Thursday, December 17, 2009

Knowing Which History is Accurate

Today’s Theme Thursday is HISTORY.

The problem with history is that it’s only about 50 percent accurate. Of course, my number is also only about 50 percent accurate too since I made it up. But I digress…

You see, history is written by historians and other people. The problem is, they don’t often give both sides of the story and report things objectively. Perhaps they don’t even know the real story; perhaps nobody alive does. Sometimes they just use common sense and at other times it seems like there is no common sense.

So how do you know when something is true and when it is not?

Take Christopher Columbus…we all know he didn’t really discover America. Heck, he got so lost he couldn’t even find the damn continent; meanwhile the Vikings were giving frequent sailor miles to come over long before then…

Let’s give you a little test and see if you can spot the historical untruths from the real truths….

1. Napoleon won the Battle of Evermore

2. Forrest Gump is the only Vietnam Congressional Medal of Honor survivor

3. The Constitution is the only historical document to feature a crossword puzzle

4. Housing in California hasn’t been affordable since 1859

5. Roe vs Wade was ultimately decided with Rock-Paper-Scissors

6. Evolution took a setback when the talking monkeys weren’t allow to teach school anymore

7. Pachelbel’s cannon helped win the Spanish Inquisition for the French

8. Soup was invented in Ireland by necessity due to the inclement weather and food getting wet

9. The Waco Kid was shot by Sheriff Andy Taylor during the infamous Gravy Train holdup of 1812

10. The Carrington Dynasty ruled China from 3000BC to 1492BC

42 comments:

Mrsupole said...

I got a history of "first"...Yippee

Mrsupole said...

Are you serious? Housing in California was once affordable.

And you know Ben Franklin put the crossword puzzle in the Constitution.

All of my teachers were talking robots, uh, I mean monkeys.

I love soup.

God bless.

Tom said...

wait, i know we had talking monkeys when i was in school.

Brian Miller said...

now that i saw andy taylor...i cant stop whistling...i think i may fail this test...

Candie Bracci said...

lol,great post and you are right actually!

Kurt said...

One very nice house I lived in in SF was originally bought in the 50's for $8000.

Quirkyloon said...

I'm pretty sure #2 Forrest Gump is true, the rest? I just dunno.

History Fail!

Roy Scribner said...

Don't make me Google so early in the morning! Now I'm Going to California with an aching in my heart ('cause my property taxes are due).

Alan Burnett said...

If you check out Christopher Columbus' blog you will see that he was definitely of the opinion that he discovered America and it wasn't by accident as he used Google Earth to navigate.

Kate Hanley said...

You know I always wondered how soup was invented. Thanks for clearing it up! : )

Elizabeth said...

Ha Ha, "frequent sailor miles". I love it!!

VE said...

mrsupole - I know...it is hard to believe that a house was ever affordable in California. And I think Ben Franklin would do that...

tom - They must have toured because I had them at my school too...

brian - Glad you caught the reference...sorry about the ear worm...

candie - It's all how you spin it...

kurt - Are you sure they didn't omit a zero on that? And when haven't you lived?

quirkyloon - Were you drawing peace signs on the boys heads during history class while in school? The gnomes approve, of course, but shame on you! ;)

roy - Excellent use of a Led Zeppelin song reference...

alan - Ha! Wouldn't surprise me at all. He probably claimed he made the trip in a hover boat too...

kate - It's important to educate people on that one...

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Mmmmmmm! Gravy!

AngelMay said...

Well, I always say... If yer gonna re-write History, do it up proud! And you certainly have. ;o)

Wings said...

50% ? You are quite the optomist!

nonamedufus said...

Ha, ha, everybody knows Jimmy Page won the battle of Evermore. And Napoleon lost the battle to Mary Lou.

JeffScape said...

Er...

Heh.

Gladys said...

I'll take ALL of THE ABOVE. They are all absolutely and unerringly true.

Skip Simpson said...

I loved this! Extremely funny post!!! Happy TT!

Roy said...

I'm pretty sure #4 is the only true one, with the caveat that they may not even have been affordable even in 1859.

As for the whole Columbus vs. the Vikings contest... There's credible evidence that the Phoenicians and their client states, the Libyans and the Celtic Iberians, were visiting the east coast of America in BC times, not to mention that the Basques and Portuguese had been fishing for Cod on the George's Banks for centuries. But of course it was "discovered" long before that, when the first Siberian tribes wandered across the ice bridge on the Bering Strait and first wandered into a whole new world.

ReformingGeek said...

Um, yeah. They all sound true to me.

History is definitely written by the winners.

Beth said...

# 7 - ha ha ha!
God, you're good.

Betsy said...

Ok...you have me laughing here!

Kris said...

You forgot the one about Catherine the Great and her horse.

Uncivil said...

You blew the hell out of that 50% curve on truthful history didn't ya?

e said...

LMAO...Thanks for the laughs and Happy TT!

Sornie said...

You're wrong about soup. I actually invented it back in 1998. And you call yourself a historian.

Janna said...

If it's on the internet, it must be true!
Especially if it's on Wikipedia!

That's my new philosophy of life.

I'm trying it out for a week and seeing how it goes.

Is there anything else I should know?

...mmm... said...

And yet we must learn the said recorded sequence of events! how true.

Baino said...

All true! Just like virgin births and the 'invasion' of Terra Nullis Gwandanaland.

VE said...

perpetual chocoholic - I find it doesn't go well with my Cocoa Puffs though...

angelmay - We need more humor writing in that history. They're all so serious and such...

wings - I live in the binary. It's either right...or wrong...

nonamedufus - Glad you caught the Zeppelin reference. I wondered if anyone would. Did Mary Lou pull a gymnastic trick on Napoleon to win?

jeffscape - Uh oh. Sounds like somebody skipped History class in school...

gladys - The gnomes give you to thumbs up for supporting VE in his ridiculousness...

skip - Thanks there little buddy (well that's what the skipper used to tell Gilligan...)

roy - What a mess the American discovery history is. I'll bet it was really the Australian Aboriginees that discovered it but couldn't afford the housing in California so the fled to Australia...

reforminggeek - I see you know your history too. God bless the education system in America!!!

beth - I wondered if anyone was going to catch that play on words...

betsy - Whew...cause I hate causing people to curse or cry...

kris - You're right (and I secretly heard it was the horse that was great....)

uncivil - The most republican thing I've done in years! ;)

e - Don't worry...asses can be easily superglued back on...

sornie - That's what makes me the best historian...I made it up!!! (but I'm glad that you invented it just before the new millenium...)

janna - I agree. Anything else? Yes...birds are secretly plotting our demise as we speak...

...mmm... - You know, I highly approve of your blogger name. Anything with three dots before and after is alright by me...

baino - Actually...it is little known that virgin babies did the invasion of Terra Nullis Gwandanaland. Few know that the Earth's crust is made of enriched flour too...

Secretia said...

Thanks for visiting Secret Story Time. I hope you can come often!

Sorry, I don't know which history lessons are truth or fiction.

Let me guess, though, False on all?

Secretia

VE said...

secretia - Awww...how'd you figure that out... ;)

Megan said...

Guess not.

Jules said...

They're all true, right?

Jeff said...

Don't know which of those is true, but did you know The Bill of Rights was originally titled the "Bill of Lefts"?

VE said...

megan - Couldn't sucker you into the test, could I?

jules - The important point is that if you think they are...they are!

jeff - Ha! Of course because we all know that three lefts make a right!

CatLadyLarew said...

So THAT's what happened...

Jaime said...

rock, paper, scissors? no wonder the legal system is so screwed up

Megan said...

I was going to say something clever about California not even being a state until 1860 - but then I looked it up and I was off by ten years, so it kind of spoiled the whole idea...

Maureen said...

I think only 50% of this is right. Therefore 50% of it is wrong.

But I am only half-guessing here.

Anonymous said...

keep quoting these dead white guys for a reason. We seem to be repeating some particularly nasty history, right now.