Wednesday, January 20, 2010

V is for VIOLIN


For the letter V, let’s focus on....

VIOLIN

The violin is the most expensive musical instrument in the world. No, not the one you or I might buy but the ones “people with too much money who like to own rare things" would buy.

Apparently these two violin makers in Italy, who are so special they have their own occupation name, luthier, made a bunch of violins in the 16th century and nobody else has been as good since. Perhaps it’s like a good year for wine…the trees back then had just the right amount of olive oil in them or something. Who knows…but their particular violins fetch two to four million dollars these days. No, we’re not talking Charlie Daniel’s fiddle there!

I myself prefer a cheaper priced fiddle. I go for the portable version…

It’s handy around campfires and when I feel the urge to climb up on the roof and fiddle without trying to get up there holding a big fiddle case and falling off to my death because I couldn’t hold on with two hands.


Violins were popular with famous smart people too. If both Sherlock Holmes and Einstein played the fiddle, I’d better get my act together and start. I wouldn’t want to be mistaken for a dumb person by not playing one.

But learning the traditional violin is a pain in the neck! Literally. First of all, just like calluses on your fingers from guitar, violinists get blisters on the neck. They aren’t pretty either…sort of like a bad hickey experiment…

Play the violin too long and you’ll develop “Tilt Head” syndrome. This is where your head is always tilting to the side and won’t straighten up anymore. It happens from the way you have to hold the violin to play it. Who’s lame brain idea was that? This wouldn’t never have broken out into an actual instrument if it came out these days. You’d only find it in the “As seen on TV” store.

But let’s say you have a limber neck and are willing to take that chance. You’re a violin fanatic! You play violin on your iphone…

You have a violin tattoo…

You even own Violin Hero for the Xbox!


For you…my suggestion is to go ahead and start that Ponzie scheme and build up the revenue to own one of those fancy dancy violins for two million so you too can have inner peace and a tilted head…good luck…

And for those of you that would rather keep your head even…try the Jimmy Page solution and use your electric guitar…

49 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Those are a few gross pictures you have there. Yup, truly gross.

Twice, yippee!!

God bless.

monica said...

hm, interesting and illuminating... I must say..

Tom said...

..i heard that they have cloned the trees that Strativarius were made from and someday they can do it all over again. The sound is on the wood, huh? I can't tell the difference. What kind of noises would that tattood violin make...i wonder!?

The Incredible Woody said...

Glad to know the violin is a high IQ instrument since I play:)

Maureen said...

NOTE TO SELF: stop coming to VE's first thing in the morning....

Gahhhh!!!! My eyes! My eyes!

JenJen said...

Alrighty...I was good for a bit until the abscess on the neck appeared.
How very gnarly.

Roy Scribner said...

I don't wanna know where those strings go...

ryan field said...

I know someone with tilt head syndrome.

Quirkyloon said...

Violin Hero?

You are a genius VE! A genius!

Can I say how pleased I was to see cowbell honorably mentioned in this post?

That pleased me...immensely.

Ha!

VE said...

mrsupole - What are you talking about? Jimmy Page isn't THAT gross (or so the wifey-poo thought so back in the 70s)

monica - And I'll bet you didn't think there was any humor in the violin...

tom - "What kind of noises would that tattood violin make...i wonder!?" ...Depends on where you play it!

incredible woody - Excellent...now that I know how smart you are...could you turn off gravity over at my house? I think that would be fun...

maureen - Sometimes its so funny it hurts! Ok...sometimes it just hurts...

jenjen - Try to imagine he's an alien with fake skin. There, that should help some...

roy - Ha! You said it...

ryan - I feel for them. You can buy a series of head wedges and keep adding larger ones until the head goes straight again...

quirkyloon - Well...after you moooooo'd so enthusiastically I had to throw in the cowbell! Always more cowbell!

mouse (aka kimy) said...

one of your illustrations reminds me of the wonderful photo by man ray of a woman's back w/ violinish markings/tattoos

Unfinished Rambler said...

NOTE TO SELF: keep coming to VE's first thing in the morning....

Yeehaw! My eyes! My eyes!

Okay, what can I say I'm a freak? While I appreciated the booty photo, I didn't really appreciate the hickey experiment.

And unlike Roy, I do wanna know where those strings, probably all G strings, I'm thinking, go...:)

Uncivil said...

I thought "V" was for VE?

Megan said...

I love the sound of violins. Some of these pictures, not so much!

VE said...

uncivil - Of course it is...but I can't shock my readers too much...

megan - Oh sure...you just want puppies and rainbows now. Buck up there, girl!

VE said...

mouse - I'm guessing that photo is in better taste than the one I chose...

unfinished rambler - Those G strings are for you, my friend! Play with them nicely...

subby said...

I rather enjoy the strings( no, no...listening; anywa,y I can't play any of 'em )....what?

subby said...

...and that tat is freakin' me out!

Gladys said...

I guess I have NO IQ they wouldn't even let me play the triangle. I do believe that we do need MORE COWBELL!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Ewww!

carlae said...

I think it would be cool to play the violin or the fiddle, I can't decide.

ReformingGeek said...

OUCH! That tattoo must have hurt! BAD!

V for vasectomy.

Chris C said...

I need to borrow that small violin for my political humor column Thursday.

CatLadyLarew said...

So, the violin is the name for a fiddle that costs a lot of money?

Chris Wood said...

Have you seen that archive footage of Jimmy Page tucking his Les Paul under his chin? He had to stop, doctor's orders, so I gather. It was then that he took to cramming fish into groupies. Everyone needs a hobby, I guess.

Brian Miller said...

i can play the cowbell...wonder if i can get it as a tattoo...

Janna said...

Violin is one of those instruments that sounds exquisite if you can play it well... and if you can't, it sounds unbearably awful.

Oboe is the same way.

Currently I don't play any bowed strings; just plucked and/or percussive ones (harp, dulcimer). I currently have a cello in my living room but haven't gotten around to learning it yet.

My favorite instrument to play is French horn. It's the best part of the orchestra, IMHO. :)

I have the utmost respect for anyone who can properly play the violin.

If I ever get old and senile and forget how to play my favorite instruments, just give me a triangle and cowbell. They'll come in handy when I need to throw something at the people who keep bringing me nasty dishes of jello and vitamin drinks.

Annie Ha said...

I would totally play Violin Hero.

Serena said...

Oh, wow, you're all the way up to V. And illustrated with grossout pics, no less.:)

Elizabeth said...

I get to hear 6 and 7 year olds practice violin. I think it would be less painful to get the ratio!

Ronda Laveen said...

I make a lot of money off of those
"Tilt Heads." Viva la Tilt Heads.

Secretia said...

You entertained me greatly with this one, thanks!

Sarah said...

I played the violin growing up. The real test of a violinist is how long they can hold the violin with only their neck...no hands! ;p

California Girl said...

The body paint is the most interesting image. The violin hickey is the most interesting concept.

Jacki said...

I was not ready for that violin tattoo....seriously.

The tilted head syndrome made me think of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_qZ5DzSkP8

JeffScape said...

Tell me that's not a real tattoo. PLEASE tell me that's not a real tattoo.

VE said...

annie ha - You'd probably be on expert level too. I'd be back on medium...as always...

serena - You know I am to shock at times. Yes, it also is surprising I knew the alphabet that far!

elizabeth - Just plug in to your ipod and smile as if you are listening...

ronda - That's true! You probably donate to the violin players guild or some such organization designed to create more tilt-heads...

secretia - Thanks. And your little avatar picture always entertains me for...ah...nevermind

sara - I can support it for awhile without hands...but I have to be excited about doing so... ;)

california girl - Let's hope it is body paint and not a real tattoo...

jacki - Nobody's ready for what I might post! Hey...and they stole my tilt neck disease! I'm gonna sue...

jeffscape - That is what happens when exposed to tanning beds over the long run...

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

I had the pleasure of ringing a cowbell at three different conferences I've organized in the past. It was not fun and the herd just kept chewing on their potato chips and gave me dirty looks.

Yikes on that hickey violin blister! Looks like something from a Velcron or Nerdon from Star Trek!

And tilted head syndrome girl - does than enhance or discredit her chances of actually giving someone "an upright position" (ahem, um B.J.)?

Wouldn't it be fun if we all went around doing air-violen movements instead of air-guitars!?

ha! i liked this post. thanks for the laugh.

VE said...

mandy - You should have plugged in the electric cow bell and then they'd wake up! Oh, and I hadn't considered that the tilt head would have "other" benefits. That one might require extensive experimentation...

lime said...

the violin tattoo reminds me of the vintage man ray photo of the woman done up like that.

Collette said...

Some very interesting pics there. And you don't have to look at Jimmy Page, just listen. (like anyone could see at those concerts with all the drugs they were on...lol)
I prefer the mini violin myself.

gab said...

Im seriously tone deaf! They wouldnt let me any where near the band department ot choir for that matter. They put me in choir in 7th grade and the teacher went straight to the vise principle and said get that girl outta there she is ruining everything. What a blow to my ego. the lady at the church came to my parents to tell them they wanted me to sing. My parents tried to tell them it was a mistake but she said all I needed was practice. LOL what a shock she got the first time I sang with the group. She sent me on my merry way never to darken my doorstep again!

Janna said...

*whispers to self*
Hey, do you think he'll notice he skipped ten people?

*self whispers back*
Nah, leave him alone; he's under stress lately. The gnomes have been forcing him t...

*self shouts in empty room*
Hey, who are you and why are you talking to me? Do you want people to think we're crazy?

VE said...

lime - You can call him ray or you can call him...

collette - It's better if you don't look at him now...

gab - THere should be a band of tone deaf people...playing in some remote desert...

janna - Those people are double secret probation...

Janna said...

"janna - Those people are double secret probation..."

Double secret probation?
Since the group includes me, I should get together with the others and find out what we did.

Possibilities:
1. We had consistently failed to achieve the perfect cereal-milk ratio after three consecutive tries.

2. We spoke of starting a splinter group called "WC's Fascinating Gobbledygook".

3. We wore the same pair of socks for a week straight.

4. When using shampoo, we rinsed but did not repeat.

5. We sent postcards to all your loved ones, asking them to mail us photos of you in your underwear.

Actually, Double-Secret Probation is kinda fun, now that I think about it.

Especially if the photos arrive tomorrow.

Jaime said...

that violin tat... wow... if you're going to cover your back in a tattoo, it should be of something cool like a dragon, don't you think?

VE said...

jaime - I think so...or a gnome...

The Silver Fox said...

In two of my bands -- I was the lead singer -- I played cowbell on cover versions of Grand Funk's "American Band" and Santana's "Hope You're Feeling Better." Just thought I'd share that.

That, and... There's way too much violins on television.

VE said...

silver fox - I'm impressed! Way to add "more cowbell"!!