Sunday, October 25, 2009

Another Cold Case File

It was another cold hard day at the office. The crew from Musical Unsolved Cold Case Crimes (MUCCC) knew their business well and so the obscure 70s hit song that got slapped down on their desk looked to be pretty cut and dry.

Bobby Goldsboro’s first lover was their target. The crime? Sex with a minor! Witness the evidence from the lyrics of his 1973 song. Should you be a regular reader of MUCCC’s cold case files then you’ll already be equipped with your special “sentimental mellow mush” ear-filters and can properly listen to the song here without irreversible brain damage. For those of you not equipped, here is the evidence (you'll have to click on the pic to see it with detail):


Working off of very few clues, they focused on the Red Chevrolet that Bobby Ray drove. Researching Wikipedia (the source of all knowledge in the new millennium) they found that Bobby was born in January, 1941. That means that the crime had to be from 1958, the year Bobby was 17.

Bobby’s home town at that time, Dothan, Alabama only had a population of approx. 42,000. The only problem was that over 50% of the males there at the time were named “Billy Ray.” Cross checking each resident against motor vehicle records from the time, their search dwindled down to 4,800 potential residents named Billy Ray with Red Chevrolet pickups.

They searched each backwoods moonshine factory and peanut farm for the right Billy Ray. Having finally tracked down and verified his authenticity, they were stunned to learn that the female in question was none other than Queen Elizabeth, over for a tour of the USA at the time. Speculations that Prince Andrew’s father might be Bobby Goldsboro have not been confirmed at this time although the date timelines are in the possibility range. No arrests have yet been made as international law must now be consulted and timelines verified.


36 comments:

The Incredible Woody said...

Woohoo!

The Incredible Woody said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth said...

Queen Elizabeth?! A cougar? Hah!

(well done...)

Quirkyloon said...

Thank goodness you were leading up to Queen Betsy! I was worried sick with fear that you were leading up to Billy Ray Cyrus!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!

Uncivil said...

Woooohoooooo!!
I'm still laughing at Beth's comment!

Elizabeth said...

"The sweat trickled down the front of her gown". So that would be the royal grown?

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Ewwwww!

Gladys said...

VE does this mean you will be coming out with a new show? CSI Portland?

Morogon CSI?

Gladys said...

VE does this mean you will be coming out with a new show? CSI Portland?

Morogon CSI?

Janna said...

MTV and the History Channel should get together and do a documentary about this.

And that guy with the giant gun should probably take some anger management classes.

Ronda Laveen said...

I likes me a man with a big GUN!

ReformingGeek said...

Wait. Was he a boy scout?

Mrsupole said...

Laughing at Ronda liking a man with a big GUN comment. Was thinking the bigger the gun better.

Just wondering if you are sure it was the Queen and not Mrs. Robinson? I mean my money is on the Mrs. And you know that the Mrs. likes her men very young. And to think I had listened to that song and never put the Mrs. in it. Although that might explain why Andrew is the only decent looking kid the Queen has.

Hubby can still sing the "God Save The Queen" song. Hmmmm, now you got me to wondering why he wants to save her so much. "Yup, the Mrs. is a much better choice." said I while looking in the mirror.

God bless.

Mrsupole said...

Whoops, meant the bigger the gun the better.

And my days of being first might be over cause I am now taking the Amb*en CR and actually falling asleep earlier (I think at 4 a.m.). Wow that stuff works so much better than the plain Amb*en. I hopefully now got the Zzzzzzzzzzzz's. But then again......

Roy Scribner said...

Never trust someone named 'Bobby Ray.'

freetheunicorns said...

That would explain the Prince's bad hair.

VE said...

incredible woody - Wohoo, indeed. Dethroning mrsupole from the first comment even!

beth - Well...the evidence is circumstantial, of course...

quirkyloon - Yeah, that's one Billy Ray that wants to get in everything...but he's not getting in my posts...

uncivil - Cougars are tough to find and catch, you know...

elizabeth - More circumstantial evidence...or would that be circumsisual...

perpetual chocoholic - I'm going for a record number of consequetive ewww comments...

gladys - CSI Portland. The real crime here is the weather!

janna - I agree...but who's gonna tell him to go to the classes when he's carrying that things around?

ronda - Yes, three out of four women prefer men with bigger guns...

reforminggeek - If there's something secret or controversial.. there's usually a priest or boy scout around...

roy - Or Billy Ray. Or Bobby Sue. Or Jimmi Dean. Or...

freetheunicorns - More circumstantial evidence piling up! It is bad hair, isn't it?

Roy Scribner said...

Wait, I'm down with the sausage dude!

Jessie said...

Very enjoyable indeed!!

Thank you for stopping by my blog on Friday 55. I enjoyed your comment, come again.

Oh ... my apologies for being late, I'm heading towards your 55 next.

smiles,

Nessa said...

I see the similarities in father and son. They have weird rules in England, so any thing is possible.

Book Review #4 - Drood

Mrsupole said...

I have to say that since I got put in your "first" comment, I guess I got some kind of secondary first place award. Huh, got you there.

But then again you sorta ignored my comment. And all that work about the Mrs. I mean she is the first and original cougar. I really thought you would get that one. Sigh and LOL, can't decide which to do.

I must be depressed about giving up my first slot. Double sigh.

God bless.

VE said...

roy - Don't ask what that sausage is made of though...

jessie - Thanks. Welcome and don't worry...there is no "late" at Fantastical Nonsense. I'll either answer you or I won't...actually, I usually always do.

nessa - This doesn't explain Cricket, though

mrsupole - Ha! Sorry about forgetting you. This is what happens when I do multiple comments all in one. I seem to constantly forget somebody. I like it better than the individual ones and it seems like blogger has tamed down from eating my comments lately so I thought I'd give it another try. Yes, Mrs. Robinson was the original cougar...except this crime happened in 1958 and the Graduate event wasn't until 1966 so perhaps Queen E beat her to the punch...

Megan said...

That's a lot of work for a song I've never heard of in my life...

Susan Berlien (warmchocmilk) said...

I think it's pretty awesome what you did for "Mike" today over at "Ask and ye shall recieve". I was amazed at how it really worked! They don't like it when you throw their little game back at them. My blog will be coming up for review soon. I hope to get some constructive critism I can use. But I doubt it, the more I read. Love bites...she sure hates "mommy bloggers" and I am one. I honestly think she's sort of jealous...she's a single mom and it really must suck for her..so she hates people who have a happy complete little family and write about it. Oh well. I just wanted to pop over and say I thought it was cool..and also if you happen to read my review (Warm Chocolate Milk) help me out and say a few kind words...I'm not so good at the game...DANG! Wish I was better :)

Jeff said...

Sweet... do you get to work with Kathryn Morris?

VE said...

megan - You are fortunate! I remember hearing it in the 70s and if I hadn't had the 70s Music Choice channel on for quicks one day, I perhaps wouldn't have remembered it either. There's more to the saga...wait for it.

susan - Yeah, the real teller was when one of those people signed on anonymously under the name "VE's Mom" and all they could say was "Shut Up, Bitch". Ha! I think Mike has recoiled well...it's a shocker at first, nobody wants to be attacked so violently and cruelly. They have no tact...but in a compelling way many of us are drawn to them because they're not afraid to speak honestly, even if it is brutally (me included). In the end, having read so many reviews and having seen so many friends reviewed poorly I just concluded that they obviously have a limited scope and cannot step out of their own shoes objectively, to review something without crossing over the line. In Mike's case, they crossed over the line.

jeff - I had no idea who she was so I looked her up. Nice. Keep giving me names of attractive actresses that I can look up, would you?

angie said...

What a triangle......just wow. :) Glad the mystery is finally solved. :)

Serena said...

And now the truth is known.:-)

VE said...

angie - Yes, a triangle...the only instrument I can play too by-the-way...

serena - The truth is always out there...

Anne said...

i was looking for your reply to my comment, then i realized i didn't have any for this post.

oh well.

VE said...

anne - Should I have replied at your intent to comment? If that's the case...I'll leave one for Halle Berry right below this...

halle - Awww...you're making me blush...

Anne said...

no, that's ok, don't hurt yourself.

VE said...

anne - You should have told me THAT advice before I went running across that bridge the other day...

Jaime said...

i had an ID once that said i was from dothan alabama. too bad it was the wrong color and had my picture on the wrong side of the license.

i think there are some poor girls in my house using that fake...

VE said...

jaime - Excellent. I had a legitimate military Id with the wrong birth date. I was in charge of making them so I just made an extra for me when I was 18...

subby said...

You've got to add in "The Boss" as your next CCF. I'm just sayin', is all...