Friday, July 10, 2009

Generic or not Generic, that is the Question

Let me spare you the anger and agony right now. NEVER buy a generic saltine cracker! Don’t do it. Sure, they look and taste exactly the same as the famous brand (who wouldn’t pay me for product placement so I’m not going to mention their name) but they will crumble into a billion little pieces. Of course after that you’ll have to do the peanut butter “snowball” trick by rolling a ball of peanut butter across your fragmented mess until you get the proper saltine coating that will trick your mouth into thinking the cracker is still there.

Sure, other products are just fine to get the generic. That bottle marked only with “Pills” that you were going to purchase on the internet? I’m sure that will work fine for whatever disease television has convinced you of having. The fact that they have no expiration date is a bonus; it means their quality is so good that they last forever!

It’s hard to decide what to go generic with and what not to. Take the automobile…

Bob: “What are you driving these days?”

Tom: “It’s a car”

Bob: “I know that, what kind is it?”

Tom: “No, you don’t get it, that IS the brand.”

Bob: “Is that a new Toyota line? Hyundai? Ford?”

Tom: “No, it’s a generic brand. Some assembly is required.”

Bob: “Really? Who would offer something like that?”

Tom: “Costco”

I’m guessing in no time Tom will be out on a freeway laying amongst a pile of parts hoping he renewed his AAA membership. No, automobiles aren’t a good place to seek out generic.

Cereals are a funny dilemma. Do you go for the Cocoa Puffs that you know and love (and who are we kidding ourselves, you love them) or do you go for the strange generic choices. You know, the Choco Poo Pellets in the economy dog food bag down at the bottom shelf of the cereal aisle. Occasionally they’ll even have some store brand in actual cereal boxes too. Stuff like Fruity O’s designed to usurp the Fruit Loops kingdom. I’d recommend avoiding such a risky proposition. Who knows what they really put in there? How can you be sure you’re getting a quality sugar-laden chocolate puff ball of corn in each spoonful?

As far as tissues go though; buy the generics. Your nose will never know. Well, until it is red and raw that is. Don't worry....that's only during allergy and flu seasons. You have a month in the clear somewhere.

Yes, it is indeed difficult to know when to go generic and when not.

51 comments:

subtorp77 said...

I can't buy generic( unless I'm willing to consume it all )Mom is and has always been "national brand"

And I do believe there are generic cars. I should know...I own one***cough***KIA***cough***!

The Incredible Woody said...

I'm a national brand person too. Except for those really important things like prescription drugs and then I'm all about generic!!

Roy Scribner said...

I'm into generic blogging. There is a lot less pressure to perform because, hey, it's cheaper.

Matt-Man said...

We are fortunate to have a Kroger grocery stores in our area. Kroger generics are great except for one item...

NEVER use their generic condoms. The labeled price was $.89/ea. but it has ended up costing me to this point, $57,000.00

Quirkyloon said...

I thought you were considered generic in your old age. Ooops, that's geriatric, not generic.

Never mind.

hee hee

I'm still treading carefully in here.

VE said...

subtorp77 - Whenever I hear about a Kia, I immediately have the Chia Pet jingle play for it. "Ka Ka Ka Kia". Sorry...

incredible - You get them from Mexico or Canada, don't you?

roy - Ha! Yes, it is tough to keep up with the high rent bloggers...

matt-man - Just get the saran wrap and a rubber band. See...I've aready saved you 1.89 today.

quirkyloon - Ha! Careful indeed. The gnomes might replace your shampoo with generic!

Anne said...

my generic controlled substance ($7) gave me heart problems, now i have to take the name-brand stuff ($50).

your poll makes me feel old, but I guess that was the whole purpose.

I've got a "VE picture of the day" on my blog you should see.

Maureen said...

Ha!

Generic toilet paper: Nooooo

Generic saran: Yes

Generic car? My aunt had a "K" car... I always thought that was a generic one....

VE said...

anne - $50? THAT would give me heart problems!

maureen - K car? What happened to A through J, I wonder?

freetheunicorns said...

Generic is so... generic. And let's be honest, if you can't do saltine crackers, you've got issues.

freetheunicorns said...

Generic is so... generic. And let's be honest, if you can't do saltine crackers, you've got issues.

Sornie said...

My only advice is to steer clear of generic underwear.

Nessa said...

Generic tissues are made of recycled toilet paper.

Gladys said...

You might want to watch out for those generic condoms too. I have 4 kids, and married to the King of Generic brands so I'm just sayin...

Mrsupole said...

We got an HMO and they make us take generic cause it is cheaper and I mean a lot cheaper. Which is why I am always in pain and have had strokes, high blood pressure, losing all my hair, gaining freaking weight, cannot walk, stand or sit for more than a few minutes. My lungs are shot to hell. But my cholesterol is down (that pill is Brand Name). So yes I love generic.

I do buy Kirland Signature, but I am not sure if that is generic or not, but that is as close to generic that I will buy anything. And hey is all that fruit we buy from Chile, Mexico and Hondouras or anywhere south of our borders is that generic, well except bananas, because they all come from south of the border, what about the stuff we buy from China, India, Vietnam, or anywhere else, is that considered generic. Is my Honda generic if a Kia is considered generic, is my BMW generic or the Mercedes too. What is truly generic? Come on VE, you really were not too definite here. If a movie not made in Hollywood a generic movie? Stars not discovered in Hollywood are they generic stars, I mean oh yeah, that is a duh question. Sorry for that one.

So what truly is generic. Hey are we generic if our ancestors were not all born in our borders and whos borders are the non-generic borders? Man this has me stumped.

God bless. Oh and who has a generic God, the ones where they make the women cover up or the ones where they run around with nothing. And does God run around with generic or brand name clothes, or does it matter.

C said...

Ha! Great post! The comments were hilarious too!

Yeah, watch out for generic condoms...and generic toilet paper ;)

ReformingGeek said...

I bought my mom the store brand American Cheese once. To this day, she thinks I always buy store brand stuff. Um, no. I learned my lesson.

I'll think I'll set up a generic Facebook account.

Bonnie the Boss said...

Choco poo pellets, my kids love them and I never eat them so why would I care.

Ronda Laveen said...

Do NOT buy generic mayo light. Don't do it. Don't do it. I'm not sure what it is made of but the consistency is more like jello. Nothing is way better than that stuff.

I took it to work. They eat anything there.

EmmaK said...

I bought some generic washing powder liquid at Giant the other day for $2.99. Well there was a reason it was that cheap! It completely failed to wash the clothes or get rid of the odors of BO. Damn and blast those generic products! I don't think there was even a scent in it it was just old bits of soap melted down maybe.

subtorp77 said...

VE, LMAO! No apologies needed. Just don't let on to their corp HQ, they may want to use the jingle :)

lime said...

as a kid i swore i'd never buy generic tissues when i was grown because i had such awful allergies my nose spent 6 months of the year torn to bits by cheap tissues. i have held true to that. i'm all about the puffs. but not the lotion variety. those are just gross and slimy feeling.

subtorp77 said...

VE, the A-J cars did not bode well. A&B were essentially Already Broken before they hit the dealer show-rooms( Pontiac Aztec and BANTAM )
C designs were scrapped and the prototypes sent to the Crusher; except for one: Chevette
D was a Disaster( remember the Pinto? )
E=EDSEL ('nuff said there ){ref. Pontiac Aztec,which puts you back to A )
F was the Ford Focus( albeit they have improved...lately )
G-Gran Torino, prone to heavy rusting ( usually while still waiting to be purchased )
H cars weren't around that long, either ( HUPMOBILE )
I-Isetta, Italian made and out of most people's price range... in any year.
J-Pontiac J-2000( the Chevy Chevette clone...horrors! )J-6000 (Olds Cutlass clone )
The K car was the wundercar that bailed Chrysler out of the '80's (when the fed bail-out of the '70's didn't work ), along with the mini-van( both Iaccoca's doing )and there's a reason why so few are found to-day...they were generic...but I digress.

Kurt said...

Matt-man!

I remember generic food when I was a kid - labeled BEER and COLA, etc.

carlae said...

Far too late on the advice on generic saltines. I don't know what the hell I was thinking...that it would be fun to eat a pile of salty bits?

VE said...

free the unicorns - Apparently you feel as strongly as I do about good saltine crackers...you said it twice! ;)

sornie - That's good advice. Don't buy the used ones at Goodwill either...

nessa - So that is why they are off white...

glady - I've been watching them now for hours...they haven't done a thing! Oh...I guess that's the point...

mrsupole - I don't make the definitions, I just make fun of them! To me generic is anything copying a more expensive something else...

c - Yes, more goes on in the comments than the posts around here.

reforminggeek - Yes, I was just talking to her about your taste in cheeses. She thinks you buy the generic Q-tips too...

bonnie - Good point. I care though. The real ones are just too much, crunchy chocolaty. I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!

ronda - Ha! That's good advice. I'm very particular about my mayo and my chilli.

emma - See..there's the dilema. Who would have thought they could screw up laundry detergent? The trick is to have your entire wardrobe made out of fabric sheets. Then they'll always smell fresh!

subtorp77 - I wouldn't put them past it...

lime - Smart woman...your nose is smiling (no really, it is...)

subtorp77 - Hillarious. See, there you've given me an entire set of material for a post!

kurt - Don't encourage him! Yes, I remember all those very, very generic labels. At one time I had 32 different "generic" beer cans with just the word beer or light beer, different fonts and colors, etc. Weird.

carlae - Sorry I couldn't warn you sooner. Who'd have known?

Uncivil said...

Just look what all the voters did with their "generic" ballots this past election?
Your Obama stimulus ukelele is on the way!!!!LOL!!!!!

VE said...

uncivil - Excellent, it's nice and portable when I'm homeless...

Baino said...

What I don't get is why supermarkets have more than one generic brand making it hard to choose which generic to buy. There's the super cheap generic, the sort of slightly cheaper generic then the generic thats just about the same price as name brands. Can't be arsed frankly!

Elizabeth said...

Great, now I'm going to have that Chia Pet jingle stuck in my head for the rest of the night!!
:P

Maureen said...

Ha! Awesome Subtorp77!!!

Janna said...

Generic cereal is an abomination.
Generic crackers taste nothing like the real brands.

But hey, I'm ready to try the "pills"!

Hopefully by the time they arrive in the mail, I'll be able to decide what disease I have. Is it ok if I just make something up?

nursemyra said...

How about generic children?

subtorp77 said...

@nursemyra, two obscure references( well, more if you count the remakes )"Cheaper by the Dozen" & "Yours Mine & Ours"...

Carla said...

Yep, never trust what doesn't have a proper name.

subtorp77 said...

VE, just voted on your new poll. Damn, except for the sliderule, swatch and....darn I forgot already! 'Twas just one other thing...ach!

unfinishedrambler said...

Things I don't like generic: toilet paper (as many already have noted), ketchup (it's only Heinz; hate restaurants that have generic ketchup), soda (Pepsi or Coke, please, preferably Pepsi since late grandfather worked for them for 30-plus years). I'm sure there's more if I think about it, but that's it off the top of my head.

VE said...

baino - Leave it to the world to screw up the concept of generic with a bunch of variations...

elizabeth - Ha! Welcome to the club. Gg gg gg good night...

maureen - Don't encourage him! ;)

janna - Why not, seems like they did with some of those things on TV...

nursemyra - But they should come with an expiration. Once they reach teenagers, they're no good!

subtorp77 - They should combine those two movies into a comune comedy...

carla - So it's the naming of something that makes it good, huh?

subtorp77 - Probably the money wire. Seems very few people have ever used that.

unfinishedrambler - Excellent call on the ketchup...anything besides Heinz is just nasty. I'm a Pepsi guy...because I prefer to be!

subtorp77 said...

VE, HA! I remembered..'twas the straight razor( cue Sweeney Todd music )....

ettarose said...

Generic canned veggies are where all the stems and leaves go. Generic soda. Oh hell no. Pepsi or nothing. I think my life is generic.

VE said...

subtorp77 - Very few have used a straight razor...for good reason!

ettarose - Excellent...Pepsi. Good choice.

colbymarshall said...

for some reason., I read generic as, "something got left out." But my glass is half empty, so I cant say for the rest of them...

Megan said...

I still don't understand how there could even be generic vs brand name drugs. I mean, the ingredients have to be exactly the same, right? Don't they? So they're exactly the same, right? Aren't they?

What am I missing?

VE said...

colbymarshall - Something did get left out of a lot of them...quality.

megan - Apparently not...or I wouldn't have to roll my saltine crackers around with the peanut butter ball! I guess some things are subject to interpretation...

zelzee said...

Toilet paper is NOT the place to save money.
Trust me on that.

VE said...

zelzee - I have to agree with you there! Well...I wouldn't actually be with you at the time, you know.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I used to buy generic tylenol but it confused my husband to much so I quit.

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - You should have just kept the old brand name bottle and refilled it with the generic...

gab said...

I eat Lucky Charms and I tried those generic ones.....ICK!
The Doctor put me on generic meds and woo boy did I have a bad reaction. Im not taking the real stuff!

Jaime said...

i can't do generic. i'm one of those annoying people who always pay extra for the name brand because somehow it just has to be better...

VE said...

gab - Generic Lucky Charms? That ought to be illegal...

jaime - I'm that way for the most part too.