Friday, June 12, 2009

Expanding the Dummies Line

You know, the “For Dummies” series of books have been out for many years now. The problem with that is that they’re getting saturated in terms of what subjects to write about now. If you cannot grow a franchise, what good is it? So VE has come to their rescue with some other possibilities.

First, I recommend we go after some of the more lofty subjects. Here’s one:

Then we could address an entire new series I call the “God’s Miracles” series. You know; basic miracles like the parting of the seas. Or this:

Finally, we need to explore the darker side. I suggest titles like this:

That can easily be expanded to include Somalian Pirating, Gorilla Sieges, Dictatorships, Foreign Kidnappings and Suicide Bombings. Many desperate people are inquiring about these career fields.

Yes, all the dummy publishing people need to do is come to me when they are out of ideas…

42 comments:

Roy Scribner said...

I'm really looking for information on "Humor Blogging for Dummies", oh wait...

Maureen said...

Ha! Love the "How to avoid common overuses of the power".

Obviously you are making good use of your "Photoshop for Dummies" book.

Kurt said...

When to shoot a customer and when not to, indeed.

Quirkyloon said...

How to set up vendor fare in gorilla zones?

What they looking for a good churro booth?

heh heh heh

VE said...

roy - Actually, check the www.humorbloggers.com web site. I did one for their help section.

maureen - I know, without it I'd be lost! ;)

kurt - I'll admit, it's a fine line...

quirky - Ha! Everyone wants a good churro...even terrorists.

subtorp77 said...

You're too late on the war one, VE. I think Halliburton already pubbed it!***rimshot***

Gladys said...

I think the goverment needs to read the last one. I personally like the first one. If I read it would I then get to be on Ofra? I mean Okra, I mean Oprah?

Nessa said...

I could use some extra cash. When does the last one come out?

Mrsupole said...

These are some very needed "Dummies" books, I am sure the publishers are salivating as they read this. Your phone will be ringing off the hook.

These are funny and I enjoyed them all. And they could use these for real.

God bless.

Mrs. R said...

Okay, I came here going to make a comment about how someone had already come up with the last one because George W. had to get his ideas from somewhere, but subtorp77 beat me to it.

Elizabeth said...

Now you'll have to help the copycat series too, "The Idiots Guide to..."

ReformingGeek said...

That's great, VE, but you forgot "How to Eat Humans for Dummies", a Zombie's guide to quick nutritional meals on a budget!

VE said...

subtorp77 - Damn...I should have known

gladys - Good one. When does TV ever care about total consciousness? Look at reality TV!!!

nessa - On Sunday, bloody Sunday

mrsupole - The water/wine thing would be convenient. Ever see how much they charge for some of those wines?

mrs r - It's ok...just pretend he didn't! They did that when they restarted the Batman series again. "No...there were never 6 other movies..."

elizabeth - I'm afraid I'm still just a dummy. I can't seem to pass the test to be a full-blown idiot...

reforminggeek - Ha! I like it! Careful though...dummies can get so angry...you're customer service will be besieged...

Beth said...

That Miracle Series? I’d like one about the loaves and fishes.
For my next dinner party, I wouldn’t have to grocery shop, cook or hire a caterer. Two items on the menu is good enough for me.

VE said...

beth - Excellent idea. Plus, you'd already have the wine from the kitchen faucet to add to the dinner...

Jaime said...

sign me up for the water into wine series. after this week, i could use an unlimited supply of wine!

Chris Eldin said...

OMG, These are hysterical!!! Twisted, but funny.
:-)

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

What about How to use Dummies for Dummies.

VE said...

jaime - You have the appropriate blog for it!

chris - I'm always a bit twisted!

perpetual - Then you have to go to the full bore idiots guides...

Janna said...

Never mind turning water into wine; I'd be happy if I could just heal myself of this lousy cold/flu thing I've got.

Just when I think it's going away, it comes back.

I could write my own book: "Copious Waterfalls Of Snot For Dummies".

Hopefully the pages won't stick together.

VE said...

janna - Bummer on the cold. You could make that book on tissue and then when you're done...just blow!

Ronda Laveen said...

Re: "Consciousness for Dummies." Are dummies conscious enough to even understand this?

Re: "Water into Wine for Dummies: Biblical Parlor Tricks Edition." Does this new edition include the secret to the Immaculate Conception? I'm pretty sure there must have been wine involved.

Re: "War Profiteering for Dummies: Really Big Guns Edition." FINALLY! I have been waiting for those big guns forever.

Ronda Laveen said...

Is the wine image on the Water into Wine manual for Jaime's Red Red Whine?

VE said...

ronda - I don't know that dummies can achieve consciousness enough to achieve total consciousness...a vicious cycle...

ronda - It seems fitting, doesn't it?

Uncivil said...

Good ones VE
Send Obama...Bailouts for Dummies!

EmmaK said...

What about For Men for Dummies: How to read a shopping list and come home with what was on it and not some generic brand of cheese

subtorp77 said...

EmmaK does make a point. I mean generic cheese? ***GAG***

gab said...

The first time I heard someone say a book for dummies on how to do something I thought they were joking. Little did I know and there are so many of them out there. I need your first one as there are days when I dont think Im conscious.

VE said...

uncivil - Ha...I knew you couldn't resist!

emmak - We'd just come back with a new cell phone....

subtorp77 - Cheese? We cut the cheese; we don't buy it!

subtorp77 said...

VE, ooh-ooh that smell...( analyse that one; request, request! )

VE said...

subtorp77 - Ah...Lynryrd Skynyrd...good call!

Alan Smithee said...

You could write the Dummies Book Ideas for Dummies.

VE said...

alan - True...I'm full of dumb ideas!

Megan said...

I want a bonus poster of infinity! Will it fit in a 2 bedroom apartment?

VE said...

megan - No..but it will fit in an infinity bedroom apartment. I think the rent is higher on those though...

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

Hey, you just gave me a great idea. If I fill my toilet with wine, my dog will be permanently sloshed and sleep all day....so, that's one less responsibility for me! I wonder if she would be a happy drunk?

Alex L said...

Is there one on 'reading'... I think I need to start at the beginning

VE said...

arizona - You'd just end up cleaning up wine urine wherever she peed while sloshed...

alex - There's one on where to find and buy dummies books...

Wow said...

alien humor - Can I get the summary for the dummies books? I don't have time for the full blown versions.

VE said...

wow - Good call! I still need to start that business too. All these imaginary businesses are really taking up my time. I'll have to hire an imaginary manager...

Dee said...

can I get a copy of that last book!> ?

VE said...

dee - As with all my books, it's in process...