Sunday, April 05, 2009

The Opera

I was lying in bed watching Pretty Woman with the wifey-poo the other night. No, don’t even start in with me about ‘chick flicks’. I have nothing wrong with watching that one. I’m secure in my manhood enough to cry when Jessie Ventura dies in Predator or Arnold lowers himself into molten metal to save mankind in Terminator II. Those were emotional times. And it’s ok to tear up.

But back to Pretty Woman...they’re at that scene with the Opera and Mr. I-Can’t-Kiss-Hot-Women-In-Public-and-not-have-people-disgusted Richard Gere says “You either love the opera or you don’t….” Thank God because I don’t! Whew! One less thing to worry about…

I mean really, the whole damn thing is singing! At least with a musical they don’t sing all the time. Sure, they freak the crap out of you by breaking spontaneously into song at the most inopportune time and nobody else seems to care. But there is some dialogue to a musical. The opera; not at all! The endless running of their voices as they stretch a word into 12 minutes of scales; ughhh! Let’s demonstrate as I walk into work as if I were in an opera:

“Hellooooo oooo oooooo oooooo ooooo ooooo ooooo ooooo o oooo ooo ooo oooo o
Bo oooo oooooo oooooo ooooo ooooo ooooo ooooo o oooo ooo ooo ss”


Well, you get the idea. Another problem with it is that it’s always in some damn foreign language. I can’t follow the plot even if they weren’t droning on with their scales. It’s always Italian this and French that. Have you ever heard one in English? I haven’t. In fact, it’s my theory that the words are actually mocking all of us for showing up to listen to scales.

Hell, they even make you dress up. I might make it through one if I could wear my sweats and bunny slippers and crank my ipod way up. But nooo…they want you to wear some sort of tie. The last time I wore a tie was last century. I think Kurt Cobain was even still alive. He probably went to the Opera…

42 comments:

Gladys said...

Now See I think they should do "Star Trek" the Opera or how about "Barney" the Opera. You could wear your Spock ears or dinosaur suit respectively.

Quirkyloon said...

As much as I love singing and yes I do sing rock songs opera style, the real opera deal?

It booooooooooooooooooooooo-res me.

And I too, teared up when Sarah Connor told the terminator...

You're terminated sucker.

Tears of joy!

Beth said...

I hear ya!
Le le le le le le le...
(That’s la la la la la la la in Italian.)

Jaime said...

when i was little my grandparents tried to get me into theater, ballet and opera... it didn't work

Nessa said...

Can't stand Richard Gere. I can understand why men like Julia Roberts, she's all mouth but she isn't really an actress and Pretty Woman is just trite tripe. God, I'm glad I got that out of my system. Now, what were YOU talking about?

Nessa said...

Oh, yeah, Opera. Um, no.

ReformingGeek said...

I think I slept thru the one opera performance I went to in Austria. It might as well have been in Greek. Ha!

lime said...

maybe if they ran subtitles i'd go.

Elizabeth said...

I went to an opera when I was in London for a college trip. At intermissions I went out into the lobby and there was a bar!! Woo hoo. I didn't go back in with the rest of the group, the lobby was much more fun!

Dale said...

They do have titles which are 'surtitles' because they're projected above the stage. Yep, I loves me some opera. And yep, they have them in English too. And you don't have to dress up anymore. So suck it haters! :-)

(on another note...some of them are tedious and ridiculous but when they get it right, it's pretty fecking awesome)

Maureen said...

Rock Operas are the only Operas I will sit thru... at least you can tell what they are saying.

Maureen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Candie Bracci said...

LOL.I've never been to an opera.I don't say never although it's not my thing.I'm more kurt Cobain actually!You expressed the point very clearly yeah I think the same..goooooooooooooooooooooood
niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!
:D

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Exactly why I prefer operas by The Who.

VE said...

Gladys - I think perhaps the opera should be Kirk fighting Barney in that one episode with the lizard. That's opera right there!

quirky - Well now that Terminator deserved it. But remember, in T2 he was a good guy.

beth - Yes, either way I cannot take it!

jaime - If you want culture...buy some cottage cheese! That's what I say...

nessa - Ha! Feel free to say what you really think! We can take it around here. The gnomes are rolling around in laughter...

reforminggeek - When I was in Austria I drove on the autobahn at 156mph instead. I had more fun!

lime - I don't care if they gave away subway; I still wouldn't go!

elizabeth - Smart! Bet they were mad at you for figuring that out and not telling them!

dale - I applaud you for standing up for what you like amoung all of us opera haters. Loser! No...just kidding.

maureen - I've been known to do a few of those

candi - Ha! I see you're getting into the spirit. Cobain could have written opera though...you couldn't understand a lot of his lyrics either. Just sayin'

prefers - They had some good operas. The art of that is pretty much lost in Rock and Roll

Janna said...

Although I'm not excessively fond of opera, I can appreciate it in small doses.

Of course, I studied music in college for six years, so I guess I've had it brainwashed into me.

Just in case you're ever on Jeopardy and get stuck with the "Opera" category:
They're not singing scales.
They're singing melisma.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melisma

Megan said...

I like opera.

Alex L said...

Opera? isn't that a web browser...

Ronda Laveen said...

Oh, Opera! I thought we were discussing Oprah. Never mind.

Dalton J. Fox said...

You think Kurt Cobain went to the opera? Umm ... no.

Other than that, I'm in complete agreement with you, VE. I actually like musicals for the most part, but I'd rather have needles stuck through my eyes than go to an opera.

Of course, I've never attempted to sit through one, so I might like it if I gave it a chance. Listening to two straight hours of yelling in some foreign language on top of some headache-inducing music while I'm wearing a tie? Yeah, I'd love that.

Matt-Man said...

I cannot believe that the word "dweeb" translates from Italian to English. Amazing. cheers!!

Mrsupole said...

Does that mean that Phantom of the Opera is not in enlgish. I guess I will never know since I am with you in that I hate opera too.

Et asucka reallee alota.

Maybe I should have had my zombies going to the opera today. Hey that would be a good one for you.

Zombiea's gonna gos toa teh operata.

God bless.

VE said...

janna - Melisma...that's Italian for scales...right? ;)

megan - Oh sure, defy the sensible!

alex - I thought it was Oprah's less obnoxious sister...

ronda - ha! Never-mind...that's the best advice when it comes to opera...

dalton - No, I don't think Corbain went to the opera either. I was merely pointing out that might have been a possible reason why he killed himself...

matt-man - Ha! There's a sucker born every second! Let them go...

mrsupole - The zombies are at the opera...how else would you get anyone in to them

Chris Wood said...

I'm sure I've seen Cobain in Rigoletto ...

The Incredible Woody said...

I saw La Traviatta once - I was forced to go. But I got really, really, really stoned and that made it downright enjoyable!!!

Jacki said...

I do enjoy some opera music, but I am very picky about it. And I *heart* Phantom of the Opera.

VE said...

chris - With or without drugs?

incredible woody - Ha! Good diversion.

jacki - Now you don't drag Peter to these do you? Poor man... ;)

leelee said...

still here..and missing your fantastical nonsense...been sidelined, but..I'm gonna be back baby!

HUGS!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

now I double dare you to go to the opera in bunny slippers. Since you hate it so much I'd settle for the movie theatre though.

Roy Scribner said...

Is humor blogging the new opera?

VE said...

leelee - I wondered where you went! I'm lacking a lot of hugs around here! ;)

perpetual - I would totally go to the movies in bunny slippers. The opera...you can't make me, you can't make me!

roy - Are you suggesting that I drone on and on like singing scales?

moooooog35 said...

I don't know how you stand sitting through that shit. Buncha women sitting around talking about how men suck and...

Oh.

Opera.

Not Oprah.

My comment still stands.

VE said...

moooooog35 - Now I know how you prefer to get a bunch of guys together and talk about women sucking...

Cody said...

I went to one once and escaped and let the drunk girl in the lobby buy me champaign. Very boring for a 16 year old, what was Gran thinking?

Quickroute said...

the missus dragged me along one night - best nap I had in a long time

Serena said...

I've seen exactly one opera -- and couldn't wait to get out of there. Never again! I'd rather listen to Kurt Cobain, even if he is dead.

Count Sneaky said...

How do you feel about Roy Orbison's wonderful song, "Pretty Woman"?...

VE said...

cody - Obviously Gran wasn't thinking by that time!

quickroute - Excellent. Too bad you had to dress up to get that nap. I think drool does come out of bow ties...

serena - Ha! Yes, that's when you excuse yourself to the bathroom and squeeze out an air duct. It's worth the trouble!

count sneaky - I happen to have great respect for Roy Orbison!

Wow said...

But I like the line about the pirate peeing his pants. Or was that Pirate of Penzance?

VE said...

wow - That was a line from Pretty Woman too! (not the sequel, I mean 'also')

Dee said...

i don't like opera either, unless it's in English and then the snobs don't consider that the OPERA

VE said...

dee - I hate opera snobs...they can stay at the opera for all I care...