Saturday, June 27, 2009

What's New in the News

Hey, I’ll bet you didn’t know Michael Jackson died. His Thriller album sells more than 50 million but his death announcement gets out to 6 billion in a matter of minutes. Now word has it that he’s got one last fun game for us to play even though he’s dead. Like Willy Wonka before him, Michael had placed all of his former plastical surgery body parts somewhere in the world and only 212 lucky people will find them. Rumor has it that somebody in Sri Lanka has already found Michael’s former skin color. I’m betting that his nose will be the grand prize…
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There’s a preview for the new movie “2012” out now. That’s the date that the Mayans ended their calendar and predicted the end of the world. Now personally I think the calendar maker was just lazy and used that as a way to get out of making more calendars. Heck, I would have used that excuse too! I mean, how can we take their prediction serious? They sort of weren’t too good about predicting the onslaught of European’s wiping out their culture. THAT might have been a good one to predict early.

But back to this movie. It’s made by the same guy that gave us “The Day After Tomorrow” and “Armageddon.” I'm getting a sense that this director likes making these disaster end-of-the-world movies. Of course, if the movie depicts the end of the world, doesn’t that sort of spoil the ending? Do you think they’ll be a sequel to the end of the world?
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Leave it to Michael Jackson to take the wind out of Farrah Fawcett’s death sail. Poor Farrah; she just couldn’t seem to ever get another break. She died of anal cancer after a very public and brave battle. No, she didn’t wear the “Having anal cancer is a pain in the butt” T-shirt I would have worn had I been in her place, but still. Plus, she never even got to marry Ryan O’Neil; not that that is such a big loss. I think she played that one right. Ryan isn’t exactly a big winner these days…
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And then there's this bit of news...

The mystery of crop circles in poppy fields in Australia's southern island state of Tasmania has been solved -- stoned wallabies are eating the poppy heads and hopping around in circles. "We have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," the state's top lawmaker Lara Giddings told local media on Thursday. "Then they crash. We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high," she said.
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Ok, I’m failing to see what all the big mystery was all about. The only mystery to me is why there wasn’t any munchies left over at the scene…

45 comments:

Hit 40 said...

Doesn't Australia have any fanatical Muslims to harvest the poppy crop??? Poor kangaroos

Bunk Strutts said...

Snarkiest MJ blog post title I've seen so far was by raincoaster:

"He Stopped. He Got Enough."

Runner up was:

"Wacko Jacko, Heart Attacko."

subtorp77 said...

VE, wot only 212? And what's with all these disaster movies? They trying to resurrect Irwin Allen?( or is he still round-I'd check but the 'net will prob'ly crash...again. Thank you M.J. )I mean, the Chinese have had their calendar for over 4,700 years, so wot's the big deal?( didn't think that was a surprise, did you? )

Too, you're a bit late on the poppy-roos( Baino's got ya beat on that one in her "Friday's F**kwits" post )But you do give it a bit of zip.

And hey! Everbody's already forgotten about Ed McMahon?

Janna said...

The world will end in 2012?
Will another one start immediately afterward?
Should I pack a set of clean underwear?

VE said...

hit40 - I think there Kangaroos might outnumber people

bunk - Yes, heavy blog fodder that one was. I like that runner-up!

subtorp77 - Ha! This is what happens when I tap into current topics!

janna - They probably won't even have underwear in the new world. Just like them to keep you guessing...

Quirkyloon said...

Bring on 2012!

I say let the end begin.

It's either that or Zombie Apocalypse.

Either one works for me. Ha!

Dalton J. Fox said...

Hmm. Crop circles were always rumored to be made by alien spaceships. Wallabies have now been making crop circles. So, wallabies are aliens?

Maxi Cane said...

Hi there, Baino suggested I come over and have a look here.

I do feel sorry for Farrah, but not so much.
I was due to star in a film with her and it was going to be my big break. I was all set to go to London, be a film star and take the world by storm.
Then she died and ruined my plans.

Actually ruined doesn't quite do it, she fucking rectum.

Nessa said...

Poor Farah. Always a runner up, regardless of how well she acts.

zelzee said...

If the world is going to end in 2012, I am going to stop dieting and start smoking again!
I would add start drinking, but I never stopped.

VE said...

quirkyloon - I know, you keep waiting for the zombies. You need to go see Zombieland when it comes out! That has you written all over it...

dalton - Excellent logical deduction. And wrong of course. You must work in the science community... ;)

maxi - Ha! The gnomes warned me there'd be a punch line here. And how can you not laugh at rectum jokes?

nessa - Yeah...those millions she had were just not enough... ;)

VE said...

zelzee - See, it's almost liberating to know the world is going to end soon...well...until it does that is

ReformingGeek said...

A world without MJ and Farrah? Bring on 2012.

As for the drugged marsupials, sounds like fun. Wheeeeeee!

Uncivil said...

Hey, this is the latest Wacko Jacko joke goin' around the interweb!

"Michael Jackson will not be cremated because his body is mostly plastic. He will be melted down into Lego’s so kids can play with him for a change."

VE said...

reforminggeek - Yes, I think I need a pilgrimage to Tasmania. I wanna make crop circles too

uncivil - Classic!

Elizabeth said...

My husband asked me to help him with something yesterday and I said;
"I can't, I'm watching Filipino prisoners dance a tribute to a montage of Micheal Jackson songs and now they're on 'We Are The World'!"
He looked at me like I was weird. What a strange weekend.

lime said...

what a weird set of news items. heck, around her ewe just get squirrels chewing up the pot crop.

VE said...

elizabeth - Well...ya gotta admit that did sound weird. The gnomes approve...

lime - And...you were expecting something not weird here?

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I think I've enjoyed the comments as much as the posts!

If the world ends in 2012 who'll feed my fish?

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - God or Satan I suppose...

Ronda Laveen said...

Actually, I heard a tweet that MJ was spotted in those poppy fields just prior to his untimely demise.

The Incredible Woody said...

And now Billy Mays! When will the madness end? 2012?

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

Micheal Jackson died?

Gladys said...

Yes but now Billy Mays has died so I'm sure that news will overtake the whole MJ debacle.

Poor MJ I mean now that he's dead everyone is forgetting how he REALLY became a household name....on Chris Hanson's "To Catch A Predator".

OK so I'm going to jail for speaking ill of the pedophile dead guy.

Gladys said...

oops I meant to say HELL not jail...Jail is where pedaphiles go before they go to HELL>

Jaime said...

i am SO tired of hearing about michael jackson. with all the fanfare surrounding his death, you'd think he was the pope or president or something.

Baino said...

Just had to go there dint you!!!

Hey, so you didn't read my post on Friday Fuckwit! Did the happy poppy hoppies!

Chris Wood said...

Jacko died? No way.

And that Farrah Fawcett T-shirt idea ... awesome thinking, sir!

subtorp77 said...

@jaime, I'm with you on that one. Cripes, the Kennedys never got this much coverage( combined! )

VE, was just listening to the telly ( Mom does play it a bit loud ). they were gonna do a report on Billy Mays but cut to...you guessed it...

Mrsupole said...

Hey I thought the poppies 'were' the munchies.

And okay I wasn't going to post this joke going around, but I guess I have to.

"On the morning when Farrah died, she went to Heaven's Gate. God told her she could have one wish granted before she entered. She asked God if he could make the world safe for all the children of the world. So God killed Michael Jackson."

And okay, I know I should not talk ill of the dead, so I want to apologize. I want to tell Farrah that I am sorry to link her name in a joke with MJ. There I apologized and I am proud I did it. I really gotta stop eating those poppies.

Chester, Chester has died and life is good. It really is a waste of talent. And the prison video is great fun to watch, except the warden forces the people to participate and so they are all slave labor entertaining the world. That part sucks. Damn warden. Damn, I need to stop eating those damn poppies, uh, what was it I was writing about again. A piece of chcolate cake, oh yeah!

God bless.

Roy Scribner said...

212 body parts and the world ends in 2012 - coincidence?

VE said...

ronda - I hope he wasn't fondling the wallabies...

incredible woody - They both died mysteriously at 50...coincidence?

arizona - Well, except for his secret clone that will be taking over and performing the London concerts...

gladys - You have to go to jail even after you die? ;)

gladys - Oh...hell. Pretty much the same thing...

jaime - Wait until his clone shows up in a big media announcement...

baino - Ok, let me go check that out. I did have to go there, by-the-way...

chris - Yeah, I'm crass and tasteless so I can pull off a T-shirt like that...

subtorp77 - I don't know...next thing you know Abe Vigoda will actually die... Or maybe they'll keep cutting to MJ's death for every single person that dies from now on...

mrsupole - Ha! Good one. And I have yet to see the prison video. I'm stubborn that way...

roy - OMG...it's the true Armegeddon. How did the Mayan's know of Michael and how did they know he'd hide his boyd parts?

Dee said...

Farrah's death was sad......

VE said...

dee - Most deaths are...

Jeff said...

And now poor Fred Travalina just passed away today too. He barely got 5 minutes on Yahoo News.

Serena said...

Thank GOD I now know where those crop circles in the poppy fields came from. Do wallabies bite? I may join them.

VE said...

jeff - And even weirder was that he was on a sitcom with Farrah and Ryan Oneil back in the early 90s. I smell conspiracy brewing...

serena - I don't they bite but they might kick you a few times...

Megan said...

If there's a piece buried under his star on the walk of fame, no one is ever going to be able to get to it now...

VE said...

megan - True...might have to wait for some time before attempting to retrieve that one. Perhaps if somebody bigger dies off...

Carla said...

What is the world coming too? Sad about Farrah.

VE said...

carla - Apparently death at 50 if we can deduce something from the MJ and Billy Mays incidents...

Brian Miller said...

sure blame it on the wallabies...

VE said...

brian - I was going to blame the aboriginees but it's so cliche

Maureen said...

So I guess I'm celebrating Christmas '12 a tad bit early that year...

VE said...

maureen - I wouldn't worry about it too much...