE to banish mine to the basement!

freetheunicorns said...

That is awesome. I'd probably use mine to cover up my grow-op. That, or as a place to hide my Barbie collection.

Mike said...

I never have a problem with women clogging up the bathroom.

That's what backyards are for, dood.

Dalton J. Fox said...

The idea of private underground roadways that you mentioned is the best idea ever. No traffic lights. No stop signs. And, best of all, no idiotic drivers to deal with. I love it.

Megan said...

Now that's what I'm talkin' about!!!!

Quirkyloon said...

Okay, I was skeptical until the last possibility: put the screaming kids in there.

Genius! Brilliant!

I lurve it!

lOL

Elizabeth said...

Oooh, I'd fill it full of Girl Scout cookies!!

Janna said...

I agree with Quirky; stick the kids down there until they stop screaming.

Hopefully by the time they're 18, you can let them out.

If you move before then, be sure to let the new homeowners know about them.

ReformingGeek said...

You lost me at mementos that can't be thrown away. Uh oh.

Just kidding. I love the idea. In fact, we call them tornado shelters. Mine is full of dead bodies.

Oops.

Jacki said...

That is perfect for hiding all my shoes that I don't want Peter to know I have purchased. :-)

chris eldin said...

I wasn't entirely sold until the screaming kids part.

Speaking of screaming kids, did you watch the video I sent you? Or were you too afraid...

Speaking of afraid, I can't get "Menopause Barbie" out of my head. Thanks a lot.

:-)

Alex L said...

I think its easier to just have your own escape room... a barricaded one with a big screen tv and a keg.

Matt-Man said...

I'm building one of those. I could eat cheeseburgers and smoke my cigarettes without fear of the meddling health police and ninnies interfering with my pleasures. Cheers VE!!

Beth said...

Interesting. You’re fascinated by the subterranean – I’m fascinated by attics and the like. I wonder what this says about us? (But I’m not putting too much time and thought into the matter…)

Kurt said...

By the way, installation is free, and the units start at just $85,000. We opted for the stainless steel version ($115,000), and it was worth every penny.

VE said...

auntie - Good observation...cause I'm sure it has nothing to do with the TP...

incredible woody - Hidden wine at that...

gladys - Perfect for the black shoe storage. Then you don't have to have a second master bedroom just for shoes...

jaime - Best place for inlaws...EVER!

freetheunicorns - I knew you had a barbie collection...I KNEW it!

mike - Ha! Good point...but obviously you live in a reasonable climate and not one cold and raining every flippin' day like here...

dalton - I always thought that would be just awesome!

megan - Wine and storage...what more does one need!

quirkyloon - I knew you'd like the kid one...

elizabeth - That would allow you to stock pile thin mints so nobody eats them all...

janna - I like that idea...the kids stay with the home. It's a nice 3 bedroom 2 bath with four kids in the sub-storage...

reforminggeek - I see you've already discovered the benefits of using substorage to hold the bodies of relatives and inlaws...

jacki - They gotta go somewhere!

VE said...

chris - Yes, I saw that video...too funny. They could turn that into a video game you know...shoot the babies at targets for points...

alex - Then tell the family you're over worked and need a lot of pampering when you are in the actual house? Good idea...

matt-man - I hate it when you have ninnies around messin' with ya...

beth - Actually I'm equally fascinated by attics too. You just cannot be as stealthy with them though. The government doesn't have 12 upper attics hidden in the white house. I've often wondered at what height somebody owns property too. What if you tether a floating house right above some neighborhood...could you legally stay?

kurt - I see the zine is doing better than you lead on....

nursemyra said...

emergency man's toilet? I thought that was what the laundry sink was for

VE said...

nursemyra - Ha! Some laundry rooms don't have a sink though...

moooooog35 said...

3 out of 4 kidnapping sexual deviants approve!

VE said...

moooooog35 - I see...gives the victim a more modern feel than the creepy basement and hand dug well...

lime said...

did you ever see the movie "blast from the past?" yeah, i can totally see you as christopher walken in that flick.

VE said...

lime - I've never heard of that movie. I'll have to go see what you're talking about... Christopher Walken...you never know what he's up to either.

Roy Scribner said...

I can see this being a problem in California. I mean, after a few years the basement is underneath your neighbor's house and you have to start all over.

Jaime said...

well, i really WANTED to give you the sexy bitch award - but you always bitch about getting these things... i figured i'd let you off the hook with this one, no matter how entertaining your response would have been... but if you really want it, consider yourself tagged :)

Anne said...

more places for mice to live.

VE said...

roy - Hey, the subterranean frontier is a first come, first serve model. If the neighbor snoozes...he loses!

jaime - Ha! No, I was just being goofy as usual. I'm sure I can live without a sexy bitch award...

anne - As long as they don't drink the wine...

Sarah said...

My husband is always complaining about his lack of a "man cave" - must send him this post.

Angry Max said...

I can't tell from the pictures, but do those stairs go down forever, or do they end at some point? If they're not endless stairs, I think I'll pass. I was thinking of keeping my giant shoestring collection on those shelves, but now it looks like there won't be enough space.

Carla said...

Awesome. Very cool. I want a dozen.

Nessa said...

I think John Wayne Gacy started this fad.

VE said...

sarah - Sub-spaces are excellent man caves. We don't care about the amount of ambient light shining in...give us a giant screen TV of it...

Angrymax - I've never owned shoestrings from a giant personally but I believe they can auger that hole down at deep as you need it for your collection!

carla - I want a special one at the front door that I can operate by remote and it drops them in a shute that takes them to the nearby sewer. They can get out via the man-hole down the street. Good for salespeople and irritating neighbors as well as relatives you don't even want in the door...

nessa - Probably true...

Serena said...

What a great idea. Creeps and deviants notwithstanding, every home should come equipped with at least a couple of cool hidey-holes.

Chris Wood said...

Innovative thinking at its finest! Good call.

dani c said...

I'd use mine to store my stupid kids in...Then I'd have a real life " children under the stairs".

Mrsupole said...

Went to that site and did you see the Bedroom in a Box. They have some interesting ideas there.

Hubby would love to have this wine cellar but being here in Southern California, I would not feel safe during an earthquake and since we have been having all these swarms of little quakes these past few weeks it would be scarey if one would be down there during an earthquake. I think that is why there are very few houses here with basements. I'm not sure if you have ever been in a quake since you travel so much, but another reason that wine cellar would not be good is that everything would fall on the door and you would not be able to get out.

But those pictures were great of them. And all that wine, just think of the great party you could have. Might even make you forget about all the rain. I wish you could send us some of that rain.

God bless.

Baino said...

Yes . .want one . .NOW

VE said...

serena - I could use a scooby-do room so I could blog in peace and quiet...

chris - Who wouldn't want one!

dani - Then we could turn it into a reality show!

mrsupole - As my luck would have it...yes, I have been in an Earthquake...several

baino - Me too. I think Kurt should just buy all of us one since it was his suggestion in the first place. Seems only fair...

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I felt claustrophobic while reading this.

VE said...

perpetual - Don't worry, we can make yours even bigger than your actual house!

VE said...

perpetual - Don't worry, we can make yours even bigger than your actual house!

Dee said...

i like the kid storage sub basement.

VE said...

dee - For some reason that seemed to be the most popular application of these. Inlaws came in second.

Maureen said...

You mean people actually put CARS in garages???

Huh.

Whodda thunk it?

VE said...

maureen - I don't even know why they still pretend that when building. They should just carpet the whole damn garage.