Tuesday, March 31, 2009

VE's Ridiculous Scenario Questions Game

Welcome to VE’s Ridiculous Scenario Questions Game.

Contestants were given a random question via email awhile back. If you didn’t get one it’s because you don’t have any contact email on your blog. Sorry! Also, contestants were given different scenarios (only one per contestant) so I've got several editions of this show coming.

Meanwhile…those that did get a ridiculous scenario and didn’t bother to call the police or delete it have returned these follow ups to the scenario. Let’s forget about who wrote what and you tell me which is the best based on the content. Then later I'll shower the best in all their well-deserved glory. Don't worry...I won't make up some convoluted award or such that they can then put on their blog to show how special they are and at the same time allow me free publicity. No, that's not how VE rolls. Anyway, on with the show...

The orginal scenario they were given:

You’ve got a bee hive hair-do and are wearing Crocs with Tube socks and a fluorescent pink poodle skirt with an “OJ is innocent” halter top on. You’ve just used up your last teleport coupon and find yourself on the red carpet at the Academy Awards. What do you do now?

Here are the contestant submissions:

A.

I would introduce myself as Amy Winehouse's sister.

B.

How the hell did you manage to come across that picture of me? (Although I wasn’t anywhere near a red carpet – just at my local grocery store.) And do not mistake my “OJ is Innocent” halter-top for anything other than an expression of cynicism, angst and a whopping dollop of sarcasm.

To be honest, I wouldn’t have a problem ending up at the Academy Awards dressed like that. I’ve always wanted to make a fashion statement. The fact that I don’t have a clue as to what sort of statement such an ensemble would make doesn’t faze me.

I’d simply pat my bee-hive hair-do into submission, wave and flash a mega-watt smile for the cameras. Oh, yeah, and position my body in a painfully unnatural pose to show off my boobs and legs to full effect. (That’s what movie stars and models do – I’ve read those magazines.)

C.

First I strike a Bjork swan dress pose for the photographers for their inclusion in all the "Don't" fashion sections of the rag magazines. In order to avoid getting groped by designer Isaac Mizrahi, I pretend to look high and low all around me for my date, yelling out in a flirty voice, "Where IS that Flava-Flav?," knowing that will partially exonerate me for my outfit. When he doesn't show up right away, I pull an Ashley Simpson shuffle and exit stage left. Then I rush home where, hopefully, my husband has Tivo'd the entire thing and I can verbally trash the outfits that everyone else is wearing from the safety of my own sofa. Hell, any publicity is good publicity.

D.

That's an easy one. Go to the nearest off license, buy a small bottle of tequila or similar. Down it, then successfully lubricated would just laugh it off saying, "I'm working my '80s look tonight, do you like it?"

E.

I dance the hip-hop dance I learned the other day in my aerobics class...after all, if I look that stupid, why not make the most of it?

F.

Bitch...I'd " Sashe' Shante' " it like Ru-paul down the red carpet. I make a better drag queen then a real chic anyway..

G.

Throw the beehive at the crowd to create a diversion. Use the crocs to trip Halle Barry up, rip her skirt off and put it on, pull the poodle skirt up to make a nifty top, sell the halter to the highest bidder and swan on in to the awards. Make my way to Benicio del Toro's side and tie him to the nearest chair with the tube socks. the rest of the action will be X-rated......

H.

Option #1: Act natural; maybe no one will notice.

Option #2: Claim to be Paris Hilton's long-lost older sister. You know-- the one with her dignity still intact.

Option #3: Start screaming "Oprah changed my life!"

Option #4: Find Brad Pitt and say "Your check bounced. You owe me fifty bucks for last night. No, wait... seventy-five, including the dolphin."

Option #5: Claim to be advertising a sneak peek of a new reality show which will be debuting soon: "Awkward Nudge: The people who stand too close to you on public transportation."

I.

I'd march right over and punch Joan Rivers in someone's nose.

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There you have it. Nine ridiculous replies to a ridiculous scenario. I applaud those that played along despite their nervousness that I might be on drugs and trace their email back to their home address and come stalk them. They did much better than I in their responses!

So you tell me which you liked (and why if you'd like to). There are no popularity votes here. There isn't even necessarily any winners here either. Just wacky stuff.

Next week I'll give you another ridiculous scenario...

51 comments:

Nessa said...

I forgot to play.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I like A.

And where can I get one of those OJ shirts?

Beth said...

They're all great - kudos to those who took the challenge - but H brought forth the biggest smile!

Jaime said...

i like F. we need more Ru-Pauls in the world :)

Quirkyloon said...

Ha! I love all of them!

I think I played the game wrong.

Blame it on the zombies, please.

LOL

The Incredible Woody said...

H. Option #4. Definitely!!

moooooog35 said...

I like "I" - mainly because you get to punch Joan Rivers.

Do we get to bang her daughter once she's unconscious?

VE said...

nessa - Don't worry, you had another scenario that will be featured later

prefers her fantasy life - Those shirts are another VE figment product that has yet to be exploited...

beth - H was like a mini-five more!

jaime - Ru-Paul...now who would have thought to use that in this scenario...excellent...

quirkyloon - Don't worry, you had a different ridiculous question that will be featured later on as well. You're time will come!

incredible woody - You gotta give them credit, working a Dolphin into that scenario is quite ridiculous!

moooooog35 - It's a noble pursuit for sure...

Nessa said...

My fav was "G" because there's a whole senario there, like a well rehearsed wish - and sex was included in the mix.

"H" is my runner up because I can so see Brad with a dolphin.

And everyone has to like "I" because Joan needs a punch.

VE said...

nessa - I have to agree...if somebody is going to rip Halle Barry's skirt off...it's all right by me...

Gladys said...

I chose 'I' because someone needs to punch Joan Rivers. The only problem is I don't think she would feel it.

lime said...

tough choice. i'm rather fond of the amy winehouse crack though.

Elizabeth said...

They are all really funny!
Start screaming "Oprah changed my life!" totally made me laugh out loud!

Megan said...

These are great!

VE said...

gladys - Good point...all that cosmetic surgery and make up...

lime - "Amy Winehouse crack"...nice pun...

elizabeth - Yeah, they are all good in different ways. That's why I don't care for it to be a voting competition and I want to first leave the work anonymous and have it stand on its own merits.

VE said...

megan - I just need to let everyone else write my posts!

freetheunicorns said...

Damn, I wish I got to play that game.

I would love to see Halle Berry's dress get ripped off.

I would love to see someone punch Joan Rivers in the nose – whoever's nose it ends up being.

But my fave is H. I know there are five options, but they made me laugh and I love the ingenuity of them all. Especially #3. Suck it Oprah.

ReformingGeek said...

Very funny, all of you! I'll pick "G" as my favorite. Good use of all the "items"!

Also, I'd love to play:

caroljean dot fo at gmail.com

subtorp77 said...

Didn't bloody play! But I rather favour A,H&I( A being first choice, regardless, wot? )

cathouse teri said...

I like A and I.

cathouse teri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Perpetual Chocoholic said...

So have you started the stalking yet?

VE said...

freetheunicorns - There are more to play against. Email me at ewelter1 at comcast dot net if you want in (and that includes anyone else interested)

reforminggeek - I will send one along to you later this evening...

subtorp77 - Not like I didn't try to include you. If you still want in on any of the subseqent ones, just email me...the address is above in my reply to freetheunicorns

teri - They are to the point!

perpetual chocoholic - Of course...and you might want to rethink your undies choice with that outfit you put on today... ;)

subtorp77 said...

VE, always up for a challenge. Thye zanier the better! ( adding to email list ). Anon!

Sornie said...

I'm torn between A and I. Maybe a combination of those two because I could easily trump Amy WInehouse's behavior and I find Joan Rivers nauseating.

VE said...

subtorp77 - Great! I'll check my emails later today

sornie - Well if you put the two together you get AI which we all knows stands for Always Idiotic. Works perfect.

nursemyra said...

I'll vote for B. "Painfully unnatural pose" are the three words that occur to me every time I read one of those celebrity magazines.

Not that I read them very often. No no no... just in the supermarket lineup

Dalton J. Fox said...

"H" is really good, but I think my favorite has to be "I". Sure, the fact that Joan Rivers is getting punched is great, but what made it even funnier is "someone's nose".

Megan said...

I feel like I should pick a favorite, but I can't decide!

Serena said...

All excellent answers! I'm sorry I missed the cutoff date. Next time I'll actually look at my calendar.:)

Ronda Laveen said...

I vote for G. Why? Because I would like to do every one of those things. Especially Benicio.

You stated that you will "shower the best." Does that mean you're giving the lucky winner a bath?

VE said...

nursemyra - Ha! Any pose to me is painfully unatural...

dalton - That is a great line...

megan - And the great thing is that you don't have to. You can just enjoy them all!

serena - It's ok...it's only blogging!

ronda - Well...it was only a figure of speech and I'll shower all the participants figuratively. Of course, my sponge baths are spectacular!

Bunk Strutts said...

A & I get my split vote, especially for the brevity. "Punch Joan Rivers in someone's nose" is classic.

Fundamental Jelly said...

I like I. You should provide attribution so we'll know who the comedians are. I'm just sayin'.

teeni said...

These are all great. A did get me to laugh out loud though. And punching Joan in "someone's" nose was definitely up there.

Mrsupole said...

Okay, it took me a while to decide. I was here earlier and could not pick cause I just bought two pairs of Crocs sandals at Costco a few weeks ago and did not see anything wrong with them at the Academy Awards. They sure is comfortable.

Anyway I think B and that unpainfully unnatural pose got the laugh. I also liked H #1.

And can I please have one of those sponge baths please. Can I, can I.

Okay I want to play too, so I will send an e-mail to you.

God bless.

Matt-Man said...

Being the minimalist that I am, I kinda dig, A. Cheers!!

Jacki said...

It's a tough choice if you are going for the funniest, most ridiculous answer. But I opt for A or H.

And I am so glad you didn't give me this scenario.

VE said...

bunk - That has to be one of the most classic lines here

fundamentaljelly - I will. Each week when I feature the new one I'll go back and revise the old one with the names and then link back so people can see who did what.

teeni - It seems brevity wins the highest attributes around here. That makes sense for the blogging world

mrsupole - "Painfully unnatural pose"...is there any other kind? A great line though...

matt-man - Good choice! Now go have some steak for God-sake! ;)

jacki - Consider yourself lucky because I laughed at your scenario response when I got it. It was so Jacki!

Carla said...

That's fabulous!!! Very funny.

Kurt said...

1st prize goes to answer A.

MJ said...

Awkward Nudge

Now THAT'S funny!!! LMAO!

VE said...

carla - They are all funny...

kurt - You say it with such confidence too!

mj - A lot of good little quips buried in there.

Janna said...

Hee!

Y'know, maybe the next reality show could include Oprah with the dolphin instead.

VE said...

janna - Well Flipper was pretty successful!

BlondeBlogger said...

I thought you finding me and stalking me WAS the prize!

VE said...

blondeblogger - Ha! Yes...it is widely known that my stalking is second to none!

Venom said...

"A' is my first choice, "H" a close second.

Maureen said...

A is also my fav.

VE said...

venom - The writers will be revealed this week

maureen - What I said to venom...

Anna Lefler said...

Woot! This is awesome!

Thanks for the opportunity to play!

XO

Anna