Wednesday, December 23, 2009

THESE are the presents you should have gotten everybody

Every year I do a post on what presents you should get everyone for the year. This year I'm so late that I have to rub it in and just say "you should have given them this..."

First of all, I recruited some of my fellow humor bloggers to suggest presents for me. Here are their suggestions:

From nonamedufus we have one of my favorite because it looks like you can put Cocoa Puffs in this one...


Next we have one from freaksmack. This would have been a great gift for all those "green" people on your list...

Finally we have reforminggeek suggesting this wonderful set of garden decor figures. Either that or they are elaborate straws for my fruity rum drinks...

And I've done some shopping of my own. Here's what I came up with:
Now everyone would want these wonderful ice cube trays. They're great to confuse the grandparents when they look for their dentures in the morning...


Oh, and if you didn't buy my Sharper Image gift cards, you can still get those that don't deserve a present something. Give them the gift of nothing!

Lighting is big on my list this year. First up we have a Teddy Bear lamp...because you cannot deny a Teddy Bear...even when he's headless and has a light bulb stuck down his neck!

Oh, and speaking of lighting solutions, who wouldn't want this alien abduction lamp?

On the jewelry front, I found this wonderful pair of enema earrings. How clean is that design, ladies?

Do you have a computer geek in need of a gift? You should get them this techno-wate Xmas tree? It's the latest in the "what do we do with all these old computer parts" genre...

Oh...and if you didn't go for the Teddy Bear light or the Alien Abduction light...you probably think you're too smart for those. Well then...here's a brain lamp for you...

Remember the Pet Rock? Remember watching "Office Space" and that "Jump to Conclusions" mat? Well, here's another product about as dumb as those. It's an actual piece of wood to allow you to "knock on wood" should you find yourself surrounded by plastic when you need to resort to your superstition ways...
Every office worker should have a pole dancer on their desk. Try to be the last employee that hasn't had to go speak with Human Resources for having one...

And finally...all the way from Russia we have this wonderful fish necklace. Who said imports weren't unique anymore...

And with this post, I'll wish all my readers happy holidays. I won't be posting again until Monday the 28th as I relax and enjoy my own holiday fun. Who knows what VE might get for Christmas this year. He's been exceptionally naughty. See you next week!

41 comments:

Anne said...

First again!

Anne said...

I gloat, because it doesn't happen much with Mrs. U around

Anne said...

Oh, btw, Merry Christmas!
Blessing to you and yours.

Anne said...

There are some really cute things here, i like the tree, and the garden things, and the teeth molds. Do you need my address?

Do these four comments count toward my total?

Quirkyloon said...

I actually really like that Alien Abduction light. Does it come with the cow?

Hope so!

Off to Google! There's still two days left of shopping!

Have a wonderful holiday VE!

And don't worry, we KNOW you've been naughty...very naughty! HA!

Kurt said...

I know what I got you.

subby said...

Damn! I just stepped out for a sec to pay the oil man and look what happens! Oh well...I'll take some of those ice cube "teeth" and gotta have at least two of those "U.F.O." lamps!!

The Incredible Woody said...

I received a candy pooping reindeer one year!

Beth said...

You did make me smile. :)

If I’d known about that “Nothing” gift, I would have stocked up – perfect for those who have everything!

Jacki said...

Merry Christmas to you, too!

Jeff said...

I actually do wish I'd known about that "nothing" gift. When I asked my wife what she wanted this year she literally said "nothing," so this would have made the perfect gift!

ReformingGeek said...

Those are great gifts, VE! I want that abduction lamp. Are you surprised?

That's right. Up goes the kitty and pain-in-the-a** people!

I thought the garden ornaments would be great entertainment for your gnomes.

EmmaK said...

oh darling I just love the koala shit earrings - I bet they smell divine too. Merry Christmas to you and your family xxxx

Roy Scribner said...

VE - exactly what were you Googling when you came across the enema earrings? Maybe you were using Bing?

Gladys said...

VE my ex-assboyfriend just order the girlfriend from Russia and hoped she didn't smell like fish.

lime said...

my husband once received a plastic moose that pooped tootsie rolls.

the enema earrings are by far the most disturbing things on this list. the stuff of nightmares, really.

Dee said...

Have a Merry Christmas, if I could I would buy all my green friends the poopy earrings

Maureen said...

Ha! I love the alien abduction lamp! That and the Knock On Wood. Because, sad to say, even in Canada, it's hard sometimes to find actual real wood to knock on...

Happy Holidays to you and yours VE!!!!

Megan said...

Looks like the alien abduction lamp is the winner so far, and I will add my vote as well. I actually want one.

Have a great blog break, VE and enjoy the holiday!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Elizabeth said...

We hae moose poop earing up here. They're much prettier ;P
I hope you and your family have a great holiday!

Mrsupole said...

Looks like your "present" is another spammer hit again.

See what happens when I actually go to sleep, you post about presents, which I am boycotting presents this year. I cannot believe how much more relaxing Christmas can be when you do not buy presents. Although reading about Ronda's shopping experience almost makes me want to do it, but not enough.

Well since you have been really naughty, I do hope you get a great present.

Merry Christmas to you, wifey-poo and your off spring.

See you on the 28th.

God bless.

TheWordWire said...

Oh, if only I'd seen this list sooner! I guess my loved ones will have to wait until next year for their abduction lamps and such. Thanks for a great list!

Uncivil said...

I got this for my bipolar friends!
http://www.amazon.com/Suicidal-Snowman-Funny-Christmas-Wrapping/dp/B001KZ70PW

Uncivil said...

I rather like this wrapping paper too!
http://www.amazon.com/Crappy-Holiday-Funny-Christmas-Wrapping/dp/B001KZ8EMA/ref=pd_bxgy_sg_img_c

Serena said...

I hope Santa brings me a Knock on Wood. I've been very good. Well, good enough.:)

Merry Christmas, VE!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

We've gotten people sheep and deer candy poopers. Thank goodness the candies are rootbeer flavoured;-) I want one of the abductions thingies and the nothing bubble but I don't think I was good enough to get them.

Jaime said...

so are you hoping for the fish tie or the pooping penguin this year?

merry christmas

Janna said...

Those are all wonderful, but what I really need is one of THESE.

subby said...

LMAO @what Janna found( or is that BBOMA? )~~and yes, there is a George Carlin reference in that, heh, heh...

Kanrei said...

Have a very happy Merry and a very merry Happy VE! You are still doing great work here. I miss coming here. The Facebook runs strong with me and steals my soul, but I do miss coming here. I am going to really try more- my new year's resolution.

VE said...

anne - You used to get first a lot way back when...before the Subby/Mrsupole era...congrats on today! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

quirkyloon - I have been very naughty and should get something provocative for my efforts. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

kurt - The OPE archives on disk? You're so thoughtful. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

subby - See what you get for paying your bills on time! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

incredible woody - That's a good gift! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

beth - Glad I could come through with the smile...we all need smiles this time of year. I like your intro to the gift of nothing better too. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

jacki - I know you're busy! Thanks for sneaking some time to say Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

jeff - I think you'd even try to pull that off! You're a prankish one! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

reforminggeek - I'm not surprised about the abduction lamp...and you don't want to know what the gnomes would do with those garden people! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

emma - It's been ahwile, dear! Thanks for popping in. Yes, fortunate that earring are so close to the nose too! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

roy - Googling? I go where nobody should ever go...Merry Christmas to you and your family!

gladys - Does she come with the necklace? Win-win! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

lime - I want the enema stories! I like the tootsie roll idea...what else can you really do with tootsie rolls, anyway? Merry Christmas to you and your family!

dee - They seem very Pacific NW, don't they? We'll maybe not koalas...Merry Christmas to you and your family!

maureen - You don't have any wood because we stole it all to make more houses and decks...Merry Christmas to you and your family!

megan - I knew you'd want that lamp! I knew it! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

elizabeth - I'm thinking moose poop earrings might be heavy...Merry Christmas to you and your family!

wordwire - The good thing is that these gifts are all timeless! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

uncivil - You have the gift of finding these things too. I should have known. Love the wrapping paper! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

serena - I think you deserve it! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

perpetual chocoholic - The great thing about is that you're always good enough to get nothing! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

jaime - I'm going with the brain lamp personally...I don't know why. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

janna - Now that's one way to blow bubbles! I see you have the gift of finding appropriate gifts too! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

kanrei - Thanks! I know I've lost a few to life and facebook but that's just the way it goes. It's nice to see you drop back to say hello though. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Ronda Laveen said...

The headless Teddy Bear kinda creeps me out. No one should do that to Teddy.

Now the abduction lamp...that's me!

Bunk Strutts said...

VE-- We wish you a completely bitchin' Christmas.

Chris C said...

hehe great gift ideas. :)

And I am so stealing that knock on wood pic. Will work nicely for a political column. Muhahaha!

Chris Eldin said...

LOL! These made me laugh with a residual grin...
Thanks for the uplifting posts and giggles!!! I hope you and your family have a fantastic time over the holiday break!!
:-)

Anonymous said...

Opulently I agree but I think the brief should acquire more info then it has.

Sarah said...

Next time I am guilt-tripped into some annoying grab bag I am going to give the gift of nothing! haha love it!

VE said...

ronda - Lot of abductions around Shasta...just sayin'...

bunk - You found the original lyrics!!!!

chris - Hope to see you around still in 2010!

sarah - The gift of nothing is good for everyone!

Mrsupole said...

See you missed me again, and you wonder why I have to be "first". LOL.

It kinda looks like this last Anon is another spammer. Maybe that is why so many bloggers quit, they just cannot handle the spam, although it does taste okay when one is really, really, and I mean really hungry. Fried Spam and eggs is not so bad when out camping either.

God bless.

VE said...

mrsupole - How'd that happen? Sorry about that. Sometimes I lose track of what I'm doing...