Friday, April 02, 2010

Death

Why isn’t Death a disease? I mean, really, it would be the number one killer!

“What did he die from?”
“Death”
“Wow, bummer”

That way we could pour all of our I-want-to-feel-good-about-myself charitable research money into one bucket and just cure death! It would save millions of trees in flyers alone by eliminating the burdensome competition of endless diseases. We wouldn't have to fill out that endless check list of diseases you or your family might have had a history of…it would just be everyone who ever lived died of death. Simple.

Instead of Jerry’s kids we could have Reaper’s kids. It’s not that much of a transition…Jerry’s hair is reaper black already.

Also, Death just sounds more impressive than other diseases. You can really squeeze out the sympathy with death…

“He hasn’t been feeling well…we just got back from the doctor.”
“What does he have?”
“Death”
“Oh no. I’ll bake a bunt cake for him…”



33 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Maybe the Grim Reaper likes death, I'm not sure anyone else does. But I guess it is a good excuse for dying, well as good as any other one.

God bless.

CatLadyLarew said...

Death... it's gonna get you sooner or later. I already know that's going to be the cause of my demise. It's pretty comforting to finally know what's going to get me in the end.

The Incredible Woody said...

I'm feeling like death warmed over this am...

lime said...

kinda makes me think of 10th grade biology when we learned all deaths are because the body can no longer produce ATP

RA said...

Death being calssed as a disease could go a long way to rehabilitate the mere concept of dying. As it is now, it is something most people are afraid of, whether it is conscious or unconscious, something not quite tangible. Being a disease would class death to the same category as cancer and make it more palpaple.
On the other hand, the very word dis-ease makes the whole process no-go. Death is not curable, and there is no way you can be at ease again. Not in this lifetime, anyway.

ReformingGeek said...

Dead people have rights, too. Let's start a movement to support dead people. The ribbon is a good start.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Then taxes should be a disease too because they always go together.

Gladys said...

I think Perp is on to something.

I like how they write cause of death - heart failure. You wouldn't be dead if your heart was still working. Well unless of course it was the Tell Tell Heart.

Elizabeth said...

When people ask me what I teach I say "I'm a Deaf ed. teacher". You'd be surprised how many people seriously say "Death ed. teacher???"
Wow, that would be an easy job, wouldn't it?

Megan said...

Now I want to go watch What About Bob? again...

Roy Scribner said...

Oh shoot, you beat me to the black ribbon idea. I guess that's why you're the professional.

BTW - in parachuting we say that it's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop.

Subby said...

"Reaper's kids"~LMAO!

Subby said...

The book I just finished had the main character die off ( well, she was 96 )...but the doctor put down for cause of death~"Just stopped living." Amazing.

VE said...

Mrsupole – I don’t think you need excuses when you’re dead though…

Catladylarew – Of course, the bigger question is “when”, not “what”

Incredible woody – Speaking of that…I’ve got some leftovers to warm up in the fridge…thanks for reminding me…

Lime – ATP? A thumping pulse?

RA – What if we caused cells to stop aging? I guess accidental death and murder would be a bigger deal then…

Reforminggeek – They might have rights…they just can’t speak to them…

Perpetual chocoholic – Taxes ARE a disease…

Gladys – Makes it sound like your heart didn’t study enough for the exam…

Elizabeth – Hey…I could do that job…

Megan – What about Bob? I saw it once but it’s been awhile…I can’t remember the relevance…

Roy – That is one reason why I don’t parachute. The other is that with my karma…there’d be a chute failure of some sort and with my luck I’d live through it…

Subby – They’re quite sympathic…

Subby – That’s pretty direct and simple! I like it.

Subby said...

I like simple. BTW I just sent ya an email and it bounced! I'm positive I copied it correctly...

aladdinsane12 said...

not only is his hair black, but he is a walking vision of death. just keep jerry lewis. nobody will know the difference between him and the grim reaper.

sharonheg said...

How did he die?
He stopped breathing.

Very similar...

Chris C said...

Death is not only a disease but it's terminal!

Janna said...

Instead of Jerry doing the Telethon, it could be called the "Hell-a-thon".

Please send money.
I'll use it to research survival methods.
And, by "survival methods", I mean I'll send out for pizza so I don't starve tonight.

Megan said...

When Bob tells the kid he should be more afraid of getting Tourette's than dying...

secret agent woman said...

And then you could say, "I think I'm coming down with a little death."

Ziva said...

I like secret agent woman's comment, but you should really be careful with talking about death like that. Add "little" and you suddenly have a synonym for orgasm, and you do NOT want to end up with bunt cake when all you really wanted was a rubber. It doesn't work nearly as well.

gab said...

wow this post couldnt have come at a worse time. I started to read and then started bawling. But you couldnt have know whats going on at my end.seriouly right now I wish there was a cure. Now even though hes 91 years old I still would rather see him here for another oh 10 years maybe. What are you talking about Im sure your saying right now. My dad is dying.he stopped eating about 4 days ago. If you were on Facebook you could read the whole sad story.

JenJen said...

you've cracked me up. Now I have to pee. Thanks. A. Lot.

Dennis the Vizsla said...

Hence the famous "Buffy" episode ...

Ji said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/04/04/easter-sunday-awards-to-fill-your-basket/

have fun!

Jaime said...

i can't get the image of the reaper from bill and ted's bogus journey out of my head after reading this

COUNT SNEAKY said...

Death is life's way of getting your attention!

nursemyra said...

Death to those who misuse the apostrophe ;-)

The Silver Fox said...

This post reminded me of what I used to say every time someone said that 50% of marriages end in divorce. I would say, "Maybe so, but did you realize that every single one of those divorces began with marriage? Therefore, marriage is the leading cause of divorce!"

VE said...

Subby – You did…I sent it wrong…d’oh…

Aladdinsane12 – You have a good point there…

Sharonheg – True…lack of breathing is a serious problem…

Chris c – We need to fix that so we can ensure irritating people live forever!

Janna – Pizza cures many things…

Megan – I could have a lot of fun with Tourette’s…

Secret agent woman – Big, little, the great thing about death is it doesn’t matter!

Ziva – I suspect some personal experiences with bunt cake you’re not sharing!

Gab – Sorry about that…

Jenjen – I’m just helping bodily functions do their part!

Dennis – I need to go watch this…

Ji – I missed this…I’ll go take a look even if I am late…

Jaime – And he sucked at those games, too…

Count sneaky – Does that mean that ghosts were the ones that STILL didn’t pay attention…what were you saying again?

Nursemyra – That would be me…

Silver fox – I like it…

COUNT SNEAKY said...

Quite frankly, I don't know the hell I was saying either. but it sounded deep, didn't it?

Carla said...

I'm going out to get me a black ribbon right now. Down with death.