Today's Theme Thursday is TRAFFIC. I hate traffic. I hate it more than nearly anything. I hate it so much I would devise desparate short cuts through parking lots, pathways, elaborate U-Turns. Then people caught on...
I wanted to be that one guy breaking free. But to add insult to injury, they added toll booths to collect money. And that bogged down the other way until that one guy ended up with a commute like this:
So I decided to abandon the commute. Use mass transporation. Have a worry free trip instead. I tried the train, only to find this...
I tried the subway, only to find this...
I even thought, screw this, I'll go by bicycle. But even there, I found this...
Discouraged and angered, I wanted to get even. I bought hundreds of these:
And set them up all over the place...grinding traffic to a standstill. It was a lot of fun...for awhile. I also got a bunch of these...
And I layed them down at night and watched the fun the next day. That lasted for awhile. But ultimately I think there are just too many people in the city. I opted to get out of town.
Of course I'd be the one to get caught behind the slow moving moose! I had to go further, more remote. New Zealand! That's the ticket. I'd heard they had more sheep than they have people. My traffic worries were over. Until I discovered this...
Finally...I've ended up in a remote section in a place I will not disclose. While a bit arid and difficult to incorporate a daylight basement, it does have advantages. No worries about leveling the soccer field. No weed pulling. No worries about car door dings. And no traffic!!!
Now if I can just keep everyone away...
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I HATE Traffic
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68 comments:
Wheeeeeee!!!!
Traffic is bad. Traffic sucks.
Fake potholes are funny. LOL
Moose on a road is very scarey.
I like your new place to live. But do you still get cable and are there any cell phone towers. Ours look like fake trees. What do they look like in your new place...big sand dunes, possibly?
God bless.
There's an easy solution. Become a hermit...if you can get to a remote place through all that traffic.
I'd walk work at Mickey D's before I'd go to work in that kind of traffic.
Thursday Thirteen - Useless Knowledge
We have alot of "slow moving moose" up here.
If there's one thing good about the shitty economy is that there's less people going to work.
Less people, less traffic.
I FLY in.
Yay recession!
I feel like Ive been in most of those photos.
lol. i would like to escape it myself at time...i may need to invest in a few of those fake pot holes...hmmm...
i need a huge fake pothole for my street, too many people going too fast!
Ugh - getting some sort of phobia looking at those traffic/crowded pics! Egad!
watch out!! we'll come after you before you know it!! haunting you to get online for more posts!!! wherever you are ! wohahaha !!!
The best way to avoid the traffic during your commute is to work at home! Although sometimes it is hard to get motivated while in your pjs!
mrsupole - Yeah...cable is a problem...I'll have to use satellite until I can find enough cable to string to the house.
deb - You mean really remote...like northern Maine? ;)
nessa - You know my solution...don't work!
california girl - I hear fast moving moose can derail a train if angered so maybe slow moose is a good thing...
moooooog35 - And then less work, more blogging time, wahoo...
kurt - Well Todd is famous so I imagine most of them are clamoring for an autograph...
brian - Those are wickidly ingenious. I hate when people invent things before I can think of them!
anne - Just get some detour signs and have them going around in circles...away from your house
wings - Run away, run away
monica - I know...I can't quit, my readers wouldn't let me.
incredible woody - PJs? PJs? I don't own PJs and I never go to work. But I do write. I'm writing a TV pilot right now. Which is really dumb because I don't watch TV...
AHAHHA! I liked the fake pothole.
:-)
Is there a word for "fear of crowds?" because that would be me.
Down with people! Oh, and stay out of my HOV lane!
I love traffic.
The exhuast fumes, my engine getting hot, and lots of "sign" language going on all around me!
It's as American as applie pie and baseball.
Traffic has been berry berry goot to me!
hee hee
I live between New York and Philadelphia, and I'm not the best driver. (I tend to weave without looking)
But I've spent a third of my life in traffic. It probably wouldn't feel right if there wasn't traffic.
Hey, i've been on that road with the buffalo. Where are all the crazy people outside of their cars taking pictures? That's the best part.
My favorite are the people who are obviously better than the rest of us drive up the emergency lane. or whatever that lane is called. Works for me every time.
What an amazing post. Made me smile.
VE you must be a city boy. That "moose" is a buffalo, silly!
Absolutely LOVED the fake potholes. Never have seen anything like it. What a great idea. That would be better than a speed bump for slowing traffic -- at least the first time. :)
The salt flats in Utah
Are great, I saw,
For all your traffic worries.
Now if only I found
A place with a pond
Of water and occasional snow flurries.
I think in a Roadrunner cartoon, Wil E. Coyote put an "Acme Fake Pothole" in a road, then fell in!
I think your moose is leaving buffalo chips on the road to olympic hell?????
chris - My dad has that same fear. I'm not much for crowds usually, but sometimes...
roy - Yeah, you and your crazy RV! I've been behind you for several HUNDRED miles in the mountains...
quirkyloon - Only you would love traffic! This doesn't surprise me...
ryan - Kudos to you for admitting you're not an "above average" driver like the rest of the world! Ha! The first time I drove back East I swear I'd found my kinfolk even though they were all in the West...everyone drove fast and aggressive like me.
mama-face - I'm shameless when I'm in a hurry. I'm sure I deserve many more tickets than I've gotten in my lifetime.
jasmine - Thanks
angelmay - Ha! Finally. I was waiting for somebody to catch the moose-buffalo thing. I love putting stupid little stuff into occasional posts like that. Nice catch...
dreamhaven - Nice poem...only that picture is not from Utah! Now I've really got you wondering where it is from, huh?
skip - Poor Wil E. I think he should sue Acme products...
uncivil - Ha! You too caught my little joke. I should have known you'd figure it out...I should have put a republican out there...they're slow too...
Ah, you moved to the salt plains outside Salt Lake city? !! :)
Fun post.
a friend of mine changed his hours so he could go to work and return home when there was no traffic
but there's no way around it when one wants to go shopping or something. . .
What a great post. With much blog traffic :)
Oh, I'm sorry - should I pull over and let you by? Bwahahahahahhahahahahahahahaaha!
VE ~ you definitely win the prize the THE BEST traffic pics today! :) Thanks for the laughs.
I think your moose is a buffalo. Yeah, you were right. We're lucky we didn't duplicate each other with our pics! How did we manage that?
mmm - A good guess...but you are incorrect. There is another salt lake in another country!
gc - That's why I never shop!
mar - Thanks. I do have the fun readers!
roy - Dammit...I knew that's what all you RVers were doing
betsy - Cool. I hope that prize has one of those huge oversized checks. I want to take one of those to my ATM...
nonamedufus - It is a buffalo! I just crack myself up writing moose though...especially when people don't notice.
Forget about working on roads re: travel. Get to work on your own version of a Tardis. (Remember Dr. Who?)
I haven't read your comments and I'm sure someone has pointed this out but that looks like a beefalo and not moose. Also and too if you want no traffic maybe you should book your spot on the next space shuttle the moon. :)
LOL---I loved the buffalo!
I think I'd rather hit a moose (actually I have) than a buffalo, that thing is HUGE! I'd rather deal with large animals on the road than that traffic! Yikes!!
Just today I read that every day in India, 12.7 million people take the train daily.
In America...67,000!!!
Wassup?
Looking foreward to tomorrow's 55!
We filled our city with wild deer to bog things down. Once you finally get going at a reasonable speed one jumps out and totals your car, thus creating a traffic situation.
*I* know where you're hiding. I've been there too. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.
Ha! I know how you feel but I'm still one of those horrible road choking commuters! Hate it! If only I could find a job where I could work from home!
beth - You know what the great thing about building one is? There's no time limit for completing it because once done, you can just go back in time to catch up...
gladys - Ha! Yes, you caught my little joke too. As to the moon, I'd go there but it's so damn crowded with space stuff...plus, I probably could only afford the dark side...
e - It's a moose! A moose! It's one of those rare kind that just look like a buffalo...
elizabeth - I agree. The very worst is having buffalo driving in heavy traffic. That's just unacceptible!
g-man - I'm on the 55!!! I think those 12.7 million have nothing better to do with the day. Sort of like me...
perpetual chocoholic - This is a giant conspiracy, you realize. It's run by the autoparts and autobody establishments...
thecapitall - Good. Stop by for a fruity rum drink though. We don't get a lot of visitors. Be sure to park in the back...
baino - There you go thinking work is acceptible again...
Damn. I don't visit here near often enough. Great stuff.
Oh, wait. You want everyone to keep away. Nevermind!
Love the potholes......great post
suldog - No, you can visit the blog...just don't visit my private salt flats...
nanny - They're especially fun when Ferarri's are around...
Those are some great pics. I hate traffic, too!
And way more than 67,000 people take the train. That HAS to be wrong...
megan - You are in traffic capital! The thing about LA is there really aren't a lot of other options than driving...
Yikes! In need the BatCopter!
Nicely done......my sister recently came out from Ca and didn't understand why we like it out here (for the most part).....we drove 40 minutes to the nearest town, on a 2 lane road, and hardly saw anyone.
She asked how we could stand it, and all I could say was, how do you stand sitting in traffic every day.
Cheers!
i like you linear and precise way of logical thinking! -Jayne
ronda - Hey...you're back. Yes, a copter would be handy. They're difficult to park though.
coffee messiah - I guess be glad not everyone likes what you do and vice-versa...
harnett-hargrove - Logical nonsense...now there's a thought...
(*twitch*)
I hate traffic too.
A lot.
(*twitch*)
Perhaps an order of buffalo wings would calm me down.
Er, I mean, moose wings.
Wonderful post! It reminded me of driving from Austin to San Antonio once, watching the local drivers get tired of the traffic jams and just take off cross-country, careening through drainage ditches and the like, to get in front of the pack.
janna - Ok...did you catch the moose/buffalo yourself or from the comments? Fess up...
sandra - Oh, I'd definitely be one of the ones in the ditch passing everyone. Less time spent in the car is more time spent outside of it...
Hilarious! Thanks for reminding me why I don't commute anymore.
My husband just had a Japanese man visiting his company who told stories of his daily 90 min commute smashed in like a sardine on a train. CRAZY!!!
We have it good in America!!
I carry a book with me at all times. so whenever I'm at a red light, I just pick it up and read another page......
felecitas - You've chosen wisely in not commuting...
hit40 - If it was in Tokyo, I've been in that subway train and it is unbelievably crowded so I can relate
nursemyra - I'd get too into the book and cause a traffic jam reading while the light was green...
what did he do?That driver looks very sheepish........
i could not agree more. HATE traffic. hate it.
tony - Ha! You went there. Excellent. I knew somebody would go there...
lime - Here, here!
ha! what an excellent post
that first photo is just extraordinary and also very funny
lettuce - That first photo is ridiculous...I agree.
i think i see myself in that picture of all the people riding bikes. oh wait... i don't know how to ride a bike.
Traffic sucks. I actively avoid it at all costs.
jaime - Oh, don't worry, just hop up on one...it'll all come back, it's like riding a bike...
carla - Thankfully it's sparse on my salt flat...
LMAO @ the fake potholes! Glad Worcester is such a small city( I know all the back roads, heh, heh )...you should try driving in Boston sometime, VE!
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