Wednesday, November 25, 2009

B is for BABY

For the letter B, let’s focus on....


The great thing about this subject is that we’ve all been one! Some still are…

There are two kinds of people in this world: those that want kids and those that do not. Don’t you love how I can subjectively divide the six plus billion people into two convenient groupings? But I digress…

Those that do not want kids usually dread the thought of babies around. They scream, they drool, they burp, they fart and they need constant attention. Funny, now that I write this I seem to recall many a wife saying the same thing about their husband. I wonder if there is a correlation there. But I digress…

Having lived through all the trials and tribulations of a parent, I can empathize with their arguments for sure unfortunately parenting has left me too tired to actually debate or argue with them.

First of all, if the human is at the top of the mammal food change and so superior because of our opposable thumbs and cognizance then why do our newborns require so much damn attention? You don’t see mammals in the wild needing a year to learn to walk. The predators would LOVE that!

Lion1: Look, a human baby…it’s like a buffet waiting for me to come along!
Lion2: Yeah, look, the parents are asleep exhausted and the rest of the human herd is running away from all the screaming…

A year to learn to walk? Come on! So then we have to invest in these damn strollers.

And then you need a bigger car to haul the strollers around in. And you need a bigger garage to store them in. The list goes on. If it’s not twenty bazillion toys to cart over to visit the grandparents it’s locking them into the baby seat that is welded into the back seat because you couldn’t figure out how to get it secure using the instructions…

Of course once you’re done having kids, you can either

a. Giveaway your old baby items like you would a fruitcake
b. Sell them on Ebay or Craigs List (it helps keep them and the post office in business)

And those are just the bigger items. You also have a plethora of smaller items to deal with: pacifiers, bibs, diapers, wipes, baby lotion, baby food, etc. etc. etc.

The only benefit of having babies is that they finally grow up and can support you when you get older. Only problem with that is they won’t…they’ll be the first to throw you into some old persons home and convince you its better there. Ah, parenting…


I Am Woody said...

I like babie as long as I can send them home when they are bad!

Anonymous said...

Babies are way overrated!


Just kidding! (I think.)

This was a very funny post, I liked it a lot. And hey! I mentioned fruitcake at my blog today too!

But let me correct you on thing Sir VE. Once you've used Wipes? They're forever your friend. Haven't needed them for years, still buy them.

Great silly baby minds think alike!

Anne said...

something you can relate to?

RLM Cooper said...

Responding to a post like this can get you into a world of trouble. Either way. ;o)

Elizabeth said...

OMG, I can't let my husband see that "Imperial" stroller, he'll totally try to make one!

Nessa said...

I'm not much of a baby person. i prefer when they grow up and do stupid things so I can be entertained.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate and a Happy Thursday just to celebrate.Wild Turkeys

Ed said...

incredible woody - You must be on a rental plan...

quirkyloon - Silly minds do think alike...or not at all!

anne - I sure can! But so can you and everyone else...just try to remmeber back to when you were a baby (I have trouble remembering yesterday)

angelmay - I don't make it easy for you...

elizabeth - Finally something the husbands can get really enthused about

nessa - Ha! You're the one running from the screaming...

Matty said...

You've describe life so eloquently.

I know a few adults, some of whom I work with, who could use that teething ring.

Ronda Laveen said...

I don't see what all the fuss is to have them early on in life. By the time they get to be teenagers, you can get one or a herd just about anywhere for free.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I've taken care of old people that cry, have to be fed, changed and eat their poop. I'd rather do all that with a baby.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

hmmm.....wonder where Mrsupole is today! Your comments list seems so much shorter when she doesn't start it off;-)

Candie said...

Hilarious!Well I was in-between(as usual),I didn't want and I wanted..I got one,that's cool for the moment.He's 2 tomorrow.Yeah it's not easy everyday but it's priceless.

ReformingGeek said...

I'll take an Abe Lincoln and a pacifier, please.

Hopefully, no more babies for you, VE!

Janna said...

Sign of the apocalypse #235:
I was actually able to comment before MrsUpole.


Just a sec, I need to mark this on my calendar.

Mrsupole said...

I was gonna mark this on the calendar that I got to write a comment after Janna and PC, but then it looked like a lot of work to go find it.

I was actually taking care of the new grandbaby last night and was able to fall asleep early. Wow that is a first. Me sleeping at night, I mean being as I am a vamp and all.

Anyway VE my youngest is 32 and I am still waiting for her to get rid of the pacifier and stop thinking I am her personal bank and all. Like that is ever gonna happen. This is how you keep them close. So after you get your babies raised, along come the grandbabies. What can I say, but that I love the grandbabies so much and the good news is that you do usually get to send them home. But grandbabies are like boomerangs in that you send them home and they just keep coming back.

I have to say that I am lucky that the teenage grandkids actually want to come hang out at grandma's house. Bribery works really good to get them to do this. Then I use hypnotherapy about how someday they are gonna have to support me and their grandpa. Luckily for us they tell us they want to do this. I think they are using reverse hypnotherapy on us. They are smart little buggers, they have to be, look who is their grandma, hehe.

And the whole point of having babies of your own is because that is the only way you can get those wonderful grandbabies. There is nothing more precious than a grandbaby. Just ask any grandparent, and they will tell you the same thing. I "love" my grandkids.

God bless.

Gladys said...

Could some one tell me why I haven't had a baby in 28 years but I have strollers, cribs and play pens? Oh wait I have a purse dog that's why~!

Ed said...

matty - You should secretly leave pacifiers on all those co-worker's desks

ronda - I waited to have kids so I get to deal with teens in late

perpetual chocoholic - That's just wrong

candie - It's all good...

reforminggeek - Oh no, none for me...I'm tutored!

janna - Has the Earth's axis reversed? You're before mrsupole?

mrsupole - you the skinny on your own kids for generations...

gladys - You're a hoarder!!!!

Megan said...

Man, I totally want that AT-AT stroller.

Ed said...

megan - I don't think your son is going to appreciate it as much now...

Jaime said...

i like that zeppelin stroller...but how do you fold it up and fit it in your trunk?

Uncivil said...

I've done my part for humanity by not reproducing!

Ed said...

jaime - melt it down with the handy flame thrower attachment...

uncivil - The democrats thank you!

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