Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Shadow Demands

This week’s Theme Thursday is SHADOW. Let’s go with a little conversation down at the studio after an embarrassing debut of the movie “The Shadow” based on the cult comic favorite but destroyed by the director of Sin City using that stupid art technique that nobody likes.

Studio Assistant (SA): “Sir, I hate to trouble you, but we have a bit of a situation.”

Studio Exec (SE): “Oh what is it now.”

SA: “It’s the Shadow, sir. He seems to have some demands.”

SE: “The Shadow, what superhero is he again?”

SA: “He’s not a superhero. He’s more like a comic detective.”

SE: “Like Dick Tracy?”

SA: “Yes, but a little less famous and a little creepier. He apparently lives in a cemetery.”

SE: “Oh, ok, so what does he want?"

SA: “He’s demanding another movie.”

SE: “Another movie? He just got one! You know what? It didn’t make any money. The critics and fans hated it.”

SA: “Exactly; that is why he’s demanding another movie; a do-over.”

SE: “Tell him we never do that. He can talk to Howard the Duck about the whole thing.”

SA: “Actually, we do. Remember The Incredible Hulk?”

SE: “That was different. I mean Ang Lee made “The Hulk” with Eric Bana and people wanted to tear their eyes out from boredom about 30 minutes into the movie. There were actual movie watchers changing into the Hulk and storming out halfway through.”

SA: “Yes, but we still did another movie with Edward Norton.”

SE: “Yeah, but we called that one “The Incredible Hulk”; different title, not the same.”

SA: “I know, I know, there are so many angry green mutant movies out there, it can be confusing.”

SE: “Well you tell this Shadow guy that he’s just going to have to wait in line. Why it took Captain America eleven years to get a new movie chance after his big screen debut dropped like The Rock in “Race to Witch Mountain”…what a disaster.”

SA: “He’s not going to like it…”

SE: “You tell him Aquaman, The Flash and Plastic Man haven’t even been given a big screen movie yet and they're all super heroes; unlike him…just a detective.”

SA: “But didn’t you say Plastic Man had a credit problem and that The Flash was a bit too flashy?”

SE: “Yeah, but there’s still Aquaman!”

SA: “He talks to fish and all he’s been able to rate is a bad made-for-TV movie.”

SE: “My word is final. Besides, what’s he really going to do?”

SA: “Apparently he’s going to round up and unionize all shadows.”

SE: “What? Preposterous! So what?”

SA: “Well, apparently he can prevent any more lurking in shadows. It’s going to be a big problem for all of our suspense and horror genres.”

SE: “Still not worth with, is that all?”

SA: “He’s talking about a fee for making shadows have to do the stupid bunny and pet tricks people play against a wall with their hands.”

SE: “Damn, I love making a munching dog. I don’t like this guy’s tactics. What else?”

SA: “He’ll go after the groundhog too.”

SE: “I can see he means business. Tell him if Stan Lee lives long enough, we’ll squeeze him in right after Captain America, Thor, and the Avengers but before Machine Man.

SA: “Who’s Machine Man?”

SE: “I don’t know; some B-rate super hero Stan Lee or one of those guys made up in the 70s when they were desperate for money. We’re running out of super heroes to make money on, you know.”

SA: “I’ll tell him. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to be penciled back in. I can’t say he’ll be too happy about being lumped in close to Machine Man.

SE: “While you’re at it, ask him if he has any pull on eliminating my five-o-clock shadow for good too…”

51 comments:

Baino said...

Hahaha . . excellent although I feel a little guilty for really liking Sin City.

Mrsupole said...

Hehe. You are getting good at these stories.

Yup, you are getting hooked.

God bless.

Not For Jellyfish said...

What fun! Loved it! Especially after having tried to watch The Shadow just last week...

subtorp77 said...

Heh, heh; once I saw who was playing the Shadow in the movie trailer...that was enough( no really that was enough-bleah! )And I'm surprised you mention Stan Lee and not Spidey. Too, any supe is better than Machine Man! Puh-leese!

Gladys said...

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of man....The Shadow Knows.... muhahhahahahahahahahahaha....

If the Shadow goes on strike would the Gnomes take over?

Harnett-Hargrove said...

You must know your stuff! Love the opinionated name-dropping...

Candie Bracci said...

HAHAHA!I enjoyed reading that!:)

The Incredible Woody said...

I didn't know there WERE that many superheroes! It all just too much for me.

Kurt said...

Sin City was great.

nonamedufus said...

Why can't the Shadow speak for himself? Oh yeah, he's a shadow...
Funny VE

Roy Scribner said...

Is the Shadow's cemetery home on the boulevard of broken dreams?

VE said...

baino - No problem. I have Sin City in my DVDs but it's a tad bit bloody for me...

mrsupole - I'm fresh off a lot of writing. I've been writing a novel and I'm about 35,000 words into it...

VE said...

not for jellyfish - Tried. I believe that!

subtorp77 - I really only mentioned the ones that are in the works. I don't think there are any more Spiderman movies in the works...

VE said...

gladys - Who's to say they haven't already? Those gnomes...

harnett-hargrove - I found the concept of shadow a difficult one to make funny. It seemed to lend itself to more serious writing and being a humor blog, it was a bit more of a challenge...

VE said...

candie - Excellent. Thanks

incredible woody - Of course there are. You need that much protection. The world would be chaos without some superhero out there contemplating his plight in helping mankind...

Cbullitt said...

Yeah, gotta love that original thinking in Hollywood.
They're going to remake Outland--which was a remake of High Noon. Shhhhh. Don't tell anyone.

BTW, awesome site.

VE said...

kurt - A bit violent and bloody though. I'm personally done with the format too and it appears by the reviews and attendance of The Shadow movie...so was the audience

nonamedufus - Shadows always seem to be in the background...

roy - No, there weren't any vacancies there. Seems there is a long waiting list of live on that boulevard...

VE said...

Cbullitt - Uggh...not again. It's the same in the music industry too. You know, kids listening to songs they think are original only to find our years later they were all just covers of songs that were better the first time...

subtorp77 said...

VE, heh, heh...go here. It's an article from March '09...

VE said...

subtorp77 - Interesting...we'll see I guess. Superman and Batman went at least four rounds; might as well give Spiderman his shot.

Quirkyloon said...

Ha! Nice job VE! You silly Gnome Dictator you!

LMBO

VE said...

quirkyloon - Dictator? No...let's just say I'm a potater!

Brian Miller said...

please tell me they are not making a machine man movie...just when i thought they were starting to get better...

and if you figure out how to get rid of the 5 oclock shadow...sign the deal...

lime said...

guess it's a good thing peter pan had his shadow sewn back on more securely.

VE said...

brian - You're in luck...there are no plans to make Machine Man. Give them time though...

lime - Shadows can be as unruly as gnomes sometimes...Peter was pretty smart.

Betsy said...

Very fun...love your unique take on the theme. Howard the Duck? yea, whatever happened to him? tee-hee!

Beth said...

Halt production. Don’t want anyone messing with my shadow - we’re the best of friends.
“Me and my shadow...”

subtorp77 said...

@Brian...um...Nair?-LOL!

Nessa said...

The five o'clock shadow was a great close.

Tom said...

Shadow seemed to be a neat idea, but bloody stupid...did like Sin City...and really like your conversation...you make a good argument for NO MORE STUPID SUPERHERO MOVIES !!! please

Ronda Laveen said...

This is so funny. What great insight into the comic universe. I'm glad I wasn't the only one disappointend in "The Hulk." It deserved a Mulligan.

Loved Sin City. I think blood is okay on paper.

You had a lot of funny lines here. I especially loved: But didn’t you say Plastic Man had a credit problem and that The Flash was a bit too flashy?.”

Did you hear that Seth Rogan is going to play the Green Hornet? WTF?

I'm ready for chapters four-current and lovin' it.

Wings said...

HAH! Great take!

Aquaman should get his movie next, no matter what!

ReformingGeek said...

Shadows are sneaky. They mysteriously change the appearance of things making it look like there is a spot or stain. OUT, DAMNED SPOT!

Oh, wait, wrong show.

Megan said...

"He'll go after the groundhog too." - priceless.

HOW do you do it?!?

VE said...

betsy - He was the classic case of a bad movie ruining and entire character

beth - Now admit it...how much did you see your shadow up at the cabin? I thought so...

subtorp77 - Ouch...

VE said...

nessa - Thanks. It came to me at the last moment. I don't put a lot of thought into my posts; I just create them.

tom - Its saturation; just like every other movie theme that has come and gone...westerns, sci fi, etc.

ronda - Thanks. I was happy I pulled off something funny with the theme. Usually there relatively easy but this one wasn't

Roy said...

Hmmm... I think the Shadow would have a better chance at a do-over right away if he threatened to go to the press with the evil he sees in the heart of SE!

VE said...

wings - I think they're planning on one

reforminggeek - I know, I know; that damned stained glass just won't clean up!

megan - I've no idea...it just writes itself...

VE said...

roy - Now that's a given. SE's are all evil...good call.

Elizabeth said...

Oh "Sin" City. I was thinking you were talking about "Dark" City, which is a really good movie. I didn't know they made a movie of The Shadow. My brother and I used to listen to tapes of the radio show when we were little.

VE said...

elizabeth - Ah yes, Dark City, I liked that one too...

Kris said...

Couldn't be any worse than Chris O'Donnell...

The Silver Fox said...

Aren't we confusing The Shadow with The Spirit? The Spirit lives in Wildwood Cemetary (in the comics by Eisner, anyway).

Janna said...

I vaguely remember watching Howard The Duck years ago.
All I remember is sitting there staring at the screen, wondering how on earth someone got away with making such a truly terribly lousy movie.

Kinda like the "can't-look-away-from-the-train-wreck" syndrome.

Or the "Gosh, that stinks; let's sniff the air some more just to make sure" syndrome.

Maureen said...

Stan Lee will love it. Yet another movie for him to cameo in...

VE said...

kris - You've got an excellent point there. Good call!

silver fox - Shhhh...don't tell anyone I did that...nobody else caught it...

janna - That last comments was most excellent. I'm right there sniffing with you...ok, not really.

maureen - He's a veritable Alfred Hitchcock...

The Silver Fox said...

Heh. I guess it shows that in my time, I've been a comic book reader/collector/retailer/historian/scripter, eh?

Or, to put it another way... Did what? [whistles nonchalantly]

nursemyra said...

has he read this?

http://theunbearablebanishment.blogspot.com/2009/08/spider-man-turn-off-funding.html

VE said...

silver fox - You know what is funny? My 12 year old son caught the mistake too...go figure.

nursemyra - Good stuff. I agree. When you take somebody out of character you're on a slippery slope. Take "the Fonz" from Happy Days. They ruined a mysterious side character by making him the main character and then having him in ridiculous situations that ruined his character.

Jaime said...

there are some superheroes that just shouldn't have movies. i'm currently bored out of my mind watching the watchmen... okay, not real superheros...but still

VE said...

jaime - I feel fortunate to have not watched The Watchmen