Sunday, January 24, 2010

X is for XXX

For the letter X, let’s focus on....

XXX

You know; the movie rating for us adults. The movies that are so sophisticated they demand maturity to be able to be taken seriously.

Actually, the rating of X no longer exists and hasn’t since they added “NC-17” in it’s place. The problem was that for films that weren’t just pornography but had strong adult content, the X rating was the kiss of death to try and get advertising or full commercial distribution. Films like The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover and Short Bus fall into this category. Older films like Midnight Cowboy or Last Tango in Paris do too.

But XXX or even X is technically still around. It exists as, you guessed it, pornographic movies. I guess they still make these; they aren’t just all on the internet using websites that their owners forgot to renew.

Apparently they get quite creative at using existing films with clever name changes to entice horny people to purchase them. Who can forget Mad Max Beyond Thunderbone!

Being as it is quite a lucrative industry, we need to act quick and secure all the good names for the 2009 films. That way we can charge them for the right to use our awesome movie names that we own.

Let’s take a look at the films of 2009…

These films don’t need a clever renaming…just use your imagination

The Hurt Locker
Up
Julia and Julia
Whip It

But other films are ripe for the plucking and we’d better grab them up before some competitor porn-wanna-be DVD production gets to them…

Was (500) Days of Summer
Is (500) Days in Summer

Was Star Trek
Is Star Tricks

Was District 9
Is District 69

Was Inglourious Basterds
Is In the Glory Holy, Basterds (for our gay genre)

Was The Hangover
Is The Hungoverher

Was Public Enemies
Is Public Enemas (for our kinky genre)

Was The Road
Is The Rod

Was Coco Before Chanel
Is Let’s Do Coco Before Chanel

Was Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Is Harry’s Peter in the Full-Blooded Princess

Was Where the Wild Things Are
Is Where the Wild Thongs Are

Was Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Is Rowdy for a Chance with his Meat and Balls

Yes…it appears I can do these all day long too…

55 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Whew, FOA

Mrsupole said...

X & XX & XXX & XX & X & X EQUALS 10X and that is all I am saying.

God bless.

subby said...

DANG! Doesn't Mrsupole sleep?( said the insomniac from New England )....LMAO, VE! tho' there ahve been a few of the "Star Trek" ones, I'm surprised they missed this title...better copyright all these quick!

subby said...

I remember "Carnival Cruise Lines"( or is that "Carnal Cruising Lines"?, heh )paid out a rather large sum just for a domain name, registered to someone else...ahem...just saying...

otin said...

I think that we might possess the same brain! LOL!

JenJen said...

k. I read this Sunday morning before mass.

Awesome.

Thanks a bunch....

Uncivil said...

Instead of "Mork & Mindy" you have "Porkin' Mindy"?

Uncivil said...

Jeesh....I hope Mark Harmon doesn't read your blog?

Dale said...

I feel titillated. And dirty.

The Incredible Woody said...

Last night at dinner, 'Shaving Ryan's Privates' was among the topics.....

CatLadyLarew said...

Ah, the perfect pastime for a Sunday morning! Here's one for Subby... "Avatar" becomes "'ave a Tar".

mama-face said...

Hahaha. My son just leaned over and asked why I was reading something that said XXX...didn't I know that was bad? I hold him you were a blogger who has been going through the alphabet and writing a post using each letter. His response? "That's dumb." LOL Had to tell you.

Us bloggers get no respect.

funny stuff.

Quirkyloon said...

You make me blush VE. Don't you know some of us innocents out here are shy?

Ay, the dirty nuggets you placed in my psyche today.

Ay, yi, yi!

hahahaha

subby said...

@CatLadyLarew~HA! Hey waitaminnit!

Oooh VE obscure reference: Comedy Central used to have a show called "Strip Mall". One of the characters was a porno movie maker and came up with a version of Pokemon dubbed "Poke Me Man"-LMAO!!

Annie Ha said...

Already got one for 2010: The Lovely Boner.

Brian o vretanos said...

Having been unfortunate enough to sit through the original, I'm sure the porn-remake of "Where the Wild Things Are" would be an improvement...

Megan said...

"Harry's Peter" - ha! That's hilarious!

ReformingGeek said...

I burst out laughing at Harry's peter. I DO NOT want to see that one.

I was reading these to Hubby. He was quite as amused as I was.

Silly guy.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I'm done with not being first.

Me-Me King said...

Having done an ABC's series myself, I know exactly what you are thinking. Thank god, only 2 more letters to go!

Baino said...

Now what's pornographic about a pair of wild thongs? I ask you . . .we have a beer here called XXXX . . not sure what that implies.

Elizabeth said...

I'm trying to think of one for "Twilight", but I can't. But "New Moon" wouldn't really need to change it's name.

Chris C said...

My favorite of all time, and an actual porn title is:

"Romancing the Bone"

subby said...

Agreeing with Me-Me King on that one~OY!

gab said...

OMG that reminds me of when Mr Gab and I first were dating. The movie I wanted to go see was The Devil in Miss Jones. WHY? Well 1st because my last name was Jones and second I wanted to see how bad I was. So our first date was to that movie. To say we never saw the movie is an understatement and it wasnt till almost 12 yrs later when I finally rented it to see what we missed. NOTHING thats what we missed! It was move fun the first time around.

Allyson said...

And who could ever forget Dustin Hoffman's stirring performance in "Last Chance Hard-On?" About a man in search of a wet spot before the Viagra wears off...yes...this needs to be a whole series of posts because it's just. that. good.

VE said...

Mrsupole – Well about time you got back on top! I’m no sure about your math…I think I skipped that class…

Subby – I think I could spend my life copyrighting my stuff…oh, and I did hear of a number of domain names sold for a lot early on. I don’t know if that still goes on…

Otin – We might. You can have it on Thursdays…

Jenjen – Straight to hell…that’s where this leads…

Uncivil – Ha! Did you know my cousin starred with “Mindy” back in the early 90s in a sitcom called “Life and Stuff”?

Dale – I suggest a shower…

Incredible woody – Ha! That’s obviously in the kinky section…

Catladylarew – I wondered what to do with that one. Good job!

Mama-face – Never have children within 100 feet of my blog!

Quirkyloon – Why I’ve never made blush! I’ve never made any of the make up products!

Subby – Good one!

Annie ha – Ha! I love it…well…at least when the wifey-poo exclaims that…

Brian – I had to sit through that one too…

Megan – Don’t forget his friends Hemerroidite and Ron Jeremy…

Reforminggeek – No telling what spell he’ll use in that one! Oh, and the wands are much different…

Perpetual – And you were so close! ;)

Meme king – You did? Copy cat! Oh wait…I’m not finished yet…err…good idea…

Elizabeth – That is a tough one..

Chris c – A classic. You probably have that on Beta Max too, don’t you? ;)

Subby – It has been a long time coming…

Gab – Very naughty Mrs. Gab! Ha!

Allyson – Ha! The gnomes want to hire you for future porn posts…

Janna said...

The next list should be entirely composed of Disney movies.

There are some you might not even need to change, like Beauty And The Beast.

Slow Night With The Seven Dwarves...
(or gnomes)

Gladys said...

VE you are way too good at naming porn movies. Is that what you do in real life?

carlae said...

You are a talented talented man.

tattytiara said...

You know if writing fortunes in fortune cookies can be an actual job - and it is - I see no reason why you can't parlay your very evident talent into a lucrative career.

Secretia said...

I can barely stand to but a ticket to a movie that isn't rated R.

But recently I noticed a lot of sexual content in PG movies.

Secretia

Roy Scribner said...

Now we know what you've been up to in the basement, VE - remaking Fast & Furious.

bon bon said...

i thought for sure you'd take the Pubic Enemies route...

Tom said...

How sick is that! How 'bout you skip Y and come back around to X again? Fantastic!

Jaime said...

coming up with these titles, i think the gnomes have been watching too much bad porn...

Serena said...

Oh, good -- FUN porn!:)

gab said...

Hey Ve? dont I get updated? I think Im more than 2! lol

Collette said...

Ok, I have a pretty lame one, but here goes anyway...Was Twilight. Is now-TwinNight
I tried. Guess I'm just not warmed up yet...lol

Maureen said...

You're a sick, sick puppy VE.

;)

Nessa said...

Can't wait to see your name in the movie credits (although I've never seen an X-rated flick. I'm a good girl.)

12212012

VE said...

Janna – Good idea.. Sinderella, Alice in her Wonderbra, The Black Hole…so many…so little time…

Gladys – Shhhh…don’t tell anyone!

Carlae – That’s what she said… ;)

Tattytiara – Funny you should say that…I’m going to try exactly that!

Secretia – More sex! More sex! More sex! Oh…I probably shouldn’t picket in front of the church….

Roy – Ha! Good one…

Bon bon – That a good choice. Alas, readers have been trying to predict me for a long time. It’s hard to predict the insane…

Tom – I’m sensing you want to see this as a regular feature!

Jaime – Is there any other kind?

Serena – The best kind…

Gab – You are and I did…but I do lag behind several days to give others an opportunity to catch up some. A few readers are faithful commenters but they do it in batches of posts…

Collette – Ah…one of my dreams…oh, wait, nevermind. Yes, that was a toughie…

Maureen – Sick is as sick does…

Nessa – Look for my secret porn name….

Candie Bracci said...

OMG "let's do coco before Chanel"I can't believe it!lol

VE said...

candie - No movie is safe...

lime said...

the imagery associated with public enemas is disturbing in the extreme. lol

VE said...

lime - I never said they'd be pretty...

C said...

BAHAHAHAHA!!! Thank you for the laughs! This post was fantastic.

VE said...

c - This post was a popular one...

The Silver Fox said...

I once considered writing porn novels in the early 1980s for quick money, and even came up with an idea for a porn film, based on "Back to the Future" in name only, pretty much. I was going to relate that story in detail here... but then I thought it'd make a great anecdote for my own blog someday. Sorry, folks.

VE said...

silver fox - I can only imagine what the name of your "Back to the Future" porn movies was. We want the story!

The Silver Fox said...

I'll try to tell the tale soon! For the weekend, I'm devoting my space to a Happy Birthday wish to Charles Dickens!

Speaking of movies, your gnomes are cordially invited to the built-in theater at Simpson/Lynch Studios for a special double feature, two underrated Disney flicks: Darby O'Gill and the Little People (and yes, I know it's about leprechauns and not gnomes), and of course, The Gnome-Mobile, starring Walter Brennan.

The Silver Fox said...

Okay, VE, you talked me into it. Right after midnight on Tuesday, morning, I'll tell the PG-rated story about my X-rated film script!

VE said...

silver fox - Ha! Excellent...its on my social calendar!

The Silver Fox said...

It's done and scheduled. Not sure if it'll be what you're expecting, but at least you'll get to see the two titles I came up with!

VE said...

silver fox - I don't know what to expect...but it'll be fun...