Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Movie Spoilers for Dummies

I’ve often parodied the “For Dummies” and “Idiot’s Guide” line of books and I’m sure I’ll continue to do so in the future. It’s sort of like when George Bush was in office. How could you not take advantage of such easy comedic opportunities?

The great thing about writing for “The Dummies” line is that your audience is so ineptly oblivious to the subject you’re writing about that they’re willing to be called a dummy (or an idiot) in order to learn something about it. If they’re that oblivious, you can make up whatever you want on the subject! How great is that concept?

Let’s try an experiment. I’ll put out this book:



Inside the book, I’ll write things like this:

300: Guess what? Don’t bother counting; there aren’t actually 300 of them

To Kill a Mockingbird: There aren’t any mockingbirds in the entire movie.

Return of the Jedi – Ewoks are not real creatures

Lord of the Rings – There is nothing beyond Middle Earth for it to be the middle of something

Fight Club – They fight

Rocky – Each sequel gets exactly that…a bit more rocky.

The Third Man – You don’t find out who the other two are

Das Boot – It isn’t about shoes

Slumdog Millionaire – The title spoils the end, anyway.

Die Hard – Despite the title to the contrary, he never dies, nor does the potential for yet another sequel.

Raging Bull – There are no bovines in the entire movie.

High Noon – Nobody got high

45 comments:

Beth said...

All great - but it was the Das Boot one that really hit my funny-bone!

moooooog35 said...

Die Hard: Has nothing to do with Sears AT ALL.

The Incredible Woody said...

Somebody DID get high during High Noon. Just sayin'.

VE said...

beth - Sort of booted you in the funnybone, eh?

VE said...

moooooog35 - Ha! I wouldn't be associated with Sears either. I'm amazed they've survived this economy...

VE said...

incredible woody - And I see you're not naming names...

Elizabeth said...

How about: Lord of the Rings-don't worry about the ending, you'll be fast asleep before you ever get there!

ReformingGeek said...

Middle Earth is more like the middle of nowhere.

Die Hard, Die Harder, and Still Not Dead would have been good names.

ryan field said...

lol...

AngelMay said...

Hey! Watch it, Bub! I own several "for Dummies" books. :)

Jeff said...

Yeah, but Noonan got high in Caddyshack.

VE said...

elizabeth - Better than a tax book to put you to sleep, eh?

VE said...

reforminggeek - Actually, Die Harder was in one of the titles. I like the Still not Dead...I'm sure they're need to use that next time.

VE said...

ryan - You just missed my cutoff for my blog roll. I'm a bit lazy updating it so it'll be a few weeks but anyone that comments gets on the list and since you've already commented on several posts, when I do link it, it'll be up a lot higher. Some readers care, some don't.

VE said...

angelmay - Ha! It's ok. I've got two of them myself. Yeah...when it comes to some subjects I'll readily admit I'm a dummy...

VE said...

jeff - Oh...see....now you've gone and spoiled it! Gee, thanks! ;)

Kurt said...

Nobody got high, indeed.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

lol. I still think they should put out a "Dummies for Idiots" book. Or vice versa.

Quirkyloon said...

Ha! Funny VE.

And I heard that there were no ONION rings in Lord of the Rings.

What? Oh, not that kind of ring, eh?

Woops!

Nessa said...

Isn't high noon an oxymoron. Oh, so, then, it really fits your book.

Nessa said...

My moronic comment fits your book too.

VE said...

kurt - It was a western, you don't want to be high when riding horses...

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - That would cover a lot of the population!

VE said...

quirkyloon - No cell phones either...cause you know Sauron would have had the one ringtone to rule them all...

VE said...

nessa - Don't worry...you fit right in here at Fantastical Nonsense! Just accept it and have a fruity rum drink...

Serena said...

Well, shoot, you just ruined going to the movies for me.:)

Janna said...

Gone With The Wind: More of a light breeze, really.

Silence Of The Lambs: No lambs anywhere!

Snow White & The Seven Dwarves: NOT about little people with cocaine problems.

Blazing Saddles: No saddles were harmed in the making of this movie.

Brian Miller said...

the ewoks arent real? i am mortified.

Mrsupole said...

I got high once or was it twice, I cannot remember for sure. I think the plane was flying really high above the ground. I mean we got so high we were seeing clouds.

Oh and I think I also own a few of those "Dummies" books, but I cannot remember for sure.

And I think I have seen a few of those movies, but I cannot remember for sure.

Geez, I cannot remember much for sure.

God bless.

Anne said...

it's too early to think up an addition to your book, ask me again in a couple hours.

VE said...

serena - But on the good side, I saved you hundreds in movie tickets and DVD rentals...

janna - Ha! Good ones. I knew you'd come through...

brian - Sorry about that... I won't say a thing about Yoda then.

mrsupole - You're going to have to buy the book "Memories for Dummies" instead...

anne - Ok...it's been a couple of hours now. I expect a good one now that you've had your precious coffee and morning time...

ryan field said...

Put me wherever you want.

Uncivil said...

Die Hard, Bruce Willis overdosed on Viagra?

VE said...

ryan - Just from the comments you've already made you'll have jumped at least the bottom 100 blogs...

uncivil - Ha! You are twisted. That was funny though...

Anne said...

i'm not a coffee person.

and perhaps that's why this is all i can come up with:

Harry Potter: no clay is involved

Anne said...

nor hair for that matter

Gladys said...

That's it I'm canceling my Netflix subscription.

VE said...

anne - Ha! Ok, I'll take it!

gladys - See how much money I've already saved you...

Chris C said...

I thought for sure you were gonna pull a Fine Bros on this one despite the set-up of the premise hehe.

VE said...

chris c - Ha! Now that would have been tempting...

Dee said...

thanks for the heads up on Das Boot I'm not going to rent it now.

VE said...

dee - I know...women are really thrown off by that title...

Jaime said...

guess i don't need to see any of these movies now. thanks for ruining all the endings.

got any other spoilers ve?

VE said...

jaime - Yes, the new upcoming Harry Potter will have more teen relationship drama...

subby said...

Hysterical! Simply hysterical!