Thursday, July 23, 2009

If the Shoe Fits...

Today is Theme Thursday and the theme is SHOE. I’ve done that theme once before here. But that’s ok…VE can improvise a wholly new post on the subject.

Have you been in the malls and seen all of the designer shoes kids have to choose from these days?

It’s as if the art world has met the footwear industry. And that’s ok. But I think we need to take it one step further. We need to be extreme about this. Why? Because we do that with everything these days: It’s not enough to simply have something. It has to be extreme now! Extreme sports, extreme makeovers, extreme Jello, whatever! Let’s expand it to extreme shoes too. Let your footwear dictate who you are. That way we can walk down the street and know who you’ll be dealing with just by their footwear. Let’s take a few examples to help us bone-up on identifying people:

Now see, we know that this person is a Vegan. They prance about town eating only that which is good for you and doesn’t harm another creature. They prefer to slaughter vegetables as their source of nutrition. When they walk down a trail, their hoof shoes only make prints that nature intended; not ones with a big swoosh or Puma on them. That would be wrong.

This person has no body hair and secretly despises that reality. They desperately want the Burt Reynolds chest rug. You see it reflected in their footwear.

This person likes to step on small animals. They are cruel. Avoid these types of people.

Careful now; this could be two different types of people. Either they are one of those unlucky enough to have foot leprosy and use these to appear normal or they are the hippy type person that wants to go around barefoot but have tender feet.

Don’t worry. They aren’t always as hard as those. Take these next few. They’re fairly obvious.

A wine connoisseur

An exterminator

An environmentalist

A fisherman

See? Easy, isn't it? Now…you tell ME what the next two types of people are based on their footwear…

Challenge 1:

Challenge 2:

56 comments:

Megan said...

Must. Be. First.

I don't know why.

If the shoe fits, wear it.

Alan Burnett said...

Where on earth can I get a pair of those rat slippers from. Wonderful.

Candie Bracci said...

HA!Fantastic!lol
:)

Elizabeth said...

Oooh, I don't think a guy would wwant to play footsie with the girl wearing those last shoes. Ouch!
I hope you had a good birthday yesterday!
OK, I'm now officially going to China to meet my daughter! Bye!

Mrsupole said...

No 1.

This person likes to make paper airplanes, but cannot make them fly. So she now just wears them on her feet. She lays down on the ground and puts her feet in the air pretending that her paper airplanes are flying.

She is nuts! Oh wait those are nuts falling on her from the tree above. She just pretends that someone is trying to shoot bombs at her paper airplanes.

No. 2

This person had a father that was a porcupine and her feet are just one of the parts of her body that take after his side of the family. Her dad is very happy that a few other protruding parts of her body take after his side too. Her boyfriends have not been too happy with these parts.

The police have her under investigation for why so many of those boyfriends have ended up in the hospital. They think she just has on a pair of shoes and since each of the boyfriends has to wear eyecovers when they make love, they have not turned out to be good eyewitnesses. So the police continue to be confused and her dad just keeps laughing.

So VE, I hope you ask these women about their shoes, but you know I am right about them. And I hope I have met your challenge and then some. Well, I mean I hope I have not met these two women...they are scarey. Although somehow I think you have met them.

God bless.

Maureen said...

Sorry, but after reading the phrase "extreme Jello", I lost concentration on everything after that.... yummmmm Jello......

I hate shoe shopping. Give me my black runners (sneakers to you Yanks) and I'm happy.

Anne said...

number 2: sea urchin trainer.

Matt-Man said...

I think the first one is someone who is into origami and the second is a taxidermist who is experimenting with alternative ways to use porcupines. Cheers!!

ReformingGeek said...

So which pair do you own, VE?

As for pair #1, well, she really liked geometry.

#2 are her PMS shoes. Back off!

Jill said...

OBVIOUSLY the first one has a fondness for Origami and the second is a Naturalist!

Roy Scribner said...

I'm terrible at tests, but I think the answer is "C"?

J A Harnett-Hargrove said...

Great, imaginative pics. This reminds me of the 'handshake' series. -Jayne

Carla said...

I see I'm with a few others...that first person is into Origami. The second, probably a dominatrix or perhaps she collects sea urchins. Hmmm...not too sure.

Kurt said...

Where's the Chinese hotel?

The Incredible Woody said...

I don't know but I sure wouldn't want to get kicked by #2!

Winky Twinky said...

The first thing I thought for #1 is that she's into origamy, even though others have already said that.

#2: She's a maneater who likes to play footsies under the table ...obviously!!

Actually, I loved ReformingGeek's PMS shoes...look out!

Betsy said...

Aaack! It's too early to be laughing so hard! You definitely win first prize on this one!

VE said...

megan - Wow, you're first? I think that's a first. You may wear the prickly shoes now. Go ahead...you want to.

alan - I won't tell you...I'm not gonna rat out on the source.... ;)

candie - Thanks

elizabeth - You have fun in China. Remember, babies are ok as carry on...you don't have to check them

mrsupole - Hey, how'd you know I still do no 1 (well, I do no 2 too because...Everyone Poops...but I digress). I love the porcupine father one. I'll bet he went to Opal Nation, didn't he?

maureen - Hey, you caught on to my favorite little bit of the post! Nice. Ha...runners...you Canadians...nobody likes to run in the USA. We call them slothers...

anne - Excellent. I hear they're hard to train...

matt-man - I'm in to oragasmi...is that similar? That's a good use of porcupines from the taxidermist too. They're just so large when you use them for push pins on your bulletin board...

reforminggeek - PMS shoes. I believe that one. Yikes. As to which shoes I wear...why the grass flip flops, of course. And naturally I have an illegal immigrant mow the grass on them.

jill - I have a fondness or Coco Puffs but I don't wear them on my feet...

roy - Excellent Ve-type answer. I'm gonna copy off your paper.

j a harnett-hargrove - Ah yes, the handshakes. Like the limp vegetable one, etc. Good analogy.

carla - Ah, a dominatrix... hmmm... now I know where you disappear to from time to time. ;)

kurt - In China...

incredible woody - Maybe it's a combination of massage therapy and accupunture...

winky tinky - I believe full padding is necessary to be around no 2....

betsy - First prize? Cool. Is it like the little compass you used to get in cracker jacks?

willow said...

So exactly how long did it take you to paint that wingtip design on your feet?

Gladys said...

Challenge 1- Oragami

Challenge 2 - Cruel Shoes

VE said...

willow - It took me 1 minute and 12 seconds to find some other nut out on the internet that did it...

gladys - Ha! Cruel Shoes. You just teleported me right back to the 70s and Steve Martin!

Quirkyloon said...

This is the MOST bizzare post VE.

I like it!

Don't like ANY of the shoes though. I hate to see what you come up with for your "brassiere" post.

Eeek!

subtorp77 said...

VE, LMAO( sorry, I was looking at your picture of the day ). I like those clear sneakers in the other post...um...I mean, Princesss Cheese would like them...yeah that's it!

Challenge #1-I was going for origami but perhaps a modern art gallery owner?

Challenge#2-seriously, either a punk rocker or an S&M Diva! Or both combined...

moooooog35 said...

#1: Paper cut fetishist

#2: Mom.

The Silver Fox said...

#1 -- No idea.

#2 -- An ex-girlfriend of mine (currently in therapy).

Kate Hanley said...

This was hysterical. I can't think of anything for the two unnamed shoes but I love them all. And I'm down with extremem Jello as well. Yum!

VE said...

quirkyloon - Don't tempt me...don't tempt me.

subtorp77 - I'm thinking no. 2 probably shouldn't go white water rafting in those...

moooooog35 - Ha! No. 2 explains a lot...

Silver fox - Ha! I can see why it would be an "ex" girlfriend

kate - Who can resist extreme jello?

thinkinfyou said...

I'm going with everyone else on #1. Origami.
#2 though I think is the shoes of a dominatrix!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Once again VE you're trying to be funny and I find myself really, REALLY liking some of these shoes--esp. the spiked ones.

As for Michael, the biking couchsurfer doing the 48, here's his website: http://www.jollygreenicemachine.com/?p=1277

There's a lot of info there and you can probably contact him with questions.

Cheers,

meg

Debo Hobo said...

OMG I love it!!! LOL:)

#1- is very organized and would much rather not take the shoes out of the box. So she just wears the box too.

#2- well she is a bit stand offish and would prefer everyone keeps their distance.

VE said...

thinkinfyou - You speak of no 2 with some experience there...

prefers - Trying to be funny? Did I fail again? I looked at the site but couldn't find a map of his route anywhere. He sure liked Portland when he came through here.

debo hobo - That's a good idea. It's such a hassle taking the shoes out of the box...and a waste of a box.

freetheunicorns said...

I loves me some shoes. In fact, I have a collection that includes about 20 pairs of Nike SBs. As you can imagine, I take my shoes very seriously. But not as seriously as that freaky ass footwear you posted about today.

Roy said...

#1 runs the gift-wrapping station at Macy's. #2 goes to childrens' birthday parties and kicks the balloons.

And I seriously want a pair of those hoof shoes. We have people around here who poach deer, and I would love to leave a trail leading one or more of them into the quicksand patch only I know about. Bwahahahahaha!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I could see Madonna in the number 2 shoe.

Number one a street person.

Brian Miller said...

1. oragami artist

2. bristly personality - be very careful.

Ronda Laveen said...

One: Paper Doll

Two: Scary Spice

The Silver Fox said...

@Roy:

"#2 goes to childrens' birthday parties and kicks the balloons." and "We have people around here who poach deer, and I would love to leave a trail leading one or more of them into the quicksand patch only I know about."

I like the way you think!!!

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

#1 is an environmentalist trying to reuse all those fast food boxes in an original way. Maybe she's trying to marry fast food with origami (Bringing art to the masses?)

#2 is the sister of Hellraiser.

Those rat slippers really freaked me out. We have enough rats in Chicago.

Jaime said...

the hoof shoes are just freaky. and who would want to walk around in rat shoes?

Serena said...

I love shoes! I would gladly sacrifice my grocery money for a pair of killer cute shoes. I gotta tell you, those rat slippers are utterly disgusting!

Tom said...

wild and crazy shoes...love the astroturf flipflops...nice indeed.

VE said...

freetheunicorns - Did you know that I worked for Nike for almost 18 years? I have inside connections...

roy - That's the kind of devious thinking I admire. Terrific concept!

perpetual chocoholic - They're probably hers!

brian - Be careful, indeed!

ronda - Scary Spice? Is that one of the Spice girls?

silver fox - Yes, the gnomes have bowed to him for that one (they still gave him a wedgie though)

arizona - Now that's some different thinking...I like it. I'll send you a pair of rat slippers...

jaime - Come on now; rats are vermin too...

serena - Don't fear the rats...or was that don't fear the reaper. I don't know anymore...

VE said...

tom - Just don't stub your toe on the sprinkler...

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

If you're different and ya know it, clap your hands!

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

It's late. And I don't know why that song popped into my head. I think I need sleep!

VE said...

arizona - Ha...yeah, what time IS it in Chicago? Me, I'm always on Hawaiian time...

Janna said...

Things that would be bad to make shoes out of:

1. Yogurt
2. Confetti
3. Shark teeth
4. Salsa
5. Live wires
6. Poison Ivy

VE said...

janna - Ha! For personal reasons I'm going to have to agree with that last one...

Baino said...

Clearly the blue shoes, she's stepped inside the box instead of outside and the spikey numbers . . I'm guessing she's not an echidna fan or a zookeeper.

Jacki said...

The first is an origami artist, and the second looks like the shoes of some some woman in a low-budget bondage porn movie.

Kurt said...

Ha!

VE said...

baino - Ha! I like it...think inside the box!

jacki - Not that you've seen any of those! ;)

kurt - Excellent. You worked comment replies down to two letters now. You are a minimalist supreme!

Sarah said...

When I was a kid I got a new pair of white canvas Keds every September that had to last me until the following September. Easy to make shoe choices when you only have one choice!

VE said...

sarah - I like that plan...I should tell my kids.

Organic Meatbag said...

I loathe flip flops, but even I might wear those fish flip flops...hahaha!

VE said...

organic meatbag - I saw your profile question and I think you just might. Careful though...they're slippery.