Sunday, December 13, 2009

I is for INGENIOUS

For the letter I, let’s focus on....

INGENIOUS

Finally, we’ve descended from the heavens and are back on track with the alphabet again. I thought ingenious was a perfect choice for the letter I too. Ingenuity can come in many forms: devious, fun, practical, helpful, etc.

Of course, I chose to focus on the devious and fun.

First, the devious…

With Christmas season upon us, it is inevitable that you’re going to have to come up with some damn gift for somebody you despise or don’t really want to have to give a gift too. The boss? Your asshole uncle? That in-law the looks down on you? A friend you wish you could secede from?

How would you like to buy them a present and be a practical joker at the same time? Thanks to my new line of Out-of-Business gift cards, you can be that practical joker and be thoughtful at the very same time. Go ahead, make them for embarrassing amounts of money…it won’t matter.

Yes, you’ll know right away if they’re an idiot as well as an asshole by using one of these defunct companies. The great part is that if they know, they won’t admit it because

a. Most people don’t like direct conflict
b. They don’t want to look stupid and might have self doubts about their information

Second, the fun…

As a new feature for VE’s Vanity Store (go here if you don’t know what I’m talking about) is this wonderful home “Not For Sale” sign.

Yes, be the first on your block to flout your financial security during these hard times. Show your neighbors that you are too important to be laid off or that you’ve got rich relatives willing to bail out your financial woes…

29 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Okay, FOA, what can I say.

Mrsupole said...

Hey Linens-N-Things is open online only. I miss that store, I loved going there all the time. I thought I was keeping them in business, but I guess that ahole uncle was not paying his credit cards and next thing I know they were OOB. That totally sucked, but then again the uncle had died, so what can I say. And he left all his money to his cat. That damn bitch ass cat. I hear they taste like chicken.

God bless.

Just kidding. But this really would be a fun gift to give if I wasn't already boycotting Christmas.

subby said...

DAMN! Mrsupole, don't you ever sleep?

VE, LMAO at the Out of Business gift cards! I do know a few "deserving" people ;P

Uncivil said...

Love the idea od the "Out of Business gift cards". Kind of like giving a hard core church type a gift card to "Hooters"!

Quirkyloon said...

I is for inspired! You truly were with this fantastical post!

I love the idea of out of business gift cards!

hee hee hee

AngelMay said...

Hey you! *I* didn't know those businesses weren't in business doing business and giving us the business anymore. BUT - my house is paid for. Nyah! ;o)

Kurt said...

Ritz Camera is out of business?

ReformingGeek said...

"A friend you would like to secede from.." I like that. Yeah. Maybe one of those gift cards would do the trick!

Janna said...

Does VE's vanity store have a snack bar? Or maybe some pony rides?
No, wait...
Elephant rides.
Then you could do your best to feign innocence when this happened.

Gladys said...

Now see I have a Mervyns gift card I never used. Thanks to you I know what I'm giving my twunt of a sister-in-law. ;) Thanks VE you rock!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I think you're onto something with the gift cards!

Beth said...

Excellent idea! I still have some of those out-of-business gift cards lying around. Perfect stocking stuffers!

Elizabeth said...

Hmmm, I don't think I've been to the VE vanity store, I'll have to go see what it's all about!
:)

Baino said...

Awesome although I'll be buggered if the troll bitch gets even a Christmas Card from me this year. Ah . .the Not for Sale Sale sign. . .Maybe I should try reverse psychology and put one up rather than the lame ass "ForSale" sign on our front lawn that is clearly not impressing anyone!

Roy Scribner said...

Defunct-company gift cards are brilliant! I think there's a real market there...

VE said...

mrsupole - Yes...I did see that the came back as an online company...

subby - Most of us do know somebody...

uncivil - Hooters? Are they still in business?

quirkyloon - Thanks. Sometimes I have my moments...

angelmay - Well then, you can flaunt my vanity house sign!

kurt - It's so hard to tell...some of these business closed a lot of stores but didn't go totally out of business; others are gone.

reforminggeek - There's always those "friends" you wish you'd never had...

janna - No, I'm too vain of my to serve food at the vanity store...

gladys - Ha! Excellent! They'll become the new fruitcake of the millenium...

perpetual chocoholic - Pretty soon people will be wanting retro cards for even older companies that went under...like Studabaker

beth - Much cleaner than a lump of coal

elizabeth - You'll like it...

baino - It might just work...

roy - I'm sure if I offered a complete revenge line of items these would sell like hot cakes (assuming hot cakes sell well)

Jeff said...

Funny you should mention those gift cards. One time as a practical joke, I gave my brother a $25 gift card for the Home Depot, but not before I spent it down to 25 cents. For some reason he didn't think it was too funny though when he tried to use it, didn't have enough money and had to put most of it back. Personally, I don't get how he didn't see the humor in that.

Chris Wood said...

The gift card for $0 is priceless (bizarrely). I'll take 10.

And the home sale sign is a hoot ...

VE said...

jeff - Ha! I love it...too devious. The gnomes give you two thumbs up!

chris - Priceless...perfect pun for this one...

Serena said...

Pure genius.:-)

CatLadyLarew said...

Thank you... you've just solved all my gift-giving problems!

VE said...

serena - You want to give those gift cards out at work...I know you do...

catladylarew - It's the least I could do...and I always do the least...

lime said...

so basically, your ideas are the new coal in the stocking?

VE said...

lime - Yes, coal is a fuel and therefore not cost adventageous. Worthless gift cards are the way to go now...

Maureen said...

OMg... I know of a few people I would dearly LOVE to give OOB Gift Cards to! Brilliant!

And Jeff; that was hilarious too!

VE said...

maureen - I could see Jeff doing that too. I wonder if he was a gnome in a former life. He's a bit tall to be one now, of course...

Dee said...

i love that for sale sign, Your so clever!

VE said...

dee - If only "clever" would pay the bills now...

Jaime said...

great idea. i was looking for something to get my paralegals and my boss.