Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Five Signs of Why India Will Rule the World Before China

The Five Signs of Why India Will Rule the World Before China

1. They control the technology. Sure, we invented most of it but we’re too lazy and dumb to know how to code it, make it run or support it. We let India do all of that. I know, I worked in high tech for years and in the end our IT department was half the size because everything else got outsourced to India. The ones that stayed here were nearly all Indian too.

Americans don’t want to do all that technical stuff. Sure, it was fun back in the 80s when everything was new. Well…not fun as in tequila shots from the cleavage of Dolly Parton or diving into a pool of green Jello, of course.

2. They control the transportation. You wait; they already have the taxi cabs. When the time comes, it’ll be just like Star Wars where the clones are given a secret message and BAM! End of the Jedi. The secret message will probably come up on their navigation system during Superbowl. BAM! End of the USA.

3. They’re taking over our movies. You think Slumdog Millionaire winning the best picture Oscar was a coincidence? Just wait. When James Bondaramahara replaces James Bond you won’t be laughing at me; you’ll be asking to buy a vowel…

4. They control our companies. Don’t think so? Call one of them right now. After about 1700 menu selections and an hour wait you’ll get….somebody in India!

5. They have that cool Sitar, yoga and meditation. Think about it. Their first experiment fooled not only the Beatles but even Bob Dylan. Nobody fools Bob Dylan! Wait until they unleash their next experiment. I never did trust Yoga. Nobody should be forced to bend their body to something called “Downward Dog”. That’s got to be a sin! Why if I want to be flexible, I’ll order both cable and satellite for my home…

Oh…and let’s face it…China is going to take a little longer to rule the world. Sure, they have all our money but they’re not going to win with their current bicycle riding army and much of the country will probably die from the pollution there before they can take over the world anyway.

No…my money is on India. Fortunately I have friends over there…I’m going to ask them if I can have California…

35 comments:

Mrsupole said...

And don't they control all the 7-Elevens too. And they change their names on the phone to American ones like Bob, Joe, Rick, or Ed. Supposedly to make us feel more comfortable and to hopefully fool us into thinking we are talking to an American.

God bless.

#17

subby said...

Maybe....and I've worked in areas of new homes ($$$$$$)here on the East Coast...

When it comes down to it, I think World War 4 will be between China and India( sometime around 2034 ). By that time the rest of the world will be enslaved to the debt owed those two countries and we'll just be hopeless pawns( more so than we are now )...I'm just sayin', is all...

subby said...

...but as long as I can still get my 44oz. cola Slurpee and Jojos, it doesn't really matter :)

Beth said...

India or China – either way I’m screwed. I’m already struggling with my French living in a bilingual country. I can’t handle another language.

CatLadyLarew said...

I wonder how I'd look in a sari? Off to my sitar lesson now...

Maureen said...

You're really Lex Luthor, aren't you?

The Incredible Woody said...

I've always thought a red dot on my forehead would be cool.

Quirkyloon said...

I hoped you factored in the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse.

Just saying.

Elizabeth said...

Do you know how long it took me to learn how to say "Hello, I love you" in Chinese? I better get started on my Hindi (but perhaps I'll learn a different phrase).

VE said...

Mrsupole – Oh, I thought Bin Laden’s nephews were all working the 7/11s…

Subby – 2034? Damn…I’ll probably still be alive. On the positive side…I’ll be too old for the draft.

Beth – As long as they don’t require us to use chop stix for everything…I’d suffer eating my Cocoa Puffs…

Catladylarew – That’s good proactive planning!

Maureen – Let’s see…I’m surrounded my gnomes…hey, maybe I am?

Incredible woody – You should get a sharpie and practice now…

Quirkyloon – Oh…now you’ve gone and ruined the plot twist at the end! Yep, zombies come in and so do aliens and we have a mega-war. James Cameron will direct it all…

Elizabeth – It would have helped in that Michelle song the Beatles sang was called “Ling Po” instead. You could have learned that phrase from the song!

subby said...

Do I sense yet another song parody, VE? ;)

sinisterdan said...

Indian food is a lot better too.

But for the record, I think that the sitar is still a point against.

Roy Scribner said...

I'm pretty sure California is already spoken for, since my little town is (no joke) putting in a regulation Cricket field a few miles from my house.

There's a post for you - Cricket?

Gladys said...

Um Yeah, and they keep all their money because they don't pay their bills. Can you tell I have several Indian clients who are avoiding paying? Oh maybe they are Indian Takers.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Kurt is guest posting on my blog for anybody interested. I'm very excited to see his writings again! Yippeeee!

ReformingGeek said...

#1 reflects my former IT job.

What? No Down Dog for you? OK. How about UP Dog?

Yeah, but neither the Indians nor the Chinese are worth anything on the Men's Downhill course!

VE said...

subby - Come to think of it...I do need to get another song parody out there...

sinisterdan - Plus I can actually use a fork!

roy - You can't make me play cricket, you can't make me watch cricket, you can't make me say cricket...

gladys - YOu mean I don't have to pay those bills?

perpetual chocoholic - Really? I've got to go see that!!

reforminggeek - I knew you could relate to No 1...

Uncivil said...

Our country won't be worth taking over once Obammer and the demolitioncrats get through with it anyway!

JenJen said...

Awesome. Just plain awesome.

Brian o vretanos said...

That's really good news, since the Indians speak English. I wasn't looking forward to learning Chinese.

They'll have to remake Blade Runner to be set in an Indian dominated world rather than a Chinese one.

You've missed out the main reason they'll win, though, which is the Tiffin Wallah. Lunch is the most important part of the working day, and only the Indians have perfected the ideal means of getting your lunch to your workplace, without you having to lug it around with you for half the day. A sort of internet for lunch boxes...

Janna said...

"James Bondaramahara"... LOL!

Even the titles would have to change:

1. "Diamonds Are Forever" would become "Call Tech Support and Wait Forever but Your Call Is Still Very Important To Us"

2. "Thunderball" might stay the same but it would now be about the approaching monsoon season

3. "Goldfinger" could become "Redfinger Poked In The Middle Of My Forehead Made This Neat Dot"

4. "You Only Live Twice" might stay the same but it would now be about getting reincarnated

5. "The Man With The Golden Gun" could become "The Clown With The Golden Arches Is Evil Because He Eats Sacred Cows".

Sigh.
Now I feel guilty.
Hopefully this won't tinge my karma and make me come back as a newt.

VE said...

Jenjen – The beef council isn’t very happy with this development…

Brian – A new remake of Blade Runner might be interesting….

Janna – Excellent renames. See how you get an entire post off my post!

Chris C said...

#6 Indians reincarnate. Kill them and they will keep coming back over and over.

ShAKirA CHOONG said...

This is SO GOOD!
Was feeling the blues,
thank you so much for
making me SMILE.

hugs
shakira

Megan said...

I don't like the food, but maybe it's an acquired taste. Looks like I best acquire it.

subby said...

@Megan...curry...mmmmmmmm!

Jaime said...

my money's on djabuti... just because i like to say it

VE said...

Chris – That’s a good point…it’s like that Greek thing that you cut off the head and two grow back. Sort of like ex-wives…

ShAkirA choong – All in fun, of course. I’m glad you enjoyed it…

Megan – Try the beef… ;)

Subby – Always hurry when there’s curry!

Jaime – That looks like a misspelling…is it an Indian soda pop?

Sarah said...

But who has the better food?! Debatable!

Unfinished Rambler said...

Do you even have any Indian friends so at least you can say, "Some of my best friends are Indians" and at least defend your racism? ;)

I do...no, really, at least one. Sure, friend of my wife's but still, I could defend myself from any charges of racism.

VE said...

sarah - As long as it's edible...I'm ok with it...

unfinished rambler - Actually, one of my readers that commented positively is from India. And...I do have many friends from India. The thing is...I make fun of pretty much everyone...

Serena said...

You nailed it.

VE said...

serena - Or...they might nail me...

The Silver Fox said...

"Love means never having to save your sari."

VE said...

silver fox - Ha! Good one...