Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Name Game

Today's my birthday so I'll be out and about but I will respond to comments eventually. Want to celebrate my birthday? Leave a comment. Nothing nicer than seeing a bunch of comments; especially on your birthday post... Now on with the funny...

Do you ever wonder about the companies you do business with? Where do they get these names?

Old Navy. I have no idea what that means. When I think of old Navy, I think of the movie Master and Commander or Mutiny on the Bounty. Now that was “old Navy”!

When was the last time they sold anything from the Navy; old or new there? All I ever find are piles of wrinkled clothes.

Apple. Sure, their phones and music players are gadget candy to the world, but when have you seen any real apples in the store? Not even a bowlful. No apple pie. No apple cobbler, no apple juice, no apple anything. I’m telling their moms and their doctors!


Dollar Store. I went there and for the life of me I couldn’t find one of them selling actual dollars. You have to go to the currency collectors store for that. They’ll be happy to sell you the “last” of some obscure minted dollar for thirty-eight times that amount! I also tried to get a layaway at the dollar store. They don’t seem to allow that either. What if I’m saving up to a dollar? Somebody else might want those mass-produced doilies and leave me empty!


Foot Locker. Sure, I went in there and had a converstation.

VE: “I’d like to see your selection of foot lockers”

Zit-laden Saleperson (ZLS): “Err…we don’t sell any lockers.”

VE: “But your sign says foot locker.”

ZLS: “That’s the name of the company. We sell shoes”

VE: “Well, I suppose shoes are sort of a loose interpretation of a locker. I mean you do put your feet into them. What kind of locks do you carry on them?

ZLS: “You don’t understand, sir, there are no locks on any of them.”

VE: “Well how do you keep your feet from just sneaking out of them and off somewhere when you’re not looking?”

ZLS: “Perhaps you should shop on the internet from now on…”

67 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Happy Happy Birthday! I hope you have a great day!
And you're right about those stores, I think it's false advertisinf!

Elizabeth said...

I also wanted to say that it's been fun being on top of your blog roll list, but we're leaving for China early Thursday morning for 17days. So I guess I'll have to try and fight my way back to the top when I get back home!

subtorp77 said...

VE, happy birthday to you( and my Mom! )AND there's an eclipse to-day! ?? Love the literal thinking, here; Footlocker,HA! LMAO! Wait...what about "WALL"-MART?

Enjoy the day!

Baino said...

I'm early! I'm early! (Does that both arms swinging in unison in a semi circle from right to left dance). We have Two Dollar Shops . . inflation you know. Have a great birthday. These days I don't celebrate unless they have a zero after the number but piss up big bozo!

Jacki said...

Tillykke med Fødslesdag! Hope you have a great day, with lots of fun, food, and sex.

Oh wait, you are married...never mind with the sex.

And I think you forgot about the Crate and Barrel.

Mike said...

The GAP is for "gay and proud". That was back when gay didn't mean penis sporking.

They're not so proud of the meaning now.

gitwizard said...

First time i've checked you out in weeks and it's your birthday! Best Wishes from Sussex, England.

Roy Scribner said...

Happy Birthday! Are you dressing like a pirate today?

nursemyra said...

sending you big smoochy birthday kisses xxxx

Kurt said...

Happy 50th!

The Incredible Woody said...

Woohoo! Happy Birthday!!

A couple of weeks ago, I saw a guy getting arrested for shoplifting. At the Dollar Store!! If I get arrested for shoplifting, it damn sure isn't going to be something from the Dollar Store>

Carla said...

Happy birthday! Have a great day, better yet, have an awesome day!

Quirkyloon said...

VE's b-day is today?

Do you feel any different? Is old age kicking in? The joints, are they stiff now? The back muscles, are they achin' you? Do you feel any wiser? Do you feel mature?

Well try to have a happy one anyway, cuz getting old...SUCKS!

*smile*

Happiest B-days VE!

Sarah said...

Happy birthday fellow Leo, enjoy!!!

VE said...

elizabeth - Ha! Thanks. You're really getting to be a No 1 spot expert lately...

elizabeth - I thought about that. You should have a friend keep up with the posts...

subtorp77 - Thanks. Hey, it's your mom's B-day too? Good day! A nice even number. It's blue sky and mid-80s with no humidity here...

baino - I don't celebrate except the big ones either. I don't have to worry about one of those for two more years thankfully...

jacki - What did you just call me in Danish? Hope it was dirty... ha! Hey, no, today is also my one year anniversary too. Oh yeah, I got the sex. I know...too much information...

mike - I never knew that. I thought it stood for the price difference between what I was willing to pay and what they were trying to charge...

gitwizard - "First time I've checked you out in weeks"...a common phrase among the long married folks...ha! I must also say that "Sussex" sounds kinky for some reason. I don't know. Thanks for the B-day comment though...

roy - Thanks. No, I'll be dressing like I'm in my early 20s and heading off to a river I discovered about 30 miles from my house. It has wonderful pools and is shallow most other spots so it's easy to walk up or down it to explore. I have no idea why I didn't know about this all these years...

nursemyra - Yummy! Thanks. Better no tell the wifey-poo about those smoochies though...she'll be watching you for then

kurt - You! Nice try. I'll join you at 50 in a couple of years though... ;)

incredible woody - Thanks. That is embarrasing. It's sort of like being thrown in jail for stealing from the extra penny holder at the gas station store...

carla - Thanks. It will be. I only do what I want to on my birthday and the weather is always spectacular!

quirkyloon - Oddly enough...I'm maintaining pretty well. Only the right things are stiff! ;) Nothing sore, nothing creaking, in fact I'm going so go exploring a river and swim in the pools I find. Something I would have done in my teens or twenties too!

sarah - Thanks! Alas, I'm a Cancer by one day. A Cancer!!! What the hell is up with that astrology sign? That needs to be a blog post...

Maureen said...

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear VE
Happy Birthday to yooooooou!!!

Hope you're not turning 50; it's been a bad year for it...

Have a wonderful day!!!!

And when in the US a few weeks back, I went into Bed Bath and Beyond; and was disappointed to find out that Family Guy wasn't accurate about the store... there was no door to "Beyond" at all. Which sucks.

subtorp77 said...

VE, weather sounds just right!( hang the humidity-ugh! ). It finally stopped raining here, for now...

Gladys said...

Happy Birthday VE! Another year older and you know what that means... yeah your another year older.

I actually asked in the Apple Store in Chicago if I could have an apple. The kid say what kind? I happily replied "why I'd love a Granny Smith or a Red Delicious" he looked at me dumbfounded and said "are those new Ipods or somehting?"

Winky Twinky said...

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you!!!

Have a Fantastical day!

Coming to you from the Court Counseling Department that doesn't really do any counseling...go figure

VE said...

subtorp77 - Yes...rain is something we actually don't get a lot of in July/Aug (thanks goodness)

gladys - Glad to hear that the training of our sales personnel is so robust...

winky twinky - Thanks. No counseling? I'd sue them...

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

You say it's your birthday...happy birthday to you!!

Cheers,

Meg Who Prefers Her Fantasy Life

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

If the dollar store was selling dollars they'd now be $1.25.

Happy Birthday VE! Glad you made it another year.

lifeshighway said...

If Old Navy sold pirate outfits or poofy shirts, I would totally go there again.

Happy Birthday.

Anne said...

Happy birthday!

I was thinking of sending you a gift box, but I need your shirt size and your shoe size and do you want an iPod or an iTouch?

Bonnie the Boss said...

Maybe old Navy is called that because some of the womens clothes nd the Mens Pant show off your "Booty. Just sayin'.
Happy birthday, I hope you did lots of fun things today!

ReformingGeek said...

Happy Birthday! I see from the comments that you have already had a great day. Yee Haw!

We have a 99 cent store. Yeah, right. I've never been there. I don't plan on being there and I went to the Dollare Store once. That was the last time.

JennyMac said...

Happy Bday! Mine was Sunday so cheers to both of us.

And those ads cracked me up.

VE said...

prefers her fantasy life - Thanks for the proper Beatles birthday! I needed that...

perpetual chocoholic - Thanks. Birthdays just celebrate a milestone in our inevitable march towards death. Bummer.

lifeshighway - Thanks. Bring back the poofy shirt, bring back the poofy shirt!

anne - I'm a Marge shirt size. That's somewhere between a medium and a large. My shoe size is a 9! Nike sample size...which means free shoes for me because I live in the land of Nike Headquarters.

bonnie - Nothing wrong with showing some booty in my opinion of course...

reforminggeek - I'm having a great day. I just got back from 3 hours exploring a river. Magnificent... I scrambled downstream for a couple of hours and didn't see a single person. Took lots of pics.

jennymac - Excellent. We cancers have to stick together! Happy birthday to you too...

bernthis said...

a happy and healthy birthday to you. Had one two days ago and it was terrific. Hope you had a wonderful day

VE said...

bernthis - Thanks! It's a great time of year to have one...

Janna said...

The last time I shopped at Amazon, I didn't see any really long rivers OR any warrior women who live in the rainforest.

I wonder how many boats are at Pier One...

Hale McKay said...

Happy Birthday to you, lad.

I'm afraid i haven't been around for a couple of weeks due to detour on life's highway to the hospital. I'm now on the road to recovery and while I'm home and before returning to work, I'm trying to catch up on a lot of Blog reading - here and my entire blog roll.

gab said...

Well then in true Gab fashion:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR VE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOOOOOO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. and many more!

Have a great day.

Jaime said...

happy birthday! i hope the gnomes got you something nice

VE said...

janna - Excellent questions. I've got my cruise going out of Pier 1...

hale - Sorry to hear that! Hope you're doing ok now. I'll stop by and see what is up...

gab - Aw thanks, Gab. Now I have the traditional song too!

jaime - Thanks! Yeah, they got me self-wedgie undies...

Serena said...

I like the Old Navy guy. But never mind that. The important thing is, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Matt-Man said...

Well Holy Moly...Happy B-Day VE. And I always thought that July 22nd was such a boring day. Silly Me. Cheers!!

Ronda Laveen said...

I don't get Old Navy either. I see cute things others get there but all I find is crapola.

I'm sending you an apple for each year of your birth. Hope your day was special.

Megan said...

I have to go back and actually read the post, but first:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BRO!

Megan said...

Oh, and just curious as to who joined me on the smoking patio? Finally, some company! (See sidebar quiz)

VE said...

serena - Thanks. You've been here for a couple of mine now. Somebody stop them from flying by!

matt-man - Yes, not boring at all! I make it a point never to work on my birthday. Of course, I don't work anyway, but still...it's the principal that is important.

ronda - Thanks. Crap, that's gonna be a lot of apples! But still only 40 something...whew.

megan - Aww...thanks. So far I've made it through every year on my birthday (since as early as I can remember) without rain on it. Today was sunny and low 80s. Perfect!

megan - I have no idea who the other one is...only the gnomes know what really goes on around this blog...

Mrsupole said...

So I think I am first for today to tell you happy birthday cause it is now Thursday. Sorry I missed visiting yesterday, but was a bad day for the shoulder pain. The stitches are supposed to come out today, yea.

My youngest daughter is a Cancer, but I am a Leo. Leo's are so bossy but generous. Leo's are great and kind. Yeah, that is totally me. Well the bossy part is.

And always be thankful you are having a birthday each year cause if you do not have a birthday then you are dead. I am very glad you are having your birthday and I hope you continue to have many more of them.

And thank you for the poem with the gnome, I liked it.

God bless.

Anne said...

i've never seen a marge at old navy. do they have nikes at foot locker?

VE said...

mrsupole - Thanks. Hope your shoulder returns to normal and you can play tennis and full tackle football again and such. I wonder if people would still count their age and celebrate birthdays if they were immortal? Wouldn't that be like counting to infinity?

anne - You can find her in the dishwashing section. Oh wait...that was Madge...

The Silver Fox said...

Buddy Holly indeed!

Happy birthday. In honor of your birthday, I shall now perform the "Happy Birthday Conga!"

Hap-py, hap-py, BIRTH-day!
Hap-py, hap-py, BIRTH-day!
Hap-py, hap-py, BIRTH-day!
Hap-py, hap-py, BIRTH-day!
Hap-py, hap-py, BIRTH-day!
Hap-py, hap-py, BIRTH-day!
[repeat and fade]

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

Happy Birthday!!

Whole Foods is a bit of a misnomer...I've seen plenty of half foods there....

VE said...

silver fox - Thanks. Another version I haven't had yet. Excellent.

arizona - True...very true. That one demanded a special post all its own...

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

I should've linked to it in my comment. Would that have gotten me some brownie points???

VE said...

arizona - Brownie points, yes. Blog roll points, nice try!

lime said...

a belated happy birthday. hoep it was a great one.

how about we rename apple after some bizarre fruit. kumquat?

let's call microsoft durian. that fruitt smells like sewer i am told.

leelee said...

Happy belated Birthday VE!!

BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xoogle said...

Hi, VE!

First of all thanks for stopping by my blog. I know that writing a blog in Portuguese does not give me too much chance to be read by English speaking persons. But, I love English [despite my mistakes] and have awesome memories of my 4 years living in Texas. I love your country and the american people. Hope you all the best!

By the way, I always thought that foot locker was a hell of a weird name for a shoe store! :-)

出張ホスト said...

女性会員様増加につき、当サイトの出張ホストが不足中です。女性の自宅やホテルに出向き、欲望を満たすお手伝いをしてくれる男性アルバイトをただいま募集していますので、興味のある方はTOPページから無料登録をお願いいたします

家出 said...

最近様々なメディアで紹介されている家出掲示板では、全国各地のネットカフェ等を泊り歩いている家出少女のメッセージが多数書き込みされています。彼女たちはお金がないので掲示板で知り合った男性とすぐに遊びに行くようです。あなたも書き込みに返事を返してみませんか

救援部 said...

オ○ニーライフのお手伝い、救援部でHな見せたがり女性からエロ写メ、ムービーをゲットしよう!近所の女の子なら実際に合ってHな事ができちゃうかも!?夏で開放的になっている女の子と遊んじゃおう

倶楽部 said...

簡単にお小遣い稼ぎをしたい方必見、当サイト逆¥倶楽部では無料登録して女性の性の欲求に応えるだけのアルバイトです。初心者でもすぐに高収入の逆¥交際に興味をもたれた方はTOPページまでどうぞ。

プロフ公開 said...

サイト作成は初めてでぇす。プロフは友達も作ってたので私も頑張って作成しました。プロフもってる人はメル友になって見せ合いっこしませんか?メアドのせてるので連絡ください。love-friend0925@docomo.ne.jp

素人 said...

男性が主役の素人ホストでは、女性の体を癒してあげるだけで高額な謝礼がもらえます。欲求不満な人妻や、男性と出逢いが無い女性が当サイトで男性を求めていらっしゃいます。興味のある方はTOPページからどうぞ

SM度チェッカー said...

あなたのSM度をかんたん診断、SM度チェッカーで隠された性癖をチェック!真面目なあの娘も夜はドS女王様、ツンデレなあの子も実はイジめて欲しい願望があるかも!?コンパや飲み会で盛り上がること間違いなしのおもしろツールでみんなと盛り上がろう

セフレ said...

男性なら一人くらいは作ってみたいセフレですが、実は女性もいつでもSEXしたいときにできる友達がほしいと思っているのです。そのような彼女たちの欲求を満たしてあげませんか

デリバリーホスト said...

女性向け風俗サイトで出張デリバリーホストをしてみませんか?時給2万円の高額アルバイトです。無料登録をしてあとは女性からの呼び出しを待つだけなので、お試し登録も歓迎です。興味をもたれた方は今すぐどうぞ。

チェッカー said...

SM度チェッカーで隠された性癖をチェック!外見では分からない男女のSM指数をチェックして相性のいい相手を見つけ、SMプレイしてみよう!合コンや飲み会で盛り上がること間違いなしのおもしろツールをみんなとやってみよう

熟女サークル said...

性欲のピークを迎えたセレブ熟女たちは、お金で男性を買うことが多いようです。当、熟女サークルでは全国各地からお金持ちのセレブたちが集まっています。女性から男性への報酬は、 最低15万円からとなっております。興味のある方は一度当サイト案内をご覧ください

グリー said...

ネットで恋人探しなら、グリーをおすすめします。ここからあなたの理想の恋愛関係がはじまります。純粋な出会いから、割り切ったエッチな出会いまで何でもあります。ミクシーから女の子が大量流入中!ココだけの話、今が狙い目です

セレブ said...

セレブラブでは心とカラダに癒しを求めるセレブ女性と会って頂ける男性を募集しています。セレブ女性が集まる当サイトではリッチな彼女たちからの謝礼を保証、安心して男性はお金、女性は体の欲求を満たしていただけます。興味がある方は当サイトトップページからぜひどうぞ

プロフ said...

携帯アドのせておきました。恥ずかしい写真とか乗せてるけど、許してください。ネット友達探してるのでよかったら連絡ください。for-a-sweetheart@docomo.ne.jp

ゲイ said...

ゲイの数が飛躍的に増えている現代、彼らの出逢いの場は雑誌やハッテン場からネットに移り変わってきています。当サイトは日本最大のゲイ男性の交流の場を目指して作られました。おかげさまで会員数も右肩上がりに伸びています。ゲイの方や興味のある方はぜひ当サイトをご覧ください。