Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Nine Gates of Hell

I try to comment whenever I’m at a blog. I really do. But when I reach the ones that have the “nine gates of Hell” it’s pretty hard for me to do so. Let’s review the process…

1. VEs skims the post…errr…VE savors every word as if it were a precious morsel, each one building upon the other to a climatic completion. I know, you didn’t think your posts were so erotic, did you?

2. VE tries to find your comment link. Sometimes it’s at the top and he ends up commenting something witty on the previous post and looks like a complete buffoon because it doesn’t make any sense. The blog owner knows its VE and so it is tolerated.

3. VE accesses the comment section but then it asks him what account he wants to sign in with: his Google, his Disqus, his OpenId, his WigglyWorm or Guest. If VE doesn’t find Google then he goes with guest. He doesn’t want to follow or subscribe, he wants to enjoy blogs.

4. VE then fills in his name and email and web address even though he’s commented here before many a time. Sometimes they won’t even let him use his VE name because they’re so superior they require all names to be at least “three” characters long. Poor VE must improvise and use “IM VE” instead. He hates that.

5. VE then types in his witty comment. He knows better than to hit submit because then it’ll eat his comment so he takes the precautionary measure to copy the comment first.

6. VE thinks he’s done, but then in a surprise twist ending, he’s thrown to a password validation page.

7. VE considers the cryptic lettering trying to decipher if he’s seeing an R or an F before the H. It’s very difficult and nerve racking. He enters it in then hits the “Return” key.

8. VE notices that nothing happened. The return key doesn’t work. He is forced to click on the Submit button instead. He sighs that it has been accepted.

9. VE doesn’t see his comment in the list. Then, down at the bottom in tiny print he notices that it says “Comment pending moderator approval”. He has reached the ninth gate of commenting hell.

58 comments:

subby said...

Ten gates...!

subby said...

Gate ten is blooger showing a post in the reader that doesn't exist, yet one does not know 'til one clicks on the link...! Or would that be gate #-1 or zero?

Mrsupole said...

Dang it, I was trying to make it for one whole month and Subby beat me by minutes, see I am telling you I have to be fast.

And now it all begins again, the comment thingy.

God bless.

Hitting submit now.

Beth said...

Oh, yeah - been there, done that and at times, just gave up.

subby said...

@ Mrsupole...GOTCHA! I got off work early, heh, heh...but truthfully, I wasn't really trying... 8^]

Mrsupole said...

I almost forgot that you really need to remember if you left a comment, when it needs approval before being posted.

Oh and did you notice that if you keep hitting "Publish Your Comment" that the word verification gets easier and easier to read, until it just freaking puts it in for you. It takes about 20 times, but then it decides you are too stupid and does it for you. Just try it sometime.

God bless.

Mrsupole said...

@Subby

It's okay, I was watching the reruns of the Olympics and got sidetracked. I knew it was getting too easy, but I think I hold a record for the most in a row, that will be hard for anyone to beat, not that anyone else cares.

God bless.

Unfinished Rambler said...

Often if you just register with said service once, say Disqus -- like on my blog, you're entered automatically every single time you return. I personally don't find it that difficult. Of course, I single out Disqus because hey, that's what I use. I find Blogger's commenting system to be...boring as hell.
Soon, though, I'll be moving to WordPress.org and will get to choose how many levels of hell I get to send you. ;)

I also like it when sites actually have 20 options, instead of say, just one option (Google) because often I'm in not the right Google account and then have to go sign out and sign back in, just to leave a comment. What a pain in the ass that is.

Tom said...

woof

Bonnie the Boss said...

I am right there with you! I HAte the 9 gates of blogging hell!
But most of all I hate gate seven!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kurt said...

If my comment doesn't go through the first few times, I often just skip it. The delays help me to realize that my comment isn't that interesting anyway.

Quirkyloon said...

I'm with Tom.

ARF

Roy Scribner said...

I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen.
-- COL Walter E. Kurtz

Dennis the Vizsla said...

I hate those pages that redraw after submit and then present a CAPTCHA. Especially Blogspot, because not only doesn't it put focus in the CAPTCHA field, but the "enter" key doesn't submit from it. Plus half the time Blogspot hangs when redrawing the page for the CAPTCHA anyway. Aaaargh, accursed spammers!

Elizabeth said...

Wow, how many bolgs do you comment on in a day??

The Incredible Woody said...

So you were just on my blog?

subby said...

Back @ Mrsupole, I have to wear ear plugs when Mom is watching( and cursing the judges! )

VE said...

Subby – whoa…you dethroned mrsupole! She’s gonna come gunnin’ for ya…

Subby – I don’t use readers…I read the old fashioned way…I go through my blog roll or via a comment link. I sometimes don’t like readers because I’ll occasionally submit a post to my blog and forget to set the date properly. I immediately delete it and resubmit for the proper date but the reader grabs my unfinished post anyway…

Mrsupole – An impressive run comes to an end…but the record endures!

Beth – Me too…

Subby – Sure you weren’t!

Mrsupole – I haven’t tried that…20 times, eh? I’m going to count…

Mrsupole – Reruns of the Olympics? Was it from the Innsbruck Olympics back in 1976?

Unfinished rambler – But if I register, they’ll know where I am!!!

Tom – That pretty much sums it up…

Bonnie – That one has stopped me many a time…

Kurt – You could hire a comment editor…

Quirkyloon – Of course you are!

Roy – "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser..”

Dennis – Spammers ruined the internet!

Elizabeth – One time I visited 400…

Incredible woody – Just picking the locks to the gates of hell…

subby said...

VE, yeah I see a lot of those ( I mean, from all over of course, heh, heh... )

mama-face said...

welp, ain't this embarrassing. I fall under none of those gates...unless you include bad writing...and I rarely see you...boo hoo...

Not that I care. ;)

ReformingGeek said...

Hum...I don't think I have any gates. If I do, please let me know, otherwise I will be expecting a comment from you more often than once in a blue moon.

;-)

VE said...

mama-face - True...with my San Francisco trip I haven't been able to visit the blogs; I'm barely treading water on my own...

reforminggeek - True...but I'm finally ready to visit!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

My blog is worth the effort of late for a change because Kurt's been posting on it;-)

Baino said...

Sounds like we all have the same hellish experiences. Apologies for the word verification, blame it on Chinese spammers!

Nessa said...

Commenting is very hard work and we appreciate the effort you make to enrich our lives with your witticisms. No, I wasn't being sarcastic. Really, I wasn't. Jeez, don't be so sensitive.

; )

WW - Toil and Trouble

Together We Save said...

I am a commentor!! I love randomly reading bloggs and commeting them! I hate to jump thru hoops.

Anne said...

i don't do all those things at all

and return does too work from the security mumbo jumbo thing

Ronda Laveen said...

Thank you! I feel validated. I don't get why it has to be so complicated I like their work, or idea or photo or that I just wanted to say hi.

Ronda Laveen said...

Thank you! I feel validated. I don't get why it has to be so complicated I like their work, or idea or photo or that I just wanted to say hi.

Ronda Laveen said...

Thank you! I feel validated. I don't get why it has to be so complicated I like their work, or idea or photo or that I just wanted to say hi.

Bunk Strutts said...

Be sure to read the comments on this post. Clever stuff.
http://faultline.org/index.php/site/item/incendiary/

Janna said...

You're right, #5 is awful.
I hate it when I hit "submit" and get an error message, then hit "back" and find that my comment is gone and I have to start all over again.

Sometimes I remember to copy first; other times I either forget, or decide to press my luck, or am just an idiot.

Or some combination thereof.

Titanium said...

To comment is to suffer.

Or something like that. But hey, we just keep doing it, right?

(These words won't say themselves, people. Hellooooo.)

The Silver Fox said...

Due to time constraints, I often refrain from commenting unless I have something which I think is moderately worth saying, especially when I play "Theme Thursday," and I have to devote a whole day to reading 47 blogs.

Unfortunately, a lot of TT players save time by only visiting those who comment on their blogs first, so a lot of us end up missing each other.

Having said that, I'm a real "comment whore" who likes to know more than just how many hiys my site gets. (My StatCounter tells me that.) I like to know what people like, what they don't, etc.

I guess I don't really want comments; I want reviews. And who has time for that? Even I don't.

(Crap, this could have been a post on my own blog.)

The Silver Fox said...

Ummm... That was meant to be "hits," not "hiys."

CatLadyLarew said...

Fight! Fight! Quick... somebody get between Subby and Mrsupole! Good thing they have to make it through the nine gates of hell before they can actually kill each other.

Lifes said...

I unlocked all my gates to let the public come roaring in... so far that plan hasn't worked for me. But I have dreams, man and goals.

secret agent woman said...

Exactly. This is why I allow anonymous comments, have no word verification and no comment moderation. I like for my readers to get instant gratification.

Gladys said...

VE this happens to me all of the time. I have this really witty comment. It takes me 45 minutes to type it on this itty bitty teeny weeny crackberry keyboard and I hit send or post and nothing happens. i keep hittin post and it doesn't post then I realize that it won't let me post because I have to sign in but I don't know this because my screen is so itsybitsy that I have to get my stronger magnifying glasses to read it. grrrr...

Jaime said...

savors every word? if you visit 400 blogs in a day, how do you have time to do more than read the title of the post!

Deb said...

it ever end? Comment whores unite! I hate those word verification thingies only to be followed by your comment waiting for approval, like you're just not good enough to grace the pages of a blog with your lowly comments. The nerve!

lime said...

i have to agree with the others. i've noticed a gate ten as well and it's a darned special blogger who gets a comment out of me if i have to go through gate ten.

California Girl said...

My only comment is "WTF is going on btw Subby & Mrsupole?"

Oh, yes, I'm happy to see the Fox is back with the Cary Grant avatar.

Megan said...

Yeah, whose blog is this, anyway? :)

Good job with the gates, I think you hit just about everything.

VE said...

Perpetual chocoholic – I saw that…lucky…

Baino – I thought it was the Hawaiians that liked to eat spam…

Nessa – You’re messing with me. The gnomes like that…

Together we save – And you’ve done an excellent job jumping in here out of nowhere for a comment. And for that, you make it on the blog roll! I like doing the very same…

Anne – You must have a superior keyboard because Return doesn’t work for me…

Ronda – Come on, sing the Commodores song with me…”You’re once…”

Ronda – “Twice…”

Ronda – “Three times a commenter…”

Bunk – That was great! Too much fun…

Janna – I can never think of them twice. Yes, my memory is that short. You know what they say though, short in memory, long in…nevermind…

Titanium – I suffer greatly…and my readers suffer more…

Silver fox – Sorry…I’ve copywrite protected all comments. You’ll have to ask permission now to use your material…

Catladylarew – Fight? Fight? Hold on…I’ll pour some fuel on the fire…

Lifes – Isn’t that the way of it. I mean, not one of my readers was there for my birth. Noooo….they were busy or not born yet. Excuses I say…

Secret agent woman – That’s good to know…just wait for that 8,000 word diatribe on the benefits of the abs sculptor (trademark pending)…

Gladys – You need a giant crackberry that you carry on your back and can see…

Jaime – I read fast…and actually, that was an exception and many were not updated so I couldn’t comment…I did go through 54 this morning though with comments…

Deb – They make you feel so inferior…just like the gnomes do…

Lime – Well fortunately I don’t subject you to those horrors. But I’m special that way…

California girl – They’re plotting the takeover of the blogosphere…

Megan – Everybody knows it’s the gnome’s blog and all the action happens in the comments. Me? I just write here…

nursemyra said...

I feel your pain - it's blogger that is the culprit. Wordpress doesn't seem to torture readers in the same way

Annie Ha said...

Is this your clone's diary?

monica said...

I know! but you know - you taught me it is polite to always respond to the comments on your blog. That is so nice of you! I try to do (be) like you most of the time... :o)) off course I never get anything CLOSE to the number of comments like you do.... might have something to do wih my somewhat narrowminded ( dog dog dog) posts...

secret agent woman said...

That's what the "delete this comment" button is for!

VE said...

Nursemyra – Damn them…why if they weren’t free…I’d complain

Annie ha – Shhhh…nobody knows…

Monica – Nothing wrong with doggies…unless they have an “accident”…

Secret agent woman – But then I have to actually move my arm away from the keyboard to the mouse. Uggh…the effort! Ha!

Serena said...

It's frustrating as hell, isn't it? Sometimes I refuse to go past the 4th or 5th gate. The hell with it!

aladdinsane12 said...

i hate those mother-f-ing spam page things...even though i'm pretty sure my blog has one...

VE said...

serena - I agree...I don't have the time...I'm too busy wasting it on other things...

aladdinsane12 - Mine is hassle free! Well, having to delete three spam posts a day is a hassle, but I do that for my readers so they aren't burdened...

C said...

HAHAHA!!! This sounds all too familiar. Hate when that happens! ;)

VE said...

c - And it happens a lot...

gab said...

I dont have time to be a Moderator approval on comments! you wanna say something say it. If it offend me well then maybe I need to reread what I wrote to make this person comment the way they did. So go ahead comment it will show up.

VE said...

gab - Me too...but I do have to delete about 20 anonymous spam comments on my blog every week now...

Chris C said...

That's why Angry Seafood doesn't deal with that bullshite. If you have to make your audience jump through hoops to comment you are doing it all wrong :)