Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Useless Store

You know, not working like I do, there are actually people out there that are confused. They think I’m useless. Now, I claim to be a tad bit lazy but never useless. To prove it, I’m going to launch my new business endeavor…the Useless Store. It will sell only useless products. Check it out.

Now this first product is marketed to those that are “technology challenged.” I’ll be making a fortune with this DVD rewinder; particularly in some of the less educated states.

Speaking of useless best sellers, sometimes you have to modernize even the truly useless stuff from the past to make money.

If there are two things that are a waste of money it’s diet products and buying bottled water. What better way to scam the world than to capitalize on both and sell them diet water!

Speaking of water, might as well go all the way with that one and offer up another completely useless tickery product.

If the lines in the store are too long, try one of our Useless chairs. They’re completely useless.

The great thing about selling to sailing people is that they’re already dumb enough to spend bazillions on their boat and boat stuff so why not sell them a fire hydrant. They’ll bite.

Here’s a good one. How much more useless can you get? Sometimes I hook them up with the Born Again Christians that come in…you know…just for the entertainment.

Don’t forget fashion. We’ll be starting with these completely useless shoe umbrellas designed to look stupid and provide no real protection. I should sell a boat load…

35 comments:

Mrsupole said...

I can't figure out which one is the most useless, but it must be useless to buy one of them anyway.

God bless.

jinksy said...

I bet the orders are pouring in already...not sure what for, though...

Elizabeth said...

Sell them on QVC at 3:00 in the morning, people will buy anything then!

Collette said...

Ah, I know quite a few people who would purchase these products...lol! You should put out a catalog.

sharonheg said...

I would buy the Atheist Bible just to be able to add it to my blasphemy collection.

Subby said...

Speaking of useless VE, you can pull the link to BASSTUNA. My useless PC took another useless hit, so's I lost everything and had to permanently shut down.

Subby said...

I should get one of those useless USB pet rocks, heh...

Jacki said...

Reminds me of walking into one of those "As Seen on TV!" stores! Seriously, everything in there is useless. Yet people buy it!

Roy Scribner said...

I prefer the term "motivationally challenged."

"Useless" has such negative connotations.

The Incredible Woody said...

You could probably find some useless spouses to sell.

ReformingGeek said...

I think I might be able to use the umbrellas in my drink and the Atheist Bible is probably hollow on the inside - great for hiding useless valuables.

;-)

Roy said...

Out of all of those, I'll be willing to bet that the DVD rewinder and the diet water would actually sell like hotcakes; they appear plausible enough on first glance, and I really do know people clueless enough to be taken in by them. You should seriously consider it, VE!

Gladys said...

I need to order those shoe umbrellas for my new rain boots.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Hmmm, you've got me thinking....

VE said...

Mrsupole – It is…but people cannot resist…

Jinksy – It’s because people are conditioned to buy…they don’t care what for…

Elizabeth – That’s because it’s the only thing on at 3am…

Collette – I should. Of course, I’m too lazy to do that!

Sharonheg – Blasphemy collection…I like it!

Subby – That’s a bummer! I’ll keep it around until you do something else…

Jacki – They’re desperate for ways to “save time” and energy…

Roy – Good point. I’m motivationally challenged too…

Incredible woody – I don’t know if there’s a market…too much supply, not enough demand…

Roy – I think they are actually selling both of those…

Gladys – Shouldn’t rain boots be waterproof already? I recommend hip waiters…it saves on the cost of pants too…

Perpetual chocoholic – Is that a good thing?

CatLadyLarew said...

Actually, I kinda like the shoe umbrellas...

Sarah said...

I bet that diet water would sell like hot cakes in California! :p

Subby said...

VE, thanks. I'm hoping to have the new blog up by the week-end; I'll send you the link in the comments ;)

G-Man said...

I don't see my name written down anywhere!!
I'm as useless as they get!

Dot-Com said...

Ha! How many orders have you received for the diet water so far?!

secret agent woman said...

I saw that DVD rewinder on the Fail Blog. But I think the shoe umbrellas are pretty funny - especially if you paired them with sunglasses that have windshield wipers.

Serena said...

Pretty much everything I have is useless, so I'll be happy to buy more from you. Why not?!:)

Megan said...

I actually spent a second or two thinking about that DVD rewinder. And who I could sell it to...

Janna said...

I love all of them...
I think the DVD rewinder is my favorite.

Love how the Atheist Bible is the "Unauthorized" version. LOL.

Now if you'll pardon me, I'm going to go drink a big glass of dehydrated diet water.

Baino said...

Oh c'mon what's useless about shoe umbrellas! Really VE . . almost a necessity. Just about as vital as a left handed hammer!

Subby said...

@ Baino, and where can I find a hammer like that? HA!

The Silver Fox said...

The DVD rewinder is a great gag gift.

Janna said...

Exciting update: Dehydrated water doesn't make me have to pee anywhere NEAR as often as the other stuff!

How convenient.

Jaime said...

dehydrated water. nothing like buying a can full of...nothing.

The Silver Fox said...

Do they still sell those other cans of "nothing" called "Florida Sunshine?"

gab said...

believe it or not I have a good one for you. First let me say Im not sure if my parents actually bought these or if someone gave them to them as a joke. But in my parents house are 3 not 1 but 3 cans of canned smoke. not cig smoke but steam engine smoke! I have a good laugh over that every time I see the cans in my parents living room

lime said...

those shoe umbrellas look like a lawyer designed them to CAUSE slips, trips and falls so they could drum up business.

VE said...

Catladylarew – Of course you do…you’ve been fashion converted…

Sarah – That’s the first place I’d target…

Subby – I got it…I’m playing catch up on my blog and comments today…

g-man – That’s ok…you’ve got the Friday Flash 55…it’s enough…

dot-com – Too many…I can’t keep up with production…I’ll have to hire more virtual workers…

secret agent woman – Now there’s an idea…each fashion item containing something ridiculous and useless!

Serena – Excellent…my banker thanks you…

Megan – Sneaky…very sneaky…

Janna – Don’t mix it too strong though…

Baino – You have those left handed hammers too?

Subby – You have to go next door to my store…to the left handed store…

Silver fox – The Atheist Bible if a fun one for church functions too…

Janna – Always a plus…

Jaime – But just wait until you mix it with water! Then you’ll see…

Silver fox – I could use a can of sunshine here in Oregon…

Gab – Ha…I’ve bought smoked products but never just smoke. What were they smokin’ when they bought it?

Lime – Once you master those…you’ll be able to leave the master on your own…

COUNT SNEAKY said...

Think...without a lot of useless things around...we'd all be Amish.

COUNT SNEAKY said...

Think...without a lot of useless things around...we'd all be Amish.