Thursday, October 22, 2009

I HATE Traffic

Today's Theme Thursday is TRAFFIC. I hate traffic. I hate it more than nearly anything. I hate it so much I would devise desparate short cuts through parking lots, pathways, elaborate U-Turns. Then people caught on...

I wanted to be that one guy breaking free. But to add insult to injury, they added toll booths to collect money. And that bogged down the other way until that one guy ended up with a commute like this:

So I decided to abandon the commute. Use mass transporation. Have a worry free trip instead. I tried the train, only to find this...

I tried the subway, only to find this...

I even thought, screw this, I'll go by bicycle. But even there, I found this...

Discouraged and angered, I wanted to get even. I bought hundreds of these:

And set them up all over the place...grinding traffic to a standstill. It was a lot of fun...for awhile. I also got a bunch of these...

And I layed them down at night and watched the fun the next day. That lasted for awhile. But ultimately I think there are just too many people in the city. I opted to get out of town.

Of course I'd be the one to get caught behind the slow moving moose! I had to go further, more remote. New Zealand! That's the ticket. I'd heard they had more sheep than they have people. My traffic worries were over. Until I discovered this...

Finally...I've ended up in a remote section in a place I will not disclose. While a bit arid and difficult to incorporate a daylight basement, it does have advantages. No worries about leveling the soccer field. No weed pulling. No worries about car door dings. And no traffic!!!

Now if I can just keep everyone away...

68 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Wheeeeeee!!!!

Mrsupole said...

Traffic is bad. Traffic sucks.

Fake potholes are funny. LOL

Moose on a road is very scarey.

I like your new place to live. But do you still get cable and are there any cell phone towers. Ours look like fake trees. What do they look like in your new place...big sand dunes, possibly?

God bless.

Deb said...

There's an easy solution. Become a hermit...if you can get to a remote place through all that traffic.

Nessa said...

I'd walk work at Mickey D's before I'd go to work in that kind of traffic.

Thursday Thirteen - Useless Knowledge

California Girl said...

We have alot of "slow moving moose" up here.

moooooog35 said...

If there's one thing good about the shitty economy is that there's less people going to work.

Less people, less traffic.

I FLY in.

Yay recession!

Kurt said...

I feel like Ive been in most of those photos.

Brian Miller said...

lol. i would like to escape it myself at time...i may need to invest in a few of those fake pot holes...hmmm...

Anne said...

i need a huge fake pothole for my street, too many people going too fast!

Wings said...

Ugh - getting some sort of phobia looking at those traffic/crowded pics! Egad!

monica said...

watch out!! we'll come after you before you know it!! haunting you to get online for more posts!!! wherever you are ! wohahaha !!!

The Incredible Woody said...

The best way to avoid the traffic during your commute is to work at home! Although sometimes it is hard to get motivated while in your pjs!

VE said...

mrsupole - Yeah...cable is a problem...I'll have to use satellite until I can find enough cable to string to the house.

deb - You mean really remote...like northern Maine? ;)

nessa - You know my solution...don't work!

california girl - I hear fast moving moose can derail a train if angered so maybe slow moose is a good thing...

moooooog35 - And then less work, more blogging time, wahoo...

kurt - Well Todd is famous so I imagine most of them are clamoring for an autograph...

brian - Those are wickidly ingenious. I hate when people invent things before I can think of them!

anne - Just get some detour signs and have them going around in circles...away from your house

wings - Run away, run away

monica - I know...I can't quit, my readers wouldn't let me.

incredible woody - PJs? PJs? I don't own PJs and I never go to work. But I do write. I'm writing a TV pilot right now. Which is really dumb because I don't watch TV...

Chris Eldin said...

AHAHHA! I liked the fake pothole.
:-)

Is there a word for "fear of crowds?" because that would be me.

Roy Scribner said...

Down with people! Oh, and stay out of my HOV lane!

Quirkyloon said...

I love traffic.

The exhuast fumes, my engine getting hot, and lots of "sign" language going on all around me!

It's as American as applie pie and baseball.

Traffic has been berry berry goot to me!

hee hee

ryan field said...

I live between New York and Philadelphia, and I'm not the best driver. (I tend to weave without looking)

But I've spent a third of my life in traffic. It probably wouldn't feel right if there wasn't traffic.

mama-face said...

Hey, i've been on that road with the buffalo. Where are all the crazy people outside of their cars taking pictures? That's the best part.

My favorite are the people who are obviously better than the rest of us drive up the emergency lane. or whatever that lane is called. Works for me every time.

Jasmine said...

What an amazing post. Made me smile.

AngelMay said...

VE you must be a city boy. That "moose" is a buffalo, silly!

Absolutely LOVED the fake potholes. Never have seen anything like it. What a great idea. That would be better than a speed bump for slowing traffic -- at least the first time. :)

Dreamhaven said...

The salt flats in Utah
Are great, I saw,
For all your traffic worries.
Now if only I found
A place with a pond
Of water and occasional snow flurries.

Skip Simpson said...

I think in a Roadrunner cartoon, Wil E. Coyote put an "Acme Fake Pothole" in a road, then fell in!

Uncivil said...

I think your moose is leaving buffalo chips on the road to olympic hell?????

VE said...

chris - My dad has that same fear. I'm not much for crowds usually, but sometimes...

roy - Yeah, you and your crazy RV! I've been behind you for several HUNDRED miles in the mountains...

quirkyloon - Only you would love traffic! This doesn't surprise me...

ryan - Kudos to you for admitting you're not an "above average" driver like the rest of the world! Ha! The first time I drove back East I swear I'd found my kinfolk even though they were all in the West...everyone drove fast and aggressive like me.

mama-face - I'm shameless when I'm in a hurry. I'm sure I deserve many more tickets than I've gotten in my lifetime.

jasmine - Thanks

angelmay - Ha! Finally. I was waiting for somebody to catch the moose-buffalo thing. I love putting stupid little stuff into occasional posts like that. Nice catch...

dreamhaven - Nice poem...only that picture is not from Utah! Now I've really got you wondering where it is from, huh?

skip - Poor Wil E. I think he should sue Acme products...

uncivil - Ha! You too caught my little joke. I should have known you'd figure it out...I should have put a republican out there...they're slow too...

...mmm... said...

Ah, you moved to the salt plains outside Salt Lake city? !! :)

Fun post.

GC (God's Child) said...

a friend of mine changed his hours so he could go to work and return home when there was no traffic
but there's no way around it when one wants to go shopping or something. . .

Mar said...

What a great post. With much blog traffic :)

Roy Scribner said...

Oh, I'm sorry - should I pull over and let you by? Bwahahahahahhahahahahahahahaaha!

Betsy said...

VE ~ you definitely win the prize the THE BEST traffic pics today! :) Thanks for the laughs.

nonamedufus said...

I think your moose is a buffalo. Yeah, you were right. We're lucky we didn't duplicate each other with our pics! How did we manage that?

VE said...

mmm - A good guess...but you are incorrect. There is another salt lake in another country!

gc - That's why I never shop!

mar - Thanks. I do have the fun readers!

roy - Dammit...I knew that's what all you RVers were doing

betsy - Cool. I hope that prize has one of those huge oversized checks. I want to take one of those to my ATM...

VE said...

nonamedufus - It is a buffalo! I just crack myself up writing moose though...especially when people don't notice.

Beth said...

Forget about working on roads re: travel. Get to work on your own version of a Tardis. (Remember Dr. Who?)

Gladys said...

I haven't read your comments and I'm sure someone has pointed this out but that looks like a beefalo and not moose. Also and too if you want no traffic maybe you should book your spot on the next space shuttle the moon. :)

e said...

LOL---I loved the buffalo!

Elizabeth said...

I think I'd rather hit a moose (actually I have) than a buffalo, that thing is HUGE! I'd rather deal with large animals on the road than that traffic! Yikes!!

G-Man said...

Just today I read that every day in India, 12.7 million people take the train daily.
In America...67,000!!!
Wassup?
Looking foreward to tomorrow's 55!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

We filled our city with wild deer to bog things down. Once you finally get going at a reasonable speed one jumps out and totals your car, thus creating a traffic situation.

thecapitall said...

*I* know where you're hiding. I've been there too. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.

Baino said...

Ha! I know how you feel but I'm still one of those horrible road choking commuters! Hate it! If only I could find a job where I could work from home!

VE said...

beth - You know what the great thing about building one is? There's no time limit for completing it because once done, you can just go back in time to catch up...

gladys - Ha! Yes, you caught my little joke too. As to the moon, I'd go there but it's so damn crowded with space stuff...plus, I probably could only afford the dark side...

e - It's a moose! A moose! It's one of those rare kind that just look like a buffalo...

elizabeth - I agree. The very worst is having buffalo driving in heavy traffic. That's just unacceptible!

g-man - I'm on the 55!!! I think those 12.7 million have nothing better to do with the day. Sort of like me...

perpetual chocoholic - This is a giant conspiracy, you realize. It's run by the autoparts and autobody establishments...

thecapitall - Good. Stop by for a fruity rum drink though. We don't get a lot of visitors. Be sure to park in the back...

VE said...

baino - There you go thinking work is acceptible again...

Suldog said...

Damn. I don't visit here near often enough. Great stuff.

Suldog said...

Oh, wait. You want everyone to keep away. Nevermind!

nanny said...

Love the potholes......great post

VE said...

suldog - No, you can visit the blog...just don't visit my private salt flats...

nanny - They're especially fun when Ferarri's are around...

Megan said...

Those are some great pics. I hate traffic, too!

And way more than 67,000 people take the train. That HAS to be wrong...

VE said...

megan - You are in traffic capital! The thing about LA is there really aren't a lot of other options than driving...

Ronda Laveen said...

Yikes! In need the BatCopter!

Coffee Messiah said...

Nicely done......my sister recently came out from Ca and didn't understand why we like it out here (for the most part).....we drove 40 minutes to the nearest town, on a 2 lane road, and hardly saw anyone.

She asked how we could stand it, and all I could say was, how do you stand sitting in traffic every day.

Cheers!

Harnett-Hargrove said...

i like you linear and precise way of logical thinking! -Jayne

VE said...

ronda - Hey...you're back. Yes, a copter would be handy. They're difficult to park though.

coffee messiah - I guess be glad not everyone likes what you do and vice-versa...

harnett-hargrove - Logical nonsense...now there's a thought...

Janna said...

(*twitch*)

I hate traffic too.
A lot.

(*twitch*)

Perhaps an order of buffalo wings would calm me down.

Er, I mean, moose wings.

Sandra Leigh said...

Wonderful post! It reminded me of driving from Austin to San Antonio once, watching the local drivers get tired of the traffic jams and just take off cross-country, careening through drainage ditches and the like, to get in front of the pack.

VE said...

janna - Ok...did you catch the moose/buffalo yourself or from the comments? Fess up...

sandra - Oh, I'd definitely be one of the ones in the ditch passing everyone. Less time spent in the car is more time spent outside of it...

Felicitas said...

Hilarious! Thanks for reminding me why I don't commute anymore.

Hit 40 said...

My husband just had a Japanese man visiting his company who told stories of his daily 90 min commute smashed in like a sardine on a train. CRAZY!!!

We have it good in America!!

nursemyra said...

I carry a book with me at all times. so whenever I'm at a red light, I just pick it up and read another page......

VE said...

felecitas - You've chosen wisely in not commuting...

hit40 - If it was in Tokyo, I've been in that subway train and it is unbelievably crowded so I can relate

nursemyra - I'd get too into the book and cause a traffic jam reading while the light was green...

tony said...

what did he do?That driver looks very sheepish........

lime said...

i could not agree more. HATE traffic. hate it.

VE said...

tony - Ha! You went there. Excellent. I knew somebody would go there...

lime - Here, here!

lettuce said...

ha! what an excellent post

that first photo is just extraordinary and also very funny

VE said...

lettuce - That first photo is ridiculous...I agree.

Jaime said...

i think i see myself in that picture of all the people riding bikes. oh wait... i don't know how to ride a bike.

Carla said...

Traffic sucks. I actively avoid it at all costs.

VE said...

jaime - Oh, don't worry, just hop up on one...it'll all come back, it's like riding a bike...

carla - Thankfully it's sparse on my salt flat...

subby said...

LMAO @ the fake potholes! Glad Worcester is such a small city( I know all the back roads, heh, heh )...you should try driving in Boston sometime, VE!