Sunday, July 26, 2009

Rewriting that Comcast Earworm Song/Commercial

Have you heard those obnoxious earworm songs that COMCAST does? If not, you can hear some here.

Anyway, they’re kind of “talked” instead of really sung. But it’s not really talking either. Instead it’s some strange irritating hybrid. And it will drive you nutty. Sort of like the band Cake. Ok, I like a couple of their songs but they still do that weird hybrid talking thing.

Well…time to write my own version. I already rewrote their other commercial here, might as well finish off a lyric parody too…

New Sensation Same Sensation
Sending shivers
Flying further
Cables out
Dreaming bigger
Mr. Dithers
Single cable
Customer Service
One decision
I’m on hold
The Sun Goes Cold
High-speed internet elation
High-speed internet hopes and dreams
Crazy, fast acceleration
Crippled with overuse it seems
Awe inspiring
Their sales vanity
Screaming yelling
Screaming profanity
Voice, email, all connected
Intenet access not connected
Caller-ID friend detected
Cable down undetected
Kelly Calling
Back with service
Conference Karen
Answering phone spam
So much stuff to share with Sharon
They sold my frickin' number again
More HD
HDs extra
Awesome addition
It’s here to stay
Death defying definition
Can’t see a difference anyway
Bad sequels
Slashers Untasteful
Huge explosions
Free On Demand
Is totally wasteful
Films fantastic
Films you’d never watch
Shows outstanding
Shows you’d never see
Mother loads of ON-DEMANDING
Channels you skip foreverly
Home town
Customer Service Menu
It’ll always send you
Perfect timing
Courtside No Contactic
Kicking back Reply
Where it will end you
Happy high-tech
Scary costs
Extra fees
Exponentially ecstatic
Raising US bankruptcies
Speeding forward
Slowing down
Future hopping
Long delays
Always dreaming never stopping
Finding ways to make you pay

Comcast....they hate me.


Anonymous said...

I still see I've not missed much, tho the rabbit commercial is pretty neat. As for the other vid, AAAGGHHHHH!!!! Make it stop!( bashing head into keyboard )...oh wait...silly me...forgot to click the mouse thingy!

Fantastical lyrics, VE. Tho' Comcast may have to edit it a bit( FCC thingy and all, y'know )..

And I can't believe people listen to this tripe. How bloody awful! I lasted 3 seconds...

Anonymous said...

HA! I just saw your picture of the day! And no earworm, huzzah!

Anonymous said...

Actually, I kinda like these commercials. They appeal to my inner zombie brain.

heh heh

Ed said...

subtorp77 - It is a bad earworm. Even my parody lyrics don't help; but the gnomes make me do it to share in the suffering!

quirkyloon - Ha! Only you quirky. Only you. I thought this was the reason zombies were always angry...

Gladys said...

Hahaha I love it. Do you remember a couple of months ago when that old lady in Florida went down and threatened the cable company with a hammer. See I so 'get' her! If I had to listen to those commercials I would go after them with a hammer too.

I Am Woody said...

Love the picture of the day! If a car was going to crash into your house, wouldn't you want it to be the Weinermobile?

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Although I've not heard of them, after you described how irritating they were I didn't want to chance listening to them. Don't want those stuck in my head all day!

Anonymous said...

I never heard that commercial before,and unfortunately I have Comcast too! Maybe they'll stop false advertising when if they bring it down south,and run your version instead!

Ed said...

gladys - She's my hero!

incredible woody - Yes, but I wouldn't want it crashing through MY rear entrance! ;)

perpetual chocoholic - That was probably a wise move. Of course, the gnomes will send it to you in email disguised as a funny video...

thinknfyou - You're lucky then. Maybe they think the South doesn't like talk-type songs...lucky for you again!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for reminding me of all the reasons we don't have cable or satellite, for that matter. We much prefer Netflix or (gasp) reading.

Kurt said...

I've got TIVO, so I haven't seen a commercial in over two years.

Janna said...

At first I thought you said Comcast EARTHWORM commercial, and I thought "Eeewww, they're really getting desperate."

Jaime said...

your version is so much better!

Ed said...

unfinished rambler - I was one of the pilot users of netflix. They gave me a free DVD to keep for signing up for a trial period. To this day I haven't paid for anything from them. I have my own movies (about 600)

kurt - I'll send you a DVD of all the TV commercials you've missed in those last two years. You need to stay on top...

janna - Ha! I wouldn't put them past it!

jaime - Thank you!

ReformingGeek said...

I'm not convinced any of them are all that great.

Good job with the "song"!

Kevenj said...

Well VE , we've got Verizon and Cox out here on the EC, but I certainly can relate.
It's kinda like addressing a letter to your Senator or Congressman with the (required) prefix of "Honorable".

What a bunch of bullshit.

Ronda Laveen said...

"Waiting until the sun goes cold." Yeah, if feel ya. Your version is much catchier and it makes me feel good 'cause it is so true.

Ronda Laveen said...

Re: picture of the day. About thirty some years ago, the wiener mobile came to Redding. I was a young, high school stoner then. We had the giggles for hours after seeing that on a hot, high Saturday night. Memories:)

I was looking for your e-mail to answer you about your dozens of stories but can't find it. Mine is on my site. But I say flesh each one out. Each story doesn't have to be a book but I liked how Jacki put it. That is what I was looking for short, sweet and descriptive VE's version of Brian Miller. If you end up with enough for a couple of books, so much the better.

Dalton J. Fox said...

Not a Comcast fan, VE?

Ed said...

reforminggeek - I think they thought it was catchy and all cool and it just irritated everyone instead.

kevin - Ha! Yes, isn't that a bunch of hooey...

ronda - I'm working on truth in advertising. Yeah...I'm getting nowhere.

ronda - Yeah, I meant to email you. Let me get to that here soon.

dalton - Errr...they charge too much. I only have cable with them now.

yellojkt said...

I switched to FiOS so I can ignore the bad Mouldy Peaches rip-off.

Chris C said...

"I'm working on truth in advertising. Yeah...I'm getting nowhere."

I recommend watching "Crazy People" for help in your quest.

Megan said...

Haven't seen the commercials and I don't think I want to, after reading this!

Alex L said...

'Comcast....they hate me.'

I'm guessing your feelings towards them aren't as 'neutral' either...

Bunk Strutts said...

All I have to say is:
Handmade aboriginal novelty fake turd.

Mrsupole said...

No Sensation
Shivers gone
Cables cut
Doc slithers
Made me hold
His slithering
It got cold
No Sun Shinning
No Hope to grow
Cripped with no use,
Left with no vanity,
Screaming, Steaming,
Lacking sanity,
Not Connecting
Growing not detected,
Back out of service,
No bone scam,
Unable to sell
They lost his number,
Hard is extra,
Hard cannot stay,
No seeing a different way.
Limpy Rejects
Wishful sequels, not.
Tasteless swing a dings.
Free ON Greedmen
Wasteing all of it.
Hard to watch
Never see it hard anyway,
Channels you slapped off
Customer Servicer Crap
Why it sends you
Stick shift only,
No touching, only slapping.
No Replies
Never ending
Costs are Scary
Everything Extra.
Going broke in the US
Swinging down
Always delays
Cannot force you to pay.

Coc*cast...they hate you too.

God bless.

United Studies said...

Hahahahha...oh I love this. We are ComcASSt customers because, believe it or not, Verizon is even worse! So we chose the lesser of two evils for our internet "service."

Roy Scribner said...

Milk you dry
Ride the bus
One day late
Bandwidth caps
Super secret
Don't pass go
Don't collect

Could be worse, VE - you could be stuck with Charter.

Ed said...

yellojkt - Mouldy Peaches? Do people seek out mouldy peaches? Now you've got me wanting to go see what that is.

chris - Sounds like I'd fit right in!

megan - Yes, spare yourself the earworm. The gnomes will be over to play it in your sleep...haha

alex l - I suppose so but somehow they keep taking MY money, not the other way around...

bunk - Now that was a weird thing. I don't know what to say about that!

mrsupole - Ha! Excellent job. Well, not THAT kind of job, that is.

jacki - Yes, I agree...Verizon is worse and I don't like the "can you hear me now" guy. I think secretly he'd leave you stranded at a Walmart if he could...

roy - Ha! The small start ups...using ingenious ways in the hopes that they too can be as insensative as the big dogs!

The Hussy Housewife said...

Nice. Pretty honest. I hate those companies BTW. Evil they are..evil.

Anyone who tells you they will be by your house sometime between 7am and 7pm is a ass.

Ed said...

hussy housewife - It is our responsibility to stick it to the evil companies...

Moooooog35 said... forgot a verse about watching Cinemax porn on demand.

Good luck!

Ed said...

moooooog35 - That costs actual money to watch. The internet is free...

Anonymous said...

Roy hit it right with the Charter call. Internet 4x as much and their "security" 'ware is riddled with viruses!( cue Weird Al's "Virus Alert" )HA!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Here I am waiting to be first in line for today and not a new post in sight! Well....I'm claiming first spot for today ahead of your post. So there;-)

leelee said...

I like the way Cake sings "I will Survive"


PS: haha on the weinermobile

Ed said...

subtorp77 - As much as I hate the big boys like comcast, I shy away from the little guys for just that reason.

perpetual - I post Mon-Fri and usually in the early morning PDT but I found that nobody much reads on the weekends and so I move my Monday post up to Sunday and let it run for two days rather than one since others have trouble keeping up with posts every day of the work week. Sometimes if I feel like enough have commented on my Sunday post, I'll move the Tue post up to Monday afternoon or evening. Hows that unlogic?

leelee - Leelee! Glad you made it over! I just heard that version on the radio yesterday. Does Cake ever sing ANY song? ha!

leelee said...

I don't know..I think that is the only song by them I know...

I'm always with you in spirit VE if not in the blogdom!


Ed said...

leelee - I know, I know! Thanks.

lifeshighway said...

I like the comcast commerical... in fact when it is on, I stand in front of the TV frozen with my mouth hanging open... to be found later with spit drying on my chin.

I also go into seizures when the 877-CASH-NOW opera is on.

Ed said...

lifeshighway - Sounds like they've cured your drooling problem. Excellent!

GAB said...

yeah I really dislike those commercials. Unfortunally for us we have Comcast.....we tried xyz(u know phone co) but they were so bad and they started out really fast then got slower than 7 year itch! I would page loaded and be in middle of something and woosh gone! You know VE maybe you should start up an internet company. gotta be better than the rest!

Ed said...

gab - I should. I'll call it "VE Risen" and compete with Verizon...

Ed said...

gab - I should. I'll call it "VE Risen" and compete with Verizon...

Maureen said...

Okay, I am totally lost here... we don't have Comcast... which I guess may be a good thing.

Ed said...

maureen - It IS a good thing...

Elizabeth said...

I've never heard this commercial before. I'm with Quirky, I kinda like it. And I love your use of the word "foreverly"!

Ed said...

elizabeth - Thanks...

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