Friday, April 10, 2009

Exercise Gadget Junkie

I’ll admit it; I’m an exercise gadget junkie. I have to have the weirdest, latest toy for outside exercise that is available. I don’t know what motivates me to want people turning their heads to look at me while they’re thinking “What an idiot, what the hell is that?”



Take the inline skate for example. I had mine in 1983. Rollerblade didn’t even sell them retail until 1984 and the fad didn’t take off until 1986. For several years I was the ONLY one in Oregon with inline skates and they were so foreign I used to get kicked out of roller skating rinks because they didn’t know what they were.

Now I have a pair of outline skates as well. They aren’t as fun as the inline ones but they do cruise really well and can go through grass and gravel just fine. They also turn a lot of heads.

I had bounce boots, super bounce boots and one of the very first wave boards.


But here are a few of the items I’m secretly wanting now:


Imagine just how stupid you’ll look running on a treadmill scooter outside? Awesome! But really, it might be quite practical and save your legs from any downhill pounding you might have to do. Ok…I’ll admit it’s a stretch…

Again, how could you not want to operate your bike with your arms? You’ll have 30 inch biceps in no time (steroids not included…). This one is great. It’s a rower on a bike. Why didn’t I think of that?

Now just because you ride a skate board, surfboard, wake board and snowboard to one side that doesn’t mean you can’t do the same with a bike. Hence the sideways bike! It operates on the same principle; you control it like you would a board; facing the side. And no matter which side you face, you’ll see those people looking at you like an idiot…

There is no end to the exercise gadgets on my list that have no other appeal than to say “look at me”. The gnomes are rolling their eyes at me again…

45 comments:

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

While riding the bike, put your phone on vibrate, stick it in your front pocket and you're good to go.

Mrsupole said...

Ditto to what Life said. Sounds good to me.

But those are some funny and really Look At Me things, and oh so you. I am not sure why I know this.

God bless.

Dalton J. Fox said...

That sideways bicycle has disaster written all over it.

The Incredible Woody said...

I saw a guy at the park in the super bounce boots. I did stop and stare. He looked pretty goofy.

Beth said...

Granted, these gadgets look cool but they still involve exercise/work on my part. Can you come up with something that does the work for me? (I’m that lazy…)

Gladys said...

I have a Quirky Cousin who turned 60 this year and she is the Queen of in-line skates now... she has taken on the Skike. She snow boards all winter then started Skiking in the spring and summer. If you don't know what Skike is go to youtube and type in skike. I tried to post it but I'm illerterate when it comes to adding html to comments.

Me I have roller bladed but ended up in the bay.

Kurt said...

Where I live, there's no place to use all those gadgets.

The Self-Deprechaun said...

Those bouncy shoes look like they can help build your calves and your vertical jump just like that one Seinfeld episode. VE you are always the precursor to the next big thing.

Quirkyloon said...

Oh my double Gawsh! You really had me rolling with this one! And I love, love, LOVE the treadmill scooter!

Hmm. I can totally see you using ALL these contraptions. And I'm sure there are more than few that you are keeping hidden from us!

Ha!

VE said...

prefers - Ha! You're under the assumption I get phone calls...

mrsupole - You got that right!

dalton - It does look like a disaster waiting, doesn't it? That's good for me because I haven't had my major disaster for the year yet.

incredible woody - Those things scared me. You tip over on those and you go down like a felled tree!

beth - Now people have been trying to do that forever!

gladys - I've done a lot of rollerblading and on many continents too. I've been down the streets of San Francisco on them (and without any breaks). I've seen the skykes but haven't tried them yet

kurt - Not true. I inline skated throughout NYC all day, including illegally going on them in the subway. I just carried a pair of sandals in a backpack and when I couldn't skate, converted. I got around everywhere in Manhattan on them. And Central park was a skaters mecca. All depends on your perspective.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I want those springy boot things. That looks like a more fun to have a manditory accident.

VE said...

self-deprechaun - The small bouncy ones are great for running downhill, you get no hard impact on them; just a nice cushy bounce. The big ones, well you can get 9 foot strides on those and run 18 miles per hour...

quirky - Yes...I held back on some of the water ones...amoung others!

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - These gadgets are a source of many of my yearly disasters

lime said...

ya know, the rower bike is kind of interesting looking. and i always wanted to try those bouncy shoes.

VE said...

lime - The rower bike is interesting...until you have to go uphill!

Elizabeth said...

So those outline skates, how do they support the inside of your foot? It seems like it'd be like wearing high heels. but only on the outside of the shoe instead of the back. Does that make sence? I see the wheels kinda tild in, maybe that helps?

ReformingGeek said...

I'm with Quirky. I want the treadmill bike. I could do that. Some of the others? I'd be in the ER every day.

VE said...

elizabeth - You were on to the concept, it is the tilt ange that puts those large wheels right under the boot to the same place as regular inline skates are. But the bigger wheels make it more stable for beginners and allow for a nice smooth cruise and able to go through gravel and grass too.

reforminggeek - I HAVE been in the ER every day it sometimes feels like

moooooog35 said...

Exercise?

Jesus H. Christ.

I don't even like walking to my car.

Megan said...

T'would be so much the better post if there were pictures of you on all that stuff...

Nessa said...

A sideways bike - that's kind of girlie, isn't it?

Janna said...

Thoughts:

1. You could have titled your post "Six Different Ways To End Up In The Emergency Room".

2. You should've sued the rink that prohibited your inline skates-- or at the very least, gone to the local newspaper and had them write a story on it. The rink people sound like a bunch of jerks who owed you an apology. AND they should've kissed your ass afterward.

3. You said the inline skates were more fun than the outline ones. I'm curious; what made one more fun than the other?

Jaime said...

i want a portable moving sidewalk on the bottom of my shoes...that way i'd never have to walk anywhere. i could just stand there while my shoes glided me around. yeah, i feel that lazy today

VE said...

moooooog35 - You should move into the garage then!

megan - You know how camera shy I am on the blog...

nessa - It does look utterly ridiculous. That guy in the pic doesn't look like the normal athletic model type...

janna - 1. Good point because for me it has 2. The wifey-poo has agreed that she'll do the kissing to make up for that event 3. The problem with the outline skates is that since I haven't had a break on my skates for 26 years they are much harder to manuever to slow down or stop. The inline skates I could literally skate circles around you without thinking about it; the outline don't turn on a dime...more like a big cadillac.

jaime - I feel like that sometimes. I make the gnomes use the stuff more me on those occasions. They hate me for that!

cathouse teri said...

Good Lord.

Sarah said...

Yes but do you have a hippety hop?

Maureen said...

And what is the common thread amoung all those photos? Yep. MEN. You wouldn't catch a woman on those contraptions; well, not THIS woman, anyway.

VE said...

teri - You know you want them! ha ha

sarah - A bunny?

Marissa said...

That treadmill/scooter and those bikes require way too much multi-tasking. I'd go for something more simple like a unicycle with a Mai Tai holder that converts into a lounge chair.

Serena said...

Yeah, I don't exercise. Just getting through the maze of life keeps me in shape.:)

Roy Scribner said...

Bounce boots - I knew that was you!!! Your dog looked really embarrassed.

freetheunicorns said...

A treadmill scooter. WTF? I mean honestly, why can't people just enjoy regular, plain old jogging anymore?

Ronda Laveen said...

Sideways bike? R U FN KDN ME? SPLAT! Looks like pavement jerky to me. About the Outline skates, the Dog Whisperer uses them for exercising his dogs. Are they more stable than inline? How are they for stop-ability?

A year or so ago I got a skateboard to run my dogs. My husband said "Don't! You'll break your freakin' 55+y'old ass." Did I listen? NO! I bought the board at ShopKo, being one of the "original Skateboard children of the 60's", I thought, no prob. A 4 inch wide board w/ roller skate wheels, the Beachboys, and a fat stripped surfer shirt, that's old school, that's how we did it.

Out on the asphalt street in 110 degree heat, my feet on the board, my crazy-ass dog on his crazy-ass leather leash, sees a crazy-ass cat, jacks a blind rage run, momma slams to the ground breaking the fall with her million dollar wrists and hands (they are my money-makers), 80+ year old neighbor sees the smack down, comes out to help, swear him to secrecy with bribe of slow-cooked pot roast, potatoes, carrots and gravy, put board out of sight--on high garage shelf, give to charity for some "lucky" child for Christmas. Deny, deny, deny. But, how R those outliners? Don't tell hubby this old ass is asking.

Chris said...

If I saw a guy in the bounce boots Id hit him for being a dork. Then maybe steal his boots.

Dee said...

super bounce boats ? I think they used those in the Lion King on Broadway???

subtorp77 said...

Those bounce boots are the next best thing to the "spring legs"( you show at inset ). Originally military applications for amputees. Bloody incredible devices!

VE said...

marissa - I wouldn't mind a Mai Tai holder...

serena - The maze of life...yeah, and it's a complicated one at that!

roy - No, I never really went far in those...too scary

freetheunicorns - To quote Ferris Buehler "You can never go to far" which means the more ridiculous the gadget, the more fun you're gonna have, right?

ronda - Ha! Classic story. I was sakteboarding right at the time of the introduction of the polyurethane wheel in the early/mid 70s. I can still skate somewhat to this day although I don't really want to grind my knuckle down doing tricks with my hands on the board anymore. As to the outlines, they are much more stable than inlines but still, it's all about control and stopping. Anyone can get hurt.

chris - I KNEW you just wanted the boots. Of course if you used them then somebody would knock you off and steal them. It's like a domino effect...

dee - Yes, a lot of performances incorporate them...

subtorp77 - They look pretty incredible but when you put them on you feel quite vulnerable because they are so tall. I decided with those that I'd just severly injur myself should I fall...

Maureen said...

And there goes VE ignorning people again...

Fine. I won't cry.

Auntie, aka Dog Girl said...

Those springy boots thingy remind me of a science fiction movie. These aliens walked like that.

VE said...

maureen - How'd I miss the man-bashing comment! ;) Dang...must have been subliminal. But you're right, I don't see women on these goofy contraptions. I see them spending $200 a month on nails...

auntie - I'd like to visit a planet where the gravity was half ours and I'd feel springy too...

Sarah said...

Please tell me you know what a hippety hop is VE! http://www.shapeupshop.com/kids_gifts/hoppers.html

VE said...

Sarah - Oh yeah...what would happen if you supersized Lance Armstrong's remaining ball...I get it... ;)

C said...

I would have to pass since I'm a walking disaster waiting to happen...with or without gadgets like these! Seriously, if there's a pot hole in the street, I'd be the one to find it (err...make that FALL INTO it)! I wouldn't stand a chance on that sideways bicycle thing!

VE said...

c - Unfortunately I'm competitant on all these things and I STILL end up in the Emergency room because I have disaster waiting with me too. We should never be in the same place at the same time. The world would implode....

leelee said...

There is a lady who goes about the neighborhood in those "spring boot
things..

I just giggle when I see her..doesn't she know how silly she looks? Should I tell her? or just enjoy snickering..

HUGS!