Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Stand By Your Man Song Analysis

Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman

Particularly among Islamic fundamentalists. I mean, while going outside with 25 layers of veils on is wonderful for preventing skin damage from the sun but then again, who’s going to know? They can’t see you anyway!

Giving all your love to just one man

But if you act now through our special offer, we’ll throw in another man for the same price!

You'll have bad times

Cleaning, cooking, PMS, not getting that three hour cuddle time

And he'll have good times

Poker night, cigar time, sporting events, some new useless electro-gadget

Doing things that you don't understand

Grunting conversations are subtle forms of communication among men and go back to the caveman days when it didn’t matter what you said, it just mattered what you killed and brought home.

But if you love him you'll forgive him

It comes about 3-4 hours (or days) after the arm-crossing death gaze…

Even though he's hard to understand

All 825 shop tools have their purpose and are indeed necessary!

And if you love him
Oh be proud of him
'Cause after all he's just a man


But if you act now, we’ll throw in even a third for no extra cost!

Stand by your man

It is recommended that one-to-two feet to the side and one foot to the back provides for optimal swinging of said knife when planning to engage in backstabbing.

Give him two arms to cling to

Portable velcro arms my be purchased in your local department store or online.

And something warm to come to

Yes, molten lava is effective but it is also difficult to keep around without hardening before you can throw him into it

When nights are cold and lonely

Hey, that’s what snuggies and DVDs were invented for.

Stand by your man

Suggest that he use deodorant before hand though

And tell the world you love him

Just make sure you have unlimited calling. It could take awhile and cost a lot if not.

Keep giving all the love you can

Or sell it…Nevada is still legal and what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas

Stand by your man

I’d recommend right behind him when the natives with the blow darts get hostile on that remote vacation…

Stand by your man

Those unemployment lines can be long and boring…

And show the world you love him

Giant billboards filled with pillow-talk and kissy words will work. Be sure he sees it when he’s with buddies and co-workers too

Keep giving all the love you can

Order his Viagra in the convenient economy size

Stand by your man

49 comments:

Matt-Man said...

I'm kind of disturbed. As a guy who has not nearly 825 shop tools, but merely had a drill; does that make me on average, less of a man? Cheers!!

Baino said...

I'm shocked! I thought you were such a blokey bloke. Turns out you're totally in touch with your feminine side. Awwww.

Anne said...

[still shaking head]

Candie Bracci said...

OMG!You are SO funny!LMAO!!!:)

Elizabeth said...

I couldn't read these lyrics without hearing Jake and Elwood singing them. :)

lime said...

yeah, pass the burqa please.

and matt-man, it's a matter of how well you can use your tool.

subtorp77 said...

Like the different approach to this one, VE; but a Tammy Wynette song? Or are you going by another version of this( there must be hundreds )??

Jacki said...

Doing things that you don't understand

Grunting conversations are subtle forms of communication among men and go back to the caveman days when it didn’t matter what you said, it just mattered what you killed and brought home.


This explains why there are times I will ask Peter a question, he will grunt, and I will ask "Was that a YES or a NO?"

Irritates me.

Quirkyloon said...

Did you hear about the new viagra ice cream cone?

It's called a "sex pistol"!

I kid you not! It was on FOX news and we all know everything on FOX is TRUE!

heh heh

Funny rendition of a horrible song! hee hee

VE said...

matt-man - I don't have any either! It makes us more of a man to admit it...

baino - You're scaring me... ;)

anne - You'll do that a lot around here. Good for neck flexibility.

candie - Long as you're laughing with me; not at me

elizabeth - That's how I know it. I think it's some standard western song. Uggh...

lime - Good response...I'll let you do all of my responses.

subtorp77 - The only one I know is the Blues Brothers one. I did know it was a country song because of the movie but that's it...

jacki - Go Peter, go Peter. haha I'm glad he's keeping the grunting tradition alive and well...

quirkyloon - That's not right, that ice cream. Some guys don't need Viagra. Why if I ate that by accident I'd be in the hospital! Oh, and horrible songs are the BEST for doing these song analysis posts with.

moooooog35 said...

So true.

It IS hard to be a woman.

I mean, even the best penis tuckers find it popping back out at the most opportune times.

Perhaps I've said too much.

VE said...

moooooog35 - Sometimes it's hard to be moooooog...

subtorp77 said...

VE, funny how the BB version pops up second, for me( I was exposed to way too much Country & Western as a kid )...

Gladys said...

I see your a Stand by Your Woman kind of a Man. Does this mean your Ronnie Milsap? Oh wait no it's Stand by Your Man. You know Tammy didn't stand by her man long. Nope she left him in a puddle of booze.

VE said...

subtorp77 - Fortunately...I wasn't! I'm sure there are injections that will help...

gladys - The important part is that she did for a moment...

subtorp77 said...

VE, oh gee thanks! But I opt to just drown it out with old metal music. Or Dr. Demeto shows-LOL! Thena gain, not all of it was bad( no wait...relapse! )

VE said...

subtorp77 - I haven't heard a Dr. Demento show in about 25 years. Are they on CD? Internet?

subtorp77 said...

VE, you can find a lot of it on CD( if you look hard enough ). I stopped listening about '93 when it stopped airing on WZLX.

Ronda Laveen said...

There will be no extra adding in of extra men on any deal we make! (Crossing arms and giving death-gaze). This is one item where the bonus offer is not appreciated. It usually takes three women to take care of one man.

VE said...

subtorp77 - I'll have to look around. That would take me back.

ronda - How true is that. Where can I get my extra two women?

JennyMac said...

Portable velcro arms? Hello? Where might I get those? LOL.

Serena said...

Damn! I was hoping to never hear that song again.;)

VE said...

jennymac - Everybody wants 'em...

serena - That's usually when you'll hear it...

ReformingGeek said...

Oh, so THOSE are the words to that song. I thought the song was called "Tan By Your Man".

WTF?

Kidding.

Brian Miller said...

lol. too funny.

Janna said...

If I had a man, I would probably stand by him most of the time.

Well, unless I got tired.
Or if there was a sale on something I wanted.
Or if he'd had a lot of beans recently.
Or if he'd recently left the toilet seat up, thus causing my butt to get an unexpected dunking in the middle of the night.
Or if he was doing projectile vomiting.

Y'know, I've decided that being single and alone isn't all that bad after all.

I should start a new movement called "Stand By Your Cat".

VE said...

reforminggeek - That was big in the 70s and 80s...and then there was all that skin cancer nonsense you know and it ruined all the fun...

VE said...

brian - Thanks

VE said...

janna - Stand by your Cat might be a whole new chapter in the stand by song saga. I think you've got it!

Jeff said...

Did you know Tammy Wynette had a string of other similar but far less popular songs?

"Please stand by, we'll be right with you"

"Bland from your pan"

"Kneel in front of your man"

"Sit by your dish"

Megan said...

Thank you for bringing this to my earworm's attention. Thank you soooooo much.

A Free Man said...

Nicely done. I always new there was more to this song than what you hear on the surface ;)

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

This is my favorite post so far. Nice job. Very funny.

VE said...

jeff - I never knew you were such a Tammy Wynette fan. I'll bet you played all those tunes during your days touring...

VE said...

megan - Hahahaha...my pleasure as always!

VE said...

a free man - One had to hope so...there's not much to it otherwise

VE said...

MikeWJ - Oh sure, set the bar higher for me. You should have said "they all suck!" It's much easier to improve from the bottom...or not...

Jaime said...

well done... but what kind of man are you getting for half price? full price ones are usually pretty overpriced and overrated :P

VE said...

jaime - Exactly...we need to unload a bunch of them

Uncivil said...

What do you get when you
Mix PMS with GPS?

A crazy woman who will find you.

VE said...

uncivil - OMG LOL

California Girl said...

hahahahahaha! I've had that damn song on the brain for several days thanks to my "Sleepless in Seattle" soundtrack. Now it's back. AAAAARRRGGHH!!!!!!

VE said...

california girl - Ok, but don't watch Blues Brothers either or it'll remain there in your head...

Maureen said...

Oh Gak! I hate that song!!!

Kudos to you for making it through the thing .... I know I couldn't.

VE said...

maureen - The more you hate it, the funner it is to parody it though...

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Do you think Muslim women are lacking in vitamin D?

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - Definitely. They don't have strong bones at all!

Mrsupole said...

Can I really get 2 more men if I stand by them. Do you think they will give me their paychecks too? That is all I really need and then I will stand by them. But I really like the idea of standing by my cats even more. At least they rub your legs while you are standing there.

Oh and those poor women who wear burqa's, but just think how much money you save on hair dye, jewelry, make-up, clothes, and unfortunately you do have to buy nice shoes. I could just go out in public in my pj's and who would know. But I think they go outside in their courtyards with the water fountains. Hmmmm, maybe that is where all the women are, but then again maybe they are not...yup 3 men sound good.

So shouldn't the song be "Stand By Your Men"?

God bless.

VE said...

mrsupole - You can get a whole truckload of men. We've rounded up all the useless ones just for you!