Friday, October 09, 2009

James Bond in Second Grade

Ever wonder what James Bond was like when he was just a kid? Well I have…

ST: Welcome to second grade class, I’ll be by for introductions.

Teacher walks up to James…

JB: Hi, I’m James

ST: Mr. Bond, from now on and always from this point forward you will use your last name followed by your full name. Do you understand?

JB: Yes Ma’am

ST: Good, let me hear it properly then

JB: Hi, I’m Bond, James Bond.

ST: Excellent, Mr. Bond, now what would you like to be when you grow up?

JB: I want to be an international secret agent and seduce beautiful women.

ST: Well of all the ridiculous notions. A good British student will always grow up to be either an accountant, a dock worker, in a famous rock band or stay on the dole.

JB: Yes Ma’am

ST: How old are you James?

JB: I’m 007

ST: Well of course you are. This is second grade. Go see professor Q to get your school supplies.

James heads over to professor Q’s supply room…

PQ: Ah, there you are James. I’ve got some new stuff for you this year. See?

JB: But it looks like regular play-dough

PQ: It’s actually movie-dough. It expands into never ending franchise movie deals that will make you a lot of dough.

JB: Thank you

James has to eliminate his opposition in the school yard to get to the beautiful girls…his teacher interjects…

ST: Mr. Bond, why is little Johnny unconscious? I can’t stir him awake.

JB: He’s shaken, not stirred.

60 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Yippee, Yippeem Yippeem, Yippee,

Oh yeah, it is the conspiracry alien gnomes. Not me, the alient gnomes.

hahahaha.

God bless.

Mrsupole said...

James Bond already controlling the women at a very young age. The future is set. The alien gnomes were the ones who were really in control. They taught him everything he knows. That is why everything that his spy people had was so advanced. The conspiracy gnomes did it, they always do it.

God bless.

Quickroute said...

SssshhhhhhPlendid!
There was never as good a Bond as Connery

lime said...

doh! they start young don't they?

Nessa said...

Still laughing.

Roy Scribner said...

My son could take him with a lightsaber.

subtorp77 said...

Bwahahahaha! "Movie-dough"!

The Incredible Woody said...

Is it wrong that I've never seen a James Bond movie?

Elizabeth said...

I think I've taught some second graders like that.

AngelMay said...

Still laughing out loud here. That was VERY entertaining. Loved it.

Dee said...

when does he meet Money Penny?

Michelle Ann said...

That was funny. I think this is the only James Bond scene that I actually enjoyed

Gladys said...

Who was his arch enemy in 2nd grade? Dr. Poopiepants?

Gladys said...

The boy with the booger finger?

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Nowadays he'd bring his gun to school and just be like half the other kids there.

Mrs. R said...

I'm with Michelle Ann. I have a hard time justifying spending 2 hours of my life on James Bond movies...

Baino said...

Pusschy Galore made him do it! Schhhplendid indeed.

VE said...

mrsupole - You seem to know an awful lot about the conspiracy gnomes. Are they infiltrating your home too?

VE said...

quickroute - I agree with that

VE said...

lime - Sure do. The field has a high turnover rate, you know.

VE said...

nessa - Well don't hurt yourself...eventually you'll have to eat or interview or something.

VE said...

roy - Perhaps...but he'll come back later and seduce his wife.

VE said...

subtorp77 - You have more avatars than anyone I know!

VE said...

incredible woody - It's very wrong. Shame on you! I'll warn you; they're cutting edge at the time but they get dated easily. Sort of like Bond...

VE said...

elizabeth - You work for a spy school then. Excellent.

VE said...

angelmay - Thanks

VE said...

dee - Money Penny went to an all girl school, of course. They don't meet until he starts clubbin'

VE said...

michelle ann - He's an easy target to have some fun with; that's for sure.

VE said...

gladys - Not sure...you might be right. Of course in the teen years he goes up against Dr. Like (who makes all kids say 'like' and then collects royalties for every time they do)

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - Yes, guns were never that important to Bond...

VE said...

mrs r - See...and that's why I give you the two minute version!

VE said...

baino - She could certain persuade me!

Megan said...

But did he have an invisible swing?

VE said...

megan - No, but he could do the swing. That's impressive at 7...

ReformingGeek said...

I think I had a crush on him in 2nd grade!

Quirkyloon said...

Hee hee

And this is what YOU said.

"Hi, I'm V, V.E."

Ha!

Janna said...

I love Bond movies.
Especially the ones with Sean Connery.

I think Goldfinger is my favorite.

P.S. I'm typing this one-handed because I'm holding onto a purring cat. You might say I'm blessed with Pussy Galore.

subtorp77 said...

@Janna, LMBO!

VE, tell me you didn't know of this Bond character...

And I have to keep changing the avatar...gotta keep those gnomes confused, heh, heh...

Mrsupole said...

@Janna, me too LMAO.

@subt,
See I told you those are alien conspiracy gnomes. And they are keeping track of how often you keep changing your avatar. They keep track of everyone's avatar.

They keep track of everything.

The voices told me to be careful, very careful. I always listen to those voices.

Kurt said...

That one James Bond film at the ice hotel - the one with Halle Berry - that was terrible.

Candie Bracci said...

Wow!Again..total respect!lol

VE said...

reforminggeek - Even then he had that way about him...

VE said...

quirkyloon - Ha! I like it. It sounds so formal. The gnomes are rolling their eyes at me though...

VE said...

janna - Ha! Pussy Galore...every man's dream...

VE said...

subtorp77 - I had no idea they did any of those. It doesn't surprise me though.

VE said...

mrsupole - As long as the voices don't start singing you're ok

VE said...

kurt - Yeah, that was one of the Timothy Dalton ones. Uggh. But it did have Halle Berry...

VE said...

candie - I thought that's what Aretha Franklin had...respect.

Brian Miller said...

lol. love the bond films...i need to get me some of that play dough...

Candie Bracci said...

Apparently the voices are singing to you!LOL

Uncivil said...

Sean Connery will always be the best secret agent.
James Bond of her Majesty's Sercret Cervix no doubt?

Mrsupole said...

Hi VE,

I just went to Uncivil's site and got to see some lizard porn. I truly cannot remember ever seeing any of that on your site.

Hmmm, I think he beat you to something. Actually I cannot ever remember seeing it anywhere and I truly never thought of lizards in that way. Oh yes, it must be the voices again or the alien gnomes. Yup, a whole other conspiracy thingy going on. It has to be something, doesn't it?

God bless.

Jaime said...

i need some of that play dough. are they gnomes selling it in their store?

VE said...

brian - I think we all want some of that play dough...

VE said...

candie - As long as they aren't doing RAP...

VE said...

uncivil - I would have to agree...

VE said...

mrsupole - Lizard porn...you know it when you see it...

VE said...

jaime - The gnomes will sell you play dough...but it's not gonna be that movie dough stuff. I'd recommend not touching it. In fact, I'd recommend not even opening it, you never know what they'll do...

Maureen said...

Ahahahaha, oh VE your mind never stops, does it?

Did you know the real James Bond was from Winnipeg? We recently named a street after him:

"James Bond is a highly romanticized version of a true spy. The real thing is …William Stephenson.

Ian Fleming
The Times of London,
October 21, 1962

The True Intrepid… a Book and now a Documentary. Known by the code name Intrepid, Sir William Stephenson started off as a poor Winnipeg hardware salesman and ended up a Second World War spy legend and the inspiration for Ian Fleming’s martini-swilling hero, James Bond.

Cool eh?

VE said...

Canada has a secret service? It must really be secret! ;)