Thursday, January 21, 2010

No Dough Arising Here

Top 10 Reasons Why VE blew the deadline for the Theme Thursday “Bread” Post

10 – Jay Leno’s been trying to take over his blog…

9 – VE’s Calendar Ended on MLK day and the ensuing apocalypse slowed everything down

8 – The gnomes had him tied up for piñata time

7 – He’d rather Play Dough than bake dough

6 – Picking your nose and chewing your nails should be done properly

5 – He’s secretly traveling again with the butcher knife and this time he didn’t get through security

4 – Oprah or the scientologists finally caught up with him

3 – He’s busy researching what letter comes after “V”

2 – He’s deep in his secret sub-basement lab watching porn and writing inspiring posts

1 – He’s unemployed; he needs to make some bread!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I missed the opportunity to write a decent theme Thursday post. Then again, I was working on my Fantastical Nonsense business plan. It’s full of books and products and games and events all under the Fantastical Nonsense brand. Yep, I’m planning on being a brand. I haven’t picked out the brand to burn into my skin yet but there’s no point in speeding up searing your flesh…

Seriously though, I am working on some products and ideas and they will be available for sale some point in the future. I’m also busy writing. I’m already in three short story contests and working on a couple of others. Keeps me writing fiction without bogging me down with a full novel right now.

Yes…even VE has time crunches! But he's got the rest of the alphabet ready for your enjoyment starting on Friday...

53 comments:

Roy Scribner said...

First!

Roy Scribner said...

I'd buy some Fantastical Nonsense boxers. Lucky you, though - down here in California, I'm only about half way through the bureaucratic process of getting licensed to sell stuff.

VE said...

roy - Yeah...those medical marijuana license are getting harder to come by... ;) Hey...how'd you end up first?

ryan field said...

Hold your ground with Leno.

The Incredible Woody said...

No bread making around here - too busy coughing...

CatLadyLarew said...

Taking some time off to enjoy some freshly baked bread, fresh from the oven? That would go well with your agenda. Good luck with the Leno thing... I think you're safe now that he's back with Tonight.

Wings said...

Knew it was either gnomes or porn.

Candie Bracci said...

No you didn't miss a crunch VE!Happy TT!;)

Quirkyloon said...

So that's the way VE "rolls"?

Ha!

Get it? Bread, rolls? hee hee?

That's funny, I'm not hearing laughter.

Hmm.

And I know #2 is the ONLY reason why your yeast let you down.

Whoa. Did I just make a double entendre?

Jill said...

Those pesky gnomes again? I didn't realize they used humans for pinatas!

Good for you in your writing!

Roy Scribner said...

How did I end up first? I assure you, it did not involve "Tonya Harding-ing" Mrsupole.

JenJen said...

Personally I like fantastical nonsense!
Or
Maybe it's like nonsensical fantasy that I like.

Tom said...

right on time. My gnomes are hibernating, for goodness sake.

subby said...

I definitely agree with #6 and #2 I can believe...um...'nuff said!

And just saw the pic o' th' day, heh, heh...

Megan said...

There are no rules! You use the word bread, you're good.

I'm loving the visual of the gnomes using you for a pinata...

Ronda Laveen said...

Nothing like watching porn to inspire a POST.

Roy said...

Excuses, excuses!

Hey, you coulda done V and W together. They make a helluva car!

Mrsupole said...

Here is my excuse:

Don't you believe what Roy S. said, I have been at the hospital all morning yelling at the doctors, "Why? Why? Why, did he do this to me? What did I do that I deserved this?" And the scary thing about being down here in California with Roy was that he only fed me bread and water until I escaped this morning. He had to pretend I was okay, after months of him making me stay awake, day and night, to try to be first. It was cruel and unusual punishment, slave labor and all that stuff. Sadly though, there was no porn involved. Uh it has to do with his choice of boxers, and all these years I told him to wear briefs. Oh and when you buy any of his stuff, please remember all the hours he made me put into the craftmanship of each item. I only am asking that everyone pay him top dollar for each piece. Why, you ask, well because I am worth it.

Oh okay, I stayed up until 7:30 and then passed out in a drunken stupor on my desk and just woke up to see my demise. Well you know tomorrow is another day.

God bless.

Going to go eat some toasted bread now.

Nessa said...

We're all missing deadlines.

VE said...

ryan - Thanks, I shall. I hired somebody to have him show them the vehicle registration papers on all of his cars and motorcycles. That should take several months...

incredible woody - Just tell yourself not to cough. See how easy that was...

catladylarew - Whew! Good thing because I'd hate to have to put up with a 45 million buy out like Conan had to...

wings - Two very likely choices...

candie - Got something out here but it was late and I'm not one to miss a deadline. In fact, I don't know if I have missed a deadline before...

quirkyloon - Of course that also prevents a bun in the oven...

jill - Well...my last contest was last minute and I failed miserably. That's ok. I'll post it on my fiction site now that the contest is over...

roy - I don't know...I'm suspicious. She hasn't commented yet. I think you have her in a well in your basement...

jenjen - It does have that alluring ridiculous ring to it doesn't it. The ring is there because I don't do laundry that often...

tom - Mine would be too but I keep the digital wind chimes cranked up to full blast during the winter...

subby - This whole triming of the finger nails is total BS. It's so much easier and convenient to just bite them...

megan - I'm glad your there to support me...with a big stick aimed at the pinata I guess...

ronda - Of course I watch it for the acting skills...

roy - I had one of them. I used to break down everywhere with that damn VW and I still enjoyed it...

VE said...

mrsupole - I wear briefs out of necessity. With boxers, you don't want my thang to have that much freedom! (Let the ewwws get started...)

nessa - There you are! Yes...I'm waiting for the excuses. They'd better be funnier than mine...

Brian o vretanos said...

I for one am eager to see the next thrilling installments of the alphabet, and I'm hoping there'll be a surprise ending with a really devious twist.

Annie Ha said...

I'm going with the secret sub-basement.

otin said...

Number 2 describes my life pretty well!

tattytiara said...

That was very, very funny.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

lol. Oh I hope it wasn't Oprah, she's the worst!

ReformingGeek said...

I love the list. I'm not sure Oprah could find you amongst all those branded gnomes. Poor things.

Let me know when the coffee mugs are available.

I'll think of you next time I make tortillas.

R.J. Edwards said...

I think Leno owes you $33 mil. ;)

Kris said...

Don't let it happen again...

;)

Mama Zen said...

Damn that Jay Leno!

Gladys said...

So does this mean there no RAY or Me?

The Blue Zoo said...

hhhhmmm, I've heard gnomes can be pesky.

Elizabeth said...

What did Oprah and the Scientologists do with you??

Allyson said...

I have no freakin idea how you found me but if you've actually tried this rollerblades on the treadmill trick, I would like tips and photos. Because I am all over that like Elliot Spitzer on Rachel Maddow (y'know...if she wasn't gay).
And..your blog rocks in that I'm-laughing-because-I'm pretty-sure-this-is-really-funny-even-if-I-don't-get-it-all sort of way. I can dig it.

aladdinsane12 said...

thanks for checking out my blog!

oh my god, i just scrolled down and saw the woman painted like a violin! yikes!

and i would rather play dough than bake dough anyday. i used to eat play dough when i was a kid, actually. gross.

Janna said...

What comes after V?
E, of course!

(I can't believe no one's made that joke yet). :)

Good luck with Oprah and the scientologists. Still have that butcher knife?

Janna said...

Oh, and I did Friday 55 this week.
You can read it here. :)

Iva said...

thanks for stopping by!!

Unfinished Rambler said...

Writing?!!?#$%!

WTF? What are you thinking? Doesn't this blog provide enough of an income for you? I know mine does. ;)

VE said...

Brian – Every time I attempt to dance the twist its devious…I guess I shall have to get to work on some new letters…

Annie ha – I knew you would. Bring me some chips on the way down. Oh wait…I thought you said you were going “to” the secret sub-basement…

Otin – Ha! Welcome to the club. I knew something in your writing suggested that you don’t ever see the sun… ;)

Tattytiara – It was? I was writing a serious epic stanza. Oh, never mind…I don’t even know what a stanza is. I’ll stick to comedy…

Perpetual chocoholic – No…we still have our binding agreement…

Reforminggeek – I know you’re envisioning the piñata hitting too…it’s ok…

Rj Edwards – Damn him…I think your right! I’ll settle for 15 mil because I’m a nice guy and I’m not that greedy…

Kris – I know, I know. I’m the guy that NEVER says I missed the opportunity to write some nonsense…

Mama zen – I’m blackmailing his chin in case he bothers me again…

Gladys – It means that VE is now digital…hiding between the normal blogs waiting for technology to catch up with him…

Blue zoo – They are…and a complete nuisance…but they do good sleuthing when I want to find out the REAL story and some of their pranks are funny when they’re not directed toward me…

Elizabeth – Oprah made me read one of her book recommendations! The nerve…

Allyson – It’s better not to try and understand anything here…just hang on for the ride. I sense you have some dirt on Elliot Spitzer and Rachel Maddow. I’ll send over a few gnomes to interview you…don’t worry, they usually don’t bite. As for the rollerblade stunt…I’m admitting nothing in public…

Aladdinsane12 – You are welcome and thanks for the return. You will properly linked as a result of this comment. I’m usually lagging about a week behind…now if you’ll excuse me…my play dough omelet is just about done…

Janna – I can’t believe nobody got that other than you too! I might try a 55 next week. I’ll stop by and read yours though…

Iva – You are welcome and thanks for the return visit.

Unfinished rambler – It should…but the gnomes are money hoarders and they take all my non-existent profits…

Stephanie said...

Good luck on that Jay thing.

lime said...

so what exactly IS proper nose picking technique? wait, i am not sure i want to know...

Baino said...

Yeh missed it too this week. Gammy eyes and heat that drove my computer fan into a caniption. Next week . . there's always next week. You're so right about nose picking taking time. Very satisfying when it's done just right.

carlae said...

I haven't made bread in decades....except for yesterday. Yes for the first time in DECADES, I made bread, but it wasn't very good.

Jeff said...

"I found her diary underneath the tree..."

Chris C said...

What muscle group do you build with time crunches?

Uncivil said...

Hope that "Fantesticular" business plan works for ya!

gab said...

Doesnt e come after v? Get it VE? Awwwww never mind lol

VE said...

stephanie - Don't worry...I'll smoke that Jay...

lime - Those are trade secrets...

baino - Don't give out those nose picking secrets...

carlae - I'm unemployed...I haven't made any bread it months either...

jeff - There always has to be one...(you're showing your age there Jeff!)

chris c - The patience muscle...

uncivil - I might use that!

gab - It does...I demand an alphabet reorder!

Jaime said...

excuses, excuses!

just say "i couldn't think of a good bread story" you know, kind of like i did ;)

Collette said...

So if you aren't baking bread, are you making any bread from all this other stuff that keeps you from us? If not, I think your priorities need to be changed...LOL. We MUST be more important than anything else you do.

Maureen said...

Damn that Leno... he's trying to take over everywhere!

Good thing you are unemployed; otherwise you'd have to blog at work like the rest of us! ;)

VE said...

jaime - No...I literally realized it was Thursday and I hadn't done a post. Most of my posts are pre-scheduled...

collette - The wifey-poo has a different opinion...

maureen - Blogging at work was so optimal. I sort of liked getting paid to blog...