Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Silly Toy Packaging

Ah yes, one of the requests awhile back was for “Silly Toy Packaging”. Fortunately the gnomes are a magnet for such nonsense.

Take this first one, as an example. What is little Johnny really learning here?

The designer of this next one either had a perverse sense of humor or just didn’t understand the importance of background graphics tied to actual product placement.

Now sometimes, it’s just the packaging itself that makes it silly. Well, infuriating that is. You know what type of plastic I’m referring to. This is the result:


This one kind of redefines that age old question, “Which Would You Rather?” I’m gonna have to side with the yellow guy given these choices.

Now, what’s really funny are reading English translations of products. Take this Batman toy for example. Go ahead, ignore your boss and take the time to read this one. Does the thought, “need English editor” come to mind?

I thought so. Because anyone can take this crap and run it through the online translators. Here, I’ll even prove it (I’ve done this exercise before here). Let’s take this little write up on Superman:

Superman was born on the planet Krypton, which was obliterated just after he was rocketed to Earth. He landed in Kansas on a farm and grew up with super human abilities that later allowed him to find his true destiny in helping save mankind. He moved into a home in the North Pole and a summer home in Metropolis using a disguise to work at the Daily Planet while he saved the world from danger.

And then we’ll run it through the online translators from one language to another language until we translate it back to English…sort of a “telephone game” exercise gone seriously wrong. Here’s what that company would put on the package:


Superman had become born on planet krypton, just now after deleted it was; then was put up in arrow at the earth. It unloaded in Kansas at a farm and is with the magnificent human capacities grown, which permitted it later for its fate to find true assistance except mankind. It is into a house in the north pole and a house gone in the metropolis, which uses a lining at the work on the daily planet changing the world of the danger.

This is why humankind will not surivive…

54 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Yippee, first again.

Mrsupole said...

Johnny is learning dinosaurs can hump and have S&M sex.

Johnny learns mommy gets happy if daddy has a big pickle.

Johnny learns cheap things come in cheap packages.

Johnny learns that piss and shit can come together, stay together, live together, and leave together, and that once piss and shit get ahold of you they won't let you go.

Johnny learns that there are some full blown idiots out there who are mindless Obots and they cannot think for theirselves and get a story straight and that these corrupt criminals are all over the place, running the cities, running the states, running the government, running the banks, running the big business. Johnny learns there is no one he can trust due to all the corruption and greed going on all around him.

Then Johnny runs into Robin from the Hood and he just knows he can trust him. Things are finally starting to perk up as he reaches into the pickle jar. But the juice is made of Kryptonite and Johnny then knows that Superman is in trouble. Shit Johnny knows he is gonna freeze his ass off.

Will this ever end? Will he be able to save Superman? Will he save the Obots? Will he save the country? Will he get to eat his beloved pickle? Will he ever get scratched in all the right places? Who will tickle his batwings? And he wants to move out of his frickin cave and into a condo so bad, but does not know if that will happen either due to the market values.

There is only one thing he can do, he has no choice. He has to do it.

He has to ask the amazing VE, cause VE knows it all. VE sees. VE reads. VE controls. Only VE knows the right from the greed. VE knows the corrupt. VE know what to do. Will Johnny ever ask VE..........only VE knows.

God bless.

Nessa said...

Sometimes I think these "accidents" are done on purpose, like children's cartoons full of adult jokes.

The translator trick is great.

subtorp77 said...

OMG! VE, look up "recalled toys" and be amazed!!!! Especially at the reasons-LOL!

Roy Scribner said...

Wow, wouldn't it be easier if Superman would just buy the world a Coke and teach it harmony?

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I once had a coo-coo clock that had intructions that told me how to fix the chain should it become dislodged. It said..."turn coo-coo on it's head." It only got worse from there.

moooooog35 said...

Wow...those stuffed animals make the way I play with my pee and poo now look kinda nasty.

Quirkyloon said...

If Superman had been born a few decades later, he wouldn't have needed to go through the whole, "I'm a journalist." spiel.

All he needed was a police scanner.

Ha!

Dee said...

fantastic! pee and poo lol Must be japanese?

The Incredible Woody said...

I visited Metropolis and took my picture with Superman.

VE said...

mrsupole - Ha! Wow, you are on a roll today! That Johnny...he's a mess. No wonder he cracked open the door with the axe and said "Here's Johnny!". As for asking the Amazing VE? First have him bring the cape from Superman to prove that he's worthy...

VE said...

nessa - Yes, I'm sure that's the case with some. I remember that being the case with a few of the Disney animated movies. Did you notice how American Pie started out as a wholesome family show and they snuck in a few sex scenes and party scenes? I think they got a little bit too obvious though...

VE said...

subtorp77 - There's this guy on you tube that features obscene marketed toys. It's insanely funny. There's this Spiderman bow and arrow kit and the arrows have suction cups. Well...you insert the arrow through his ass and out his crotch to fire it from the bow. Oh...and then there's the inflatable Wolverine hammer and the inflat spout is right at his crotch! Then there's the Dinosaur line by Fisher Price that's sold as an educational toy and they include a human with every package. Of course somebody forgot to educate them that dinosaurs and humans never existed together. But better than that, you pull a trigger down at their crotch and they all do something. The faster you pull their dong trigger, the more excited they get. It's just unbelievable they designed them that way...

VE said...

roy - I fear it is a bit more difficult than that...because I prefer Pepsi...and you haven't heard my singing voice. A tough road...

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - I can only imagine. Was it Swiss? They only know how to make cheese, chocolate, and lots of money.

VE said...

moooooog35 - And here you could have been marketing that play all along. I can't believe you let these people beat you to that idea. Why when I think of poop and pee...I think moooooog35!

VE said...

quirkyloon - Ha! True. If he'd been born in the future though, people would be saying, Journalist? What's that. We have Entertainment Paparazzi and Sensationalists...

VE said...

dee - Those Japanese...they know how to be one with their poo and pee...

VE said...

incredible woody - Did you have him sign an autograph on your Kryptonite writing tablet?

subtorp77 said...

VE, I may have to check that out. But too, we had a lot of banned/recalled items, when I worked Toys Argh Us. Beetle Juice, Dick Tracy, Freddy Kruger action figures to TMNT puzzles. Most recalled due to human stupidity( a boy once tried to shrink his sister's head in the microwave, to mimick one of the Beetle Juice actions figures ); we had a recall on a TMNT puzzle courtesy of the JADL( Jewish Anti-defamation League ); the list is endless. And 'tis obvious that very little research is done.

As for the ones you mention, the hols are just around the corner, heh, heh, heh...

VE said...

subtorp77 - I'm sure that somebody can make a TV show on all this stuff and the show could go on forever...

subtorp77 said...

The gears are turning, heh, heh...oh and you just can't forget the "candy-pooping cow and deer toys"...just in time to fill the stockings-LOL!

lifeshighway said...

Why has no one mentioned the: "magnificient human capacities grown"? Please do not let my husband read this blog. Those words would come back to haunt me.

VE said...

subtorp77 - I expect to see a pilot next season!

VE said...

lifeshighway - Ha! You caught that! I'm amazed nobody else has commented on that either. Good catch...I'll give you 5 points...

ReformingGeek said...

Johnny's dinosaur, after humping Superman, gave birth to the other dinosaur. This happened because they couldn't get the birth control out of the package.

Johnny ate the pickle then had to stop to pee and poo while on his way to Metropolis.

Johnny is still looking for the batcave.

Baino said...

Just got out of bed. I need a Pee and a Poo!

Megan said...

It's your response to Subby that's really cracking me up.

Gladys said...

Is your synopsis on Superman translated by Yoda? Curious I am. Man from deleted planet super powers he has.

Hit 40 said...

I was hoping that some of the commenters would take a stab at what the heck the green thing is???

Green bean?
Hot pepper?
Penis with a bad STD???

Elizabeth said...

I know I'm not suppose to swear in front of the baby now that I have one, but trying to open one of those packages that the toys come in is infuriating!!

Uncivil said...

"Spiderman Stroke All" Really now?

subtorp77 said...

@Hit 40, looks like a pea pod to me! Then again...

Jaime said...

please tell me that pee and poo thing isn't for real. who the hell would buy that shit?

Ronda Laveen said...

The mrsu definitelyt was on a roll. "Johnny learns mommy gets happy if daddy has a big pickle." That is an important lesson.

Jamie was smokin' today too. "please tell me that pee and poo thing isn't for real. who the hell would buy that shit?"

VE said...

reforming geek - Ha! I see that you can see the bigger picture and make sense of all this too!

VE said...

baino - A package will be arriving from Japan...look for it...

VE said...

megan - I feel sorry for those that don't read our comments; there's more going on here than the post sometimes!

VE said...

gladys - Sure sounds like Yoda, doesn't it. Crazy...

VE said...

hit40 - Open that box up and you might have to stab that thing in self-defense!

VE said...

elizabeth - Welcome to the world of children's toys.

VE said...

uncivil - I blame the Republicans for allowing such products! ;)

VE said...

jaime - The Japanese; that's who!

Janna said...

WTF?
They said Bruce Wayne turns into Spiderman...?!!

Comment more can I not, so feeling depressed from knowledge of idiots in world.
Curious wonder from dinosaur manga and bonding of poo and pee, minus krypton pickles.

Mrsupole said...

Whoops, sorry for writing such a long and I am not sure if it was a sarcastic comment (can't quite figure out where I was going or if I was going anywhere), but I was on that Ambien again. And I usually do not have a clue as to what I write when I have taken one. Truly there is a hidden side to me that comes out when I have taken one. It is a good thing I do not leave the house after I have taken one. But then I could use the Kennedy Defense, which I want you to know is one of the truest defenses I have ever heard.

Although the other morning I woke up and I was in the middle of doing exercises in bed. Geez, I am wondering what my hubby thought I was doing. He was just standing there giving me this funny look. Maybe he thought I was trying to look good for him, but I truly had no idea of why I was lying in bed doing exercises. But I think that the pain from my shoulder woke me up. Yup, it is the Ambien working its wonders. But at least I wasn't ironing or cleaning the house like I did the first few times I took it.

Maybe I should just start out my comment with a, "Already took my Ambien, or nope did not take one yet." It is so terrible to suffer from insomnia...but that is another defense.....

Sorry again.

God bless.

PS....You do have some of the best commenters and that is why I have been lucky enough to be the first one, it is cause I was just coming here to read the comments. And yes, sometimes they are so funny, and the one you made to subt made me LOL. I always like the ones you write back to us.

subtorp77 said...

LMAO @ Jaime's comment! And did Mr. Hankey market this?-LOL!

VE said...

janna - Yes, a major WTF for that one. I don't want to hear about what Spiderman is stroking either...

mrsupole - Imagine if I took an Ambien and blogged! Scary.

subtorp - Yes, who would buy that shit, indeed. Apparently the Japanese...

Dalton J. Fox said...

Little Johnny is probably wondering how the dinosaurs became extinct if thats what they were doing all the time.

Did I really just see a toy of piss and shit?

So, Spiderman and Batman are one and the same? I knew it. Seriously, why do they even bother translating stuff like that? It's always so incredibly off that it doesn't even come close to meaning what it's supposed to. Might as well just leave it in whatever language it was in before.

lime said...

pee and poo stuffed toys....that is just wrong on so many levels....

Alex L said...

Wait so batman is spiderman aswell, as being Billy Crystal on weekends, that mofo must be busy...

Organic Meatbag said...

Pee AND Poo? Awesome...now I know what to get my nieces for Christmas!

VE said...

dalton - Problem was...those dinasaurs were the same sex...

lime - You just want a set to show people how wrong the world is, don't you? ;)

alex - I'm beginning to suspect all superheros originate to the same person...

organic meatbag - Only if you love 'em!

Maureen said...

Hah! Batman / Spiderman... the kids will never notice...

And that's one edamame bean I shall never eat.

VE said...

maureen - Yeah, those superhero guys are all alike...