Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I Have Some Confessions...

I once "picked and flicked"... I know, I'm horrified now. I went back years later and searched for the booger with no luck. I've put him on milk cartons and post office photo shots (with proper booger aging to reflect the years since it happened). I don't know that I'll ever find him again...

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I was in a hurry and left the quart of milk tucked behind the canned prunes section. I know, somebody probably complained about a stench about two weeks later because you know they never sell any of those prunes and so the guy that faces the aisle probably didn’t even see it.

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I dialed 867-5309…and then asked for Jenny and then hung up. They probably get them all the time and hate it…

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That guy that skips the mandatory three light wait in the left turn lane traffic but proceeds another half a block passed the intersection and then turns left into the church, makes a u-turn, and then turns right onto the street and then right again onto the street that the long left turn line is waiting to get onto…is me. What can I say, it saves 5 minutes…

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When I’m in foreign countries and use their money, I’m completely ignorant to how much things cost.

“That’ll be $12.75 for your donut,” says the street side baker.

“Here, is this enough?” I say handing him the equivalent of a $100 bill

“Almost, just one more of those and we’ll call it even,” he says with a smile

I can’t help it. The money looks like play money to me. It can’t be real. There are too many colors and picture of animals or people I don’t know. It’s all the wrong size and feel.

It doesn’t help that I don’t like to do the math either. I mean, come on, who wants to figure out if the voodoo trinket selling for 1,278 buckles is a good deal when the exchange rate is 392 to 1. I don’t. I just want to stick pins in the voodoo trinket and see who crumples over in agony…

40 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Ewwwww!!!!

God bless.

#16

Mrsupole said...

This does not count as a second, this is a continuation of the ewwww.

Okay, go find the damn booger and then put it in a display case and get him off of the milk cartons, it is truly making it hard for me to drink any milk these days.

And next time just leave the milk with the cashier, they will have someone put it back and it will not cost us lowly consumers any extra money.

Oh and good job on saving the 5 minutes, in 10 days that is 50 minutes and in 100 days, oh screw the math thingy, you get the picture. Wow in 10 years, you sure have saved a lot of time.

God bless again.

subby said...

L'see here...we once found an old package of chicken on top of one of the gondolas...still dunno how it got up there...and the stench! OOFAH!

"867" is a prefix in one of our towns...and yes the number is dailled quite a bit~~HA! Not that I would do that...again, hee, heee!

And spot on about foreign money; I mean, I need what? 100,000 yak to buy a beer? And don't get caught using the "old" style currency, in some places!!

Oh yeah, and email me...we've got your Pop-tarts on sale :)

subby said...

And I was just thinkin'...back in '87 I was in Toulon, France...a Big Mac at the local Mickey D's was about $6.00U.S., then...so I can imagine a donut that pricey (to go along with your $25.00 cup of espesso... )

sinisterdan said...

The 'picked and flicked' bit brought back a lot of painful memories.

Now I need to weep and listen to Celine Dion or something.

Thanks a lot...

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Here's my Ewwww for the day VE!

Nessa said...

You have caused my brain actual pain this morning and I left all of my good drugs at home.

Desires

The Incredible Woody said...

I'm the one that skips the wait for the red light too...

Maureen said...

Yer such a sinner, VE.

Roy Scribner said...

I think I might have become a great economist if it wasn't for exchange rates.

Brian Miller said...

lol...

Quirkyloon said...

There is no absolutely no absolution for ye! SINNER!

The Silver Fox said...

All the telephone companies should permanently "retire" 867-5309, like sports teams retire certain player numbers. Just sayin'.

secret agent woman said...

When I was a kid if you dialed that number in our town it actually played the song.

I've left things in the wrong places in grocery stores, but not perishables. I just feel too guilty about wasting food.

Kurt said...

What area code did you dial?

mama-face said...

haha. I don't know if you're joking about the last one...but you sound just like my husband. He always feels like he has to pay extra to the steet vendors. As if they aren't making enough money.

lifeshighway said...

please don't let this be confession day because I have too much to cover.

And oh are you are one of those guys... (shakes my fist). You fancy drivers have invaded the South. We slower thinkers stay in our appointed lanes and look confused.

VE said...

Mrsupole – Now you know I put the pick and flick one first to get my mandatory ewwws for the day

Subby – Ooooh…pop tarts…yum. Ah yes, French McDonalds…where you can get beer…well, in England I know you can, I cannot remember in France.

Sinisterdan – Listening to Celine Dion will make you weep! And…we all have a painful booger memory…

Perpetual chocoholic – Excellent! Thank you very much…

Nessa – Me too!

Incredible woody – Nice…I commend you…

Maureen – And proud of it!

Roy – What’s up with exchange rates, anyway? Too confusing…let’s get a single currency…like rocks or something.

Brian – Thanks

Quirkyloon – I knew that…that’s why I heckle the rest…misery loves company you know…

Silver fox – It is a ruined number, isn’t it?

Secret agent woman – Cool…

Kurt – My home town one…

Mama-face – Not joking about that last one…I’m just ridiculous and lazy…

Lifeshighway – I thank you for staying in your appointed lane…

subby said...

VE, dunno know about now-a-days but we could get wine there, as well...but not pop-tarts, heh, heh...

ReformingGeek said...

I think I see a little something hanging out of your nose.

;-)

Brian o vretanos said...

The next time you want to buy anything from Britain, please come to me first - seeing as it's you, I'll rip you off for less.

angie said...

I don't believe the money thing for a second. :)

Lizzy and Elle said...

Ok now things make sense....

Chris C said...

A plumbing company (think it was plumbing) sued for the rights to Jenny's number. They said it gave them more business.

I guess it is the real-world equivalent to getting blog traffic for ill-fitting keywords.

Elizabeth said...

I had an awful time in China. Even if I did figure out the exchange rate I couldn't figure out which which bill was worth what amount.

Michelle Ann said...

HAHA! Pick and flick...classic. I did the Jenny dialing in the 80's...didn't everyone?

CatLadyLarew said...

Picked and flicked... yeah, just what I wanted to read right before dinner! I'll watch for that on that on the mild carton, VE!

Uncivil said...

Instead of pick and flick......I thought you were supposed to store them under the front seat of the car?????
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBHJqtgo8RA

VE said...

Angie – I do tend to do a lot of rounding so I’m never really sure…

Lizzy and Elle – Explaining the unexplainable since 2006…that’s Fantastical Nonsense!

Chris c – Why would a plumbing company want people asking for Jenny? I’ve tried ill-fitting words on and they’re right, they never seem to fit…

Elizabeth – The Yen is especially confusing…

Michelle ann – Actually, I’ve been working with the FBI and this is a sting to get people to confess to calling that number. Busted…

Catladylarew – I think he got smuggled in the underground booger market and sent to some third world country as food (think Soylent Green…)

Uncivil – Well the car IS good for storing fingernail trimming while waiting for red lights…

Gladys said...

I am with you on the foreign money. I one time traveled with a man who paid $35.00 for a cup of coffee because he couldn't figure out the exchange rate. He almost had a heart attack when I purchased a clock for $45.00 and he thought it cost $45,000. Oh and did I say this man was a banker? yep took my money right on out of that bank.

Janna said...

This explains that homeless booger I saw the other day.
It was pushing a tiny shopping cart filled with a wadded-up kleenex.
Sad, really.

Carla said...

I too am oblivious of how much things cost in other countries. It's horrifying.

Megan said...

My first meal in Mexico outside the resort boundaries, I left what I thought was an enormous tip.

When I found out how much it actually was, I couldn't go back there again, I felt so bad...

Annie Ha said...

I utilize the hubs for exchange rate calculations. I don't bother myself with all these kinds of things.

VE said...

Gladys – That must have been one hell of a cup of coffee!

Janna – Did he have a cardboard sign that said “Anything will help…”? That could have been him…

Carla – See…you travel a lot too…you know what I’m talking about

Megan – Ha! What a cheap-skate ;)

Annie a – That’s probably fair…us men don’t bother to cook…

Sarah said...

You ditched your milk in a non-refrigerated section?! Tsk Tsk!!!

Jaime said...

hasnt everyone called that number at some point? when cell phones introduced the ability to port numbers, someone was selling off 867-5309 to the highest bidder on ebay

VE said...

sarah - I'm bad...I know...

jaime - That doesn't surprise me. Somebody should write a book on what has been sold on ebay... (in fact, I'm sure somebody has...)

gab said...

Im pretty sure it landed on my shower wall. there I was standing washing my hair when I noticed something stuck to the wall. I rinsed and walked over to get a closer look and ewww yep thats what it was. Im like who in the h*** did that? I debated for a few seconds wondering if I should do it now while I was standing there naked or should I wait till I clean the bathroom when I have clothes on? After a whole yes no thingy I finally decieded to go ahead and try to get it off the wall with the hand shower it fell off I jumped aside like it was a snake kept the water trained on it till it finally went down the drain. Whew that was close!

VE said...

gab - I hate when foreign money sticks to the shower wall... ;)