Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Steaks are Going Up

Have you ever noticed this? Every time I pick up a travel magazine there is inevitably an ad for one of those fancy-dancy steak houses with a ridiculously thick steak pictured in the ad.

Seriously though, do people really salivate to a 7 inch thick slab of beef? Don’t even go there…I know where you’re trying to take that!

But these steak houses do seem to be trying to one-up each other lately. The last ad I saw was for the Don Shula Steak House. Don Shula was the football coach for the Miami Dolphins when they went undefeated for a season back in the 70s. Of course, that makes him perfectly qualified to have the best steaks on the Southeastern seaboard. But I digress…

No, Don’s steak was much, much thicker than the Ruth Chris steakhouse one. Apparently Don seems to feel that size DOES matter. Wonder what he’s compensating for? Bet he has a monster truck too! Anyway, I already thought there’s no way you could get your mouth on to the Ruth Chris one and now this steak was just impossibly thick.

I think the beef council is definitely encouraging all of this. I mean look at their ad prints. Do you really want “beef mountains”? That mountain has to be going rancid after a day or two. I don’t want to live anywhere near it! I also don't really want to know what the white stuff is at the top of that beef mountain either.

But back to those impossibly thick steaks…

I’m not sure if there is a cow cut that can make a steak much thicker. They’re going to have to be like the wood industry and do some strange beef lamination technique to devise a thicker steak!

It’s all udderly ridiculous!

49 comments:

subtorp77 said...

Hadn't seen that ad for the beefy mountains. And for a thick cut, you can order up a filet mignon ( best cut on the cow, or so I'm told ) . And what's with every sports legend hyping up the beef (and now pork ) products? They have "stock" in the company-LOL!

Deb said...

Shula's steak looks an awful lot like the remnants of a few footballs.

Matt-Man said...

As a denizen of a state with plenty of cows, I have long been a proponent of MORE Bovine Growth Hormone not Less.

The use of BGH would yield more and tastier milk, as well as thicker albeit, more sinewy steaks. I don't want to eat Swiss Steak; I want to eat a Swiss Alp Steak. Cheers!!

Chris Wood said...

I go by weight - much more than 1/2 lb of beef is a waste, unless I'm completely ravenous.

I don't know what you think of your readers, but who is going to make crude remarks about 7" of meat? Ignoble thought. It's not like many of us have such juvenile minds ... oh hang on a mo ...

Hit 40 said...

OF COURSE SIZE MATTERS!!!

Are the girls telling you not to worry that size does not matter to them???

Sorry your guy followers didn't have the heart to tell you the truth.

Anne said...

if you can eat a whole 48 oz steak at Shula's, you get your name on a plaque on the wall. There were LOTS of people listed, I even found some names more than once.

yikes.

Maureen said...

Holy crap. Those aren't steaks.

They're called ROASTS.

Geez.

Kurt said...

That little round steak - that's what dinner out in NYC looks like.

Janna said...

Wow.
I'd rather have something thinner, with a larger diameter.
This way I can easily cut it up into pieces without choking to death and embarrassing myself in front of the waiter and the next table which might have a cute Johnny Depp lookalike.

Though I am intrigued by seeing if Johnny knows how to do the Heimlich...

The Incredible Woody said...

I've always wondered how a steak that thick gets cooked in the middle without the outside being a piece of charcoal.

Jacki said...

Have you seen those shows on the travel channel, where they go to steak houses and record guys in those steak eating contests? It makes me sick to think they are eating like 2-4 pounds of meat. In one sitting.

Gross.

Gladys said...

Everyone knows it's not the size it's the technique.

I'm a Texas girl and love my steaks and they need to be cooked over a mesquite grill, wrapped in bacon and seasoned with garlic and butter and eaten with a big sour cream and butter heaped potato with peach cobbler and homemade vanilla ice cream for desert. YMMMMMMMM A heartattack on a plate.

VE said...

subtorp77 - Sports and beef...sports and beef. It must be like beans and franks!

deb - Ha! Good one. Probably tastes that way too...

matt-man - Ha! You just know BGH promotes larger boobs...

chris wood - I know, that's a bit small I would think...but they can overcompensate with a big steak for dinner...

hit40 - Trust me on this...no girl would ever tell me that...which is also why I don't need to order a 7lb steak to compensate...

anne - We have something similar here but it is a 72oz steak. There are over a thousand male finishers and over 400 female.

maureen - Remember, everything in the USA must be super-sized!

kurt - Seems like I just grabbed something down at the street when I was there. I don't remember there being any roasts grilled by the sidewalk. Bagels were terrific though. I'm jealous of those.

janna - Choking in the hopes that Johnny Depp will give you the Heimlich seems like a risky approach (but the gnomes are all waiting to watch...)

incredible woody - It's because steaks have layers (ok, I made that up...yeah, it'll be raw...)

jacki - They probably left out the recording where they are in the bathroom for 5 hours a couple of days later...

gladys - A little secret I'll share with you...there is a proportional formula in which the larger the size, the less technique is needed.

Nessa said...

Hmm, white at the tip of your meat? What can it be?

Jaime said...

yum...i love a slab of meat bigger than my head. pass me a knife and the A-1.

lifeshighway said...

oddly, I find a beef mountain appealing in a way I cannot define...

ReformingGeek said...

Don't forget the steak house in Amarillo, TX that advertises a steak so big that if you can eat it all, it's free.

What goes in must come out. ouch.

Quirkyloon said...

Thanks VE for destroying the steak craving I've been having lately.

Only you.

Ha!

Anyhoo a mountain of ice-cream is much more delicious and it is NOT

UDDERLY ridiculous.

heh heh heh

VE said...

nessa - Wait a minute...not my meat. I'm guessing it's albino butter on that steak...

jaime - Might as well just carve right into a cow now...

lifeshighway - You have to admit; you won't find that on most travel itineraries

reforminggeek - That's what I'd be worried about!

quirkyloon - Ahhhh...a mountain of ice cream. That's better!

Elizabeth said...

Who thought up the idea that meat moutnains dribbled in white sauce would be a great advertisment?? Blech!

VE said...

elizabeth - Yeah...leave it to the "beef council" to think that one up. The council is probably all those dumb ex-pro players...

subtorp77 said...

LMAO @Gladys' comment! And they still have that 72oz. monster in Amarillo. Just look for the giant cowboy, folks!

Megan said...

Next time I'm at Arnie's place in Palm Springs, I'm taking a measuring tape...just eyeballing it, I think he's got Schula beat, though.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I like thick steaks, and steak mountain is the only mountain I'd climb these days. I'd be the Sir Edmund Hillary of steak mountain climbers!

VE said...

subtorp77 - The 72oz steak is a regular in many places. We have it at "The Old Country Kitchen" here in Portland. They've been honoring that since the 50s.

megan - Ha! Sounds kind of personal ;)

mikewj - Of course you realize Sir Edmund just died...coincidence?

Uncivil said...

I'll stick with the 6 ounce sirloin, mashed potatos & salad at Texas RoadHouse here in Wilmington NC for $8.99!!!!!

VE said...

uncivil - Sounds like a bargain! Hope it's real beef...

Jeff said...

I don't care how you spin it... those beef mountains look delicious to me!

Hey... I've posted a challenge! Tell everyone to stop on over and see if they can guess which post you ghost-wrote for me.

VE said...

jeff - Will do! That VE; he gets around...like a record!

Serena said...

Steak's one of my least favorite foods. Probably a good thing, huh? I'm pretty sure the sight of steak mountains would give me nightmares. God only knows what the wildlife in those mountains would be like.

lime said...

beef laminate...hhmm...sounds like a great interior design theme for a steakhouse.

VE said...

serena - I don't know either but I'm betting there's a baked potato just down the valley...

lime - Excellent observation. Beef laminate is the very latest in organic architecture...

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

With the invention of frankenfoods I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they develop thicker cows.

Ronda Laveen said...

Don Shula has a monster what?

Quirkyloon said...

Umm VE regarding your who's next to kick the bucket poll, I hate to ask this...but I must.

Aren't you close to 50?

A little birdy told me so. *smile*

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - Frankenfoods? Like Frankenberry cereal? I was more a Count Chocula guy.

VE said...

ronda - Truck! Monster truck. Focus... ;)

VE said...

quirky - No, no, no. I have several years until I hit 50. Several! Ok, not a lot...but several!

Baino said...

Yeh well you live in America. Never seen such big . . things!

VE said...

baino - But Australia has big....deserts!

C said...

"do people really salivate to a 7 inch thick slab of beef?" Bwahahahaha! Okay...Mind out of the gutter...Mind out of the gutter...

To be honest, I'm so sick of beef. I married a beef farmer, so there's no shortage of beef in this household. I think the hubster gets ticked off that I keep buying chicken and fish! LOL!

VE said...

c - That's funny...you should leave some vegetarian pamplets around the house...

Carla said...

You just couldn't resist that last comment, could you?

VE said...

carla - Not even for a second... ;)

yellojkt said...

Horseradish snow.

Chris C said...

"I've always wondered how a steak that thick gets cooked in the middle without the outside being a piece of charcoal."

Like VE said it's probably raw in the middle. Why any restaurant would offer a cut like that is beyond me and the limitations of proper grilling.

The asparagus side is probably undercooked as well. Hard as shite to get that veggie past rock hard without cooking it for like an hour lol.

VE said...

yellojkt - Horseradish! That's it! Being allergic to the stuff...I don't think about it much.

chris c - I'm glad I don't like asparagus. They should be used as a green roofing material or something.

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

That mountain of beef looks like part of the human cadaver I had to dissect in college. I was a vegetarian for a while after that class. Everything looked like a human body part to me for a while!!

VE said...

arizona - Must have been fun at BBQs!