Thursday, April 23, 2009

Purple is the New Black

Like orange or yellow, purple is the color of the left-overs at a WalMart clothing sale.

Or was.

Move over whatever color was hot last year because you are so yesterday. Purple is the new black so says the news.

Whatever the hell that means.

Now that a trend has officially been announced expect more purple things to make a comeback. (insert your own joke here). Anyways…

One of the film studios will surely attempt to revive an 80’s classic:


Yes, Purple Rain except this time Usher plays the lead role.

Expect the remake to get the green light thus destroying many 80’s high school dance memories forever.

Lil Jon yelling “What!” and “Okay!” in the background of a “Darling Nikki” remix is pure blasphemy and should be outlawed by the way.

Deep Purple will feel the impact.

One of the easiest songs to play on guitar is also the easiest song to play on a fake guitar thanks to Guitar Rock Hero.

With the upsurge in interest in the color expect millions more people in their teens and twenties to buy the game and learn how to play a song at the intelligence level of a monkey.

Sad.

Kids, get the real thing because the ladies will dig you a lot more. Sure, they may “mack on you”, as you like to say for having awesome videogame skills but this is fleeting.

Eventually even the prospect of some dude playing guitar in an actual band in some dive bar looks like more of a future to the women then a twenty-something year-old guy playing the guitar version of Simon.

Trust VE on this.

Unfortunately there is a dark side to every color.

Purple’s evil is pure and awful, something feared by men, women, and children alike….

No not Barney. He is evil of course and throws around the word “love” way too much if you ask me but Barney is nothing compared to the creepy downright diabolical evil that is…


The Dreaded Purple Nurple!

37 comments:

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I can honestly and thankfully say I've never had a purple nurple. I have spent a number of years watching Barney and his sidekicks and thankful that time has passed.

Jaime said...

barney IS evil. and so freaking annoying.

The Incredible Woody said...

I thought that was a titty twister.

Gladys said...

Does that mean they are bringing back Grape Ape? Grape Nehi's will be the new Cosmo? Wow this is important news.

Oh and I agree that is a titty twister.

Beth said...

You’ve got me going on the “purple” thing. Reminded me of that song, “The Purple People Eater” and now I’m singing it. And wondering how the hell I even remember it. I’m not that old!

MJ said...

Now THAT was a great post VE!

Seriously, purple? Ugh. I hate purple.

Anne said...

purple's ok, i like orange better.

Quirkyloon said...

I passed out at seeing Barney's pic. I came to and now I have to google purple nurple.

Yes, I'm dense that way.

I always learn something new thanks to VE! And laugh lots too!

lime said...

my mother would be completely content with this arrangement since it is her favorite color ever.

and i am sorry but usher redoing purple rain? ain't no way in hell.

Candie Bracci said...

OMG!!OMG!My eyes!lol.

Elizabeth said...

I haven't thought about Purple Rain forever. Man I loved that movie!
Oh and now I'm going to have nightmares about that scary looking monkey for weeks.

Sarah said...

Hmmm what would be worse, getting subjected to a purple nurple or Barney? I have to say Barney.

freetheunicorns said...

Barney is responsible for every child getting poor grades.

As for the purple nurple, thank you for reminding me of this glorious mode of punishment VE.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Hmmm... I always thought purple was the official color of Lesbians.

ReformingGeek said...

I screamed when I saw Barney and I really like purple. Maybe I need to reconsider!

Bunk Strutts@verizon.net said...

"They say roses are red and violets are purple;
Sugar is sweet and so is maple surple." --Roger Miller 1964.

leelee said...

I like purple..so I'm all for it being the new black..

HUGS!

Nessa said...

Purple never bodes well.

Ronda Laveen said...

Purple? Lavendar, magenta, puce maybe, but not purple. Not new. Not black. Not wearable unless you have the right skin tones. Unless you are like the guy? girl? alien? in top photo and blessed to possess ALL skin tones.

What about one of the most famous purples of all: The One-Eyed, One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater? I hear he feels dissed by Barney.

Ronda Laveen said...

I just went back and looked at that picture. Maybe he is supposed to be the People Eater. He has one eye. Don't see the horn though.

Mike said...

Fashion makes me angry.

I'm wearing black.

Serena said...

I hope "They" are wrong. I look hideous in purple.

Janna said...

If that monkey is rabid/insane/can be bribed with bananas, let's throw it at Barney.

We can all roast marshmallows and eat popcorn and send out for pizza and sing Kum Ba Ya while Barney screams for dear life.

If that won't brighten your day, I don't know what will.

VE said...

Sorry everyone but my computer has been on the fritz today so just getting to your comments...flog me at your leisure...

@Perpetual Chocolate: Be thankful you have not.

@Jaime: But he loves you.

@The Incredible Woody:
This is a family blog sir. :)

@Gladys: I knew I forgot something!

@Beth: I'm sorry to hear that.

@MJ: You are welcome and next up after purple is chartreus or however you spell it.

@Anne: Orange is after the color I can't spell after purple. Look for it to be hot in like 2012.

@Quirkyloon: VE's Fantastical Nonsense...knocking readers out one post at a time...

@lime: Never say never. They are re-doing the Karate Kid.

@Candie Bracci: This blog is not liable for any retinal damage during viewing.

@Elizabeth: Bad awful dreams about monkeys playing in purple rain I imagine.

VE said...

@Sarah: I agree. The pain from a purple nurple subsides in a day or two. Barney requires years of therapy.

@freetheunicorns: Don’t forget a lot of bad music. When you grow up on Barney’s songs instead of the Stones or Led Zep you end up as the Jonas Brothers.

@Prefers Her Fantasy Life: It is the trade-off for marriage rights. We get the rights to the color purple.

@ReformingGeek: Don’t be alarmed. That is a common reaction to Barney. Shows you are human.

@Bunk Strutts: I would have liked it better if sugar is sweet and so is a purple nurple.

@leelee: The Commision on Fashion Color Trends should be calling you any minute now…

@Nessa: Which is weird because the red shirts always get killed first in Star Trek.

@Ronda Laveen: You found me out: that was my Halloween costume in 1992.

@Mike: What the hell are you gonna do when black becomes en vogue?

@Serena: Nobody ever knows who “they” is so I wouldn’t worry about it.

VE said...

@Janna: Prior planning prevents poor performance I always say.

Alex L said...

Barney isn't evil, barneys a gangsta

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9_XDauWLAc

some swearing involved but I love this video...

Dalton J. Fox said...

I seriously think I read that they're contemplating doing a remake of Purple Rain. Wouldn't surprise me none since none of them can seem to come up with any original ideas anymore.

Megan said...

Beth's comment hijacked my brain, sorry. Must now go use invasive procedures on this earworm...

Megan said...

And god I hate this widescreen comment format. I vote no more pop-up windows!

Ronda Laveen said...

Whoa! GOOD COSTUME! I didn't even recognize you. I went back for a third perusal. Now I see those wee little people crumbs hanging out your mouth. You really need to floss out 'dem bones.

I'm having computer issues this week too. It fried. Bought new system...spent most of last 24 hrs w/tech support getting broadband to work. I have been able to get online the last 5-6 hrs without being booted off every 5-10 min. What a PIA. Ran into many, many bloggers w/computer problems this week. Is there a problem with the electromagnetic field? What sayeth VE?

Maureen said...

I LOVE Barney!!!! I even had a purple coat when daughter was young, and she said I looked like Barney (it even had a green liner).

Then again, that probably WASN'T a compliment, now was it?

VE said...

@Alex L: Barney has a strong pimp hand.

@Dalton J Fox: They are remaking a lot of eighties movies. Got a favorite film from that era, a cherished memory of your youth? Hollywood is about to crap all over it.

@Megan: Yeah no more pop-ups!

@Rhonda: It might also be the flux capacitor.

@Maureen: Well that coat is now back in fashion. Sell it on EBay for big bucks!

Mrsupole said...

Pulling purple nipples hurts, owie. Is purple rain the same as acid rain? Never liked the first purple rain and so will probably not like the new one.

God bless.

VE said...

mrsupole - I'm thinking purple rain and acid rain are probably one in the same...well, for Prince it was...

Uncivil said...

Purple Pain, Purple Pain
I never meant to cause you any Rain!

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