Thursday, October 29, 2009

The New Age of Adult Halloween

Theme Thursday again, and appropriately the theme is Halloween this week. Lets spin a different twist on the age-old tradition...

“Thanks for coming along, I’m a bit nervous.”

“No problem. It’s your first time so I can imagine what you’re feeling.”

“It’s funny, when I was a kid, trick or treating was a lot of fun.”

“I know…and now it’s survival. Welcome to the new age of Adult Halloween.”

“But I thought this was just for kids.”

“It was. Until the economy went south, that is. Then we started the Adult trick or treating last year. Remember, we only hit the upper class neighborhoods where there are no kids. This is only the second year out for us adults so it can be a bit challenging.”

“Challenging? How so?”

“A lot of the houses prefer to hand out tricks rather than treats for us. Let’s split the sides of the street and we’ll see how you’ve fared by the end of the block”

At the end of the block

“How’d you do?”

“Not bad! I got this great low interest rate loan from that blue house.”

“No, no, no! That’s a trick. It’s a variable rate loan after one year with a huge balloon payment on the back end. This is what I’ve been trying to tell you, there are a lot of tricksters out there.”

“I also got some technology stock”

“Another trick, I’m afraid. Unless it’s Google or Apple, forget about it, the rest are worthless. You might as well have been given that ridiculous candy corn”

“Why does candy corn only come out during Halloween?”

“It’s the fruit cake of Halloween. Nobody eats it they just give it away the next year.”

“Well obviously I’m not doing great at this. What tips do you have?”

“Cash is the best obviously, but don’t take pennies, they cost you money to get them counted and there isn’t anything in them worth melting down anymore either.”

“What about food?”

“Go for the stuff that’ll keep for a long time. Like Twinkies or Spam. Don’t get any caramel items, it’ll cost you money in bridge and crown replacements at the dentist.”

“Ok, thanks for the tips. Are you sure I’m dressed right, though?”

“Of course, dressing like a stock broker or automotive worker are the biggest adult costumes this year. You look perfect. No go out there and hope for gold jewelry that you can mail in for cash.”

41 comments:

Ronda Laveen said...

Hey! Did I beat MrsU?

Ronda Laveen said...

By jiggidy jog, I did. I think I got a new Citibank credit card with 30% interest in my bag.

Mrsupole said...

Dang it, yesterday I was second, now today I am third. Oh crap, why was I so busy looking for my costume. I couldn't decide from the french maid, or the government worker. But I did find some candy corn from last year and I just stuck it in the bowl with all of last years caramels, wow, now I know why only adults knock on my door.

Good job Ronda, I am so slipping down the totem pole.

God bless.

Mrsupole said...

And how can I believe you about Kurt not really quitting. I mean PC is still angry with him.

I guess I will just have to keep my fingers crossed that he stays.

God bless.

Quirkyloon said...

"It's the fruitcake of Halloween."

Wiser words have never been written my friend. Never.

And thank-you for answering one of life's great mysteries to me.

Ha!

B.S. I loathe candy corn. hee hee

Brian Miller said...

i am dressing like a guy in the unemployment line...maybe that way they take a little more sympathy...or at least i can collect a check for a bit...smiles.

Betsy said...

Ha! Very cute. I'll take your candy corn...I think it's addicting!

The Incredible Woody said...

When I was a kid, I always ate my candy corn one color at a time.

nonamedufus said...

Now that's scary, VE. Very, very scary.

Wings said...

Hah - Interesting, yet sad really.

Happy Halloween!

Nessa said...

You have heard about the lawsuits pending against the company that does the mail in gold scam, right?

Thursday Thirteen - Fiendish Facts

Elizabeth said...

I still eat my candy corn one color at a time!

Candie Bracci said...

That is awesome VE!Really well done!

TheWordWire said...

This is a brilliant post. Unfortunately for so many, it's the bankers that will be coming to *their* doors... and they aren't holding out their goody bags for treats.

Jean Knee said...

I got some chocolate covered candy corn.

and I'm not even kidding

Kate Hanley said...

Great post if a sad commentary on our society's ills. I happen to like candy corn but in small doses. Happy Halloween.

GC (God's Child) said...

this is just perfect
I'll be hiding this year with the lights out--adults can be fooled as easily as kids.

Beth said...

I was going to dress up as a pension plan for Halloween but figured there’d be nothing left of me by the end of the evening...

lime said...

fruit cake of halloween. boy yo ugot that right. most people hate it but the few crazed lovers of it will gobble up any they come across.

e said...

A sad but increasingly true tale you tell. As for the fruitcake of Halloween, I never touch the stuff.
Happy TT and Halloween.

VE said...

ronda - Nice...you were really tricked, weren't you? At least you got first today...

mrsupole - Don't go with the government worker one...they're the only people that have jobs anymore. Their busy trying to account for all the spending!

quirkyloon - It's my job to explain the unexplainable...

brian - Fortunately I can do mine online and don't have to actually wait somewhere. Oh the humility of that...

betsy - Ha! I should have known, you're one of "them". I've heard about them liking candy corn but I thought it was a myth, a fairy tale...

incredible woody - That's just...odd. Wouldn't that be sort of like licking the chocolate off a kit-kat bar and then eating the cookie filling later?

nonamedufus - The closer to the truth, the scarier it becomes...

wings - Sometimes my humor goes to the dark side...

nessa - What? Really? They're not legit? Damn...I just mailed those two gold bars to them too...

elizabeth - Do you also pet dalmations one spot at a time?

candie - Now you have an appropriate name for Halloween!

wordwire - Yes, you are correct, another tough part of Halloween are the banker gangs hanging around waiting to steal your bag of treats...

jean knee - The gnomes suggest licking all the chocolate off and then saving the candy corn to give away for next year...

kate - I think large doses might be lethal...probably what they really gave Michael Jackson...

gc - Careful, the adult trick or treaters will steal your garden gnomes or potted plants...they're desperate...

beth - Ha! Touche... Nice one! You got this gig all figured out...

lime - And I shake my head about that...but I suppose there are people that enjoy blood sausage and head cheese too...

e - Good for you...give it back next year like most people do...

Megan said...

Beth's comment is awesome. I'm definitely locking my doors and turning out all the lights Saturday night.

You know, like I usually do...

Uncivil said...

I'm figurin' the Barackula and Bidenstein costumes will be a hit with the Dems this year?

ReformingGeek said...

I don't think I have the hang of it either. In my barmaid's costume, I rang the bell of that 12,000 square foot house up the hill. They put me to work serving cocktails.

I was really confused. I didn't see any chickens.

Roy said...

Hmmmm... That might not be a bad idea.
[Roy ponders the mansions on Ocean Drive...]
I wonder what I could dress up as to get these guys to open up the safe?

Great take on the theme, VE! Ain't it the truth!?

Jeff said...

Sheesh, doesn't anybody just give out popcorn balls with razor blades inside them anymore?

VE said...

megan - Yes, I believe Beth's comment is leading the comments contest today! Oh, and don't worry, the gnomes are going to put a big sign outside your house just as soon as it gets dark that says "I have lots of candy and cash for those that dare to ring the darkened house's doorbell ten times in a row..."

uncivil - They're classics! Plus, they've already taken away all the repubs slush money so now they'll have to make their own costumes this year! ;)

reforminggeek - Sounds like a decent job. I'd secretly replace all of their financial books in the library with Dr. Suess books...

roy - I'd recommend the Internal Revenue Service auditor costume...what could be scarier than that?

jeff - Are you kidding me? Do you realize how much it costs for razor blades these days? Besides, they're all these triple blade action gizmos with soothing gel strips and whatnot... Sometimes I miss the simple violence of the 70s...

California Girl said...

The most original post I've seen. Funny stuff!

Janna said...

Ordinarily I'm not all that fond of candy corn.
However...
I did learn a neat trick. If you chew a few pieces of candy corn at the same as a few dry-roasted peanuts, it ends up tasting exactly like one of those salted nut rolls with the nougat inside. Same taste, same texture, same salty-sweetness, everything.
Kinda cool, if you like that sort of thing.

VE said...

california girl - Thanks...I try for originality but its so hard to be original with 6 billion people on the planet...

janna - Interesting. I think if you soak them in whisky for three days...they'll taste like whiskey. I haven't tried this but the premise seems promising...

AngelMay said...

“Why does candy corn only come out during Halloween?”

“It’s the fruit cake of Halloween. Nobody eats it they just give it away the next year.”

LOL! LOVED that. (I hate fruitcake - GAH! What horrid stuff!)

Baino said...

Funny but also true! I'd put real estate agents in that same costume bracket, leeches!

Dreamhaven said...

Actually, I like candy corn. You eat it one color at a time.

That could turn out to be the scariest Halloween ever. Next they'll be handing out flavored condoms.

Happy Halloween.

VE said...

angelmay - Me too...ughh.

baino - Yes, they deserve their lot in life right now... overselling like they did!

dreamhaven - Flavored condoms. That's a great idea. I'm going out to get some for the kiddies right now!

Jaime said...

this year the dads kept trying to catch the score of the ball game while their kids were begging for food. one guy was bucking for an invite inside. halloween brings out the crazies.

VE said...

jaime - Maybe you should handout your bills instead. That would keep them all away...

Anne said...

looks like i missed this one too for the comment count.

have a good day, ed.

Maureen said...

Best line ever

Candy corn: It’s the fruit cake of Halloween.

VE said...

anne - I don't work...of course I'll have a good day!

maureen - Occasionally I have my moments of comic brilliance...

subby said...

Hey! Mom likes that crappy candy corn...

Great concept VE :)

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