Sunday, February 14, 2010

VE's Thoughts on the Winter Olympics

Yeah, I actually turned on the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics. I felt obligated. Canada is our neighbor and I’m sure I’ll be visiting permanently the next time we have a draft or major economic or security crisis. So I had to tune in.

Now VISA put all their Olympic advertising eggs into one basket to unveil during the coverage. The theme was essentially (and I’m paraphrasing) “Right now…it’s all even.” Of course, the idea being that everyone could nab the gold because nothing had started yet. That might have worked in any Olympics except this one. My first reaction to that commercial was “Yeah…except for the guy that DIED!!! Not to even for him!!!” Oops, VISA advertising agency…you didn’t see that possibility coming, did you?

I don’t see why they really have to have real people plummeting at 90+ mph down an ice covered tube. It’s not like they can really control their sleds anyway. Why not just slide bacon down it instead. Everyone loves bacon. Plus, this Olympics we could use Canadian bacon. Bonus! I’m saving lives here, folks…

Of course the torch had to be passed through everywhere in Canada. Lots of celebrities do the carrying. I personally thought they should have let people like OJ Simpson, Robert Blake and Phil Specter carry the portions out in the remote tundra. Heck, they could have even left them there…

When the aboriginal tribes came on speaking in their own language, I helped translate for the wifey-poo…”Hello greedy land stealers, our new casino will be opening soon.” It is the only payback they can inflict on us, of course. We take their land and identity; they take our money via gambling.

Sadly, I think some of them brought their entire tribe, not just delegates…

And while they may have gotten us on that casino thing; they don’t seem that smart. The Olympic Committee somehow conned them into dancing for hours upon hours while they paraded the rest of the world in country by country and then started the entertainment and they had to dance to that too. You can see how this went down…

Olympic President – I don’t want to dance for three straight hours, do you?

Olympic Ceremony Designer – Me neither. But I’ve asked all the unions and they refuse.

Olympic President – They’re not stupid. I know, let’s have the aboriginal tribes do it.

Olympic Ceremony Designer – Brilliant…they’ll think it’s an honor.

Olympic President – It is an honor…because it’ll get these protesters off my back a little

Olympic Ceremony Designer – Just for fun I’ll make them wear the heavy costumes…it’ll be outside in the cold

Olympic President – But its inside in the stadium, it’ll be hot. That’s really cruel

Olympic Ceremony Designer – Yeah, well, I just lost a couple thousand in their casino…

44 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Very sad that he had to die and it took a death before they fixed the damn thing.

But alas the snow gods are not smiling on them right now and are very upset. But it is good for the truck drivers trucking in the snow.

And that is why I will do limited viewing of the Olympics.

God bless.

#16

Brian Miller said...

i should have known mrsu would have been here...i actually like VISAs commercial...opening ceremonies...eh, it was ok...

subby said...

Dunno know about you VE, but I say we award Mrsupole the Gold, Silver and Bronze ,for speedy commenting, heh, heh...

subby said...

LMAO @ your translation to wifey-poo...spot on!

I can't get into watching it...I just listen to Mom yell at the telly instead; way better entertainment :)

Tom said...

i was laid up last olympics and watched curling for a whole week.

what a stupid sport, curling, like shuffleboard on ice.

Now curling with crap cars on a frozen lake, that might be fun to watch.

Mrsupole said...

@Subby

Thanks for thinking of giving me the Gold for speedy comments, but you get the Gold for the Blogroll and lately Brian is winning the Silver for comments and you the Bronze, but then again that changes daily.

@VE

Just so you know the natives were not dancing for the Olympics they were dancing the "Screwed the MF's with tobacco." and the "Hypnotise the MF's to come lose all their money too." And I think this was overheard as they were leaving "Look at crazy men who die and have no money for their burial, ha ha ha ha ha ha. We are awesome at getting revenge."

At least that is what my Native American ancestors told me they heard.

God bless.

Nessa said...

My mother (not of Indian decent) keeps trying to get me (of Indian decent - Mohawk) to go after the casino money and land reclamation opportunities in New York State. I keep telling her I can't dance.

Rosemary and Reflections

Uncivil said...

Peeople actually watch the Winter Olympics??????
They don't even have womens beach volleyball?

Quirkyloon said...

Mmmm. Canadian bacon.

*insert drool here*

The Incredible Woody said...

Since I lack any scrap of athletic skill, I will admit that I am an Olympaholic.

Collette said...

I'm sad to say I did turn on the olympics, but fell asleep pretty quickly. As long a they don't interfere with my programs, I'm ok with it! LOL.

ReformingGeek said...

I fell asleep during most of the opening ceremonies. Unfortunately I was awake for the opera singer, the speeches, and the lack of cauldrons rising up out of the stage.

In general, I love the competitions but can't stand the coverage.

;-)

Kurt said...

I TIVO the Olympics, and I watch just the events - no ads, and I skip some of the commentary.

sinisterdan said...

I'm actually from Canada (I was even born here) and I mock those fools on the West coast for even claiming to know what winter is.

I know people who play golf in what passes for winter in Vancouver - they use an orange ball, mind you...

Great post.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I just roll my eyes everytime Canada "entertains". You've gotta have the Inuit and French take the lead all the way or your not being politically correct. Never mind the rest of the majority of the population. We don't count.

VE said...

Mrsupole – Yes, it was a shame…but I sure don’t like them dramatizing it every single time they get on the air…

Brian – I’m not much on such events; I have no idea why I had it on that night…

Subby – She is getting hard to beat lately…

Tom – Yeah, I shake my head at that sport. Might as well play tiddlywinks on the ice…

Mrsupole – I’m glad to see they found a way to capitalize on our weaknesses for once…

Nessa – Well if you can’t dance, you should at least get a Mohawk haircut…

Uncivil – I’m still disappointed about that fact…

Quirkyloon – Bacon? Did somebody say bacon?

Incredible woody – Some women are (I think its all the rings…)

Collette – Interference is a 10 yard penalty!

Reforminggeek – I was asleep before the opera singer. Good thing too…I’m sure my post would have been that much longer…

Kurt – You’re much too practical for the rest of us…

Sinisterdan – Yeah, seems like Vancouver is kind of wimpy (like Portland, OR where I live). Then again, Crater Lake, OR gets more annual snow fall than anywhere else in the world. Plus, I can ski on Mt. Hood in July…can you say that about anywhere else not South of the Equator? But I am all for orange gold balls!

Baino said...

I missed it . . .is it still on?

Beth said...

Proud Canadian here but gotta agree – some of those “thoughts” of yours are spot on. (I’m off to the local casino now...)

CatLadyLarew said...

I think throwing slabs of Canadian bacon down the luge chute is an excellent idea. Sure beats the alternative.

Elizabeth said...

They should have the Winter Olympics in Nome!
;)

padraig said...

I don't watch the opening ceremonies.

I like the Winter Olympics, though, it has my favorite event - the biathlon. Get your heart rate up to 3,000 bpm and then try and hold a gun steady.

Although, I'd really like to see a biathelete run through the event with a Sharps model 1874 or a Barret M82. Style points bonus, for certain.

Maureen said...

At first I thought I would refuse to comment... but then I decided like a true Canuck should, to take the high road and NOT take some of these comments personally.

I thought the Opening Ceremonies were fantastic; the whales were incredible! And I am thoroughly enjoying the Games.

Serena said...

I have not yet found that which would make me so desperately bored as to tune in. But you never know...:)

tut-tut said...

I really don't watch any of it. Especially if any of the Today Show people are around.

Ronda Laveen said...

I liked the last part of the opening ceremony. But did you say there were mounties with bacon somewhere?

secret agent woman said...

Actually, I don't like bacon, but I guess that's beside the point. There are several Olympic sports I don't really understand. Remember the year they had the sport of people dancing around waving long strips of cloth? Weird.

Jaime said...

i liked the malfunction with the cauldron and one of the arms not coming out of the floor. yeah, i just like when things don't work out quite right for other people

Janna said...

I didn't watch any of the opening ceremonies at all.
If only it had involved Canadian bacon, I might have.

Buzzard said...

I thought Bob Costas was the best insult to the games. Every country that walked through the stadium we were treated with the complete knowledge of their utter failures in previous Olympic Games.

Chris C said...

But then they would need round sleds.

Mrsupole said...

Okay, I cannot resist this following thing, it is harder to do than being first.

GB.

VE said...

Baino – Sure is! You’re almost in time for curling…

Beth – Actually, I like the Olympics if I have the time to watch…

Catladylarew – I thought that might take off in popularity…

Elizabeth – Getting flights to Nome is a bit difficult…I had to visit there by boat!

Padraig – I never understood that event. Ok, I know it’s tied to how they used to have to get dinner back before Safeway and such, but to me it’s sort of like combining cage fighting with an egg spoon run…

Maureen – Oh come on now, I didn’t make fun of the actual ceremony…I liked that (although I did feel sorry for the aboriginal folks having to dance so long). I’m glad that snowboarder came down the right side of the mountain to coordinate the maple leaf effect in the snow…that was cool! Had he gone down the other side…we’d still be looking for him…

Serena – I defy you to find one broadcast that DOESN’T mention the death of the guy during training…

Tut-tut – Yeah, why are they there? And I saw one of those main nightly newscasters and he’s been wearing the exact same clothes for three days there…

Ronda – Hey…I saw female Mounties. Now that brings a whole new meaning to the word “Mounties”! The wifey-poo just rolled her eyes when I mentioned that…

Secret agent woman – Fortunately that’s only in the summer games…although it might be interesting watching them try that sport in their leotards during a freezing wind…

Jaime – I went to bed before that portion. I need my sleep if I’m to keep up with the gnomes each day…

Janna – I think they missed a golden marketing opportunity there!

Buzzard – The media is so fun that way, isn’t it? They’ll also say they aren’t going to bring up something again and then talk about it anyway under that context. Sneaky…

Chris – No…the great thing is that bacon naturally slides and doesn’t need a sled. Cost savings…

Mrsupole – Yes…you never know when Chris will be commenting…

VE said...

perpetual - The whole "two languages" thing in Canada must be a pain. It's like the Southwestern USA where you have to have everything in Spanglish too!

Deb said...

If the Olympics could lose Bob Costas, frilly men skater tutus, and any sport whose results are dependent on judges, what a great thing it would be.

Roy Scribner said...

Simpson, Blake and Specter in the remote tundra...wrapped in bacon! Now there's a sport with universal appeal.

gab said...

I was shocked to hear we lost one. Im sorry to say I didnt turn the opening ceremonies on nor have I watched any of it. I just havent got the intrest I used to have. "SIGH"
I think wraping bacon all around Oj Simpson, Robert Blake and Phil Specter and putting them down the ice covered tube. Each country can pick one they think will be at the bottom first and those countries would be the ones to go on to round two. Rewrap them with new bacon have the countries pick again and shove them down the tube again and repeat till we have 3 countries left that were right each time and there you have your platium silver and gold!

Gladys said...

I tried to comment 5 times yesterday from my crackberry and it would not let me. Really annoying. Even more annoying than the opening ceremony being on while I was trying to sleep.

JenJen said...

How can only 11% want to go back to 1968? COME ON PEOPLE!!!!!!

Megan said...

I fell asleep before the US team even came into the stadium. I don't know what happened after that.

But I got home internet back today so...I'm back. :)

Megan said...

And wow, I fell a lot further down the blog roll than I expected.

The Silver Fox said...

I used to watch the Olympics when I watched TV. Now I don't, but life goes on. I seem to fill the available vidiot hours with my computer, and my DVDs, and my VHS tapes. It's amazing how one can adjust.

mama-face said...

Canadian bacon. Genius. :)

Carla said...

I like the bacon idea. Good for all of us that one...except perhaps the pig.

VE said...

Deb – I have to agree with you on that. The whole judging thing is ridiculous. Position and reputation do play into it…

Roy – Ha! Wrapped in bacon…yes…that does sound funny…

Apparently the scoundral/bacon idea has a lot of merit…

Gladys – It’s hard when the Olympics fall on West Coast time…

Jenjen - I don’t think they want to get drafted…

Megan – Yeah…you’re back. Sorry you lost the top spot but I’m in San Francisco right no so the blog roll won’t get updated until next week so you won’t fall any further…

Silver fox – I do that too…but for some reason I thought I’d catch some this time around…it being in Vancouver and all…

Mama-face – Bring on the bacon!

Carla – No pigs were harmed in the writing of this post…