Friday, November 13, 2009

These are a few of my Irritating Things

You know, I like autumn as much as the next person. The colors, the crisp air, the traditions. But then "The Sound of Music" came on the TV and that ridiculously sappy and happy song came on. You know the one... The "These are a few of my favorite things" song. Seriously, all I needed was a chick flick marathon and a snuggie while I did my toe nails. Right! I think it's time to turn that song into a VE parody!

Raindrops on TP and whiskers on girlfriends,
Bright copper’s handcuffs and speedos my aunt sends,
Brown paper poop bags left by my front porch swings
These are a few of my irritating things

Cream colored houses and burnt apple strudels
Anal painted door bells and overcooked noodles
Wild geese that crap on my head at weddings
These are a few of my irritating things

Guys in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowballs that hit me and cut my eyelashes
Slivers in winter that puss with the prickings
These are a few of my irritating things

When my job bites, or Saturday the boss rings
When a blind date shows up and I say egad
I simply pray for any of these things
And then I don’t feel as bad

Cough drops on cupcakes and bathing your kittens
Orange Coppertone tans and wet cotton mittens
Brown grocery bags that break outside of the store
These are a few of the things I deplore

Green colored vomit and fried apple laptops
Door bells after midnight and tickets from the cops
Wild grease that splatters and burns me to the core
These are a few of the things I deplore

Girlfriends buying white dresses that I have to pay for
Snowflakes closing airports that I have to stay for
Silver white Volvos smashing into my car door
These are a few of the things I deplore

When the dog craps inside, and a bee’s in the earmuff
When your only son is shipped out to Baghdad
I simply pray for any of this stuff
And then I don’t feel as bad

39 comments:

Dee said...

i can see you standing on a mountain belting this tune out!

Mrsupole said...

The end of an era, six was a good run. If my dang computer hadn't froze up, I would have made seven. Crappy damn thing.

God bless.

Quirkyloon said...

Ah, but I have it on good authority that "fried apple" laptop is mighty tasty a la mode.

Mmm. Ice-cream!

Nicely done VE!

I always love a good song parody or two.

Mrsupole said...

And I still cannot get that crappy song out of my head cause it is making me feel so bad.

God bless.

Nessa said...

My mother is from Salzburg, the city in the film. We used to live there and of course my father never had a better time than in all of the Austrian Beer Halls - so we are obligated to watch every year.

All that being said - I agree, that song bites.

Flash 55 - Blue Gill

Gladys said...

Thanks for the ear worm. I just stuck a fork in my ear and it's not done yet. ;(

The Incredible Woody said...

Overcooked noodles are the worst!

Elizabeth said...

I've never seen cough drops on cupcakes. That sounds interesting.

VE said...

dee - I think if I were on a mountain top singing...somebody would eventually belt me...

mrsupole - That was a long run indeed...

quirkyloon - I knew you'd appreciate a song parody. Most of mine end up in my parodies section where there are no comments so I never know if anyone sees those...

nessa - I've stayed in Salzburg before. In fact it was between Salzburg and Vienna that I drove 156mph...beautiful place, by-the-way

gladys - It does hang in there for a long time...bwahahaha (that's the gnomes laughing...)

incredible - Especially because you can't undo them. You either have to suffer or start over...

elizabeth - We were kids and there wasn't any candy around...

ReformingGeek said...

Oh my, VE. You really attract them, don't you?

I will definitely pass on the cough drops on cupcakes.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Ewwwww!

Uncivil said...

I'm confused?
Why do you "pray for any of this" irritating stuff??????
Must be a liberal thing?

VE said...

reforminggeek - They're quite practical during the cold and flu season though...

perpetual chocholic - There it is...my official "ewwwww" of the day...

uncivil - We pray for a lessor evil than a bigger evil...say having cough drops on cupcakes rather than Bush in office again. You know...stuff like that!

Megan said...

Anal painted door bells??????

VE said...

megan - You know...those redneck people that paint a deer's butt around their doorbell so you have to push their butthole to ring the bell...

Baino said...

Heh! Deplorable alright. You bathe your kittens? Then I have a shower with my dog so . . .

Anne said...

lovely.

really.

Mike said...

There's only one good part of that movie is when the lady said "what is it you cunt face"

Awesome.

AngelMay said...

VE, you are SO funny. Thanks so much for this one. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Janna said...

Ok, you inspired me.
I just wrote my own version of this and it will be posted on Saturday. :)

Try to find it in your heart to forgive me for blatantly stealing your idea for my own selfish personal use.

Uncivil said...

VE
Oh OK, I get it.....like Bush in office is a much lessor evil than the cupcakes who are in office now?????

VE said...

baino - I cannot confirm as to the accuracy of any of the statements made in the parody...(how's that for my best political oriented answer?)

anne - You were singing right along, weren't you?

mike - Did I sleep through that part? Don't make me watch it again just to find that...

angelmay - Thanks.

janna - Just send my royalty check to Fantastical Nonsense, P.U. Box 241, Portland, OR 12345

uncivil - Ha! Now you're back where I expected you to be. As long as you're paying for my free health care...

nursemyra said...

"slivers that puss"?

are you running with a kitten theme or do you mean pus?

Megan said...

NO I didn't know! Holy crap!

Ronda Laveen said...

Cough drops on cupcakes? Such a sissy town. In may region it is "crystal meth" on cupcakes or crystalized bud in cupcakes. VE knows this is true.

When the dog craps inside? Wouldn't be an old dog, would it? Happened to us the other day. With old dogs, you better get home when they are used to you getting home...nuf said.

Janna said...

"janna - Just send my royalty check to Fantastical Nonsense, P.U. Box 241, Portland, OR 12345"

Excellent. So far there are zero comments on the post, so your royalties will be $0.00.

This doesn't mean you can raise the price by commenting four hundred times. :)

Chris Wood said...

When I first saw "The Sound Of Music" as a child, I cried at the end, when the whole family don't get brutally murdered.

That's the only film where the Nazis are the good guys. Who'd have thunk it?

CatLadyLarew said...

Why do I now feel the urge to make a list of all the things I hate?

Candie Bracci said...

LOL that cracked me up!

Mama Zen said...

I hate that song! This is much better.

VE said...

nursemyra - Those darn typos. I should read my stuff after I write it, huh?

megan - Ha! You said it. Holy crap!

ronda - I know that to be true. I had an old girlfriend who moved to Hayfork. I visited there. Hayfork isn't on your typical tourist maps and it's in the heart of the drug crop...

janna - There are comments now. You owe me BIG time...

chris - You sick bastard! Ok, I laughed...

catladylarew - Because I've stuck that tune in your head for the day...

candie - Ok, I might never have bathed a kitten...

mama zen - Excellent. I always aim to improve...or is that I always improve my aim?

Carla said...

This was soooo what needed to happen to this song. Thanxs.

Jaime said...

rogers and hammerstein would be so proud at this rendition

mama-face said...

This is incredibly deep and funny at the same time. Do you know how profound? Do you know you are a genius?

VE said...

carla - I felt so too. In fact, I can't even figure out why I hadn't done it all these years...

jaime - Are they in town?

mama-face - I know nothing! But thanks...

Matty said...

You have quite the talent.

Maureen said...

Noooooo!

Dammit. Now I have Julie Andrews in my head.

Getoutgetoutgetout!

Starrlight said...

I have never seen that horrific movie and I never will. The music alone is enough to make me want to shoot up the screen.

VE said...

matty - Or curse?

maureen - Haha

starrlight - Lucky you for not having been forced to watch it at some point...