Tuesday, April 14, 2009

VE's Ridiculous Scenario Game - Round 3

Welcome to round two of VE’s Ridiculous Scenario Questions Game.But before we get to this week's scenario, let's give our last week's scenario contributors credit:

Matt-man was A (problem o'solved one)
Moooooog35 was B (shit myself one)
Chris Wood was C (divorce one)
G-Man was D (Back-Off...nobody gets hurt one)
Uncivil was E (Obama Sucks T-Shirt one)
Quickroute was F (F*ck instead of Suck one)

Give them all a nice round of applause because they were awesome and completely ridiculous! I love it! And Halle Barry still has her skirt ripped off from the first round scenario so she'll be giving the sponge baths this round.

Ok, now on to scenario two:

Remember, contestants were given a random question via email awhile back. If you didn’t get one it’s because you don’t have any contact email on your blog. Sorry! Meanwhile…those that did get one and didn’t bother to call the police or delete it have returned these follow up scenarios. Let’s forget about who wrote what and you tell me which is the best based on the content.

You’re farming on Jupiter and your prized tomatoes are bursting from the crushing gravity. It’s your last chance on earning enough for a ticket back to claim your winning lotto ticket. What do you do?

A.

Stephen R. Covey taught me not to make my circle of concern larger than my circle of influence. I cannot influence the forces of gravity. But I'm sure there are may Jupiterians who would gladly loan me the spaceship fare in return for 5% of my lotto winnings

B.

You know I could get all scientific on you. But I will suspend belief about certain things, like the planet is nothing but a huge ball of hydrogen gas, covered in huge, thick layers of ammonium clouds, with a gravitational pull of 2.5 times that of earth. Not to mention the fact that Jupiter has no surface. It's "surface" in nothing but liquid metallic hydrogen.

So, really, why would I be growing tomatoes? I would like to imagine that I came up with a really profitable liquid metallic hydrogen mining and import business. My business would be run like the Godfather movies. I'd be rich and powerful. A tribute to my Sicilian ancestors who were....ummmm....used car salesmen.

C.

I would make spaghetti sauce and have a spaghetti dinner.

D.

Obviously I whip up a batch of my prized chunky tomato and noxious gas spaghetti sauce, which I promptly sell to gullible Jupitians, thereby earning myself enough money to blow that gas house and claim my winnings.

E.

As you know, Jupiter has the best home improvement store in the universe, Honey-Do My Ass, dedicated to all people regardless of their gender, who need some time away from home. For a small fee, which they will gladly put on your revolving credit line at only a 79.13% APR, they will handle all of your repair needs while you belly up to the bar in their dank and dark cocktail lounge (sex with casually strangers is optional.)

I hustled myself over there on Saturday, with an undoctored photo of my ripe, red fruit. One look at those babies and the clerk whipped it out.

I signed the contract giving them a 90% share of my special retirement fund (after taxes, naturally.)

They sent a team of Three-Horned, Martian Leprechauns to envelope those beauties in rainbows that would hold the plants aloft until such a time as they could be safely and legally pluck from the vine.

This freed me up to hop a shuttle directly to the main Lotto Office located on Uranus. I redeemed my millions. Unfortunately, I did not know my creditors had implanted me with a tracking/explosive device, so when I did not show to give them their portion, I imploded.

F.

Since Jupiter is mostly gaseous, you've clearly created a magical tomato growing garden in gas. This alone is enough to win the money, but don't waste your money on a ticket back to claim your lotto ticket; instead use the bursting tomatoes as jet propulsion to get back for the lotto ticket. Buying a ticket back to Jupiter is far too much.

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There you have it. Six ridiculous replies to a ridiculous scenario. So you tell me which you liked (and why if you'd like it). There are no popularity votes here. There isn't even necessarily any winners here either. Just wacky stuff. Next week I'll give you another ridiculous scenario...

43 comments:

Quirkyloon said...

A

I like Stephen Wright. He's a cool cat.

lime said...

B....the reach of the mob never ceases to amaze me...and i don't want my kneecaps broken.

Dalton J. Fox said...

I'm thinking B, although they were all really good.

The Incredible Woody said...

A - I love circles!

Nessa said...

Covey does know from wherefore he speaks.

Jacki said...

D.

Beth said...

This is your craziest question - to date.
I'm going with D. It appeals to my practical nature. (As practical as one can be with a scenario of growing tomatoes on Jupiter.)

ReformingGeek said...

I'm going to have to go with A as it fits my mood this morning!

Matt-Man said...

A is funny in a an inane yet logical way. But I was more amused by the wording of the question:

"your prized tomatoes are bursting from the crushing gravity."

That struck me funny. Cheers VE!!

Matt-Man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
VE said...

quirky - Ha! You goof! Stephen Covey is a little bit of a different guy than Stephen Wright. Or maybe not...

lime - Wise decision...those mob guys are so serious...

dalton - Letting the criminal in you sneak out a bit, eh?

incredible woody - Like the circle of life...awww

nessa - That's a good thing because if he were in Mongolia nobody would understand a damn thing he said in English...

jacki - Oh sure, be brief. I'll let you off this time only because you're moving...

beth - Yes D is where they get all scientific on me. Like that's gonna work...

reforminggeek - It appears to be the anti-power one. The willow bending in the wind version. Never mind...I don't know what I'm talking about.

matt-man - Thanks...that's what started the whole scenario...I just thought it was funny.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I like F. That's thinking outside the box, or tomato carton as it may be.

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - You can't go wrong with magic tomatoes!

Elizabeth said...

I like C. A simple easy answer to a problem.

VE said...

Elizabeth - Given that these are made from products on Jupiter, I hope the meal isn't too heavy...

Gladys said...

I choose E. Yeah E that looks like a good one. Ok NONE of them look good but E. Unless of course I could choose G.

justacoolcat said...

I love the idea, but I was actually in the group that called the police; well DHS technically.

VE said...

gladys - G is always an option when dealing with ridiculous fictional scenarios set on another planet...

justacoolcat - It warms my heart that you care enough to turn me in for the betterment of society at large...

Kurt said...

Oops- you forgot my answer.

Ronda Laveen said...

VE! Where in the world or special lobe of your whacked brain do you think of this stuff?

Okay, when I started out I loved A, then I loved B, then I loved C, then I loved D, then I loved E, then I loved F. All of the responses were EXCELLENT and a pleasure to read.

I don't want to pick a favorite but I don't want to be indecisive either. I had to base my decision on my tie breaker question. If I were in the same situation, who would I pick as being an absolutely essential team member. E, I go with E. That is one resourceful individual. Except for that imploding part but then I would be there to scam the money he couldn't.

Off to finish my taxes. My mantra for the day. So far, all I've done is repeat it not act on it. But I am changing that right now. I mean it. I really do.

Megan said...

I like all of them.

The Self-Deprechaun said...

HAHA this is a funny question. i should put my email on my blog.

Serena said...

Something about E just naturally appealed to me. Is that too weird?

Roy Scribner said...

I thought Jupiter was a prison planet? You can't grow tomatoes on a prison planet! You think they got tomatoes in Gitmo? I wonder if they play the lotto in Gitmo?

Jaime said...

A, anyone who could work Steven Covey into this response deserves my vote

VE said...

kurt - Double oops...no I didn't!

ronda - See now I consider taxes much more bizarre than growing tomatoes on Jupiter!

megan - And that is your right! No mandatory selection here!

self deprechaun - Be sure to include that personal one from Mom too. That should entertain us...

serena - You like the 79% interest rate, don't you?

roy - Ha! I agree, there are no tomatoes in Gitmo.

jaime - You gotta admit, that IS ridiculous...

Maureen said...

I liked them all, but anything with explosions/implosions has my vote... so E it is.

Kurt said...

I found my answer - it's the one I wrote.

VE said...

maureen - So that's why you have to be so far North, eh?

kurt - It's all so clear now, isn't it? ;)

Janna said...

D: "chunky tomato and noxious gas spaghetti sauce..."Sounds suspiciously similar to my recipe for chili.

Janna said...

I also like D because it's fun to say the word "Jupitians".

Over and over and over again.

VE said...

janna - That's why I went with spaghetti on Jupiter. I don't want to know what happens with Chili!

VE said...

janna - Oh, and Jupitians...is that the right word? I thought it was Jupitlings?

Wow said...

I think A is funny

VE said...

Wow - As a letter? Well yes...it is!

Anonymous said...

Jupiter will perish in the end

Chris Wood said...

A for sure. Stephen Wright + strange gases = victory.

VE said...

anon - I think you've actually lived on Jupter there buddy...

chris - Is it my vision? Everyone keeps seeing Stephen Wright and not Stephen Covey. Are they the same person? That would explain some things about organizational behavior...

HEW said...

I knew somebody would mention Uranus!

VE said...

hew - They did? I don't tend to talk about my butt much...

Mrsupole said...

C is the one that made me laugh, I am not sure why, maybe because it was short and sweet. Simple is good.

VE said...

mrsupole - It is the simplist. Of course, they're stuck on Jupiter and lose out on the lotto money. But they have a nice dinner I guess...

Bonnie the Boss said...

Great awnsers, I never would have been able to come up with that! I like the imploding one!