Wednesday, January 06, 2010

O is for OBITUARY

For the letter O, let’s focus on....

OBITUARY

I was thinking about this as I read the news about Rush Limbaugh over the last weekend. You know, the conservative talk-radio host was forced to cut his Hawaiian holiday short last Wednesday after being rushed to a Honolulu hospital complaining of severe chest pains. Of course the good news is that they found nothing. No really, it turns out he doesn’t even have a heart…



Ok, I just had to throw in that joke. But had he actually been born with a real heart, then he might have had a heart attack and died. What would his obituary look like? Here’s what I think it would have included:

Rush Limbaugh – leaves behind enough personal medications to allow all third world nations years of debt free medical supplies. Is survived by countless other loud mouth know-nots willing to say whatever for TV zealots…

And that got me thinking what other celebrities obituaries might include too…

Bernie Madoff - …leaves behind a nation wallowing in financial depression. Survived by a host of wealthy investors bankrupt and forced to do something for themselves for the first time ever…
.
.

Tiger Woods – leaves all their behinds…behind. Survived by Nike, his only remaining corporate sponser who was too greedy to drop him and a never ending female count growing so large, even Wilt Chamberlain’s ghost is shocked…
.
.
Charlie Sheen – leaves behind all weapons of domestic destruction and is survived by his half brother Emilio who hasn’t been seen since that series of LA hockey movies…
.
.
.
Phil Spector – leaves behind all his hair to “locks for shocks” and is survived by all the dumb entertainment actresses he didn’t have time to kill…
..
.
.
Meryl Streep – leaves behind 75 Oscars and is survived by a host of aging actresses wondering why they can’t get Oscar worthy roles even after she’s gone…

You know…I could do this all day long….

65 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Love the Hillary pic. Obit it to first again.

God bless.

Mrsupole said...

Does anyone know how old Meryl Streep really is? I am not even sure if she is older than me or younger than me, it just seems like she has been around since I can remember, well anything.

And Emilio is not his half brother, they do have the same mom and dad, just Emilio took the real last name and Charlie took the fake acting name. Geez, I thought you would know that one.

And Bernie should have Madoff with all of Tiger's money so we would never have to see or hear about him again. Love the Nike smile though. Tiger is a sick, sick man. May he rot in hell playing the Golf Olympics with Monica and Bill.

God bless.

Uncivil said...

Already got my obituary!
http://uncivilone.blogspot.com/2009/11/here-lies-jimmy.html

subby said...

LMAO @ the Tiger Woods one( Wilt the Stilt's ghost is not amused, or so he tells me )HA!

Collette said...

Love these! Maybe an "Obit of the Day" would be fun. You'd never run out material! Happy New Year!

subby said...

Heeeey! Colette's idea...go with VE!

Deb said...

Add another vote to Obit of the Day!
Could you please do one on Al Gore, Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray, and PLEASE, one on Oprah.

CatLadyLarew said...

VE... leaves behind a blog roll of people still trying to get to the coveted number 1 spot.

Mrsupole said...

Ditto to that Obit of the Day, even if it is just on the sidebar. I like the ones Deb wrote. How about Chris Matthews, Megan Fox, Kanye West, and especially Nancy Pelosi.

Please, please, please do the Nancy one. Maybe you could just obit her fake face parts. She is so scarey, and maybe she is one of those Terminator robots. Oh hell, P (Pelosi) is your next letter and you could just do a whole post about her. It would be a horror post though.

lime said...

now if only some of these were real....

Roy Scribner said...

My wife finally got tired of all the leaves I left behind and raked the backyard, a few weeks ago.

Nike - don't they own one of your colleges, up there?

Kurt said...

His real name is Rush Estevez.

Gladys said...

A couple of years ago a bunch of my girlfriends got together and had some Adult Koolaide. The subject of death, dying and our obits came up. We all agreed to write each others. FYI NEVER let your drunkass friends write your obit or pick out your casket attire. Snorkle and Heart sunglasses will are not a good look when trying to pass into the pearly gates. :)

leelee said...

LOLOL Loved these...not surprising really.

Meryl is 60 Mrsupole...and still gorgeous IMHO.

Rush probably had indigestion..we know how much hot air he has..

Happy Hump Day VE.

HUGS!!

Anne said...

i can't die now, i've got too much work to do, and yet, here I am, visiting you. sheesh.

Quirkyloon said...

Whew! I was worried you were going to compare Rush to the Tin Man who is also missing a heart.

I adore the Tin Man. Rush? Not so much.

But there is one Rush I love. You know the band Rush with Gedde Lee.

Gedde. I like that name.

"musical airwaves crackle with life..."

Ah!

The Incredible Woody said...

No wonder Bill had to look elsewhere for someone to, um, well you know.

Brian Miller said...

lol. these are priceless...on the bandwagon for obit of the day!

mama-face said...

Where do you get these pics? Tiger Woods? LOL

Isn't this what you do all day long? :)

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

lol. Then why'd you stop if you can do it all day?

Elizabeth said...

Now I'm curious what Emilio Estevez has been up to.

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

Meryl? MERYL? Oh, now you've gone too far. She was winning Oscars when you were still in diapers! ;)

And I wondered if my VooDoo doll of Rush worked. Glad to know it does! Next time, instead of thrusting pins into its chest cavity I'll drag out the Black & Decker drill.

angie said...

Once again.....masterful touches, VE!

Chris Eldin said...

Speaking of Meryl Streep, how about an obit for Julia Child?

Paris Hilton

One of the biggest losers...

Okay, count me in the camp for an obit a day!!
:-)

VE said...

mrsupole - Well then I think Emilio should have went with the stage name based on his showings lately...

uncivil - Ha! Now that is so fitting! Too bad you passed away with such a bright future; what with all those democrats and such!

subby - Wilt was old school, for sure!

collette - There's an idea. I'll ponder that one...

subby - So many celebrities..so little time...

deb - That's a good list. I'm thinking about it...

catladylarew - I know; I can't die now...it would ruin the blogroll count!

mrsupole - It would have to go on the side if I do it...that way I don't have to be responsible for updating it absolutely every day...

lime - But I did see one of the dumb useless heiresses just died...

roy - You need to do like me a move where there aren't any big trees. It'll be about five years before I get leaves in the back...oh and yes, Nike does practically own the University of Oregon...but it still didn't help them in the Rose Bowl...

kurt - Ha! Good one...

gladys - Never let your friends decide ANYTHING on your behalf! Good rule to follow...

leelee - Happy hump day to you too! Wow, Meryl is 60? Time flies. She was 11 and had 17 Academy Awards by the time I was even born!

anne - You make that sound like a bad thing! I'll send the gnomes over to convince you it could be much worse...they're good at that...

quirkyloon - I know Rush the band well...my son just mastered Tom Sawyer on expert on drums. Just imagine how many times I've heard the song to achieve that!

incredible woody - Ha! It is scary.

brian - Oh sure, just add to my pressure!

mama-face - As a matter of fact, it is!

perpetual chocoholic - Adult OCD...

elizabeth - Apparently nothing. In the last two years he's only appeared on one episode of his brother's TV series...

arizona - Yes, she was! I have a few old bosses I'd like voodoo dolls of, please...

VE said...

angie - Thanks. I'm good at trashing careers...

chris - More excellent choices. I'm seriously considering it. It's tough to keep up with a post, a poll, a photo, a stupid thought of the day, a parody and the blog roll, but you all are pretty persuasive...

Mike said...

Wilt is dead? Really?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lifeshighway said...

I think Phil Spector's hair should be left to science. In fact beside running another obit entry, try your hand at "better uses for celebrity body parts"

ReformingGeek said...

I love all the photos and the obits.

Yes, I believe you could do it all day.

Oh, poor, poor Rush.

Not.

The Mother said...

I was wondering if this was wishful thinking...

Ronda Laveen said...

I disagree with Incredible Woody. I think Hillary's mouth is the perfect shape for what Bill likes.

Don't forget Emilio in Repo Man. I loved that wacky movie.

Serena said...

I just hope none of them remembered me in their wills.:)

Chris C said...

Awww no Hillary obit?

Hillary- Leaves behind Tiger's phone number for Bill.

Baino said...

George Bush deceasifies and tiger comes in six under.

carlae said...

Kinda sad, but I just had to write my mom's obit, she died just before Christmas. gee thanks mom....I'd rather read yours

sybil law said...

Damn that cockaroach Rush.
My favorite was Madoff's, though. So, so true.

nonamedufus said...

Am I on the blog roll yet? Or the obit roll?

Brian o vretanos said...

The depressing thing about all this is that most people aren't really appreciated until they've died.

Or maybe that's a good thing... I'm not really sure.

subby said...

Bwahahaha! Sorry VE...I just read your latest parody..."sponsors pulling out"...oh geez! Hysterical!!

tut-tut said...

Charlie Sheen is currently the highest paid sitcom actor on teevee. go figure. Have you ever seen his show? Only in the depths of H1N1 could I watch it—because I was up coughing.

subby said...

LMAO @tut-tut's comment! You mean Sheen still has a career? I'm obviously missing something( scratching side-board )...

VE said...

mike - You've got to get out, man. He hasn't been alive in this millenium!

lifeshighway - I'm sure most of the female population would find an interesting alternative use for Tiger's driver...

reforminggeek - I'll probably get sued for giving obits on living celebs...

mother - Well...not in Meryl's case anyway...

ronda - He was in that...I totally forgot. What happened?

serena - Too late...says they passed on their bad press to you...bummer...

chris c - Ha! Good one.

baino - Ha! I sure miss making fun of Bush. I don't miss him messing everything up though...

carlae - Sorry to hear about that. Don't worry, we'll move on to other humor that doesn't hit so close to home...

sybil law - That's a good description for Rush...

nonamedufus - You're in luck...it's the blog roll. You can opt for the jelly roll behind door number two if you wish...

brian - I know...I just started to appreciate Mozart...

subby - Thanks. I'm glad somebody goes there and enjoys them!

tut-tut - That would explain his domestic anger then, huh?

VE said...

subby - Oh yeah, somehow he keeps getting work...

Dee said...

that first crap is getting on my nerves :)
Funny post, Unless your a conservative :)

Megan said...

More, please!

Jaime said...

i didn't think tiger had any sponsors left. i can't imagine why tag thought having a serial adulterer as a spokesperson would sell them less watches.

ryan field said...

Good post. I agree with tut-tut on Charlie Sheen, BTW.

JGH said...

Hahah - that is classic! Tiger Woods left behind all the behinds!! Those poor women. LOL

Janna said...

I'm with Quirkyloon: Love the band Rush, can't STAND the Limbaugh version.

Just thinking about that pompous jerk makes me want to stuff an elephant into a blender.

Maureen said...

Rush is awesome, and of course a Canadian band.... there is no voice like Geddy's.

And I haven't a clue about Limbaugh. Thank goodness.

teeni said...

Sorry. I can't really speak right now. The hair on Phil Spector always just puts me into some type of shock. 0.0

R.J. Edwards said...

I have to throw in another vote for "Obit of the Day". This is hilarious.

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

I'm sure you've heard this one already, but in case you haven't, here 'tis, courtesy of my uncle.

Did you hear that Tiger Woods has a new name?

Cheetah.

(I still chuckle at that one)

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

You should do it all day. It's quite amusing.

VE said...

dee - Nobody can resist now...especially if somebody happens to beat mrsupole

megan - Oh sure, join in on the band wagon!

jaime - But its important to know what time it is when you're cheating...

ryan - The one that boggles me is when he starred as an action hero. Right...

JGH - Then again, they could have said "no" and called the paparazzi at the time...

janna - Ha! Speaking of blenders, there's a You Tube series where this guy will blend nearly anything to see if you can blend it. It's pretty crazy...

maureen - Oh sure, throw in that its a Canadian Band...just like Neil Young and the Guess Who and all of them. Well I happen to know that Grand Funk Railroad of the hit, "We're an American Band", happens to be American. I'm that knowledgeable!

teeni - Ha! It is kind of mesmarizing the way if defies gravity...

rj edwards - Go ahead, throw it in, I'm doomed anyway...

j - Classic...

tgwtfihr - Now if I did it all day, it would be amusing for the first hour and then it would be feel like a 24 hour marathon of Charlie Sheen's TV show and drive you crazy...

Dreamhaven said...

Very funny post. I enjoyed it. Happy TT

VE said...

dreamhaven - Thanks, happy TT too!

Candie Bracci said...

LMAO!:D and to say I missed that great laugh when I was on my stormy cloud!

VE said...

candie - Well, clouds never stick around...but you do!

Uncivil said...

Just me tryin' to come in last again?
You know that picture Hillary???
Kinda looks like she took lessons from Monica or somethin'?????

VE said...

uncivil - So far so good. Monica? Or vice-versa...

Dalton J. Fox said...

Emilio is still alive? I had no idea.

VE said...

dalton - I didn't know either...I had to look it up!

bunkstrutts said...

Whoa. Takin' cheap potshots at Rushbo? I'm disappointed. :(

Most folks I've met who mouth off about Limbaugh have never listened to his show, at least not for more than a few minutes. Listen to him for a couple of weeks, before you decide to hate him.

I gave Al Franken the same chance when he was on AirAmerica, and I found him to be an unoriginal boring pompous boob. But at least I gave him a chance.

Limbaugh is at least entertaining. He's the best deaf radio host there is. ;)

VE said...

bunk - Actually its pretty fair since I don't watch or listen to anyone. That way I can take cheap shots at everyone equally...