Wednesday, March 04, 2009

The New Thrillseekers

Daredevils they called them. Those adventurous people that test themselves both mentally and physically by putting their very lives on the line…

First it was all the falling to your death activities…
Then it was the treading to where you dare not tread activities…

But with less and less of these type of thrills out there to challenge them, VE has come up with the ultimate daredevil program for those adventurous few that actually like boot camp type activities.



The way I see it, if a man chooses to hang upside down for a bazillion hours, there is something wrong here and where there is something wrong, money can be made. And of course, I’m all about the money…

VE has been secretly inserting innocent thrill seekers into corporate insurance meetings in Omaha, NE to test their mental skills.
That’s right. Four straight hours of actuarial data, annuitization options, and the benefits of subrogation is enough to test even the strongest of thrill seekers. VE’s team seeks out only the most unpleasing of office d├ęcor and the driest of employees for their clients.

Some of our more talented thrill seekers have actually made verbal dialogue in their meeting. Most can only handle the obligatory nodding and the consistent focus on not looking bored or falling asleep.

If you’re an endurance client we’ll even book you in the insurance convention and give you a downtown room right in the heart of Omaha as an added challenge.

Do you have the will and determination to last?

51 comments:

Matt-Man said...

Wow...Anyone who sits through a meeting like that is not a mere daredevil, they have a death through boredom wish. Cheers VE!!

lime said...

it's the lady in the lime green. you gotta be careful about the limes of the world. nuthin but trouble.

The Incredible Woody said...

I love a good thrill now and then but those people are just plain crazy!

VE said...

matt-man - It takes nerves of steel to endure this kind of boredom!

lime - Yes they are!! ha.

incredible woody - It's too much for me. I'd just be prankish the entire time and they'd kick me out.

Jaime said...

the woman in green is also a plant. she has a camera in the notebook in front of her. but the real imposter is the lady in the plaid skirt. she didn't read the manual that plaid is only allowed in the form of flannel on causal fridays.

moooooog35 said...

Is Doodling allowed?

If so, I say you raise it up a notch and require them to doodle penises.

Sornie said...

If my stay in Omaha involves steak, let's talk.

VE said...

jaime - She looks out of place with all that green, huh? I'd wear clothes that looked like those glitter disco balls...just to see if I could get away with it

moooooog35 - Ha! I like it. But I'll see your penis doodles and raise you to penis sculptures with Play-doh!

sornie - What stay in Omaha doesn't involve steak? The trick is trying to eat it while in the meeting...

Bee said...

My meetings consist of women over 50 and 60 talking about menopause symptoms like hot flashes and vaginal dryness. I know I can endure.

Gladys said...

The bungee guy deserves extra kudo's for the atomic wedgie he is sporting.

I think I qualify for the enduarnce employee. I once set through an entire week long meeting with a Ben Stein wannabee instructor on how to get you numbers to line up on your spreadsheet. I did this with no computer only a piece of paper that looked like a spreadsheet.
I sat through this meeting with other thrill seekers like my self drool running down their chins while sleeping sitting ups with their eyes open.

VE said...

bee - You've got the essential training to become a thrillseeker champion!!!

gladys - Sounds like you've got excellent training to take on Omaha! That bungee guy...they like to give 'em wedgies right before they jump. What are they gonna do? They're feet are tied together...

Elizabeth said...

I never thought of my self as a thrill seeker, but I sat through a painfully boring four hour meeting yesterday!

Quirkyloon said...

"Do you have the will and determination to last?"

Absolutely NOT!

lol

And...kudos to the Gnome! Great disguise....great, great disguise!

heh heh

Honestly...the Gnome did a fantastic job...I didn't see any Gnomeness about him!

ReformingGeek said...

Great pic of me jumping of the cliff on my new K2s but I went into a coma during the meeting and had to go to the ER. My cover was blown.

Kurt said...

Sitting through those meetings is also challenging for people who use their brain.

VE said...

elizabeth - Four hours? See...you have the skills to do ANYTHING!

quirky - Gnomes are masters of disguise. That guy presenting could be a gnome and you wouldn't even know!

reforminggeek - Bet you were down to K zeros on the ski jump landing though, huh? Oh, and coma avoidence training is a required session for signing up for this type of thrillseeking...

Nessa said...

I have sat through meetings where my boss told everyone how wonderful he was and I even helped congratulate him when his own arm gave out.

Talk about dare-devil behavior. It was hard not to gag.

moooooog35 said...

You'll raise my penis sculptures?

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I'd pick the bees or snakes over the freefalling or the business meeting.

padraig said...

For some reason, I can never read the word "thrillseekers" without hearing Ministry's "So What" in my head.

"This thrill seeking became the one great thing in your life, piling one thrill on another until... the murder."

Sarah said...

I used to work for the government, please, I have sat through longer and more torturous meetings than most people could dare to imagine! Muhahaha

VE said...

nessa - That's where true suspension of disbelief comes in to play!

moooooog35 - No, I mean I'll one-up your penis doodles and create penis scultpures while enduring the boring meetings without getting kicked out. Can you top that?

perpetual chocoholic - You've obviously never had the snakes and the bees talk growing up!

padraig - Now of course if you murder the presenter and all the meeting attendees, you will not pass my thrillseeking course...

sarah - I see you are a veteran! Maybe you should be a thrillseeker instructor and help our clients adequately prepare for the horrors that they will have to endure...

Chris Wood said...

Voluntary meetings? That's the most extreme thing I ever heard!

MJ said...

This would be fun. Especially if near the end of every meeting I could get up and scream "You people suck! I quit!!!"

VE said...

chris - It's cutting edge! You'll want to cut your wrists by the end of it...

mj - That would be awesome! Be sure to ask for your severance package in cash, on the spot!

Serena said...

I'm not sure about the woman in green, but I see "VE: The Reality Show" in your future.

Beth said...

For the right price, I have the will and determination to endure the corporate thrill seeking but those other thrills? No way – no amount of money could convince me to try them.

Maryland McKennas said...

There are many meetings I have tried to stay awake through and failed.

VE said...

serena - That's a reality the world is not ready for!

beth - You could bring the snakes to the meeting though...

maryland - It's a tough goal to achieve. Many a tough thrillseeker were brought to their knees screaming in retaliation to the mundane. They loved it! They're gonna try again soon...

Jeff said...

Just imagine how thrilling it would be to attend one of those meetings hanging upside and covered in bees. Not THAT'S pushing human limits!

Janna said...

So if I want more comments on my blog, I should post while falling to my death, hanging upside down in a shark tank?

I guess the bright side is that there probably wouldn't be any sharks in mid-air.

The downside is that I couldn't respond to anybody's comments after I fell to my death.

Hopefully my readers and I can come to some sort of compromise.

Megan said...

I'm really, really glad you didn't include an Eating Challenge in this post.

Don't let that give you any ideas. I mean it!!!!

Alex L said...

I used to do that in my university lectures... I never new I was such an adrenalin junky.

VE said...

jeff - You are blowing my mind with such notions!

janna - Wow, I'd comment for that!

megan - Aha...another challenge! ;)

alex - You are the MAN!

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I will take on that challenge. I have been to Omaha and am like a chameleon!

Just give me a mini-bar stacked with Jack and some crushed ritalin to focus on the meetings.

Dee said...

this post is totally over my head. But the picture with the man covered with bees creeps me out.

Dee said...

this post is totally over my head. But the picture with the man covered with bees creeps me out.

VE said...

self-deprechaun - Sounds like you are ready for the main event...the convention!

dee - I'm wondering how he gets them all off. What if he forgets one and sits down?

Anne said...

for me, it's a thrill when the kids go to bed earlier than the adults in my house.

Carla said...

That's about the most daring thing I ever heard of. I don't know how they do it.

VE said...

anne - That doesn't happen much these days at my house either

carla - Intense training. You've got to control the mind...

C said...

Good lord! That pic with the guy covered in (what's he covered in???) icky creatures gives me the heebie- jeebies! Wow. That's the first time I've ever used that word!

VE said...

c - See what I cause normal people to do with my posts!!!

leelee said...

are those bees?

yikes!

hugs!

VE said...

leelee - They are! I don't know that I could do that one...

Starrlight said...

My money is on the chick with the Roseanne Roseanna Danna Hairdo ;0

VE said...

starrlight - Ha! Excellent callout! You're right, that is the Roseanna Danna hairdo! How did I miss that?

Maureen said...

I think that's a photo of musical chairs, not a presentation... lookit everyone else has chairs except the guy to chooses to stand right in front of the pointy part of the table.

One good shove by those opposite, and he'll be a soprano... but at least it'll get him to stop talking.

VE said...

maureen - Ingenious! Corporate musical chairs. That should keep people awake...for awhile.

Uncivil said...

I ate some beans and cabbage, and drank some beer,then went to one of those meetings and vented.
I don't think they were seeking the thrill they got from that?

VE said...

uncivil - That's a great strategy for shortening corporate meetings!