Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Never be too Honest

With my whole unemployment situation, I’ve found it necessary to actually work at finding a job. It’s a first for me; I’ve never interviewed. The jobs I’ve had I just got through problem solving and discussion. But not anymore; now I’m at a certain level and it’s expected that I’ll have to go through some ridiculous questions in an interview. I’ve been studying the questions and then somebody pointed out that I couldn’t be so literal and honest with the questions. Here are some examples:

What are your strengths?

Well…my underarms can get pretty strong if I don’t shower after a bike ride. Oh, not what you were looking for? Well…this one time I picked up my Dad’s 100lb dumbbells without dropping them on my foot; that was pretty strong!

Why do you want this job?

It looks like it pays a lot but has vague goals allowing me to blog for the majority of the time while I occasionally create some fancy nonsensical Powerpoint presentation to make me look good.

When were you most satisfied in your job?

The moment I took off on my three month sabbatical to travel the world.

Are you willing to relocate?

Sure (I say as I slide the chair over to the other end of the room)

What was the most difficult period in your life, and how did you deal with it?

As a man, I don’t actually get periods. Sheesh. I would think you would know that!

Tell me about a time where you had to deal with conflict on the job?

Well this one time, I had to actually work…which conflicts with my “no work” goals in life

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Not be here!

And you can see…I need to work on refining my answers to accommodate the job hiring world. Yeah, it’s a work-in-progress…

25 comments:

Cheryl said...

I think the relocation answer and action needs to stay. It's all about action, baby! They want to see a go-getter.

The rest, um, not so much.

CatLadyLarew said...

I'd hire you, based on your insightful answers to those questions.

Roy said...

Heh, heh! I think just about everybody would answer that last question that way!

Beth said...

If only those doing the interviews could recognize the brilliance behind such answers!

JenJen said...

The "period" one is cracking me up.

sharonheg said...

And the sad thing is, some people actually WOULD say some of those things in an interview...

Monkey Man said...

Yah, this whole unemployment deal is the pits. Blogging. Playing with my dog (no...not that one...the four legged one). Taking time to be with my kids. It's a bitch. Thanks for the interview tips. I am sure they will come in handy....if I actually ever look for work.

Subby said...

"Why do you want this job?"~~HA! LOL@th' answer...

And hey! I've never been asked that lotto question...seems kinda ridiculous to ask that one, d'oh!

Yeah, I just won enough money to buy your company...you're fired!( very obscure Looney Tunes reference to that )!

ReformingGeek said...

You excel at creative thinking. Excellent. You should apply to the CIA or FBI. Seriously.

Everyday Goddess said...

honesty is the best policy! I saw that on my grandmother's embroidered pillow, and i think it applies here. ~wink~

Baino said...

Heh!With answers like that you'd get the 'rejection' comment that I mostly seem to receive . . "Sorry but you just aren't the right 'cultural fit'"

Mrsupole said...

I had a question once where they asked me to describe my biggest weakness when working. I uh, was at a loss at how to answer that one since I thought I had no weaknesses, finally thought I better make one up. I don't think they liked my answer and so I did not get that job. I think my answer was that if the other workers wanted to talk to me that I would talk to them too. And being how it was a job that required one to talk a lot on the phone I sorta considered it a strength. One of the other 5 people being interviewed must have had a better weakness.

I then moved on to another job and now I have no job, other then as my hubby likes to say to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom. Oh and he also complains that I think blogging is a job. Geez, what is wrong with the man, he just does not get how hard it is to think things up to put on a blogsite. I mean it does make my brain sorta work, well that and playing games on my iPhone.

I wish you well in your job hunt. And you do realize with us probably not being able to retire until we are in our 70's, that you need to make sure this is a job you really like. Hopefully you will have it for 30 to 40 years, if you are lucky.

God bless.

thinkinfyou said...

You have to answer more questions in a job interview than you do to get on welfare. You could always go that route!

The Incredible Woody said...

Speaking of relocation, that is exactly what our trip is about. We are relocating to the west coast for 6 months for work!

Elizabeth said...

I hate job interviews. I worry about what I'm gong to wear about as much or more than what I'm going to say!

Roy Scribner said...

No, VE! Don't shatter my dreams of no alarm clocks or cubicles...it's all I have, man!

Ronda Laveen said...

I remember one interview I did. Mind you, it was a panel interview with 7 interviewees each have a round of questions. This was after several rounds of paperwork and tests...all for a part-time, temporary, substitute cook's position.

The first time I failed the question "What is the first thing you do in the mornin?" I said: coffee, exercise, meditate, clean up, get to work and bust out my day.

The second time: (the winning answer) "I start my day the evening before by checking the schedules, menus and make sure I have all the ingredients for the days meals."

Being a literal person, I hate the veiled questions. But I'm on to them now...that's why I have my own business.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I'd hire you with those answers just to see if you meant them;-)

Janna said...

OMG, Blogger must have eaten the comment I left yesterday.
It's gone!

Drat!
I can't remember what I said!

It was probably something refreshingly coherent and beautiful and able to make you completely see life in a whole new way, and all that.

Or it might have been total trash.

How will we ever know?

moondustwriter said...

I have actually interviewed a few folks who would have done well to have read this blog - moon *smiles*

VE said...

Cheryl – Ok, I’ll keep moving the chair then…

Catladylarew – Excellent…I’ll be on 10 years sick leave…you can forward my checks to my home…

Roy – Interviewers are known for their dumb questions…

Beth – Sigh…if only…

Jenjen – Well…it’s true!

Sharonheg – I’ve seen those people…but I don’t let them approach me…

Monkey man – You sound like you’re adhering to all my job values…as in no work is a good thing. Of course, no money isn’t…vicious cycle…

Subby – Wouldn’t that be fun!

Reforminggeek – Or the CAB…

Everyday goddess – I’ve never been big on policies…seems so restrictive…

Baino – Yeah, as if they had culture! The only culture they have is that yogurt in the lunch room nobody has claimed for the last six months…

Mrsupole – I tell them I don’t have a weekness either. I sometimes have daynesses and monthnesses but never weeknesses…

Thinkinfyou – That’s an excellent idea! It’s sort of like sponsorship…

Incredible woody – Hope it’s somewhere sunny…it’s constantly raining here and its driving me crazy!

Elizabeth – I worry that I am wearing something…

Roy – I know…I dream (well, and live) it too…

Ronda – That’s crazy….

Perpetual chocoholic – Of course…I’ll work remotely from the Bahamas…just forward my check.

Janna – I hate when that happens…it’s hard enough being brilliant once!

Moondustwriter – You mean I can go on the training talk circuit with this material?

lime said...

i'd hire you, unfortunately, i can't pay you in anything more valuable than monopoly money.

The Incredible Woody said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
VE said...

lime - They never give you enough $100 bills in that game...so this might be worth it!

Jaime said...

i had to do a "what not to do" interview for a class once. so i made a total joke out of it. i came in wearing ripped jeans, snapping my bubble gum and asked to be hired for a job as an "assistant tree demagnitizer"