Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Get Abstract

Whenever you are running out of blog post material you should just go peruse one of those Airline Sky Mall catalogues. They are a wealth of humor material and ideas.

Take their “getAbstract Biz Book summeries” service. Here’s their description:

Get savvy in 10 minutes - with the world's leading business book summary company.

getAbstract is the most efficient way to absorb the key ideas of today's best business books. Our top-notch editorial team reads through thousands of books and picks out the very best. Forget all the hot-air books that are not worth your time. We select the ones that really make a difference.

Next, we write a crisp, clear five-page summary you can read in less than 10 minutes. The perfect length to deliver the book's main ideas, and packed full of relevant insights.


There are so many fantastical things about this concept.

First of all, I like how somebody is deciding for you which are the good books and which are the hot air books. Perhaps they should do that with my movies, my fiction, my music, my choice of restaurants. Hell, why don’t they just come over and change my diaper?

Next, I like the notion of the “crisp, clear, five-page summary”. Does their competition deliver these on uncrisp medium? Because crisp is the key factor for me when given a 5 page summary report. If that paper isn’t crisp, I’m not going to read it!

Perhaps I should go into business offering a 1 page summary of their 5 page crispness! You know, who has time to dedicate 10 minutes to read an entire 5 pages anymore. I’ll advertise to the really time managed and ADD folks.

Maybe we should expand the concept even more. How about this?

Don’t have time for good parenting? User our patented 10 minute Mom Advice session series or try our award winning Dad’s Facts-of-Life series. This will allow you even more Reality TV time without the guilt of messed up children.

40 comments:

Beth said...

Yeah, right. If we could all “get savvy in 10 minutes” the world wouldn’t be in the financial/business mess it is.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

You wear a diaper;-)

VE said...

beth - Stupid is as stupid does. Those that got us into this financial mess were stupid...and greedy.

perpetual chocoholic - Only on formal occasions...

Kurt said...

You wear a diaper?

lime said...

how about some soggy business advice perhaps?

Candie Bracci said...

Yes,it's better to laugh about all this!

Jacki said...

I don't need 10 minutes to give out mom advice...just crack them across the ass when they get sassy. Works every time.

Quirkyloon said...

Aw forget Dad's Facts-of-Life series...just make the kidlets watch Facts of Life sit com.

I learned everything I needed to know from that show. If it was good enough for me...then it's good enough for my kidlets!

Ha!

Elizabeth said...

I want the audio CD of your 1 page summary of their 5 page repot.

Roy Scribner said...

I couldn't find my way out of a paper bag until I started reading VE's blog each morning. Now I do most of my drinking out of a paper bag.

Quickroute said...

can you make it a 30 second podcast - I have a short attention span

Jaime said...

all this talk about crispness has me craving potato chips

VE said...

kurt - Only on formal occassions

lime - Soggy business advice... hmmm... Oh, I got one... never turn your manager's diploma into a penis oragami! That's good advice! Ok, it isn't crisp or soggy... just common sense.

candie - I'm amused with so many mundane things it seems

jacki - Crack that whip! Great, now you've put the Devo song into my head. Thanks!

quirkyloon - Can I still dream of kicking Bob Sagat around like a hacky-sack though?

elizabeth - Would you like that sped up in an mp3 format so it can be played in 10 seconds?

roy - Drinking out of paper bags...It's a known side effect of reading my blog. The gnomes think its hilarious...

quickroute - For you I'll put it into your next fortune cookie fortune...

jaime - Funny how that word is associated with potato chips. I thought of that too. We've obviously been conditioned by the same advertising...

moooooog35 said...

Mom advice session?

Jesus H. Christ.

Moms are always wrong.

This is why I use the Magic 8 Ball.

Maureen said...

Har! Love your idea to "go into business offering a 1 page summary of their 5 page crispness!"

Reminds me of the guy in There's Something About Mary who wants to put out a "7-Minute Abs" video....

ReformingGeek said...

I'll really be concerned when you start offering 2-second summaries of all the blogs you read!

Ronda Laveen said...

Oh...savvy! Without my glasses,I thought you meant gravy in 10 minutes. I'm always interested in short cutting those ol' drudgery tasks.

But really, how can anyone get savvy in 10? That's part of the big problem we're in currently. The mindset that immediate, uneducated gratification and greed are desirable states of being. VE, with this post, I think you humorously single out a very serious issue. Am I alone on this?

Gladys said...

This sounds like good bathroom reading material. A bunch of s**t.

I do however love the fact that 5 pages is a 'short' summary.

Dalton J. Fox said...

Well, I was going to comment about the fact that you wear a diaper, but a few people already beat me to it.

I like the idea of doing a summary of their crisp summary. You could even make it crispier. That'll show them.

Serena said...

I guess there's Cliff Notes for everything these days. Um, what's this diaper business?!

VE said...

moooooog35 - I just simpify and go. Rule 1, do as I say. Rule 2, follow rule 1.

maureen - You mean you think I'm just like the psychopathic killer giving hitchhikers rides? How far North do you live? ;)

reforminggeek - That's a great idea. Look for it next week!

ronda - I'm sorry, you needed to get your point across in 10 words or less. I didn't get my immediate gratification! ;)

gladys - Well...if you're reading Atlas Shrugged or War and Peace it is...

dalton - Genius. I'll put it right on the product... "New and Crispier"...

VE said...

serena - Clearly there is a diaper fixation among my readers. I don't think I'm going to be able to convince many of them that was a metaphor!

Ronda Laveen said...

(1)Rise (2)and (3)Fall (4)of
(5)Civilizations. (6)Want (7)some (8)chips (9)with (10)that?

Nessa said...

I always prefer my knowledge cribbed by complete strangers.

VE said...

ronda - OH! Now I get it. To quote Charlie Brown... "we're doomed" ...pass the chips...

nessa - They will decide the best knowledge for you of course...

Hit 40 said...

Jaime (with wine glass pic) sent me over here... I did a post on monopoly today. She said you did one too. Just crazy!!! I like your monopoly post better!!!

I am going to have to bookmark you....

Hit 40 said...

I have to warn you... I am in a cranky mood about my hubby lately. Ignore my man bashing. It will pass. The wizard of otin will tell you that I am harmless.

VE said...

hit40 - Welcome! I always reply to comments. I'll go check out your Monopoly post here in a moment.

hit40 - Man-bash away...I've probably seen and heard it all...

Janna said...

Ooooh, so for people who have no time to actually read full-length blog posts, someone could invent a micro-blogging site where you just type in short sentences of 140 characters or less, and... and, gee, we could call it, oh, I dunno, "Twitter", or something like that.

Oh. wait...

Ronda Laveen said...

Here you go VE, here's the chips.

Janna, I love your idea but can we morph it down to a teenie, weenie, miny micr0-blog of ten words or less, for immediate gratification, of course, and call it TWIT?

Megan said...

You wear a diaper?

VE said...

Janna - Word! (I'd say more but I'm going ultra-minimalist)

megan - They're actually quite comfy... ;)

VE said...

ronda - Thanks for the chips! Yum!

gab said...

10 mins to read 5 pages? are they doubled spaced? are they BOLD typed? cause if not it's gonna take me 20 mins or more to read 5 pages. Ok let me fix that if Im here alone I might be able to read it in 10 mins but if the grandkids are here (when arent they here?) then forget it. Its gonna take me at least 20 to 30 mins or more to read 5 whole pages. And learn something? or get a better understanding of our world ummmmmm maybe......but when you get interrupped every 2 seconds with grannnnnndddddddmaaaaaaa he took my toy or what ever Im gonna be lucky if I can remember the first word let alone 5 pages worth! and hey do you see what word has stuck? gonna...I hear that word so often from grands that I know include it in my every day speach. But grandddddddmmmmmmmmaaaaa I was gonna do it.

VE said...

gab - I'll send you the 5 pages on how to properly duct tape grandchildren to the outside of your home...

Wow said...

Can I order chicken crispers with my crisp summary?

VE said...

wow - If you go to Chillis you can!

Alien Humor said...

I missed this post. It assumes people still read, of course.

Alien Humor said...

I missed this post. It assumes people still read, of course

VE said...

alien humor - Man...talk about going far back! And twice! See...I still read...