Thursday, March 26, 2009

It's All Crystal Clear to Me

Today’s Theme Thursday is MINERAL. And it occurred to me that I didn’t really know exactly what a mineral was. Turns out a mineral is a naturally occurring solid formed through geological process that has a characteristic chemical composition. Huh? Ok, forget that. What I did find out is an example of a mineral is a crystal. Now crystal, that I can do!

What do I know of crystal? Well for one it’s that stuff the burglars always steal out of homes. Honestly, is the demand on the black market so high that crystal is always stolen? I don’t get it. We have a bunch and it sits in a formal hutch waiting I don’t know what…like one fancy family dinner a year or something.

No, I can’t relate there. Let’s try again. Oh, how about Crystal Gayle? You know; the country/folk singer with the long hair? She had some cross-over hit in the 70s about making her brown eyes blue. Obviously she go a hold of some early prototype colored contact lenses. But her hair…wow! It’s nearly to the floor. She could be on locks-of-love’s hall of fame if she ever cut it short!

No, can’t relate to such long hair either. I know, how about Superman’s crystals? Sure, now that I can relate to! You know he’s not from this planet because green crystals rarely call to me and say “Hey, take me to the North Pole and throw me away as far as you can!”
Lucky for him he did though, lest he’d have to live with his Aunt on the farm for the rest of his life and go crazy watching the ability to make a living farming dwindle away. But I digress. No, that crystal expanded into a lovely 40 room, 18 bath home at the North Pole…

It was fortunate that he got the land at all. While arctic wasteland isn’t popular, it was none-the-less owned by Santa himself. But Santa’s a good guy and let him sublease.
But crystals aren’t the best mineral for home building. It seems everything is at odd angles and it’s quite drafty and not very homey. That’s probably why he spent so much time in the city.

Of course Superman’s crystals did more than just build ridiculous architecture designed homes. They also provided movies. Sort of like a personal Netflix if you will.

All-in-all, while the crystals might be unique with their weird angles and shiny surface, they just don’t seem that practical for the average home owner…

52 comments:

Quirkyloon said...

VE, you funny.

and....(you're gonna love this one...I think)

a turd is a naturally occurring solid formed through a digestive process that has a characteristic smelly composition!

HA!

(now come on...doesn't that give me ONE more in the blog roll?)

I just want ONE VE, just ONE!

heh heh

Mrsupole said...

Santa with Superman was great. Brrrr it is a cold house. And yes, where are the pictures. Pictures of Lois Lane would be nice. Poor Superman cannot even hang pictures of his one true love. Sigh.

With all the iceburgs melting is Santa's fortune melting away? Where will the little elfies make the toys? Is this the end of Santa? Will the government save him. Yes, just another reason to increase our taxes.

Dalton J. Fox said...

I guess I'd be a horrible burglar if crystal is the thing I should be stealing. Crystal or 60-inch LCD television? I'm pretty certain I'd be grabbing the TV and all the other electronics. The crystal would never cross my mind.

Crystal Gayle's hair always freaked me out. It's just not normal. And there's no way it was always clean. It'd take at least 4 and a half days to wash it once. I'm just sayin'.

After some modification, Superman's crystals would later become what we now call Blu-Ray. Thanks, Superman, for making my DVD collection become out-of-date with all your Kryptonian movie technology.

Megan said...

I am trying desperately not to think of the more unusual uses "Supe Baby" found for his crystals...

Ronda Laveen said...

V.E. Does that stand for Very Entertaining? Because that's what this was!!

Did you say Santa was subleasing the Antartic or was it Satan? Sometimes I'm not sure there is much difference.

Matt-Man said...

Of course crystals are in demand, especially Dilithium Crystals. How the hell else are you going to power the warp drives for interplanetary travel without them!? Cheers!!

Baino said...

You're a funny f*ck but all I could think about was the amount of Windex replied to keep the manor schparkly. Is it anal that all I think about is cleaning? GAH!

moooooog35 said...

...and not a single fucking chandelier in the entire place.

Figure THAT shit out.

lime said...

so many ways to go....the crystal cathedral, crystal meth...doing crystal meth with crystal gayle in the crystal cathedral....

runmotman said...

Kinda got on a roll there, didn't ya...funny as hell.

Jaime said...

i wrote this whole post about diamonds and then someone told me that a diamond wasn't a mineral... i still don't know if that's true, but i had to scrap my whole post.

subtorp77 said...

Too friggin' hilarious! And Santa subletting to Supes~~priceless!

The Incredible Woody said...

Yes, I will admit it. I once saw Crystal Gayle in concert. She was wearing high heels and her hair was dragging on the stage. Can you imagine how nasty that is?

Roy Scribner said...

Hey, hey, those who live in crystal houses shouldn't throw stones. Dang, VE - Vicky Lawrence and Crystal Gayle {shudder}.

Nessa said...

Cyrstal is an excellent receptical for my gin & tonic.

Jacki said...

My mom used to have hair about as long as Crystal Gayle's...when she finally cut it she had migraines for a while. But she kept getting tired of people sitting on it and stuff.

Gladys said...

So let me get this straight Superman subleased from Santa? But wasn't there a "B" movie where Superman got into a battle with Santa? If I remember Santa turned into a Bad Santa but not the Billy Bob Thorton type bad. He turned into evil destroy the world Santa.

No? Hum maybe I just dreamed it all.

I think maybe my favorite Crystal is Billy.

Gladys said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mariane said...

< laugh >
< laugh >
< laugh >

VE said...

quirkyloon - You mean I could have featured turds for this week? Do you really want to know where I'd go with THAT theme? ha ha

mrsupole - And I heard the AIG CEO asked Superman for a new spa retreat for Christmas...

dalton - Ha! I refuse to acknowledge that Krypton blue-ray technology. You can't make me, you can't make me!

megan - Yeah..baited you there, didn't I? Muh ha ha...

ronda - Santa, Satan...they're both illegal Boggle answers. It matters not...

matt-man - I know; that damn Enterprise is always coasting up to some damn planet on empty as usual. You'd think they would be a little proactive or something...

baino - You'd have to get vats of the stuff and hook up your pressure washer hose to it...

moooooog35 - Bwahahaha...that's funny! He could hang one himself but it would have to hang down 200 feet from some ridiculous ceiling and he still wouldn't be able to put a table under it because there's no level spot to do so!

lime - Ha! You've got all the crystals covered. Oh wait, what about crystal blue persuasion. I mean that's much stronger than regular old persuasion...

runmotman - Yeah, once I get on a roll, it's hard to shut me up!

jaime - I believe it is a mineral...but what do I know, I had to look up the definition myself.

subtorp77 - Isn't it interesting playing on the notion that famous fictional characters have to deal in the same day-to-day subleties that we do...such as subletting.

incredible woody - Imagine it now? All white and so long that she can't tour anymore because she isn't strong enough to drag it around on stage

roy - Actually, those that live in crystal houses ARE stoned. Oh...and there aren't any shudders in there either...there aren't any immediate neighbors to peek...

nessa - Aha! So YOU'RE the one buying all the crystal...

VE said...

jacki - That's odd that she'd get migranes from not having it. I would think it was the other way around.

gladys - Evil rule the world Santa, eh? Superman probably cause this...wasn't obeying the neighborhood housing rules Santa set up and all.

VE said...

mariane - Thanks, thanks, thanks

Brian Miller said...

lol. another amazing addition to TT. Love that you played off Superman, your commentary was priceless.

Marianna said...

Theme Thursday funny post award from me to u lol

Thank you! you made my Thursday!

Take care
xoxo

Beth said...

The story of Superman and the world of crystals? Is it going to be continued? I was kind of getting into it...wondering when (and if) Lois Lane was going to appear.

Wings said...

VERY funny!I never got the "architecture" of Krypton either. Guess they didn't believe in comfort, much.

Great post.

VE said...

brian - Thanks. At first I had no idea what to do with the theme but sort of got rolling there in the end.

marianna - Awww, thanks. You don't mind if I cash out my award on ebay like the grammy winners, do you? The price of organic food is expensive...

beth - Now the Lois Lane part I had to edit out...I wouldn't be able to access the blog from the day care or the nunnery...

wings - No wonder they weren't that sad about it being destroyed. It was probably a relief for them.

ReformingGeek said...

Oh my. Now I'm edumucated about minerals. I don't think I want to live in place with all of those sharp edges. I might fall down. I can be very klutzy.

I do know that I can't pop minerals and make my hair grow like that because then the dark roots will show much earlier than I want them to. ;-)

Elizabeth said...

I love your Theme Thursdays! But I wonder where the bathroom was in that crystal house? Wait, maybe I don't want to know.

willow said...

Your burglers' quote gave me the biggest laugh! Cute post.

Kurt said...

I loved the part with that thing.

VE said...

reforminggeek - Sounds like you wouldn't make it a day in Superman's home then. Unless you wore my patented bubblewrap outfit that is...

elizabeth - No...you don't want to know...

willow - I had to interview a lot of burglers to get it just right...

kurt - Thanks for being specific!

Serena said...

My crystal just sits in the china cabinet, too, waiting for God knows what. I wish somebody would come and steal it and leave in its place Superman's crystals. Pretty! Shiny! And just the right size -- unlike Crystal Gale's hair, which is way too long.

VE said...

serena - Perhaps the whole crystal and stealing is like the fruitcake phenomenon...it just keeps getting passed around and nobody knows what to do with the damn stuff. And I'm feeling like there's more said to your words than is written there. ;)

Dakota Bear said...

Yes, protect the china cabinet with all the family crystal. Crystal is beautiful, but living in a crystal palace would be much too cold. Thank you for a post that made me laugh.

VE said...

dakota - My pleasure...

Jeff said...

I loves me some Crystal Light lemonade. Does that count?

Uncivil said...

Where's Superman's Crystal Meth Lab?

Candie Bracci said...

HA!!!That was sooo funny!!:D

Thinkinfyou said...

What's with all the 70's singing sensations?

yellojkt said...

I saw Crystal Gayle in concert last year. she had put on a few pounds (but not many) and her hair was still really long. And she sounded great, blue eyes and all.

Janna said...

If Crystal Gayle ever got into reggae music, those dreadlocks would be amazing.

VE said...

jeff - Another worthy addition to the Crystal group. I don't think it's powdered crystal though

uncivil - You're looking at it! Why else would he have such an elaborate place at the North Pole?

candi - Thanks

thinkinfyou - A bad coincidence...

yellojkt - Did you chase her afterwards with a giant pair of scissors?

janna - It could take years to convert them to dreadlocks. I'd certainly dread doing it...

reyjr said...

hahaha! i love it!

VE said...

reyjr - Thanks and welcome.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

When I had hair down to my waist I got frequent headaches so I cut it. I wonder if it ever falls in the toilet when she goes to the bathroom.

Kris said...

Crystal Gayle was always profoundly annoying.

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - Uggh...nice image there. I can't believe I didn't offer that one up. Good one! haha

kris - Some things never change...

Carla said...

Ha, ha...that was pretty funny. No place to hang the pictures...oh well.

VE said...

carla - Yeah, not a lot of pictures of the family anyway...

Maureen said...

Now I have the theme to Superman stuck in my head.

Thanks.

VE said...

maureen - Boy they sure couldn't revive that franchise like they did with Batman.