Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Live and Learn Travel Tips

You live, you learn. In my case…I seem to still be learning. Here are a few choice travel moments from the life of VE:

- Trying to carry on a meat clever at the airport. (long story, wait for my book)

- Getting on the wrong plane in Sao Paulo, Brazil…twice! Don’t worry; they figured it out both times and kicked me off the plane.

- Discovering that your answer to having to sing Karaoke by choosing the song “Tequila” and thinking that was the only word in the entire song…was incorrect. Apparently there are a bunch of lyrics. Damn!

- That when your Asian co-workers say they’re going on a “food eating weekend” through Malaysia; they mean it. To the tune of a restaurant every four hours around the clock for the entire weekend until they all throw up or pass out.

- Thinking you’d save time by adapting the “Amazing Race” principals and getting on to an earlier flight than you’re ticketed for and then having them put you on the plane and then right at the last minute they call your name and have you take your carry on and exit the plane because they’d erroneously overbooked it; leaving you stranded.

- In Germany, even if you are cruising at 140mph in the fast lane…expect to be passed.

- If you don’t have a hotel reservation on the French Riviera during their holiday month, you will end up sleeping in your car unless you want to drive to Belgium.

- Even if you do lather on SPF 1000 so you don’t burn in the event you fall asleep in the sun while jet lagged on a beach in Paraguay; be sure to factor in the possibility of your sun glasses falling off while asleep and thus burning your eye lids.

- If a stranger follows you around a three sides of a building while in a bad neighborhood in London at night...it probably isn't a coincidence.

54 comments:

Mrsupole said...

First,yipee. On top again.....

Mrsupole said...

Meat Clever is a very important tool if you are going to eat when on a plane. Havn't they ever eating their food they serve. They should understand when you want to slice your own sushi. What's wrong with them?

Tequila and Karaokoe did not mix.

Whoossee baby on you if you cannot go on a food ving for just a weekend, you know you should have beat them out.

Stranded, live with it, but try to do it in one of the airports that has those little hotels in them.

160 that's what I drive in Texas, yahoo, see the lights go by so fast.....love it.

Duh to the French Riviera, bummer about sleeping in your car.

OOOOOOOOOh, I bet that hurt, but you know you had to be funny to look at. Red eyed injun man.

I hope you beat the crap out of that guy to the point where he never did it again.

These are all very good lessons to learn, uh I forgot to ask if you passed out in your vomit, eeeewwwww. Very good lesson to learn.

So glad you are save and back home. Sorry you didn't make it out of your front yard though. You know you need to move to a better neighborhood.

God bless.

Mrsupole said...

Second again and now third, third time is a charm. VE are you charming, yeah right, you are still sleeping in the vomit, right. Just kidding.

God bless.

Candie Bracci said...

HAHAHA!LOL,yeah the last one,nope it probably isn't a coincidence!:D
"Tequila" is the right word!No?

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

burnt eye lids will totally be the look next summer.

You trend setter VE.

Gladys said...

Here is one from Gladys - don't let you traveling companion walk off and leave you in a back street in Amsterdam and the guy in the black coat is not wanting to give you directions out of the ghetto.

The Incredible Woody said...

Easiest karaoke song - "I Love Rock-n-Roll"

Bonnie the Boss said...

Dang, I thought tequila was the only word too!
The airport security is soooo narrow minded.

Roy Scribner said...

I worked for a Japanese company once and was forced into karaoke because, well, they wanted to see the funny American make a fool of himself. I obliged them with a rendition of Madonna's 'Like a Virgin'. The Ciccone Youth had nothing on me.

moooooog35 said...

What I've learned from all of my travels:

Don't go to Mississippi.

Ever.

VE said...

mrsupole - Oh no, the vomit was reserved for them. I chose to abstain from food after finding the wall in the squat bathroom was lined with poop from people wiping their hands on it (no TP...)

VE said...

candie - And at our cheap hotel that we pre-booked for 9 days they played non-stop musak! Maddening...

VE said...

kelley - Good to see you around in blogdome still. Your readership is larger than mine so our blog worlds don't collide as much, alas...

VE said...

gladys - Ha! Yes, I've been to that back alley in Amsterdam. Just stop at the coffee shop; all your troubles will be forgotten!

VE said...

incredible woody - I'm going with "Rock and Roll Part 2" by Gary Glitter. You know, it's the one they refer to as the "Hey Song" and is played at every sports game. THAT only has one word!

VE said...

bonnie - I know; it wasn't even a meat cleaver that cut through bone!

VE said...

roy - Now THAT is humiliation! Tough one to sing. Did you have to wear really tight pants to hit the notes?

VE said...

moooooog35 - Well I'm in luck... that's one of the dozen or so states I haven't been to

Quirkyloon said...

Burned eyelids?

OUCH! That sounds insanely painful.

There's gonna be a VE book? WOW! Do the Gnomes know about this? hee hee

Dee said...

very note worthy!

Elizabeth said...

140 mph? Really? Wow! So how fast are the cars going that pass you?

Kurt said...

Even if you are fast asleep in your seat on the train, a guy in a suit will still try to tell you about Jesus.

He: Excuse me, Jesus wants you to know that he loves you and cares about you.

Me: Not while I'm sleeping he doesn't.

Anne said...

when is the book?

lovely set of pointers there, really.

belgium from the riviera? really, that's a long drive.

VE said...

quirkyloon - Yes, A VE book. The gnomes have concented but they're still rolling their eyes...

VE said...

dee - Avoid those and you'll be vacation worry free...

VE said...

elizabeth - Probably around 150 to 160mph. They crashed later on up the road; pieces of the car everywhere. They were standing by the side of the road talking with a police officer; unhurt.

VE said...

kurt - Ha! True. I suggest a big button that says "Jesus loves Me" and you put it on to get your sleep while on the train.

VE said...

anne - Well, I might have been exaggerating exactly how far one had to drive to get away from the vacationers...but not much! The book, not sure when it will come out. I'm writing a thriller novel right now. It's nearly done.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

a meat cleaver's okay, just don't try to bring nail clippers on the plane.

Maureen said...

Maybe they'd allow the meat cleaver if you wore one of those bloody butcher's aprons with it... you know; proving you are a professional, not some whack job. (Ha! "Whack job!")

Then again, maybe not.

Beth said...

Tips I will probably never need but thanks anyway! You never know...
A meat cleaver??

subtorp77 said...

VE, LOL! And you are kidding on the "Tequila" thing, right? You didn't know? And spot on about the German Autobahn( until you hit a Stau or traffic jam )...140mph is kinda slow for some, but I've seen the results of an impact at 120---! Tho' there is a "safety" speed limit of only 80mph ( I think it's still in effect )...

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - I've kept a pair of nail clippers in my computer bag every single time I've travelled and they've never been noticed. Weird, huh?

VE said...

maureen - The gnomes seem to approve of your idea...but who would really trust them? Whack job...ha!

VE said...

beth - See...you were gonna pack that meat cleaver but thanks to my advice; you know better!

VE said...

subtorp77 - I think I must have been intoxicated for every rendition of Tequila. I thought that was all it said! Oh, and truthfully I would have gone as high as any car would have allowed me to go on the autobahn. This car happened to top out at about 145. The last one I used in Austria topped out at 156. Anything above 150 and I get pretty white knuckled...

Megan said...

A restaurant every four hours???

subtorp77 said...

VE, I can still see the Danish police on their "motour-bikes"( well actually, you'd a super high-speed camera to see them-talk about your white knuckles! ) Pop had an old Opel Record 1600 over there(2nd time)...bloody farm tractors could beat that thing-LOL!

ReformingGeek said...

Those sounds like the VE we all know and that the gnomes love. ;-)

I'd be happy to edit your book for you (and be the first to read all the good stuff)!

Uncivil said...

If you smell hog shit......you're probably in Sampson or Duplin County NC!

Ronda Laveen said...

Too bad there aren't pyramids in London. You could just do hot laps around it and avoid that bad guys.

Jaime said...

i feel sick just listening to how much eating was involved with that food weekend. i can't imagine trying to keep up that pace

Janna said...

Malaysian food every four hours?!?!
That's insane!
That's crazy!
That's...

wait....

Remind me; what exactly do Malaysian people eat?

VE said...

megan - Every flippin' four hours. It was ridiculous!

subtorp77 - Ha! Opals...you might as well just take the trains

reforminggeek - So, you're an editor now, eh? Are you any good?

uncivil - Are those all your hogs? I thought most hogs were in Daytona...well, the motercycles that is.

ronda - Yes, they should have thought about that when the built London. Those Brits...

jaime - My stomach was in a knot just watching them. I got to the point that I couldn't even nurse a Coke...

VE said...

janna - Malaysian food is authentic Asian food. My co-workers were from Singapore and they felt that Singapore didn't have authentic food; they just had imitations of authentic food (some quite good) so they would head up to Malaysia to sample authentic food.

Janna said...

Yes, but what kind of food? Chicken? Pork? Lizard feet? Pineapple? Eyeballs of slow tourists? What?

VE said...

janna - That's weird, I thought I already commented on this. I remember chili crab. It burned your lips from the chili sauce on them. They were good though. Lots of chicken, pork, fish dishes done Malaysian style (whatever that really meant). Oh, and chilled Jellyfish...yuck!

Starrlight said...

Ouch the eye lid one sounds awful =(

Starrlight said...

Ouch the eye lid one sounds awful =(

VE said...

starrlight - Surprisingly, it didn't hurt quite as much as it sounds but maybe I'm just getting more used to pain from all my misadventures...

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

A meat clever?? Suddenly I'm not so upset about intrusive airport security personnel!! Although, I'll never understand why they confiscated my unopened, seal-intact Ken's Honey Mustard dressing from my carry-on during our trip to Greece. I'll bet they all had great sandwiches for lunch thanks to me. And I got stuck with the nasty mayo they give you on the airplane.

VE said...

arizona - I often wonder how much of that confiscated stuff goes home with the security staff...

Carla said...

Think I've lived some of those. That last one is priceless.

VE said...

carla - Well, you've traveled a lot too so I don't doubt it.