Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Things I'm going to Invent

Things I’m going to invent:

Special finger tips you put over your fat fingers that let you text with the tiny small keys easily by tapering the ends of them.

A bowl that catches and drops all the un-popped popcorn cornels and drops them to a layer below so that you don’t scoop up a bunch of them and crack all your teeth in half.

A portable scooping traction wheel that runs on battery power that snowboarders can use to propel them across level and uphill sections easily so they don’t have to look stupid hoping and crawling across the snow to get to the next downhill section.

A computer screen that actually can expand into three dimensional forms so that you have true 3D effects. That should make that damn Exorcist scare email even more interesting!

A device you hook to your phone system that you then give all of your customer service numbers and it works offline to identify how to immediately get a customer service representative without all of the menu distractors and queues.

41 comments:

Beth said...

I could use # 2.
Someone recently told me to hit "0" three times (not just once) to get to a real live person (!) when calling customer service. Will try it next time - and there will be a next time...

Maureen said...

Har! Even WITH the tapered fingertips, I would still be as slow as molasses texting.

It was all that "proper grammar" gibberish drilled into me in school years ago.

My daughter just rolls her eyes when she sees correct spelling and punctuation in my texts...

monica said...

2 and 3 sounds interesting and , to me , useful... :o) very creative... when are these gadgets available at wal-mart ?? not that we have wal-marts here in DK - never seen one, only heard of them... so it'll be internetshopping for me... :o)

moooooog35 said...

Let me know when you invent those tapered fingertips.

I've got my book, "1001 Things To Do with VE's Tapered Fingertips" ready to go.

You can find it in the adult section.

Jaime said...

i always wonder where people come up with their ideas for inventions. now i know. they steal them off your blog

Gladys said...

VE -
Finger Extenders - Just go get acrylic nails and have the nail tech file them too a point.

Popcorn bowl- I would buy that!

Snowboard traction? - I just have my faithful Sherpa carry me over those areas

A computer screen in 3-D- Well I'm sure that would do wonders for internet porn

Phone Device - Why not just have your computer talk to their computer and solve it for you?

VE said...

beth - It does work with some systems but others will hang up on you

maureen - I know; I physically cringe trying to say "are u" with "r u" and such...

monica - You are much better off without Walmarts in Denmark. That is one of the reasons why people are so happy there!

moooooog35 - Ha! 1000 things huh? That is impressive!

jaime - Yeah, it's a treasure trove of things I could have made money on...

gladys - Let's see now...you wouldn't catch me dead in a nail salon, sherpas can't keep up with snowboarders (but I'm sure if you had a sherpa you wouldn't care about snowboarding anyway), I MIGHT have thought about the internet porn angle when I thought up the 3D computer screen and finally my computer cannot be trusted enough to talk to their computer; crashes, viruses, weird behavior and the fact that they are both machines - I saw The Matrix!

The Incredible Woody said...

When I was in high school, I worked at the movie theater. They had a giant popcorn bowl that did that. I love partially popped kernels so I thought that bottom tray was fantastic!!

Quirkyloon said...

I just had a mental image of VE in swim trunks with a bag over his head hopping and crawling up the snow hill with his snowboard.

LMBO!

Elizabeth said...

I like the popcorn one, I really did crack a tooth on a kernel once. It hurt like crazy!

Candie Bracci said...

Yeah those are great inventions McGyver! :D

VE said...

incredible woody - I liked the partially popped ones too, but not the unpopped ones

quickroute - Ha! That's a twisted thought! I probably would keep a bag over my head if I had to hope and crawl...especially in my swimsuit!

elizabeth - See...I could have saved that tooth!

candie - Yeah, I probably could have done the McGyver thing...but I always get injured or in some ridiculous predicament anyway...

Nessa said...

I need the last one. Hurry up and invent.

leelee said...

I could use 1 & 2 for sure...I am a pretty quick texter, but..my fingers are way too big for those tiny keys..

And those "cornels"<--perfect word..are real killers!

Great ideas VE!!

HUGS!

ReformingGeek said...

Those are great. I was the snowboard thing. Let's make it work for skis, too!

VE said...

reforminggeek - It could work for skis but I find that most ski situations they can either glide up through without need it or skate up the finally push. There's certainly no reason a skiier couldn't use one too given the need.

leelee said...

don't dis me VE!

HUGS!

VE said...

leelee - Sorry about that. I usually sweep through and check to see if there was somebody I missed. A lot of times people are commenting when I am replying to comments and don't catch them. I had an earlier invention for a holographic keyboard that could be projected onto any surface and actually used like a real keyboard but then somebody came along and created one. Check off that idea! Oh well...

freetheunicorns said...

I'll numero uno seeing as how I have sausage fingers and typing on my miniature phone is drag. Most of the time, my message look like I'm dyslexic.

lime said...

i'd have paid quite a hefty sum to procure that last invention last week when i was trapped in the automated phone menu from hell.

Sarah said...

I could see that bowl being sold on TV by that guy who hosts the Shamwow! commercials :) I would buy one!

VE said...

feetheunicorns - I've kept a phone with fat keys simply because I can't hit those little keys. This would alleviate that

lime - Isn't that the most infuriating thing ever? I hate it!

sarah - Is that the guy that always shouts? Either way, you're probably right!

Nessa said...

leelee, he skipped me too. What's up wth that?

Sarah said...

Well there is the bearded guy who shouts - he does oxyclean etc. This guy wears a headset and has a smarmy look about him. :)

VE said...

nessa - How'd you get in there? Maybe something is wrong with my blogger? I had a problem once awhile ago where I just lost a whole bunch of comments to a post. Never did figure that one out either. For that last one I'll bet it is possible to do. The question really is...is it possible to actually get through a systm to anyone?

VE said...

quirky - Sorry about that...I referenced you as quickroute. Maybe my medication is wearing off today...I'm so lost...

VE said...

sarah - Oh yeah, the Oxyclean guy is somebody like Billy Miles or similar. I'm not sure if I know the other one; but I watch only one show on TV so go figure...

cathouse teri said...

You are so silly!

VE said...

teri - Silly is as silly does!

Kurt said...

I have just filed patents on all of these. Thank you very much.

Janna said...

I could definitely use the phone thing. I absolutely despise those automated chambers of hell where you're lost in an eternity of hitting "1" for this, "6" for that, "4" for this, "9" for that...
Just gimme a human being.
People annoy me, and yet I'm oddly dependent on them at the same time.
Clearly I need therapy, or chocolate, or something like that.

Serena said...

Excellent inventions! I'd pay a lot for that last one.:)

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Hope you do!

Dalton J. Fox said...

I would so buy that popcorn thing.

Megan said...

Damn you, Kurt!

Roy Scribner said...

Isn't customer service just one of those old urban myths from the 80's?

Brian Miller said...

I'm totally in for purchasing your phone system and text fingers...can i get a package deal?

VE said...

kurt - Ok, just give me a low interest loan when you are rich

janna - Maybe the phone system should dispense chocolate...

serena - It is an infuriating process

perpetual - Yeah, but I'm too lazy

dalton - Me too!

megan - You were wanting to exploit me first, weren't you?

roy - I thought the 80s were a myth...

brian - That seems fair...

Alex L said...

I haven't had popcorn in years...

Ronda Laveen said...

Mark Cuban is offering to back good entrepenurial ideas he deems possible of success. I think you got a couple here.

I like #2. My dentist has a nice new car due to unpopped kernels and carmels.

VE said...

alex - Well get popping! We seem to use corn for everything in the USA these days.

ronda - Carmels huh? Yeah...they seem to envelope around a tooth and just 'yank'...