Monday, May 31, 2010

Happy Memorialversary Day

Wow, four years and a thousand posts later, here we are. Happy Memorialversary Day to me. That's right, I've had this blog four years as of today and I've written 1000 original humor posts during that time. That's a hell of a lot of material now that I think about it.

To celebrate, I’m just going to go random on you. Nothing fancy, nothing elaborate, just random VE thoughts. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a thousand posts worth? Let’s try 1000 seconds of random.

- When you’re on the fifth hour of Monopoly and there are none to be had because each of you owns part of one and nobody wants to trade so you’re just going around and around the board, do you also start to call the game Monotony by mistake?

- Do you think my Chia tie is holding me back from a successful job interview?

- Using chopsticks is like playing pinball with a raw egg. Unless you’ve wasted a lot of timing practicing, it’s just going to be a mess and why bother in the first place!

- I’m glad I have friends lending me tips in the job hunting process. For example, who would have known that at Starbucks ordering a hot chocolate with whipped cream and then drinking it with my vintage 70s crazy straw might not send the best impression to the hiring manager I’m talking with

- I have a theory that Vulcan kids changed the “Live long and prosper” slogan to “Oblong and perspire” as a joke but being so logical oriented, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.

- Eventually Survivor will have been on TV long enough that the real game will be the lone survivor who hasn’t been put on the show

- Don’t you think there should be sign in the waiting room at Urgent Care that says “Welcome to one of the last opportunities left to hand write a letter to everyone you know”

- In the future I think I can replace my wallet for the latest iphone. It’ll have all my ID digital and I can print out cash with a US Government Authorized SKU from the mini printer located in the phone. I can even use the wallet condom to wrap the phone in and protect it from water.

- Remember when we used to think Mercury was boiling hot on one side and freezing cold on the other? That makes for some interesting real estate when colonizing there. The rich have the choice spots right in between and the poor have to suffer with mostly boiling or mostly freezing. They would have to work in partnership to heat and freeze things.

- I need to market a new card for school reunions that says “Yep, I was expelled from the reunion too. Some things never change.”

- Isn’t divorce just a giant Edit/Undo key?

- I can see why cats don’t celebrate Birthdays. With nine lives, that’s a lot of time and effort.

- When my son finally graduates from High School, I’m going to say, “Congratulations, your note forging days are behind you!”

- While I enjoyed the Harry Potter books immensely, I’m glad they’re done. I’m tired of worry about every small little detail becoming something important in subsequent books. “Uncle Vernon just got drunk and pissed in his pants…clearly a sign for the future that Voldemort owns a tavern without a restroom. Unfathomable…”

- Whatever happened to the Sitar being used in mainstream rock music? I mean we copied everything else the Beatles originated.

- Who would win a fight to the death cage match…Gumby or Spongebob?

- As evolution continues to emphasize what is needed and deemphasize what is not, don’t you think some of our athletes are going to look funny? Take soccer players; won’t they start to look like Kangaroos with tiny arms?

Ok, that’s it…a thousand seconds of randomness or slightly more than 16 minutes of improv thoughts and humor. Now you know what I can come up with in 16 minutes.

As to the blog, well, it’s been a long strange journey for the first thousand posts and the trip only gets stranger from here so fasten your secret double seatbelt as we plunge further down into the next thousand.

Thanks to all of my over 500 different blog readers who have visited Fantastical Nonsense on the journey at some point in time. Without you, I’d be mumbling to myself (as usual).

40 comments:

monica said...

wow - so glad I have been a part of the Ve Mumbling Prevention Team!

Way to go VE!!

Mrsupole said...

Happy 1000 posts to you,
Happy 1000 posts to you,
Happy 1000 posts VE
Happy 1000 posts to you.

Congrats on the 1000 and may you have a few thousand more.

God bless.

PS...This song is now copyrighted by me. (Is there a song in that one too?)

Cheryl said...

If I reach 1000, I'm shooting myself.

Congratulations VE for plugging away for 4 solid years and 1000 posts. You are my hero.

Subby said...

First off, my money is on Gumby( tho' I dinna hae ane o' those handy printer thingys )...

Second, your's ( bloggo ) is a good read. I can forget a lot of the daily BS I face while here...

And third, from one Veteran to another, thanks!

Roy said...

The cool thing about blogs is that you really are still mumbling to yourself, you're just doing it where other people are bound to hear.

Good job!

Roy Scribner said...

Happy 1,000th post! That is quite an accomplishment, in this sea of 12-months-and-done.

BTW - I'm just a figment of your imagination, so that 500 number might be a big optimistic. If you can imagine that.

CatLadyLarew said...

Mumble, mumble, mumble... oh, wait... did you say something?

Congrats on your 1000th and your 4th all at the same time! Amazing!

Beth said...

What an accomplishment!
(I particularly enjoyed the note forging ramble.)
May you continue your "strange" and entertaining journey...

RA said...

Happy One Thousand to you! Keep on keeping on, you rock! :)

M.Bug said...

I'm rooting for Gumby too, just cannot get a grasp on a walking sponge with pants. A gliding clay figure is much more logical!

Congrats on your 1000th & 4 years! Blog on!

Dennis the Vizsla said...

Gumby would kick the crap out of Spongebob, because he's Gumby, dammit!

nonamedufus said...

Expelled from the reunion too? Was that you in detention every morning in Grade 9?

Congrats on a very significant achievement, VE. Uh, the anniversary, not the expelled thing.

VE said...

Monica – Hey, you changed your little picture avatar! I’m glad you have been too. I enjoy having some visitors from over the pond…

Mrsupole – Aw, thanks! And I promise I won’t even do a song analysis post on it…

Cheryl – Thanks…I’ll opt out of the shooting myself though…

Subby – Yes, my money is on Gumby too. Oh, and yes, from one Veteran to another, happy Memorial Day!

Roy – Sort of like the homeless crazy guy walking around central park on a nice day…

Catladylarew – Apparently my mumblings catch some people’s attention…

Beth – Thanks. We’ll see how it goes…

Ra – Thanks.

m.bug – I have two gumby figures at my desk and no spongebob (although I enjoy the cartoon)…

dennis – Damn straight!

Nonamedufus – No, I skipped out…fortunately one of my best friends forged all my notes for all four years in high school so I wouldn’t ever get caught. Even the legit ones he’d redo. Sometimes I’m a genius…

Jaime said...

wow. 1000 posts. i don't know where you come up with that much material.

gumby would totally kick sponge bob's ass

Elizabeth said...

Congratulations of your 1000th post!!I always look love forward to reading what you have to say on your blog!! And I love and totally agree the chopstick analogy! I'll use it next time my husbnd gives me hard time about using a fork in the Chinese resturant!!

sharonheg said...

I got nuthin'. So just HAPPY ANNIVERSARY and HAPPY 1000TH POST!

Brian o vretanos said...

Congratulations.

I suspect that the way things are going all the football fans will have made themselves extinct long before the players start to resemble kangeroos.

Quirkyloon said...

Only you would pit Gumby and Spongebob.

Hater!

*grin*

Brian Miller said...

great job on 4 years...that is true longevity it seems in blog land...and 1000 posts...wow. you should have enough for a book now...i mean, why not make some money on this...

i have been in those Monotony games...i dont think you are too far off on the iPhone either. smiles.

Ronda Laveen said...

Gumby...always and 4ever.

Congrats!

ReformingGeek said...

1000 posts? I'm sure I haven't read them all!

Congrats and I'll try to catch the next 1000.

Crazy straws. Oh so much fun. ;-)

Monkey Man said...

Congrats on your successful long run. Now I suppose you will be holding out for more money, be fired by the networks and replaced with a reality show about people trying to become professional writers - We'll call it "Last penniless comic writer standing".

ps - good thing you aren't letting a job get in the way of your writing.

moondustwriter said...

Always amazed where your mind goes to - you have been doing this for 1000 times
have you been checked out???

Lol also
thanks for serving even in peace time - maybe we were serving the same time doesn't seem like there have been many six year gaps

Janna said...

Thoughts:

1. Gumby would probably win, but Spongebob would be funnier to watch.

2. A Chia-tie would be the coolest tie EVER. And every time you sneezed, you could water it!

3. "Oblong and Perspire" definitely describes me here in this summer heat with no air conditioning.

4. Note to self: Learn to play the sitar.

5. Congrats on your 1000th post. :) I passed the thousand-mark a long time ago, but since your posts tend to be longer than mine, you've still probably written more.

6. I'm cheering right now. (Did you hear it?)

secret agent woman said...

I just passed this same milestone recently. It sort of took me by surprise.

Gumby, Chia pets, and crazy straws! I feel like I just had a flashback!

The Incredible Woody said...

Gumby, dammit!

Subby said...

"Come one, come all! Get your ring-side seats for the fight of the new millenium, as Gumby takes on Sponge-Bob Squarepants in a no-holds barred battle to the death! Watch the clay and algae fly ( raincoats or plastic sheeting recommended for those in the first 20 rows! ) Tickets in advance @GUMvsSBSP.info. Be there! Be sqaure!"

Note: if you can't make it to the arena you can always order it on PPV, channel 666, for the low, low price of $79.95!

"It's show-time, show-time!" ( cue echo )

The preceeding advert is a total fabrication and should not be taken seriously...

nursemyra said...

I could take out Gumby and SpongeBob with a pair of chopsticks and one hand tied behind my back

lime said...

well happy 1000th post. kind of mindboggling to think we could generate this much....er...incisive commentary, eh?

Dee said...

congrats Ve!

JenJen said...

Well done, VE! Your random is excellent!

Anne said...

Is it time to go home yet?

Baino said...

Never let a job get in the way of regular posting. I have and I'm suffering for it! Congratulations, it's been quite a ride. Looking forward to the next 1000! (Of course Gumby would win!)

Mike said...

You need a mind reboot.

What?

VE said...

Jaime – I don’t either…

Elizabeth – I’m glad my rambling could provide a practical use!

Sharonheg – Thanks…we’ll see if I got suomethun’ else now…

Brian – You might be right…you’re closer to real players anyway. We don’t have much here…

Quirkyloon – That’s right! I go where others are smart enough to avoid!

Brian – I do have enough for several books. Now only if humor sold…

Ronda – It’s Gumby 100% so far!

Reforminggeek – What? You haven’t read them all? What have you been doing with your life? Sheesh!

Monkey man – This whole job thing…they don’t seem to appreciate my “no work” stance…

Moonduster – I was in from 79-85…

Janna – You could play the sitar with your chia-tie as you watch the gumby-spongebob match while perspiring…

Secret agent woman – Congrats too then. It’s a big milestone in the blogging world to hit a 1000 posts. That’s a whole lot of nonsense!

Incredible woody – Yes…everyone agrees!

Subby – You missed your real calling! Ha!

Nursemyra – Just how do you tie one hand behind your back? I’ve always wondered….

Lime – I remember you crossing that milestone. Do we club cards or special rings or secret handshakes?

Dee – Thanks, Dee!

Jenjen – Thanks…

Anne – You can never go home again…

Baino – Apparently I don’t let a job get in the way of anything…

Mike – I might come back up conservative or something…

Megan said...

Congrats on the anniversary! Just keep blogging, just keep blogging...

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

....but that only lasted for just over a week......

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

oh, and by the way, SpongeBob totally!

teeni said...

Congratulations! Here's to the next thousand posts! Cheers!

VE said...

Megan – Only if you keep commenting…somebody is getting behind (ok, it’s me too…)

Perpetual chocoholic – What? Quit? Don’t mess with us…

Teeni – That seems a daunting task…