Thursday, September 10, 2009

What to do when you have no Rhythm

Yep, it's Theme Thursday once again. This week it's: RHYTHM

And of course, being a middle-aged white guy...I know nothing about that theme. Remember the stereotype: White Guys Can't Dance (not to be confused with the White Guys Can't Jump movie...that's another stereotype)

I tried to understand why that was. Why can't white people dance? Apparently if you go the Racists and Stereotypers of America web site, you'll find a wonderful explanation: White people are too uptight. They worry too much. Non-white people don't worry about family and careers; they've got plenty of family that support them and don't move away without contact ever again. They outline it conveniently on their brain diagrams:



As you can see, considerable time is devoted to rythym. It's very scientific. Now, of course, everybody doesn't fit into this obvious classification. I mean, I used to have a custom car too and worried over it. But then again, I don't have credit debt to worry about. So I'm not convinced they're being objective over at that site. Rather...I've provided a handy excuse list for anyone lacking rhythm on the dance floor:

Top ten excuses you can use on why you have no rhythm on the dance floor…

10. Heredity

9. Your family is kidnapped and they’re making you dance like this under threat

8. You’re experimenting with bad fads

7. You’ve been living on the Muir space station and aren’t used to gravity

6. The accident and coma required you to relearn all movement again

5. You’re too important in your job to have time for social activities

4. You’re married…and it just gets bothersome to fight off all the babes if you show your moves.

3. Jerky uncoordinated movements actually burn more calories.

2. The doctor told you to look ridiculous; it helps build strong self-confidence

1. Your portfolio is huge!

64 comments:

subtorp77 said...

Heredity! That's got to be it( thanks POP! )

subtorp77 said...

"Average White Band"-LOL! Great reference and well done, VE :)

Marianna said...

I LOVE to dance...hmmm
What does that say about white women...? lol lol

Happy TT
xoxo

Baino said...

You're a white guy? Duped, I've been duped! Damned colour blindness it will be my downfall

Beth said...

If you don’t have rhythm, you bloody well dance anyway!
I do. ;)
Never mind what your brain's telling you - you listen to your soul...

Harnett-Hargrove said...

I don't know how much of this was true... but it's all amusing!

moooooog35 said...

Is it wrong for me that sex, food and my 401(k) all share the same space?

On a related note: I get really freaky with my accountant.

willow said...

My excuse is because I want to dance like Elaine Benes.

Brian Miller said...

umm...i am going with 3 + 4...lol.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Yah, I'm worried about fighting off the babes. I'm also worried about spilling the coffee I'm always carrying around.

The Incredible Woody said...

I dance awesome. Especially if my partner is Jose Cuervo.

Jacki said...

I am going to blog about this one day when I talk about the Danish wedding we went to....but believe me. Danish men do not have rhythm and they are about as white as you can get. It was hilarious to watch about 20 Danes get up there and "dance." It looked like they were all doing their own version of the Twist, even though the DJ was playing Abba songs. The more drunk they got, the more they bumped into each other.

mama-face said...

#3 for sure--if by white guys you also mean white women. If you don't- how dare you imply that I can't dance.

You'd have to reconfigure the whole brain too for a woman; that would a lot of hard work. I get it then.

nonamedufus said...

For me dancing is like singing. It works so well in my head, but when it comes to the execution... Thank god I have a huge portfolio, know what I mean? ;) ;)

Wings said...

heh... I am with you, too. May steal one or two of the excuses myself some day.

Gladys said...

I have four kids because my husband has no rhythm.

lifeshighway said...

There is the sub-set of preppy white southern frat men who can shag. But that mostly involves sliding you feed alot and spinning the women so it may not count.

Maureen said...

You mean sticking your leg out, jerking your ankle around at a right angle, whilst performing the hitchhiker "thumbs out" schtick with both hands ISN'T dancing????

Oh crap.

Kanrei said...

I can't even spell it. That is how White I am!

VE said...

subtorp77 - My family blames a lot on heredity...

subtorp77 - Glad you caught that...I threw it in at the last minute

VE said...

marianna - I cannot speak for white women..they're brains are a complete mystery

VE said...

baino - Well...I do get pretty tan when I'm inclined. These days I'm fairly white though...not inclined on dying from skin cancer I guess...

VE said...

beth - My soul told me work was foolish too...good thing I listened to that one. I'll have to dial up the soul again on this...

VE said...

harnett-hargrove - I make it up as I go...

VE said...

moooooog35 - It is wrong to get emotional about your 401K. Just accept that it's all gone and move on. When you have nothing left, the government will make the rich pay for your care...don't worry!

VE said...

willow - Excellent excuse.

VE said...

brian - Doubly good. You must really dance like a white guy to need two of them! ;)

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - That's a good one too! Always carry a spillable beverage. I choose a fruity rum drink...

VE said...

incredible woody - As long as you think you do...that's all that counts! ;)

VE said...

jacki - See! My point exactly. Get working on translating these excuses into Danish for them...I believe they'll work for Europeans too...

VE said...

mama-face - I'm glad you reasoned that one out...there's no way I'm going to attempt to comment or document the female brain...

VE said...

nonamedufus - Ha! I know exactly what you mean...

VE said...

wings - I try to be of service to my readers on all topics of embarrassment...

VE said...

gladys - Ha! I've heard about that rhythm method not working...

VE said...

lifes highway - I slide my feet around a lot (hardwood floors) but still don't have any rhythm so I don't think it does count.

VE said...

maureen - You have to go WAAAY up North for that to be acceptible. Oh. Never mind... ;)

VE said...

kanrei - Ha! I'll admit...I couldn't either. Once again we are in complete agreement!

Kurt said...

I am a fantastic dancer. I also have no credit or 401K (in my case, 403B) worries.

Quirkyloon said...

LMBO!

e said...

LOL!!!! Good one, VE. Happy Theme Thursday!

VE said...

kurt - Well that makes you an oddity for sure! ;)

quirkyloon - Thanks. Wow... shortest quirky comment ever!

e - Thanks.

Roy Scribner said...

Hey, this is how John Wayne would dance, so don't knock it!

VE said...

roy - Yeah...but he was John Wayne!

Ronda Laveen said...

I wanna dance with the guy that has the "huge portfolio." I've never heard IT called that before:-)

VE said...

ronda - Now I didn't specify what that meant...either he's rich or he's hung...you decide. Well...you aready have.

Serena said...

Don't feel bad. I got no rhythm, either. And I'm not even a guy. I am so ashamed.

Candie Bracci said...

I don't seem to fit..wait like usually!LOL!:D

Sara said...

Come to my house please and give a powerpoint presentaton on this subject to the 46 year old man who promised to love me until death does us part.

I cannot even TELL you how many times I've had to listen to the story about how his prom date told him that several of the other girls commented on what a great dancer he was (and how great he looked in his ruffly shirt & white tux). Glory days, huh?

Elizabeth said...

Hey, I dance everyday at my job and I'm awsome! I have totally mastered Ring-Around-the-Rosey, Londen Bridge is Falling Down and The Farmer in the Dell!

VE said...

serena - Well then...that's what the excuse list is for.

candie - Yes, my irony is that I'm fit...I just don't fit.

sara - Sure thing. I make wonderful powerpoint presentations.

elizabeth - Those are difficult to master too...I'm more free form interpretive. In other words, I make it up...and it's not pretty.

Jaime said...

hopefully rhythm is something one develops. because right now, my son dances like the whitest white boy EVER

Jeff said...

"Jerky uncoordinated movements actually burn more calories."

Well, now I know why I'm so damn skinny!

VE said...

jaime - I'm sorry to hear that...I don't think its a developed skill...

VE said...

jeff - Now how can you be in various rock bands without having rhythm? Crazy talk...

Janna said...

I think the last time I danced, I was in college.
My already-questionable dancing ability disappeared forever, along with my hopes and dreams for a future filled with love and hope and promise...

Er, I mean...

It's probably my sore feet.
Yes.
That must be it.

VE said...

Love and Hope and Promise? Wasn't that a Journey song? Or was it a soap opera? I'm so confused...

C.M. Jackson said...

ve-laughing and can't get the top ten out of my mind--great work! C

lime said...

ok, true story. i have a friend from ghana who introduces me to her firends and family as the first white woman she ever met who could actually dance like a ghanaian. cracks me up every time.

Carla said...

I like the accident / coma explanation.

Anne said...

women have rhythm.

VE said...

C.M. Jackson - They're there to help you!

lime - Remind me not to go there... they'll just demand that I dance!

carla - Could happen...

anne - You know...that method doesn't work well...

Mrsupole said...

Women don't need rhythm to dance, we just need a pole.....enough said.

God bless.

VE said...

mrsupole - Works for me!

VE said...

mrsupole - Works for me!