Thursday, February 25, 2010

Bottle Bantor

Theme Thursday is today and it is BOTTLE.

Just what in the hell is the definition of a bottle? I used to think it was what my Pepsi came in. You know; a glass soda bottle. But then came the 80s and things just got worse from there. I have this theorem that probably is the direct inverse of the constant “New and Improved” trend that things like laundry detergent and cleaning products go through. Of course, I object to the entire term “New and Improved” in the first place. If it’s new, how can you improve it? Plus…doesn’t it make you feel like you’ve been bamboozled for using the “Old and Inferior” product? But I digress…

No, my theorem is that no matter what they do with my Pepsi, it’ll suck that much worse and a part of my soul will vanquish away for lowering my standards to get my Pepsi fix. First there was nirvana in the Pepsi bottle. Glass is so wonderful to drink from. Then they had to go and develop the can. They were easier to stack, got colder faster, lighter to ship. But they didn’t taste as good and they sneakily went from 16oz to 12oz without telling me. They should have called me first on this.

It went downhill from there. They went back to a “bottle” again, but this time it was plastic. I can’t stand drinking from plastic! I knew then I was duped. They don’t stack as well as cans, they don’t get as cold either. They’re just cheaper to produce and lighter to ship; nothing that benefits the consumer! And you can see where my theorem is going: down! That’s right, the next time they “improve” their solution it probably won’t be a bottle again; it’ll be those obnoxious juice boxes that if you squeeze them even slightly you get Pepsi up your nose. Damn them!

So when this theme came up, I had to wonder…what was the definition of bottle? I went to my handy, dandy dictionary and got this:

“A receptacle having a narrow neck and a mouth that can be plugged, corked or capped”

Awesome…because you can stick a plug in the mouth of a politician…they are technically all bottles! What say we cap a few of them and set them out for recycling?!

61 comments:

ShAKirA CHOONG said...

I like what you said about politicians. lol

Happy THEME THURSDAY!

hugs
shakira

subby said...

"Flipper Dippers"?

subby said...

Big George Carlin reference on the "new" and "improved" about the 32 varieties of cookies; "Man if they can't get it right in 32 tries, I'm not eatin' 'em!"

And have you seen the new Coke 2litre bottles yet?

subby said...

If I recall correctly, they still bottle Dr. Pepper in glass bottles...not new ones mind you but recycled and sterilysed older ones! I think it was a plant in Texas but you'll probably have to google it, anyway :)

Tom said...

let's just set 'em up on a fence post for target practice.

You can still get coke in bottles...but sounds like you're a Pepsi man.

Alan Burnett said...

Agree, agree. And at least you could re-cycle glass bottles.

Lorenzo said...

Hi, VE. I am big on recycling but only if there is some salvageable material ...

... so I am not too sure about recycling most politicians.

secret agent woman said...

I think the cans probably have more useful recyclable material in them - or at least that it's more cost effective to recycle aluminum. I don't really mind the occasional soda I drink being in a can, but I really only like beer from glass bottles.

Brian Miller said...

nice thought there at the end. nothing like glas bottles...do they really make pepsi in a box? scary junk...

willow said...

Heehee, you are SO right!!!

croneandbearit said...

One should never recycle a politician; they fill up the little curbside green plastic bins way too fast. I am rather fond of the word "receptacle" and will add it to my list of words to use today.

Mrsupole said...

Geez, I was snoozing again and does Subby take advantage, nooooooo. LOL

Pepsi in a juice box!! I barely can get the straw in without half the juice spilling out. Just imagine if Pepsi was in one. Everyone nearby would get a Pepsi shower.

And "yes" to getting rid of all the current politicians.

They should all have a sell by date, wait they do have one, just ask any lobbyist.

So instead of recycling them, lets just replace them and then vote in term limits, like one term, and one year only, then we can all get voted in to office and get in on the government political retirement program, you know the one where you get paid the same as if you were still in office for the rest of your life.

Seriously VE, you should run for office and then you will never have to work again and still collect a paycheck. I wish I had known about that scam when I was younger.

We are being screwed every moment of every day and we are not even enjoying it. Was it as good for you as it was for the rest of us. Yup, vote their asses out.

Did you know that if they die then their spouse collects till they die. No wonder they put up with all the cheating "sums of a bitches". That's why their kids follow their parents career choices. Vote their asses out too.

God bless.

Mrsupole said...

@Subby

Oh no Subby, you have fallen from the top. I am gonna go and cry now.

Roy S. has now moved to the top with Elizabeth right behind him. And once she gets to the top she doesn't budge. This year is going to be fun with 11 of us keeping a perfect score.

Tears rolling down my eyes still.

God bless Subby.

Kurt said...

There's a Pepsi juicebox?

subby said...

@ Mrsuple~ and then what? HA! Now I don't have to worry about it, heee!

subby said...

How the heck did I miss a post? GAAAAAAAH!

subby said...

Found it! Hey VE my reader is showing another Flash 55 but the page comes up as "not found". It's for yuour "letter F" post...

ReformingGeek said...

You lost me at Pepsi.

;-)

I was revived when you mentioned recycling politicians but I'm not sure what use they would have.

There are OTHER bottles, VE. I'm thinking rum, tequila, wine. I'm sure you get my point.

Quirkyloon said...

LMBO! Pepsi in a juice box? Genius! But alas, I too, remember the good ole glass bottle days.

So now I've moved onto bigger and better things: the soda fountain drink.

Yes, it requires a bit more effort. Driving to the convenience store, getting OUT of your car, pushing the button and then the never ending search for a lid, but after all the work and effort?

Bliss!

and

Fizz!

Did I just write a blog post here? Gah!

tut-tut said...

Great graphic, VE. And, yes, to the recycling of politicos.

VE said...

shAKirA – Wow, you swooped in for a “first” right before my hardcore commenters! Nice one…

subby – Don’t ask, don’t tell…

subby – I should have known Carlin did a “New and Improved”…that sounds like a Carlin concept…

subby – I think many of the soda companies will still bottle their product but they aren’t available in your average grocery store and I’m lazy…

tom – Target practice? Good idea. That sport of biathlon where they ski and shoot is starting to make more sense now that you put that out there…

alan – Yeah, the plastic ones are only good for building mentos rockets…

Lorenzo – That’s an excellent point. But wait…there’s always “Soylent Green”…

Secret agent woman – I did get used to cans but they sure were better in bottles…

Brian – I hope they don’t have those Pepsi boxes…

Willow – When you’re right, you’re right! What…does that really mean?

Croneandbearit – Sadly, one doesn’t read the word “receptacle” very often. Oh, and maybe you’re right, nobody would want to drive down the street on recycling day what with all the politicians out on the curb jabbering on…

Mrsupole – You let another newbie slip in there? Ha! Of course you realize that she has the current longest active “first” streak now! Ok, the gnomes told me to have some fun with you on that. Pepsi showers, while yummy tasting, aren’t very fun when you’re suddenly stuck to the floor. As to politicians, I’ll take their retirement…but do I really have to run for office? I prefer running in the morning on my usual trail…

Mrsupole – He missed Feb 10th…even the mighty slip up…

Kurt – You’ve got to get out more…(as if I’m one to talk…)

Subby – True, the pressure is off…but it’s still pretty cutthroat staying up high on my list as the year goes by…

Subby – I know, you missed Feb 10th. I checked it several times to be sure.

Subby – I do have a flash 55 coming up for tomorrow. Your read says that because I mistakenly hit “Publish” before setting the proper date to schedule it. Unfortunately the reader picks up all my mistakes. And yes, it will be only words in the letter “F”…

Reforminggeek – “Pepsi…if you’re not drinking it…you must be on Coke!” …I just made that up…not bad… Oh, and I agree with the rum!

Quirkyloon – Soda fountain sounds so regal. I keep expecting one of those renaissance Italian fountains flowing with soda that I dip a golden goblet into…not a 7/11 with stick buttons that I have to self serve my own drink using flimsy cups that collapse as soon as I try to stick a lid and straw on…but thanks for the entire blog post!

Roy Scribner said...

When Pepsi boxes begin hitting the shelves, we will know that the end is near.

btw - one nice thing about California is that we can buy (at a significant premium) Pepsi in real glass bottles made with real cane sugar. It's imported from Mexico!

Elizabeth said...

Well, they have boxed wine, why not boxed pop?

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

good post VE. They still sell coke in glass bottles but you have to pay a whole lot extra for them. (Yes, I'm a Coca Cola person.) Cans are icky and plastic is even worse.

The Incredible Woody said...

Pepsi - Yuck!!

lime said...

ok, the pepsi drink box cracks me up. but your idea for politicians is perfect. i'd vote for it.

Eberle said...

Loved your take on Pepsi containers - kind of says it all, sadly. How about if all corporations had to match their expenditure on packaging and advertising with a donation to reduce the national debt?

When I lived in rural Brazil something I never tired of was observing how the market worked without any packaging or refrigeration at all - everything fresh - you picked out your beef from animals slaughtered that day (with bones or without bones the only options) and it was cleverly wrapped into a package with old newspaper - herbs tied together with a twist of grass, clay containers dissolve back into the earth so easily.

Beth said...

You’ve got me singing, “Message in a bottle...” by Police – it just wouldn’t be the same singing, “Message in a juice box...” ;)

VE said...

Roy – That’s right…in Mexico they still have bottled everything! Now if I could just learn Spanish…

Elizabeth – Because it is wrong! Two wrongs don’t make a right…

Perpetual chocoholic – Their bottle was too iconic to discontinue…

Incredible woody – Don’t knock the choice of a new generation…

Eberle – Where did you live in Brazil? I’ve been there several times; up in the Bahia region and then around Sao Paulo and Rio. I’ve also been in Guyana, Peru and Venezuela so I’ve been all around Brazil too…

Beth – Ha! That made me laugh…

VE said...

tut-tut - Hey, how'd you sneak in there without my noticing? (off to scold the gnomes for not paying attention...)

lifeshighway said...

You left out the worse of all possible beverage receptacles: the juice bag.

The whole concept of punching a hole in a bag containing liquid and some how not getting said liquid spurting out of the convenient tiny poker/sippy tube is a heinous plot devised by people w/o children.

Spoken as a mom who has stabbed juice boxes in maniacal rages.

CatLadyLarew said...

And plastic bottles are no good at keeping the fizz in. Very disappointing to crack open a cold one only to find it's gone flat. I hate that!

Titanium said...

Cap 'em. Oh, yes, cap 'em ALL I say!

Mine is here.

subby said...

VE, dang! was at hospital with Mom...oh well I can always go back and read it anyway, heh...

Janice said...

I know a few politicians I'd like to recycle!

Stephanie said...

A pepsi "juice box" - horrid, horrid idea! You may be right.

nanny said...

LOL....great post!

The Silver Fox said...

Great suggestion at the end, there, but do they really make corks big enough?

I agree that the taste of soda is affected by its container. A glass bottle is the best, followed by a can, and plastic? Yuck.

And I wish Starbuck's would sell those ready-made, over-priced, cold coffees in glass bottles with narrower necks. That way the whole damned thing wouldn't pour down your throat when you put it to your lips, and you'd feel like you were getting more for your money. And since the freakin' those cost, like, $47 a bottle, that's important!

Baino said...

I heard that cans are a health hazard if you have a moustache, apparently it gets caught in the ring pull thingy . . .must arrange for some electrolysis. You don't have soft drink in 2 litre bottles? Not much of a soft drink person myself but wine tastes all wrong in a plastic glass . . now there's an oxymoron!

VE said...

Lifeshighway – Don’t forget the juice water balloon…coming soon to frustrate mothers everywhere…

Catladylarew – Yeah, what’s the good of having 2 litres of flat soda?

Titanium – Probably need locking caps in this case…

Subby – It’ll be there tomorrow and Saturday…

Janice – You know what they say though…garbage in…garbage out…

Stephanie – Hey, if they’ll light Michael Jackson’s hair on fire, they’ll try anything!

Nanny – Thanks

Silver fox – I don’t know…perhaps we shouldn’t use cork…it’s in short supply and disposable politicians aren’t. I’m glad I don’t do Starbucks…

Baino – Just the word oxymoron is an oxymoron!

Roy said...

Hmmm... Gives new meaning to the phrase "Put a cork in it, will ya!", doesn't it?

otin said...

Very good point about the New and improved items! I wonder how much rotten crap we have eaten? lol

Ronda Laveen said...

If politicans were bottles, they wouldn't need to spend all that money on travel expense. We could just case 'em, stack 'em and send 'em third class. I'll bet we could afford health care then.

Nanc Twop said...

Ha - those 'bottle's would all be corked.

And I mean the sommelier 's definition too... ;-)

Jaime said...

i like the idea of a pepsi juice box. beverages taste better when they come with the little flexy plastic straw

JenJen said...

also that definition can be paired with the word "ass"
cap in your ass
Ass plug
Corked...yer butt?

K. I have been in the house with a sick kid for 4 days with a dog who expels his anal glands if a kleenex on purpose falls on him, a daughter who knows EVERYTHING and a husband who helps by loading the dishwasher. forgive the ass talk. Thanks.

Serena said...

I don't like canned Pepsis, but plastic just doesn't qualify as a "bottle." What is the answer?!

aladdinsane12 said...

oh man, i really do miss glass bottles. i recently found an old-fashioned vending machine that has glass coke bottles and immediately bought one and felt super-cool :)

and i like how the fishstick things are "new and improved" because they have pea eyes!

Janna said...

Well, we could always recycle politicians into Flipper Dippers...

Not sure if we could still call them "New and Improved", but since when do labels tell the truth anyway these days, right?

(Note to self: Avoid Flipper Dippers at all costs.)

Collette said...

The thing with corking a politician is that all the hot air would fill up & they would explode. This may be a good idea but the mess would be horrendous. Think about all the cheap suits littering the ground. UGH! Polyester everywhere!

Nessa said...

You should have used a coke bottle. Everything is better with coke.

One Single Impression - Insomnia

VE said...

Roy – That phrase will never be the same, will it?

Otin – I know lard consumption is way down from the 1930s…

Ronda – Good idea…a win-win…

Nanc twop – There really aren’t many you wouldn’t want to cork, are there?

Jaime – Funny…I always take my straw out of my glass at a restaurant (unless it is a milkshake or a fruity rum drink)…

Jenjen – You are vindicated in your ass-talking ways…the gnomes approve!

Serena – An IV…

Aladdinsane12 – Nice…I should go get me some bottled ones. Oh, is it the peas that made them improved?

Janna – Yes, I don’t think I’ll be eating any “flipper dippers” in the future…but I heard the family of that whale trainer that died in Seaworld are having fish this week… ;)

Collette – That doesn’t sound pretty. We need a government task force to help clean all that up…

VE said...

nessa - Somebody has been drinking the Coke Kool-aide!

nursemyra said...

You can come over here and plug up some of our politicians starting with Tony Abbott

sewa mobil said...

Nice information, this really useful for me. There is nothing to argue about.
Keep posting stuff like this i really like it. Thanks.

Megan said...

Best snack ever is a couple of my aunt's chocolate chip cookies and a glass of pepsi. Her cookie recipe starts with the following instructions:

one pound of butter
one cup of brown sugar
one cup of white sugar

So you can imagine, right?

I can't drink Pepsi out of cans or plastic. I have to put it in a glass. With ice.

C said...

HA! This is an awesome post!

P.S. I've never heard of Flipper Dippers. I am not sure if we have them in Canada. The name "Flipper Dippers" kind of scares me. Poor Flipper.

VE said...

Nursemyra – Will I get medical benefits if I come over?

Sewa mobil – Your posts read suspiciously like spam…hmmm….

Megan – I see you are a connoisseur of Pepsi and drink it properly. I’m lazy. I’ll take a dozen of those cookies though…

C – Be thankful you don’t have them there…

gab said...

Im in can we all vote on who goes first into recycling?
You know not only did they change the pepsi from bottles to cans they added price. and If they ever come out with juice type containers for the pepsi I may just quit drinking it.

VE said...

gab - They're sneaky about giving you less for more, aren't they?

Chris C said...

Damn you! I had the same exact idea for a blog post about the concept of "old". Like Old Spice for example. hehe