Theme Thursday is today and it is BOTTLE.
Just what in the hell is the definition of a bottle? I used to think it was what my Pepsi came in. You know; a glass soda bottle. But then came the 80s and things just got worse from there. I have this theorem that probably is the direct inverse of the constant “New and Improved” trend that things like laundry detergent and cleaning products go through. Of course, I object to the entire term “New and Improved” in the first place. If it’s new, how can you improve it? Plus…doesn’t it make you feel like you’ve been bamboozled for using the “Old and Inferior” product? But I digress…
No, my theorem is that no matter what they do with my Pepsi, it’ll suck that much worse and a part of my soul will vanquish away for lowering my standards to get my Pepsi fix. First there was nirvana in the Pepsi bottle. Glass is so wonderful to drink from. Then they had to go and develop the can. They were easier to stack, got colder faster, lighter to ship. But they didn’t taste as good and they sneakily went from 16oz to 12oz without telling me. They should have called me first on this.
It went downhill from there. They went back to a “bottle” again, but this time it was plastic. I can’t stand drinking from plastic! I knew then I was duped. They don’t stack as well as cans, they don’t get as cold either. They’re just cheaper to produce and lighter to ship; nothing that benefits the consumer! And you can see where my theorem is going: down! That’s right, the next time they “improve” their solution it probably won’t be a bottle again; it’ll be those obnoxious juice boxes that if you squeeze them even slightly you get Pepsi up your nose. Damn them!
“A receptacle having a narrow neck and a mouth that can be plugged, corked or capped”
Awesome…because you can stick a plug in the mouth of a politician…they are technically all bottles! What say we cap a few of them and set them out for recycling?!