Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Great Tupperware Lid Scandal

Per readers’ request, VE has sent his crack team of gnomes out on one of the biggest mysteries to plague mankind. No, we’re not talking about why Full House ever made it on TV here; we’re talking about what happens to Tupperware lids after they “disappear”.

The gnomes are the best at finding out dirt on anything. They immediately got wind that something wasn’t right and have spent the last week or so gathering their evidence. Here’s how it all goes down:

Plumbers, exterminators and babysitters were all part of the organization. Disguised as normal working people, they come into your home and slowly, over time, steal an acceptable 38% of your Tupperware lids; enough to ensure you won’t notice right away.

Then, the postal service ships them off to secret underground storage facilities that look like this:

This is the primary reason why postal rates continue to go up; costs of their covert activities have more than doubled in transporting the Tupperware lids to these underground networks. This is also why your mail never gets there on time.

From these underground networks they can sort and transport the lids to their ultimate destination.


That’s right, the fashion industry. They fuel the government with cash so that they can sell their trendy looks to unethical and not too bright rich people so they look sheik. Oh, and Tupperware themselves provide a nice kickback as well because it means more reorders for them. Everybody wins except the common people being robbed. As always.

56 comments:

Mrsupole said...

This is my last time I swear.

God bless.

Mrsupole said...

Can you train the gnomes to find our lids, we would pay them.

Please, please.

God Bless.

Roy Scribner said...

I feel like I've just been robbed...
lol!

subtorp77 said...

Darn! There goes that secret! And your gnomes were on my radar when they took that snap. Luckily for them, there was a malfunction in the guided missile system. I'll get 'em...next time!( shakes fist in the air )...

monica said...

phju - good thing that thing now is off my I-wonder-where list.
On my I-wonder-how list on of the main topics is how on earth does VE even come up with these things!!
LOL!!

freetheunicorns said...

That's why I don't trust plumbers, exterminators or gnomes. Though I do miss my gnome.I wish he'd come home soon.

The Incredible Woody said...

There are also people like me that have an 'in' with the night security at the storage facilities. I have more lids than I know what to do with!! Give me some specs and I might be able to hook you up.....

Megan said...

I actually have the opposite problem - a drawer full of lids, and nothing to put them on!

VE said...

mrsupole - It's very difficult to find your actual lid. Does it have any identifying marks? Spaghetti sauce? Peanut butter?

VE said...

roy - The gnomes said "we like to Rob Roy"...get it...Rob Roy? Oh, never mind...

VE said...

subtorp77 - Ha! I thought you might take a shot at them. They're like roaches without the icky part...they get everywhere!

VE said...

monica - That is a mystery even the gnomes can't figure out...

VE said...

freetheunicorns - Let me tell you, plumbers should not be trusted. That whole inner working in the toilet; that's all just over complicated and they made it so in order to confuse and frustrate us and have to call them...that's when they steal the lids. But as to the gnomes; they like to travel you realize. They'll be back.

VE said...

incredible woody - Aha...so you're running the black market part of the business...

VE said...

megan - You must not let a lot of plumbers and babysitters in...

Quirkyloon said...

Ditto what Megan said. I have the lids, no bowls to match! I think MY gnomes are messin' with me.

Do you gnomes do that?

Ha!

subtorp77 said...

VE, heh, heh, all systems are back on-line! And LMBO at your comment to Roy :)

VE said...

quirkyloon - They're just messin' with you. They're probably selling your bowls to secret bowl collectors...

subtorp77 - I'm sure he gets that joke all the time.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I would totally wear that dress, only I don't know what cup size you have to be;-)

Starrlight said...

This actually makes sense. How spooky is that?

Dalton J. Fox said...

How DID Full House ever make it to TV?

ReformingGeek said...

Um, no, VE, that's not it. The government uses the lids to seal the nuclear waste disposal areas which are guarded by the gnomes.

lime said...

gees, all the missing lids...i should at least get a dress out of the deal.

nursemyra said...

I knew there was something "off" about that last plumber we had at the gimcrack

Gladys said...

OK that explains the lids but where do the bottoms go? I have dozens of lids I need the bowls. What about socks? Why is it I have 1 of each kind but no pairs?

Janna said...

OMG, wow, you're right...
This explains why we never see any antique Tupperware lids.

Freaky.

So is there a vast government conspiracy going on, where all our elected officials are secretly plumbers, exterminators, and babysitters?
I always wondered about Dick Cheney...

Janna said...

P.S. For all we know, this conspiracy goes all the way back to Watergate, and Nixon stole the lid from an attractive party platter.

Or maybe George Washington was stealing lids back when Tupperware was made of wood...

Elizabeth said...

o what orginization steals the containers because I have about twice as many lids as I do bowls!!

Me-Me King said...

I have everyone's missing lids and bowls. I have a rule - send me home with your Tupperware and you'll never see it again. They're mine, all mine, mine!!! bruuuuu-ah-ah-ah.

Serena said...

I am so relieved. I thought for sure they were slipping into some parallel universe, never to be seen again.

Jaime said...

hmm...that dress is hot. i think i need to find one of those. of course, with my luck, it'd rain the day i chose to cruise around in a dress of candy dots.

Ronda Laveen said...

I have lids. I have bowls. Most of them don't match but I keep them because I am sure that at any moment. The gnomes will straighten this mess out.

Silly me. Gnomes don't organize drawers.

Sarah said...

Can the gnomes look into where the missing socks are - perfect pairs go into the dryer but only one comes out...den den den

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - It doesn't matter too much, you can squeeze a lot into tupperware, remember?

VE said...

starrlight - The gnomes always find out the real story!

VE said...

dalton - Now THAT is a mystery...

VE said...

reforming geek - Ha! Alas, that is just their fake agenda. It's a cover up for the fact that they've been putting the nuclear waste in SPAM for years...

VE said...

lime - You realize they charge top dollar to the stupid rich people for those...

VE said...

nursemyra - Why do I laugh when I read plumber and gimcrack in the same sentence. It's so cliche!

VE said...

gladys - Socks? I've got you covered. I posted on that conspiracy back on Feb 9, 2008. Here's the link:

http://vehow.blogspot.com/2008/02/socks.html

VE said...

janna - Dick Cheney did a lot of babysitting Bush...so I guess you are right! I think the whole conspiracy of container stealing goes back to before they even invented round containers!

VE said...

elizabeth - Interesting...you're obviously living in a parallel universe of opposites and you don't know it. In the normal universe, Juneau has weather like San Diego...

VE said...

me-me king - Ha! There's always somebody that wants to challenge and take over the criminal industry! I should have known...

VE said...

serena - No, there's always an evil plot behind these things...

VE said...

jaime - Not to worry, tupperware is waterproof...

VE said...

ronda - No, they won't...but they'll give your drawers a wedgie!

VE said...

sarah - I've got you covered, refer to my reply to Gladys!

Nessa said...

I like that dress. At least my lids have gone to something useful.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Dude....did you just call me fat?!!!

VE said...

nessa - It always feels good supporting the rich and vain...

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - Ha! No! You asked about cup size and I said not to worry; you can squeeze a lot of "cup" into tupperware...

Jaime said...

they look more like those candy buttons than tupperware lids!

VE said...

jaime - They're small tupperware lids...

Maureen said...

Does that dress burp when you press it? Because, you know, it's not Tupperware without its famous burp.

VE said...

maureen - I can't believe nobody else mentioned the burp! Good one...

disa said...

I love it ! Very creative ! That's actually really cool Thanks.