You know what I rarely ever do? A post on Saturday. But today I thought I'd squeeze this in to my normally scheduled nonsense to get your input.
As many of you know, I've just finished writing my first novel. No, it's not the memoir one filled with all my mis-adventures. Sorry to disappoint; that one is still "in progress". This one is a suspense fiction novel. I've completed the story and done a couple of initial edits and am now awaiting real people to read it and give me feedback. So while it's sitting in drawer and out of my focus for a spell, I thought I'd begin another fictional book. A different kind of book: comedy.
Tell me what you think of this opening paragraph. Does it bring you in? Does it sound interesting? Feedback, please
As I sit here slouching in my seat, avoiding eye contact with co-workers I have nothing in common with and seriously pondering where they came from, I have to wonder if hell is really any worse than this corporate meeting. At least in hell you’ve got fire and brimstone to invoke some sensory input. Instead, I am relegated to endure that pathetic all-too-familiar stench of fear permeating the room: the fear of standing out and being labeled as a non-team player, the fear of saying what you really think and getting earmarked for the next stock-saving layoff. Today is different though. Today I have no fear, and I am about to employ my twisted sense of humor and rock this corporate behemoth in ways even I would never predict. Unbeknownst to me at this time, I am on my way to becoming the first employed corporate jester in history.
For this book, I want to meld my comedy into a fictional story about a guy that gets layed off from a big corporation but continues to keep coming to work and starts attending meetings at random, doing outlandish things in them and saying what he really thinks. This escalates into other employees feeding him their own thoughts they dare not say in hopes that he will speak those on their behalf. And so on and so forth.
Sound interesting? Let me know either way, I'm a big boy...
post update Sun, Oct 18th: After rethinking your advice, it feels like the tense problem needed to be resolved and the ending reworked. I took another look and came up with this...
As I sat slouched in my seat, avoiding eye contact with co-workers I had nothing in common with and seriously pondered what planet each of them came from, I had to wonder if hell was really any worse than this corporate meeting. At least hell has fire and brimstone to invoke some sensory input. Instead, I was relegated to endure that pathetic all-too-familiar stench of fear permeating the room: the fear of saying what you really thought and getting earmarked for the next stock-saving layoff. When the I’m-in-love-with-my-own-voice facilitator finally turned his attention toward me for my mandatory unimportant status update, he failed to recognize two critical changes to the mind numbing corporate script he was directing: I had been laid off the day before and I had no fear.