Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Murphy's New Laws

Whatever happened to Murphy’s Laws? He just disappeared like Green Stamps or Amelia Earhart. What happened? One day his laws were there and they were indisputable and the next day its anarchy!

Folks, these laws are still out there. Anything that can go wrong…still does!

Let’s examine some new ones they should be adding…

Your hands free device will only work when you aren’t in the car

The snack you want in the fridge is always the one older than the expiration date

You only wait for traffic lights when you are actually in a hurry

There’s never any phone coverage in the places you really want to be

Only when you are truly comfortable do you suddenly have to pee

Bills arrive via first class air, checks are delivered by slugs

For any given gadget, there is at least one thing you can’t figure out how to make it work

An inkjet printer is always out of one of the colors

The further you travel away from your house the cheaper the gas station prices get and the more expensive it costs to get there

Zits only appear when you must be in the public or have pictures taken

The more you like a DVD movie, the more likely it will freeze up and you’ll be forced to skip a section to get it to continue playing

The funniest blog ever is just one undiscovered link away

Your checked bag at the airport is always a half pound too heavy forcing you to purge in front of everybody because you refuse to pay the damn fee

41 comments:

Mrsupole said...

The only time something is really, really wrong is when I'm not first or second or third or fourth.....

Mrsupole said...

Hands free devices work? Twinkees expire. I always see green traffic lights. I have no need to go where my phone doesn't work. My toilet seat is a secret lounge chair, very comfy. Bills come via e-mail, checks are auto-deposit. Kitchen gadgets rock, I read the directions, now if I could only cook. That's one of Murphy's laws that can never be changed. As long as black works, I'm okay, is black really a color or is it just lack of light. Burqas cover all zits. Blue Ray's suck too. You have the funniest blog, well today at least. Dammit, the airlines should at least let me bring my snacks with me when I fly.

Damn those Murphy's Laws. Can't live with them and can't live without them.

God bless.

subby said...

My printer's been ink-less for almost a year! Who can afford the cartridges? And snacks never expire in my home :P... Most never make it home from the store, heh, heh...

CatLadyLarew said...

So true about the zits... they never fail to appear when you have an important business or social engagement. (I thought I'd eventually outgrow zits, but alas, no luck.)

Beth said...

You’re wondering where Murphy went?
He’s been hanging out with me. ;)

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

true! When the family went to Florida last year we each only brought a carryon bag. The airline staff were flabberghasted. What do you need other than a bathing suit, flipflops and a few pairs of underwear?

The Silver Fox said...

I especially liked the one about gas stations. Two towns away from me, the cheapest gas stations are usually hovering between 15 and 20 cents less per gallon. However, I love it when someone says "I'll drive 20-30 miles to save two cents a gallon on gas!" to which I reply, "Really? Wow..."

Maureen said...

No matter how long you wait to buy the latest computer, cellphone or other technogadget, it will be obsolete the very next day.

Maxi Cane said...

You're internet connection will slow or stop completely just when you have some proper "alone" time.

Roy Scribner said...

Hey, several of those rhyme! Was that on purpose?

The Incredible Woody said...

I had a really snappy comeback but I forgot what it was...

Jacki said...

Yeah, I can definitely agree with the peeing one. You haven't seen me around the past two weeks because I've had kidney problems. You can read all about them on my blog, and see a video of Emma.

Kurt said...

Um, the funniest blog ever ended in December 2009.

Roy Scribner said...

No, Kurt - I just checked and Recovery.gov is still up.

Elizabeth said...

I wake up at 5:0 am on my own the days I DON'T have to go spinning!

VE said...

Mrsupole – Yes, when you are not first there is something wrong in the world…

Subby – Nobody can…just do like everybody else and steal your neighbors when they’re in the bathroom…

Catladylarew – Think about the people always in the public eye. No wonder they airbrush…they’re probably full of zits 24/7!

Beth – It sounds like it. What you need is a nice fruity rum drink!

Perpetual chocoholic – I used to do carry on for every trip; even the two week ones to Asia or South Africa. But now they make it impossible to do that. I don’t want to have to pay $17.95 for a bottle of sun tan lotion where I’m going just because the airline wouldn’t let me carry it on board without checking it!

Silver fox – I laugh at that one two. It’s like the people that sell dollar stuff on ebay. It’s costing them $3 in effort and postage for each one!

Maureen – Ha! Ain’t that the truth…

Maxi cane – I agree…oh, and a corollary one is that wherever you go with your net book, there won’t be a free wifi for you to hook into…

Roy – Hey…you are right. I’m a genius! Ok…I had no idea…

Incredible woody – Don’t worry…you can come back…

Jacki – Kidney problems? What does that mean? Did they mutiny? Were they smoking and staying out late without your permission? I must go and find out…

Kurt – It was a sad, sad day too. Glad you’re still so humble though…

Roy – Is that political? I think the world need more political blogs…because 55 million of them are just not enough…

Elizabeth – I would just roll over and go back to sleep. Only zombies are up at that hour and they’re always cranky…

aladdinsane12 said...

so true! i swear, EVERY TIME i need to get somewhere at a specific time, every single traffic light is red! such bullshit!

Quirkyloon said...

Your blog post will disappear into the cyberwaves just when you're ready to hit publish!

Ha!

Poor Murphy. Everybody gangin' up on him.

Me-Me King said...

Only when you are truly comfortable do you suddenly have to pee...ain't it the truth, especially at the movie theater.

subby said...

@ Quirky Loon...that happened to me yesterday...grrrr!!

ReformingGeek said...

Have you noticed that not too many parents name their kids Murphy?

Whatever you do, someone won't like it.

That one covers it all.

;-)

Baino said...

DVD freeze .. GAH . . .then perhaps I should't have bought cheap copies from Thailand. Can anyone tell me what happens in the middle of Terminator III?

JenJen said...

Only when you are truly comfortable do you suddenly have to pee

That's my favorite.

Or, it's when the dog wants to go out.

Gladys said...

No matter which line you get in at Starbucks you always get behind the person who orders the double machiatto spiced chai double hot with an exactly 8 extra pumps of vanilla and extra whipped cream and double cupped.

Uncivil said...

Just when you think the presidency can't get any worse, they vote the village idiot into office. And yes I'm talking about the present village idiot!

VE said...

Aladdinsane12 – Waiting for lights does not amuse me…

Quirkyloon – Ha! That doesn’t happen to me because I compose them on a word processor and then cut/paste them to blogger in a scheduled mode…

Me-me king – I never purchase a drink at the theater just because of that…

Subby – Do it offline…it’s easier

Reforminggeek – That does cover it…sort of like: wherever you go, there you are!

Baino – I think killer robots wreck havoc in the middle…

Jenjen – That’s why I don’t own a dog even though I like them…

Gladys – True…and then they go over and get in front of me at the grocery store and bicker over their coupons as 25 customers go by in the other lines…

Uncivil – Come on now…Bush couldn’t even speak correctly or tie his own shoes…most of the country’s woes started with him…

Nessa said...

Being annoyed by traffic lights lately.

Poor Tuesday

Serena said...

Yeah, we really needed more Murphy's.:)

Spaz said...

boobs that seem perky droop like deflated balloons when let out of harness for first time, always.

Annie Ha said...

What the hell is it with the zits? Do we just get them for the rest of our lives?

Dennis the Vizsla said...

I found a copy of my ancient, beloved Murphy's Law poster on the Internet and now it's hanging up in my office. So many good ones, it's hard to choose a favorite. I think I like, "Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate."

Collette said...

When your car dies & your hubby's has to go in the shop,too. That was Murphy's joke on me this year so far.
Murphy has been rather busy! lol

VE said...

nessa - I'm always annoyed by them!

serena - Sadly, they are out there...

spaz - Not the wifey-poo's... they're real and they're spectacular! I'm probably biased a wee bit though...

annie ha - Fortunately I haven't had one in about five years...

dennis - Never a truer word spoken! Ha!

collette - This is why red necks keep at least a dozen vehicles in their yards...apparently they're smarter in that department than we thought...

gab said...

We had a dog once who would pee in the house then begg to go out! Oh what a pain she was! lol. She finally learned right but there were days! UGH

secret agent woman said...

Oh, I've always known Murphy's Law was alive and well. That will be true long after any of us old enough to remember Green Stamps have died.

Janna said...

A lot of these are true-- especially the one about finding cheap gas prices further away from my home.

That's one lousy thing about living in a tiny town; there's hardly any competition and the gas station owners know they can get away with a lot more. :(

The one about having to pee as soon as you're comfortable? Yes... yes, that has been coming true a lot lately. In fact... Pardon me for a moment....

lime said...

that comfortable/pee axiom is especially true when you have a very cold bedroom and you're finally warmly snuggled into your flannel sheets and heavy blankets.

Jaime said...

my boss still can't figure out his hands free... he couldn't figure out why he couldn't hear anything when the office called him. (he had the ear piece in his POCKET.)

VE said...

gab - I pee in the house too and have begged to go out on sunny days...am I part dog?

secret agent woman - Poor green stamps. We have so little opportunities to lick yucky tasting things now...

janna - Ah yes, the small town swindle...classic...

lime - Flannel sheets are the BEST!

jaime - Ha! Classic! Bosses should never have their hands free...

Mrs. R said...

Snowstorms only happen during rush hour...at least that's true in my neck of the woods.

VE said...

mrs r - That seems to be true a lot of the time...